I followed the Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing when it said, "Never forget the disclaimer." So here it is: I don't own Star Wars, or the Millennium Falcon. Sadly.
Han Solo: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Becoming a Space Pirate
Credentials: Kicked out of the Imperial Flight Academy, Self-approved Captain of the Millennium Falcon, Been Anywhere and Everywhere, Smuggler, Rebel Alliance Member
-Have a blaster ready at all times.
-If someone has a blaster pointed at you, just keep talking casually. Then shoot them while they try to say something smart.
-If someone with a glowing red stick or dark clothing walks toward you, they are probably a bad guy.
-Act overconfident because it will bring you much attention. Who cares about blending in!
-Don't trust a Sith! Duh!
-Never be afraid to state the cost of passage on your ship, even to a friend. In this case, every penny matters when it lands in your pocket.
-Don't talk to certain politicians if you don't want to be called a nerfherder. Or worse than that- a scruffy-looking nerfherder.
-Ben Franklin's "A penny saved is a penny earned"? Wrong! Gamble while you can.
-Keep this book with you at all times. It may come in handy.
-Get into the smuggling business. Maybe you'll meet a Jedi and your future spouse too! I did J
-Ooo, the Jedi. They're not that bad, I guess. But they have the same long glowstick-thingys as the Sith, so…
-Oh yeah, the Jedi/Sith stick thingy is called a lightsaber. You might want to remember for future reference, so you don't offend any Jedi.
-Steer clear of bounty hunters. Period.
-Beware of carbonite chambers. They give me the creeps.
-If you get any ideas about suing me for writing this book, I warn you that I have a Jedi friend. He's actually my brother-in-law, and will pay back any insult 10x over. Ha.
-Take good care of your ship. Don't want that hyperdrive to get faulty… again.
-Get a co-pilot who won't place toolboxes where they will fall on your head. Note to self: leave Tylenol or bacta packs in the cockpit storage compartments.
-Always have a hydrospanner available.
-Don't forget your good ol' trusty wrench!
-If you ever rent my ship, you'd better bring it back without ANY scratches! Or else…
-If you want a good fight, just insult a pilot of his flying skills. Or any drunk man in a cantina.
-Don't ever, EVER insult my ship.
-Watch out, or I'll sic my bro on you. Or my wife, for that matter. Tee-hee.
-When you're a space pirate, you dictate your own protocol. Not some golden butler droid.
-The best places to hang out and party are cantinas.
-I know I'm famous, but Fans, don't be chasing after space pirates, especially me. I will personally hunt you down and grind you into space dust if you try.
-Keep up with current events every now and then. People like it when they hire a space pirate who knows their stuff.
-Never play Sabaac with an angry Wookiee.