Author's notes:

I don't know what I was thinking while writing this... Probably not much *lol* This was somehow intended for my LaviYu loving sister (you traitor!) but does not need to be read as containing Rabi x Kanda elements (as a stubborn Yullen fan, I cannot write such things...).

This is quite short and dark in a strange way and deals with Rabi discarding his life as "Rabi" to move on with his Bookman life. But only superficially, it's too short to go into details...

My sister chose the name for the 50th persona, strange because I seem to connect this name with Rabi somehow! Someone could explain why? *amused* Some slight inspiration for the Fic was Xandria's "Scarlet Name" (because she sings: "and my promise, I take it back")

This is roughly set after some of the more recent chapters, but apart from the "promise to kill" that you would not understand, there are no spoilers (and not even the one I mentioned is all that clearly linked to it).

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

Can't take back that promise

It had happened not that long ago. He had spent mission after mission, week after week, at Allen Walker's side. Arguing, watching, protecting, hand always on the sword hilt.

He had given him the promise to kill.

A promise of death was thrilling, chilling, intoxicating. It always forced him to be fully alert, to be on the edge, to never blink, it was exhausting him.

Missions were therefore a strain both on Kanda's body and on his mind. He thought that returning to the cathedral of their new home would be a relief. That he would find smiling faces, annoying laughter and constant chatting waiting for him. Instead he had Allen at his door, with a frown he asked him for his assistance. Kanda's blood had started pulsating in dreadful excitement, but he wasn't asked to kill, he was asked to help.

Kanda found Linali reduced to tears because of something that she could not relate. The best information that Allen could give him was a concerned look. Kanda didn't know how he should help someone that clearly didn't have the guts to speak of their troubles. He was not good at dealing with problems, why was he even here?

But then he realized that he was here in someone else's place. That someone was missing who usually did the cheering up. He looked to Allen for explanation and from the look in the beansprout's eyes he knew that exactly this missing person was the reason for Linali's tears.

Instead of asking Linali any questions, he helped to bring her to the nurse who gave her something to calm her and they waited until she was asleep. Kanda knew that he had to direct the questions at Allen.

Allen's promise of protection and salvation was not an easy task either. Maybe for him it was fulfilling, Kanda didn't try to understand, but it was clear that it was difficult as well. Allen had ways to understand people in a way that Kanda couldn't relate to. His promise included the pain of accepting other's troubles as his own and it also needed some sort of soberness to see people's true colours. He always accepted the act that people showed him, he accepted the surface but he saw deeper without judging, without commenting.

He seemed thus surprisingly calm when he spoke of the truth:

"He apparently made the decision to accept his role as Bookman. You know what this means". Kanda was surprised for a moment, something inside of him made him shudder because of the sudden chilly feeling, but he nodded.

"I am aware of it".

"It is not our right to challenge his decision. However, I do not care," Allen said and looked up at Kanda, "neither will you". Allen had decided for him, he wanted Kanda to be his partner in crime, his lackey, his apostle of self-righteous decision making.

And for once, Kanda didn't mind following Allen's rule of forcing someone to take the harder but – from his point of view – right path. And Kanda knew that the paths that Allen chose led into darkness, but they were the right ones.

Kanda had always known that "Rabi" lied. He had always known that he was an expert in acting, but he had foolishly believed that the acting had influenced him enough to accept his role whole heartedly. But Kanda had been wrong.

An exorcist couldn't just withdraw from the responsibilities of the Innocence, but „Rabi" had been allowed to have the same liberties as a general; he could stay away from the order if he occasionally accepted missions.

Kanda knew that "Rabi" had discarded his uniform, his Innocence and his name for a new identity, he had taken up a pen to write about a different aspect of the history. He followed a different view point now. Apparently he focused on world politics now, not that Kanda would be interested in it in the slightest.

-

He met Ieremiahs in Vienna, where the red-headed man had a coffee while going through some papers. He pretended not to know him, introducing himself politely, offering him a cup of coffee as well, ordering a dessert for him as if he didn't know that Kanda absolutely hated all kinds of sweets. Kanda, as someone employed by Allen Walker, kept his cool, was patient, played along, waited.

Kanda knew that this was a secret mission; not to recover Innocence, but to recover "Rabi" out of the shell of Ieremiahs.

Kanda lodged in a high class hotel in Vienna. He did not seek Ieremiahs out, he waited, waited for his prey to come on his own. Allen approved of this way of action and so it was done not using Kanda's way, but a way of negotiating. He was accepting Ieremiahs for the time being until he could lure "Rabi" out.

Ieremiahs did come after a while. Unceremoniously. Ieremiahs came knocking at his door.

"What do you want?" Kanda asked him. Now that he was here he was on edge again. A strange thrill of a promise soon to be fulfilled.

It was his promise to Allen, with a twist: He was waiting to kill Ieremiahs. And he knew that Ieremiahs knew.

"Surely you didn't come to talk. Did you want to justify yourself?" Ieremiahs didn't even look guilty. He was a young businessman, he was in total control of the situation, or so it seemed.

"No. Actually I demand you to justify yourself. What are you doing here?" It was strange for Kanda to look up in two eyes, only hidden by a pair of clear glasses.

"I'm here on a mission. I have to get a traitor."

"Traitor?" Ieremiahs asked in alarm, facing Kanda with a grim face, "who is a traitor?"

"It seems that you don't know him, why would you care?" Kanda asked with a stern face. He was teasing the man in front of him with cruel coldness. Kanda knew and he enjoyed the exciting feeling. Ieremiahs now glared at him, clenching his teeth.

"Stop messing around, Yu!" he shouted and now Kanda had to smirk. Without drawing his weapon he had caused a crack in Ieremiah's skull. "It is all set! Everything is fine! I had to move on, I am a bookman after all!"

"There is nothing you could say to justify your betrayal," Kanda told him, not moving away from the door, not letting Ieremiahs in. Kanda felt good, even though he was denying help to a wounded. Who cared, he never cared about humans. They were exchangeable, Ieremiahs was exchangeable.

"What-," Ieremiah started, but Kanda cut him short with a clear, short sentence which was as strong as a sharp blade:

"You went back on your promise." Ieremiahs widened his eyes in unconcealed surprise, "I do not care about you being a Bookman and all that shit. But for you to break your promise is unforgivable", he hissed coldly, glaring up at Ieremiahs with cold fire burning in his eyes.

"Promise? What the hell are you talking about?"

"We all have our responsibilities, duties and obligations... But we also are bound by promises. To deny their existence is against the rules, Ieremiahs," Kanda reminded him and the man in front of him continued staring at him in confusion. "Your promise was the burden of happiness, the burden of smiles. Your promise was friendship." The words were absurd, especially coming from Kanda, but he absolutely hated people that didn't keep their promises. Ieremiahs had certainly taken it back. To take back a promise was impossible. Among them, among their little circle of chosen ones, promises were charms, curses, chains. It was to keep them or to die trying until they were fulfilled and new promises were made.

Linali's promise of devotion,

Allen's promise of salvation,

Kanda's promise of death,

"Rabi's" promise of friendship.

There was no way out of it, the obligations connected to them were etched into their very beings. His promise was fuel to Kanda's fighting spirit, his rage, his passion. Right now he was killing Ieremiahs. He was excited, he was feeling the sword hilt in the palm of his hand, the killing intend was burning in him. Kill Ieremiahs. To put "Rabi" back together would be done by the other promises. Once friendship was recovered their rotten little world would return to a sickening balance of pain and comfort.

Ieremiahs must have felt the danger to his very core, his green eyes were staring at Kanda with surprise. He was unsure. Good. Very good. Now the killing blow. Words, passionate guilt.

"Do not think that you can run from us. You made the promise, even though you put on this act. Do you think that we didn't know? We did know. But even lies have binding powers, you certainly were aware of that. You promised friendship once you demanded it."

"I don't understand your reasoning! I have no obligations!" Ieremiahs shouted and now Kanda deemed the damage good enough to grab him and lock him into his hotel room. Ieremiahs looked at the closed door which was behind Kanda. No way out he seemed to say with his cold blue eyes. Ieremiahs didn't say anything, he was analyzing the situation. But no matter how one looked at it; there really was no way out. The demand was there. The expectations were threatening.

"Stop dreaming. Once you demand, you have to give back. We humans are all selfish, we want to have rewards. You wormed yourself into our life, you aimed to be seen as our friend. Do you think that we would give you friendship without wanting it to be returned? You used our names lightly. Don't you think that we wouldn't want yours back? You used my name, I was angry because I knew that you never would tell me yours. We got your persona instead. If that is all that you wanted to offer us then so be it. We accepted the bargain. "Rabi" now belongs to us, like we belong to "Rabi"". Ieremiahs was getting frantic now, this whole scene was beyond crazy.

"Stop this! I never was your friend, neither did I consider you to be my friends!" he shouted, but Kanda silenced him with a cold glare. The blade was pointed at his throat without even being drawn. Jeremiahs would fall, Kanda knew. The exhilarating feeling of a murder soon done flooded Kanda and he had to grin at his prey.

"There is no sense now in trying to back off. Do you really think that you could escape your bonds? I will not leave without "Rabi", this is my mission! Give in Ieremiahs. You are powerless against us." Ieremiahs stared at the one in front of him.

"I am a Bookman."

"No. For us you are a friend," Kanda corrected and Ieremiahs looked at him in surprise. The black haired exorcist knew exactly how to fight even though this battle was a first for him. No matter, he didn't care about first times. He would not leave before he hadn't killed Ieremiahs, he wouldn't leave without "Rabi"...

-

Rabi had succeeded 48 times to let go of a name, of pretended friends and of life. He was bound to fail the 49th time when he wanted to take on the 50th persona. The chains had been too strong, Kanda too frightening, his arguments too cold and passionate at the same time. "Ieremiahs" had been too weak, but maybe Rabi was just too stubborn. And so he returned to keep his promise. He returned with a smiling face.

Everyone reacted according to the roles they held in this game of temporarily comfort: Linali cried, made reproaches that stung only slightly because they were followed by more tears and hugs. Allen smiled, hugged him, welcomed him back. Kanda was sour again, threatening him to kill him if he continued using his first name.

They were back to their previous state. The chains of their promises kept them in place. Their world was functioning again.

End

Note:

And what a rotten end that is... It seems like it's chopped off! XD Not that the writing in this one-shot is very coherent, but I didn't intend for it too be...

I somehow managed to twist and turn the happy foursome into a psychopathic bunch (and I enjoyed it)! Go me!