"Kill me," she spits. "Kill me already, damn you."
The girl stares at her captors, the ones who refuse to let her go. The ghostly hands that chain her to the spot and make her unable to move.
She hates them, all of them, more than anything.
They make her suffer here. They make her want to cry every day, force her to undertake burdens she isn't ready for, and she feels her will cracking beneath the pressure.
Rin is both scared, and angry.
But she can't break free. She's never been able to break free. They won't let her rest.
Their voices keep echoing in her head like chanting torment, ripping into her mind ceaselessly. The same words, over and over, until her sanity is threatening to completely slip away and she'll allow the darkness to consume her, drive her mad.
If only she could make it stop.
"Don't touch me- leave me alone!"
Her voice, desperate and anguished, echoes in this darkness she's become accustomed to seeing. There's not a speck of light, save for their eyes.
Eyes that beseech hers, force her to meet their gaze, plead with her to accept things she's not willing to accept.
She'd rather die than face them.
Surrounding her are so many figures. Shadows, of people she once loved. Now become dull and faceless, the same person, each demanding something different but just as mind-breaking. All of them wanting to drain her until she has nothing left.
It's just her and them, endlessly fighting. Her victories only last so long before she's crushed beneath them and their desires. The 'wishes', the 'pleases' and the 'it's just for now's and the 'you'll get used to it's.
She never does. She bends, and bends, and bends. Letting them poke at her, prod her, use her as they please. At first she did it because she thought it was the right thing, that it would make them all happy- but now, not anymore. They keep taking and taking and she's losing everything that she needed, everything that there was to save.
Now the only thing left to save is herself.
The shadow figures are pulling at her body, her blonde hair. She screams, but they are relentless- picking her apart, piece by piece. Taking what's not theirs, aiming for the one thing they haven't soiled- her soul.
Rin is losing, and she can't get back up.
"Stop," she sobs, wondering why nothing works. Why they can't ever see they've taken away too much, that she can't get back on her feet, that everything is sweeping her away in its tide.
God, if only everything would stop.
She wants to escape. Run as far away as she can, flee to a place they can't reach. Disappear into the woodwork, instead of becoming a shadow.
Plastering a smile on her face when it's convenient.
Hiding her feelings because she's not allowed to have any.
'You're so selfish.'
And then there's that other voice. The one voice that hurts the most to hear, that she can't seem to erase no matter how hard she tries.
Herself, telling her she's wrong.
Her own replica, her conscience, a shadow of what it was. Telling her that she should just kneel and accept what comes her way, that she has no right to refuse whatever life deals her. She deserves whatever hand she's given. She deserves to suffer, to perish, to lose herself to the wills of others because she never mattered anyway.
Rin was only a pawn in their games, a means to an end. The support they needed when it was themselves that couldn't rise, the one who had endless amount of optimism, the person that cared enough. She gave them everything they needed, and they took everything that she couldn't part with.
She wants to lose for good. To make them let go, and crumble finally. She's been fighting this same battle for so long that she can't believe her heart still beats.
Or does it? Or was that privilege of humanity taken from her, too?
Did it ever matter whether she smiled or cried? Did they ever really care, or was it all pretend to them?
Has she finally reached the brink? Of becoming the perfect robot for them- the daughter who accepts everything her parent desires for her and themselves, the friend who smiles and nods and doesn't dare say anything out of line, the sister who takes care of everything in order for her family to thrive?
Is that who she'll die as? The one who was walked over? Will she die as the thing she fears most?
No- no, she can't let that happen. She can't do it. She can't do this.
And yet, even while she refuses, protests, screams for an end, punches and kicks and battles her way past the never-ending cycle of shadows in her path between the light and the dark, she still feels as though she's sinking into a place no one can reach.
But...
A brittle smile finds its way over her lips.
It's what they want, isn't it?
If they're happy, that's all that matters, right?
Who cares what she thinks?
Who cares how she feels?
Who cares if she's withering away inside, as long as everyone else is happy.
At least for them, she'll sink into the murky black beneath her, allow it to swallow her. What's the point in fighting against something you can't seem to control?
At least then, everyone will be happy.
That's all that matters to her.
Maybe, if she didn't exist, they wouldn't have so many problems? Maybe if she didn't exist then everyone could go about their lives like they wanted to, without even giving her a second thought. Making their choices without her advice, doing whatever they feel is right. Her opinions, her voice- it would finally be silent.
Maybe it's her that hasn't let them free. Maybe she's been so hellbent on preserving her family and friends, protecting them, trying to do what she thinks is right, that Rin has finally made them sick of her.
They're finally done listening, and now all they want is a quiet doll who sits, nods, and smiles appropriately. Whenever they need her, she's there- and whenever she's not needed, poof.
She's gone, with a snap of your fingers.
Rin doesn't want to exist in a place like this. She doesn't want to feel herself section off from the rest of her, feel her soul, her mind, her heart all battling for rights.
One side says she's a selfish brat who should endure.
The other says to run as far away as she can.
At this point, she can't tell what side she's on anymore. Everything blends together into a cacophony of dissonance.
"I'm done," she whispers to them, and the figures freezes before her.
"I'm done caring."
That sentence triggers a chain reaction- her loved ones, fading. Sickened by her selfishness, her greed. One by one, disappearing, until there is nothing left.
Only her, and the darkness they've place her within.
She falls to her knees, letting herself collapse to the floor to her side, and stares into the nothingness that surrounds her. Where she had once had the 'friends' and the 'family' she loved, there is emptiness.
They've all gone, left her to her own devices, because she couldn't be their puppet anymore.
And now, she is alone.
an: unbeta'd.
this is a vent piece, please forgive me.