How to annoy a blondie
A/N: This fic came out while I was reading Breaking Dawn, but didn't get like I wanted... I hope you can laugh with some thing here...
No, I have nothing against blondes - except my sister.
-PBP
Disclaimer: I own nothing except from Mrs; Smith and Rosalie's jokes!
Chapter One
Jacob Black was sitting on Cullens' couch with a book in his hands. From time to time, his laugh filled the house.
- So, Jacob, did you got jealous because Renesmee learned how to read and you didn't? - She asked, pointing the book he was reading.
- If I were you, I wouldn't play with fire, Blondie.
- I'm so scared of you, Jacob Black!
- You should, Blondie. - She laughed.
- I can't figure a world where a Hale has to fear a dog.
- That's the problem about being blonde. You never get things! - Jacob said, laughing at his own silly joke.
- And where's the joke?
- You really should dye your hair.
- Huh?
- Artificial Inteligence, Blondie. Artificial Inteligence. Maybe, if you dye your hair, you at least can understand the jokes. - He laughed again.
- If I kill you, Jake, it's not my fault. - She said, quoting Emmett.
- At least, use your quotes! Oh no! I'm so sorry! I forgot that you don't have enough inteligence to do it. - Jacob kept laughing until he fell off the couch. - Ouch! - He heard Rosalie's laugh filling the house.
What's up? Jacob worte in a little piece of paper and gave to Jasper.
I want to pay attention to the professor.
C'mon! I'm sure you know everything he gonna teach! Besides, Edward was supposed to be nerd who doesn't talk during class, not you.
You won. So, why are you so excited?
Huh?
Jacob, there could be thousand of miles between you and me and I'd still feeling your exciment.
Yesterday I was reading a book full of jokes about blondes.
You were reading? Gosh! It's the end of the world!
ANYWAY, I selected the best ones of the book.
What's your point?
You know that I have a presentation with Rosalie, don't you?
The whole school does, Jacob! Rosalie almost had a heart-attack when she found this out.
Yeah-yeah... Our presentation is about a normal day at our house. So, I'm gonna present some jokes with Rose in front of the class. Oh, man! Revenge sounds so sweet!
That's a childish thing, you know? Besides, she'll kill you if you do this.
No she won't. Nessie wouldn't let she do this and Edward wouldn't let Rose hurt his little daughter. Sometimes I love how protective Edward can be.
Man, you're the only person in the whole word that is more childish than Emmett can.
You was supposed to help and support me and not Rosalie, Jasper! Men should still together, remember?
Whatever! Now, could you please let me pay attention to the class?
You're the boss...
- Mr. Black and Ms. Hale, would you like to make your presentation first? - Jacob opened a wild smile.
- Yes, Mrs. Smith.
- What the hell are you gonna do? - Rosalie asked him, noticing his sudden happiness with the presentation.
- I'll just show you what people usually get when they play with fire. - Jacob smiled. - Well, Mrs. Smith asked us to write about how our day is at our house and that's what Rosalie and I did. This is little scene that we gonna play here happens like all the time in our house, doesn't it, Rosalie?
- I think so.
- Most of time, when we're done with our homeworks and Rosalie is not with Emmett, we tell some jokes to each other. Actually, I tell her some jokes. She never tells me any joke. I guess it has something to do with her hair... - Some students laughed. - These jokes I'm gonna tell you are Rosalie's favorite jokes about blondes.
- Jacob's. - She corrected.
- Oh, yeah. Sorry Rose, I forgot that blondes don't like this kind of joke 'cuz they just can't understand it. - Some more laughs. - So, Rose, do you know how we call a blonde with half-brain?
- Of course I don't, Jacob. I'm blond, remeber? I don't have space in my jelly-brain to keep stupid things like this.
- Pregnant! - He said laughing. Everyone in the room laughed, except from the teacher and Rosalie. - How do we call blondes who became brunnet?
- Um... This one is way too difficult!
- Artificial inteligence. Why do you blondies don't seat next to windows when you fly on planes?
- Because it's easier to get out of the plane if it falls when we're at the corridor?
- This one was quite good, but definitely not. It's because you're too afraid to fall off the plane! What's the difference between a blondie and a Porsche?
- Porsche are cars and blondies are... what are we, Jacob?
- You shouldn't try to make jokes, Blondie. The difference is that you'll never lend your Porsche to someone. - Everyone, including the teacher, laughed.
- Jake, do you know what's the difference between a serial killer and a blondie?
- No. I never heard this one.
- Had everyone here heard this before? - Everyone denied. - You know why? Because I created this one.
- Prepare youselves, guys! This one gonna be really bad!
- The huge difference is that serial killers have brain and kill easy and fast - most of them at least. Blondies ask theirselves how you kill someone because no one teaches this at school. They search on google and find out some good ways too kill. But they don't really know what's the best way, so they just try all of them. I could try it on you, couldn't I, Jacob? I mean, I have the poison, the knife, the gun, the chainsaw and the victim. If this sounds just like perfect to a blonde, I can just imagine how it sounds to you.
Hope you had enjoyed it!
R&R!
- PBP