Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Rick Riordan does. I do not own Jesus, either. I don't own anything.  Just like a bum or hobo. But they have cardboard refrigerator boxes, and I don't even have that. :(

Jesus Comes to Camp Half Blood

Chapter 1

My father told me to take a vacation from my holy job. He said that I shouldn't have to work all day and all night, for two millennia. He gave me brochures for all the summer camps across the earth.

And I chose this one. Camp Half Blood, full of kids of the pagan Olympian gods (I was disgusted at their paganness. Christians don't sacrifice animals or use sex for prayer. Hieros Gamos isn't fashionable, pagans. Unless you happen to be Jacques from the Da Vinci Code.)

I rode my mule to the camp, in a place called Long Island, in New York, in the United States of America. I walked some to rest my mule.

Camp Half Blood. It was beautiful, breathtaking. My father had certainly shed his grace for it.

There was a large house with a wraparound veranda. It was surrounded by fields of strawberries, a small forest, and had a lake.

There were Greek buildings. These pagans were so out. I could hear the laughter of children, and smiled.

But what got me were the satyrs. They pranced around on goat feet, like little Satans brought up to the ground. They were DEVILS, and I'd have to purify them.

This repulsive, impure man with eyes all over his body came to take my bags. He led my mule away, too. He said it was to the stables, but I'd check up on it later. Devil men always lie.

So I was introduced to all my fellow campers at lunch.

The short, fat, red man stood up. I could tell he was a sinner. "Everyone, let me introduce Jesus Christ, son of God." He had a bit of a sarcastic tone in his voice.

I had gotten a seat by myself. I pushed the seat back, and got up. I waved to everyone. "May God forgive you for your sins. Be safe, trust God." I sat back down.

There were snickers from the other campers.

Two boys came over to my table. I was eating stuffed grape leaves and grape juice. There seemed to be a lot of grape products.

"So, Jesus, is it true that if we believe in you, we'll live forever? By the way, my name's Travis, and this is Connor." They were grinning, like sinning little monkeys. I didn't trust them a bit.

"Yes, what God has willed must happen. Believeth in me, and you shall not perish, but have everlasting life. But in Heaven, not Earth. I don't see why you would want to spend eternity in a stinking pit of whiners-" I hurriedly put my hand over my mouth, ashamed. I would have to pray for myself later. "I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me. To answer your question, you will live forever, with God in Heaven."

The boys, Travis and Connor buried their heads in the hands and started laughing uproariously. They banged their hands on the table, and the Hermes (pagans, obviously) table started laughing.

The laughter spread to all the other tables, even the staff table. I was ashamed for them. I'd pray for them all. They must have been brought up weird, because you were so supposed to show respect to Jesus Christ, son of God.

My face burned red, and I left the pavilion. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Jesus, but these people don't understand you." It was a girl, with perfect blond curls and pretty, sparkling blue eyes. She had a charming, sweet voice and looked innocent. I thought I could trust her. "I'm Silena Beauregard, daughter of Aphrodite. I want to get to know you…and maybe be your friend."

I smiled. "You are very friendly, Sirena. God blesses you."

So my first day wasn't so bad, except for all the laughers. I hoped they would go to hell. Oops. I immediately crossed myself, and started praying.

I slept in the Big House. My bedside table didn't have a Bible. So I started decorating.

I filled the bookshelf with Bibles, Gutenberg and King James. All the books. My little collection was worth a fortune.

I set up a little altar with a statue of Mary the Virgin, my mother.

I bowed in front of it, my eyes closed. My hands were clasped together. My lips moved silently, praying for all the pagans and sinners. I thought about how miracles were always happening, the beauty of the world, and the kind, compassionate girl, Silena Beauregard.

After my prayers, I went to sleep.

-

The sun shining through the windows woke me up. I got up, stretched, and yawned. I got dressed, choosing my simple cotton garments.

As I was heading down the Big House's hallways, I saw a creeping figure. I thought it was best to ignore it, so I continued walking to the pavilion for breakfast.

Suddenly, someone jerked the back of my shirt, and I fell backwards, off balance. Someone whispered in my ear.

"Kid, you say you can turn water into wine. Do it, and I'll give you a security pass so you can leave this camp whenever you want." The voice was gruff and coarse and slightly slurred.

"Dionysus, is that you?" I knew that voice, I was sure of it.

"Shut up, kid. Don't use names. Names have power. That's why those lousy Jews use "Tetragrammaton" instead of God. And anyone can hear names. My name is Mr. D. Got that, kid?"

"Sure, uh, Mr. D, I said. How much do you need?" I wanted that pass. There was a good church near Camp Half Blood. I wouldn't even have to go far.

"Here, kid," There was a thump, and a twenty four pack of bottled water landed in front of me. "Get it done as fast as you can."

So I bent down and laid my hands over the bottles. Concentrating, I imagined that the water became purplish red. I thought about vines baking in the sun, people squashing vats of grapes with their bare feet….

I heard a hiss of surprise. "Great kid, here's your pass."

I opened my eyes and saw the water bottles were filled with wine. A laminated paper pass was shoved into my hand.

I heard huffing and puffing and some swearing. Mr. D. was leaving.

I would have to pray for him. Mr. D. was an alcoholic, and he needed treatment.

-

At breakfast, Silena waved me over to her table. All her friends, or half-sisters and half-brothers, had perfect, angelic faces, like little cherubs.

"So, Jesus, can you spare some of your limitless wisdom?" Silena asked. "I've heard so much about you!"

"Uh..sure." This was weird. No one had ever asked me that. "Love is everything. We should not hate or fight or hurt or kill.

I was getting into this preaching thing. "Love ourselves, pray for our enemies, that one day they won't be enemies, but forever friends. Love is power, and everything can be healed by time and love."

Silena and her friends were nodding their heads. They agreed with me.

I knew that Aphrodite and her children would be my forever friends.

Author's Note: You told me I couldn't write humor, so go eat cow chips.

Anyway, hopefully this is a short, short story. And stays at one chapter. Because I would really rather work on my other story, Why Do I Always Run out of Room When I Choose Titl

But this idea just popped out at me, and I'd have to write it, or be tormented by regret and boredom.