Prologue
I can't say I was expecting something.
When you're me, you never expect anything. If you lived my life you would learn not expect anything of people, and then they won't disappoint you. This helps me be strong. Or helps with the charade, if you like?
Samantha Puckett is weak.
There is only one person I trust and ironically sometimes I hate her. How can I compare myself to her beauty? She is adored by everyone, her smile oozes likability and she would never hurt anyone. Compare this to me. Sometimes I can't look at myself in the mirror. Everyone hates me. I constantly hurt people. I am truthful with myself though, I'll never be like her. I know that now, I can't change myself, but that doesn't stop me wishing I could.
Samantha Puckett is insecure.
I live for the rush of adrenaline thrusting through my veins. The feeling that you might get caught and the relief when you don't with accelerated heartbeat and sweaty palms, these are the moments that make me remember I'm alive. Don't think I'm over exaggerating because I'm not. I act reckless because deep down playing the adrenaline junkie is the mask that helps me hid. Do you really think I'm fearless? Do you think I don't get scared? News flash, everyone is scared.
Samantha Puckett is scared.
I'm outgoing yes? Loud, obnoxious, do people honestly think I am? Yes? But do I ever tell anyone anything? And I don't mean how much I hate them, I mean do I ever say anything about how I'm feeling? How sometimes my heart breaks or I feel so down I want to cry and be alone forever. How someone times I'm so happy my cheeks ache from smiling or I'm so confused and truthfully I just feel lost in life. No one knows how I feel.
Samantha Puckett is silent.
He is new to me. I never believed this would happen. Fairy tales were never real, true love didn't exist and 'happily ever afters' were lies, I learnt that from my mother; the expert of true romantic failure. It was a shock to my system the day it happened. My mind and body were inwardly screaming at me and I chocked on the revelation. "I hate you," he smiled. Then I told the biggest lie of my life. I don't think another lie I tell will ever compare to that one. I walked from the fire escape that night and I'll never be the same ever again, because since that night that lie has affected everything.
Samantha Puckett is a liar.