"Is this the last one?" Eren asked as he crammed a duffle bag into the back of Jean's shitty Corolla. Sodas and snacks, the tent—because they planned it out this time—and bags of clothes and blankets. Not enough to last them to Florida and back, but it didn't need to. Five years ago, they made it to California with little more than two suitcases and the chains around their necks. They could make it to Florida with far more.
Eren flicked his eyes over Jean as the man came to stand behind him. Hands on his hips, he glanced over the stuffed trunk, the same critical look in his eyes that Eren made seconds ago. He wore a garish, neon pink and olive colored shirt in preparation for the trip. The second he pulled that out of a shopping bag last week, showing off the palm tree pattern and matching knee length socks, Eren swore to burn them. Jean had grinned like the sharp curve of a machete though and how could he deny that kind of joy?
For one second, Eren's eyes lingered on the silver chain hanging around his boyfriend's neck. Unlike five years ago, it didn't hold a tiny vial of his previous boyfriend's ashes. That vial hung empty as a reminder—doors closed, and doors opened again.
"I still think we should bring the pool floaties. They'll fit right up here, I swear," Jean whined, pointing out a tiny corner between Eren's bag and the roof. Eren didn't even bother gracing that with a laugh.
"We are not bringing pool floaties, you fucktard. This is a cross country road trip, not a kiddie vacation! Where do you plan to get in the water anyway? The fuckin' Mississippi River?" He placed his hands on his hips to mimic Jean's pose, one eyebrow raised up beneath his bangs. The complete turn-around struck Eren. Last time, Jean had been the one yanking the car off the interstate, his voice thick with pain, because listening to the radio felt wrong. Wrong to be happy, or normal, or not…quiet. Eren thought about this trip as something more than a vacation though, even if it made his heart swell with love instead of pain.
"Aw, but we jumped in creeks back then and-"
Eren cut him off by grasping the chain around his neck and pulling Jean flush to his chest. "Will you shut up for once?" With that, he planted a kiss on the taller man's lips, savoring the taste of mint and coffee. As quick as he started it though, he switched to smoothing hands through the other man's tousled hair. Jean rested hands on Eren's hips, keeping him close. "You sure you're good to drive on this trip?"
"I'm fine, Eren," he breathed out, his smile softening around the edges. "Besides, you can't be behind the wheel for long with your medication. I promise I'll say something if I start getting, like, flashbacks or something. It's been a long time since I felt like that though. You know that right?" He slid his arms higher up to clench around Eren's back as he rocked against the other man's body. Just a subtle, comforting motion, almost childish despite the fact that they neared their thirties.
Eren offered a stiff nod, then pressed another quick kiss to Jean's lips. "I know. I just needed to make sure." He asked more for his own benefit than for Jean's. Then again, from the very start, his protective nature flared out of control when around the other man. He seemed so…fragile and ephemeral when they first met, like Eren might wake up in that shitty Corolla and find them both abandoned on the side of the road. Of course Jean would never do that, never abandon his trip to release Marco's ashes in the redwood forest, but it still felt that way sometimes. Perhaps that was Eren's own past insecurities though. They'd been working on that.
"Thanks." It was all Jean needed to say before he pushed Eren to the side and shoved the car trunk shut. "So are we ready to go or what?"
Head thrown back in laughter, Eren shook off his shock at the quick change in moods. "Yeah. Get in and let's go!" He flung open the passenger door and threw himself in with the same amount of grace as he had when Jean rolled into that misty intersection five years ago. No bruises this time. No tears. This time, they were on a journey to celebrate love.
xXx
Jean pulled into a gas station three hours later, still humming even after the radio went silent. Eren had his feet up on the dash, eyes closed as he basked in the sunshine. The best thing about driving southeast was the warm sun on his face. That and the way Jean looked in his stupid tropical shirt. It was bad. The guy had no fashion sense at all and Eren knew he flaunted that in Eren's face right now. Still, it made him smile. It made him smile that so many things changed in five years. For a second, Eren let his eyes slip closed as he wallowed in the memories.
Five years ago, his entire world existed in a red sheen of anger. Anger, and no little part of heroism. He wanted, no, he needed to protect everyone around him, more than the world wanted his protection. Thick scabs had made his knuckles stiff when he bit off cold, but somehow gentle, jokes to a complete stranger. A stranger whose car he crawled into and watched almost crash five times in the first night, both their eyes too glazed over to see.
He remembered Jean moving desperately over him, body so starved for love that he would take it anywhere, even as he grieved the man whose touch he'd yet to forget. Eren hadn't been trying to fill Marco's place, because he knew he couldn't. Even by the end of their two and a half week journey, they were only just starting to fall in love.
Who was he kidding? Eren wanted Jean from the second their eyes locked. But saying that now would change nothing. It wouldn't make their journey back then any less important.
The sound of knuckles rapping on his window left Eren's eyes squinting open again. Jean leaned against the door, his eyebrows knit together in confusion. Or constipation. They looked the same on his boyfriend's face. After another second and a repeated rap, Eren rolled down the window and tried his best to look disgruntled.
"What? I was sleeping you know."
"No you weren't," Jean snorted back. He flopped his body half into the car, elbows crossed on the window's edge. "I'm going to look up our next stop on my phone, so if you want a piss break, now's a good time. I swear I'm not stopping when you need to go an hour later." Jean wrinkled his nose, remembering all the times Eren got him to stop on their last trip, always within an hour or two of their last refill. He suspected that Eren forced him to take those breaks though. As they made their way from Nevada into California, it had been…hard. He knew he worried the other man, even if they hadn't quite been lovers at that point. The connection was there though, waiting for its moment.
Jean wondered at just what point they started to fall in love with each other. At just what point did he do more than blindly seek body heat? It was a question for a more serious time though. Not now, when his face wanted to break into a grin. He managed it, matching Eren's eye roll with one of his own.
"Yeah, whatever. I'll be back in ten." Eren huffed as he shoved the door open and dislodged Jean with a rather satisfying squawk. He took two steps toward the building before pausing. Jean turned, still out of breath and flushed, with splutters dying on his lips. He looked petulant, even when he met Eren's gaze with a sidelong glance that froze them both. Everything melted down to the pinpoints of their eyes, cerulean to amber, warm earth to electric sea. Just a glance and they said everything their sharp words couldn't say. "And...I want to sleep somewhere with a bed. Got some plans in mind." Eren winked before he whirled away, crowing at the crimson flush racing across Jean's cheek.
First victory, gained. Now he just needed to see how many more battles he could win before he unraveled his boyfriend all the way. Around thirteen days until the ocean? He should have more than enough time. And if Jean turned a ketchup shade of red when he tossed a box of condoms in his lap ten minutes later, all the better.
xXx
They made good time through the central states. Jean usually drove, because stubbornness ran in his bones. They let themselves get distracted by the scenic roads though, and whatever each small town had to offer. Eren wanted to see the world's largest rubber band ball. Jean wanted to see the botanical gardens. Since they made no real timelines or booked hotels after the first night, they just let themselves get lost like that. Some nights, they slept in the back of the car, sharing a pile of blankets and body heat. Some nights, like the one nearly a week in, they slept under the stars.
Eren pulled into the camping site sometime near nine, Jean curled up in the passenger seat for a 'short' nap that started after lunch. He hadn't had the heart to wake the other man though, smiling instead at the way his head lolled against the door handle. It would leave stupid, red impressions on Jean's pale skin, but more than that, it made him look like a child. Simple, relaxed, and so trusting, almost to the point of bliss. Eren would never get tired of seeing that look.
"Hey." He nudged Jean's shoulder, watching as he blinked open his bleary eyes, then looked around in wonder. "I was thinking we could sleep under the stars. Just forgo the tent and everything." Jean's eyes locked onto his, blown wide, even in their still hazy state.
"Ah…" Jean cleared his throat, managing to put together more than a half-hearted croak when he tried again. "Sorry I slept so long. It's really night?" Okay, that was a stupid question. The dark, almost green light outside, told him that night fell long ago. The trees gave off a strange emerald sheen, even when he couldn't discern their shape.
Eren scratched a hand through his hair, trying to look sheepish and put out, rather than endeared by the hesitance in Jean's voice. "S'all right. You needed it. You can rest a little more while I make camp if you want."
Jean shook his head though, peeved at even the thought. "No, I'm coming. And you better set up the tent or I'm sleeping in the car," he huffed. The threat amounted to nothing, but he watched Eren pull the right supplies out while he leaned his hip against the car and watched—until a sleeping bag mauled him in the face.
"Planning to stand there all day?" Eren crossed his arms, eyes sharp under his dark brows. Nag. Hadn't Eren said he would do all the work? Jean rolled his eyes, but followed up his boyfriend's impatient words with caustic ones of his own until they finished setting up camp and collapsed together on the cool ground.
"There really are a lot of stars."
Eren hummed back, his limbs spread so wide that Jean fought to keep half his body under the duck-patterned blanket they shared. The cool air felt pleasant against his warm skin, the leaves soft against his back. After the effort of putting up the tent and dragging out the portable cooker and blankets, the night felt perfect. Jean thanked the early spring weather for that at least. He wanted this moment to lay under the stars with Eren, maybe even needed it. He needed Eren like air, or bread, or sex, because sometimes holding hands shook him the most.
"Hey…Jean." Eren waited until the other man turned his head, amber eyes melting into hazy pools. And god, he felt so in love that it hurt. "What do you want to do when we reach the ocean? Do you want to maybe…stay? I mean, not forever, but for a little while. Just get away from it all?"
"Why?" Jean furrowed his brow, but he didn't turn his gaze away, didn't even bother to shuffle into a more alert position. It didn't bother him that Eren asked, hadn't even been the first time. "We have to go back home at some point. Otherwise, what was the point of buying a house?" He snorted like he considered their most recent monetary choice a frivolous one, not one that made his heart dance inside his chest, feeling so full and perfect and damn. Sometimes he loved Eren to a point of stupidity and it felt amazing to know that Eren loved him back the same way. Wasn't buying a house together the perfect representation of that?
Eren brushed fingers against Jean's arm, making a trail all the way down to the other man's wrist where their fingers bumped together. He didn't bother tangling them together though, already warmed enough by the simple touch. "Yeah. The house is nice." He hummed again, turning his eyes back to the stars. Even with trees all around, the open land gave them a full view. The highway hummed from somewhere that sounded much farther away than it was, muffled by pine and dirt. Those city lights and cars didn't mar his night sky. It looked so inky black that he could fall into it, dotted all over with the brightest array of galaxies. Eren found himself stretching out a hand as if he could gather all those pinpricks of light in his palm.
Jean's head fell against his shoulder. "The house is very nice. Even though you wouldn't let me buy those olive curtains."
Wrinkling his nose, Eren finally flopped over so he shove his boyfriend into the dirt. "They were like, two hundred dollars! No fucking curtain has the right to be that expensive!" he hissed, but his eyes shone with sparkles that matched the sky.
A lazy grin spread across Jean's face. "But I wanted them. You're supposed to buy me the things I want. How else am I supposed to know that you love me?" he outright whined. Like a child. Like a child who had practiced this tone for hours and hours until he got what he wanted. It made pride swell inside him when Eren's disgusted look faltered. If either of them had been halfway serious about their little 'spat', it might have even worked. But in the end, Eren just swung his leg over Jean's hips to pin him more effectively.
"Hmmm…how else could I show that I love you?" Eren teased, hips rolling just enough to brush against Jean's. "I wonder." He rolled his hips harder, earning a sharp gasp. It left both of them glad that they made their camp as far away from the other dots of light as possible. It wasn't quite the season for camping, but also not the dead of winter either and they didn't plan to stay quiet. Eren kicked their blanket aside before he captured Jean's lips.
"You're so beautiful, you know. Jean I…"
Jean placed his hands on either side of Eren's face, keeping the kiss steady. Even when they pulled back for breath, they only parted enough to let Jean speak. "I know."
"I love you," Eren said anyway. He loved Jean too much not to say it, to not say it every moment he thought it needed said. Under the stars like this with memories of the past in mind, he couldn't help it. Jean looked too pale, too beautiful to leave alone. "Will you let me show you how much?"
Jean's eyes went wide before his eyelids drooped again, eyes going smokey. "Y-yeah. Please show me, Ere. God, I need it. I need you…" Fingers trembling, he reached up to brush Eren's bangs back from his face. Beautiful. How could someone who once wore bruises like a badge look so beautiful? Jean slid his hands down to Eren's neck, keeping them grounded, even as he pulled the other man close.
Just like that, they fell into another kiss. Slow, easy, he let Eren lick deep into his mouth until he couldn't think anymore, couldn't concentrate on anything but the feel of Eren on his skin. Eren trailing kisses down his neck, over his collar bones, then pulling his shirt up so he could brush thumbs against his nipples. They went hard against the cool air, tingling when Eren's hands drifted away. Jean gasped, dragging one hand back so Eren could tweak his nipple harder, leave wet kisses against the dusky skin.
"S-shit, Ere! It feels good."
"I know, baby. I really want to make love to you right now. Is that alright?" Eren murmured against his chest, cheek pressed close enough to hear his rapid heartbeat. Jean moaned, low and deep. Fingers twisted in Eren's hair before pulling him back up with a sloppy kiss that left spit stringing between their lips, dripping down to their chins.
"Gods yes! Please, Eren. A-already told you that I wanted it." He spread his legs to give Eren's room between them, showing just how much he wanted what Eren wanted to give him. No matter how much sex they had, he never tired of it and too many days passed since their last good love making session. Hand jobs and sucking each other off, a hand curled on a thigh, then lower, or a quickie stolen behind some rest stop's bathroom facility—that was the reality of the road.
They could fuck in the car like they had five years ago, but the seatbelts jabbed against Jean's bony hips and Eren whined about his back if Jean rode him. Even if Eren let Jean top, it wouldn't give them what they both needed. More than a quick fuck, Eren needed to touch Jean like they never had five years ago. No desperation, no mindless lust, no timetable. Being on a road trip that mirrored that, he wanted more than ever to have sex differently. And to be honest, even in their home, this was too rare.
Jean slid a hand down from Eren's neck to the curve of his spine, feeling the muscles flexing in his back. His other hand brushed against Eren's cheek, just above his own heart. He could feel it beating away, but the rhythm remained steady, so at peace with what they were about to do. It didn't even matter if the entire world listened in.
"You're beautiful."
"…Yeah." Jean didn't know what else to say other than to agree, especially since Eren made him feel that way. He couldn't deny it. Didn't have a chance to before the other man slid down, lips making a path from his abs to his belly button, and then to the waistband of his jeans. As soon as Eren reached them though, he slid back up again without a hint of hurry. He lifted off Jean's shirt to press more kisses to his stomach, then curled one arm underneath his back. It left Jean arching a little closer. The warmth made him want to bend more, twisting into any shape that Eren might like. The feeling only got worse when Eren finally did reach beneath his waistband. With a gasp on his lips, he went pliant in the other man's arms.
Eren kept supporting Jean's back as he undid the jeans and slid them down the other man's thighs. The tight material clung to his creamy skin, not wanting to roll off, which was fine. Eren pulled Jean's legs up to rest on his thighs, keeping the other man's back arched so prettily. Maybe he shouldn't describe a man with wide shoulders and muscles rolling along his back as pretty, but Jean's waist looked trim, the curve of his spine lithe. Even the darkest of his body hair still looked soft and beautiful, leading down in a line to his dick.
Fingers caressing the wiry strands, Eren grinned when he earned a gasp, one of Jean's hands flying down to wrap around his wrist. "Please!"
The grin spread wider and Eren let his fingers dance up and down without pulling out of Jean's grip. "Tell me what you need, Jean. Come on…"
Jean squeezed his eyes shut, but after a shuddery breath, he managed to put his desires into words. "T-touch me. Slow and…yeah, want you to stroke me while you get me ready. Don't want your hands to go far away…"
"Yeah," Eren groaned, almost losing it himself when he wrapped fingers around Jean's dick. "Don't worry. I'm not going to let you go. Just relax and I'll give you all you ask for tonight. You trust me right?"
Jean managed a nod before the delicious slide of Eren's hand against him left his brain shorting out again. And yeah, Eren must have planned this from the start because he popped open a bottle of lube from his pocket no less. Either that or he'd been carrying that in his pocket since they left Memphis. He didn't put that past his boyfriend, but more than likely, he planned this when he pulled into a secluded camping ground and decided to sleep under the stars. Fucking hopeless romantic.
Still, Jean tilted his hips in encouragement, sighing when fingers trailed up the lines of his legs to trace patterns into the sensitive hollows of his hips. It made him shiver, whimpering and rolling into the touch like he needed it. He did need it, needed Eren as much as the other man needed to touch him gently. Another kiss came, this one to the tip of his cock. Jean threw back his head and moaned so loud it echoed in the trees. "Fuck, Ere! Fuck, you need…" But he trailed off, too content with the way wet fingers circled around his entrance. He'd already gone so pliant to Eren's touch and melted even more when one finger breached inside, wiggling down to the first knuckle.
"That's right," Eren gasped. "Stay like that for me, babe. I'll take care of everything." He watched Jean's head bob in an over-enthusiastic nod, eyes still squeezed shut. Eren moved his finger slow and easy, only too happy to encourage that unraveled look further. God, the warmth inside of Jean felt so perfect. Cool air, and his own personal sauna wherever Jean pressed against his skin. He moved his finger deeper, a little rougher, though he kept the motions easy. It marveled him how easily the other man relaxed to take whatever Eren gave him, whimpering without any sign of distress. In fact, he felt sure that if he unwound his arm from Jean's waist, that he would melt into the ground.
When Eren slipped a second finger inside, he got Jean to wrap both legs around his waist, holding on tight. To keep him near? To anchor himself? Eren almost questioned it, but after dragging in a breath, he settled for a kiss instead, wanting nothing to pull Jean from the hazy-eyed state he'd slipped into. "You really are beautiful…" he whispered again. Jean moaned back without opening his eyes.
Everything felt so warm and perfect that Jean couldn't help but roll back against Eren's fingers, following the shallow rhythm. He wanted…god, he wanted more, but he couldn't bring himself to beg for it either. Not like other nights when he pinned Eren down if he teased too long, taking what he wanted instead. Something about the way Eren kept his grip loose and steady on his waist, fingers working inside with feathery touches, made him want to submit without a word. Made him feel lazy about the sex as well. And yeah, hadn't Eren said to let him take care of everything? Jean found himself relaxing further to let his boyfriend do just that.
At some point, Eren peeled all their clothes off one by one, starting with Jean's pants. One by one, everything was left in a pile by their blanket which Eren stretched out again, pulling Jean down onto it. Spooning, they lay there for a minute, catching their breaths and listening to the insects sing around them. Everything felt sharp, but warm in the same cottony way that a blanket thrown over his head might. It wasn't hazy though. No, nothing about this felt like a dream.
"Eren?" Jean craned his head up to watch as his boyfriend slid two fingers back inside, despite the fact he'd had three in just a minute ago, the lube still slick and shiny against their skin. Jean's body offered no resistance to the repeated stretch. He let his eyes flutter closed again, falling into the pleasure when Eren stroked his prostrate over and over. Just when he started to pant and rut back though, Eren pulled his fingers out again. "Eren, what?"
"Shh, I'm going to fuck you now. Lift your leg for me?" Jean did as he asked. Eren's hand slid down to grip under his knee, leaving his legs wide open for the thick cock sliding between them. One rut, two, then he was pushing inside.
Eren groaned at the feeling of Jean's ass fluttering around him, muscles easing to let him inside. So easy. God, Jean let him inside like nothing could feel more natural. He dropped his head onto the other man's shoulder and just sunk in.
Eren rocked his hips, slow and steady. Never so hard that Jean got all keyed up around him, but he still pushed him just enough. He could tell by the way breathless sounds kept spilling from the other man's mouth and the way he clenched the blanket. When Eren pushed inside a little harder, Jean's hand flew up to clasp over his mouth, biting back a moan.
"R-right there! Ah…more…"
Hand tightening in the flesh of Jean's leg, he gave him exactly what he asked for. Eren didn't speed up by much, but he thrust deeper into Jean's tight heat, enough that he could feel the flesh of the other man's ass against his hips every time. The open mouthed kisses he pressed to Jean's back came with pants, his own breaths just as labored.
Shit, Eren didn't know how much more of this he could take. Just feeling Jean spasm around him made him want to shove the man into the dirt and take him hard. But he wanted to rock nice and slow forever as well, make Jean fall apart on his thick cock. Already, Jean shook so nicely, senseless words tumbling from his lips as he fucking trembled. He trembled every time Eren sunk into him, no, shoved his way inside. His rhythm turned erratic, hips stuttering against the perfect curve of Jean's ass.
"Fuck, I'm getting close, babe. Need you…tell me what you need, okay? Wanna make you come!" He squeezed his fingers into Jean's hip, grounding them both against the rising heat. A little more and they could tumble over the edge.
Jean groaned, eyelids fluttering, trying to focus on anything besides the blinding lights behind his eyes. It just felt so…god. He was one second from shattering apart so hard that only Eren's hands kept him held together. "Kiss me!" he gasped, rolling back against one of Eren's thrusts, his body moving on instinct alone. He couldn't stop rocking into the strong thrusts, even when they jostled his body. Eren's arm snaked under him though, holding his hips steady and so fucking tenderly that Jean almost came from that.
When Eren finally captured his lips he had to fist his cock so that his mind wouldn't melt down completely. He couldn't stop though, kept stroking himself to the rhythm of Eren's thrusts until he couldn't stand it anymore. Too much. God, it was all too much, leaving him moaning into Eren's kiss, body rigid against the blankets. With no warning, his orgasm rushed up and took him over, leaving him tumbling over the edge in a blinding white flash. One of Eren's hands covered his own, milking out each spurt of cum as his own hips continued to stutter. A second later, Eren stilled, body collapsing against Jean's back.
They lay like that for minutes, maybe even hours, as they waited for their heartbeats to return to normal. Eren felt hyper aware of everything—the wind in the trees, every millimeter of Jean's warm skin against his own, the condom's snugness, Jean's cum running down his fingers. He felt goosebumps rising on his skin, hairs tingling down the back of his neck and spine. God, he felt alive.
"I love you," Eren murmured with a voice so soft it felt like a part of the night. Jean relaxed even further into his arms.
"I love you more."
"No-"
"Don't argue with me!" Jean cut him off, huffing and snuggling into Eren's arms at the same time. "Even when I'm sad and miserable, I love you the most. Even when you're a douche or yell at the pizza boy for fifteen minutes about the sausage, or we come to blows. Still really, really love you. There's no way you love me more than that." He said the words with finality, refusing an argument even when he knew he couldn't stop it.
"That's stupid. I love you so much I've punched guys and girls for you. And you know I fucking hate that. I went to California with you just so I could make sure you didn't wreck yourself. And then I came back." He stroked his hand up Jean's stomach, feeling the muscles flex there. "I came back with your stupid, sad, sentimental, and awe-inspiring self because I loved you. So don't you even say you love me more!"
A smile curved along Jean's lips despite himself. Eren got way too worked up about this so that he couldn't help but want to push him a little more. "No, I'm serious. I really do love you m-"
He didn't get a chance to finish the words before Eren captured his lips again, kissing away the argument with a far better finality. Jean melted into the kiss, letting Eren win this time. Even if maybe, deep down, he still thought no one could ever love someone as much as he loved Eren. Even with Marco…but that was so long ago now and it had been different. A different love. Soft, innocent, and all-consuming, like a trickle of water that never turned off. Eren was a storm, a raging river that let him forget the trickle still flowing away—they didn't want it to stop—but still Eren swept him away. And right now, Jean was more than okay with that.
He closed his eyes and begged the moon like he had so many years before, 'Please moon, let him sweep me away. Let him sweep me into his ocean.'
And the moon, like it had before, answered his wish.
xXx
The ocean looked blue. Jean didn't have better words for the thing stretching out in front of him. He'd seen lakes, but never the Atlantic ocean. Never saw blue fade into a different blue with no real line between the sea and the sky. It left him breathless, and judging by the silence at his side, it left Eren feeling the exact same way.
They reached Florida yesterday and the coast four hours after that. They'd stumbled onto one of the less popular beaches in a city somewhere north of Miami, then just stopped. It wasn't vacant, but…close. More than close enough.
Jean's hand clasped in his, Eren felt like the entire world might as well have been vacant besides them. And that was perfect. Very slowly, he let out a single, soft breath. "It's…beautiful."
Jean hummed back, the sound low in his throat, eyes still locked onto the ocean in front of them. Somehow, he didn't imagine it would look like this. Maybe it was the very early morning sun and the tiredness of driving all night to get here, just missing the sunrise. But they'd seen it. They saw it in sparkles when they wove through the streets, catching the sea between buildings, then the brilliant orange streaks of sky. Now he wondered what it might look like to see Eren framed against that glow.
"Do you…maybe, want to stay until sunset?" Jean managed, blinking once before he turned to look at his boyfriend. And yeah, that sight was beautiful too. Hair pushed back with a clip, fly-aways wisping all around his face, Eren looked like he belonged. More than Jean in his board shorts and tank-top with the extra large sleeve holes, Eren looked like a denizen of the sea. Maybe because his eyes roiled with the same colors as the water, or maybe his whole being resembled the ocean, all bottled up like the froth on the waves. Jean loved that though, loved everything about his boyfriend right here.
Eren turned, just enough that he could meet Jean's gaze. "Oh. Uh yeah…however long you want," he added with a brilliant smile when Jean's words sunk in. Jean wanted to stay? It had become a constant conversation, though not quite an argument, over the past few days. Eren couldn't help the unease that rolled in his gut. The closer they got to the ocean, the closer they got to leaving it. It was…a stupid thought. Jean would harass him if he said it out loud, because he dreamed about this journey, but a part of him also shrunk with sadness. This was the end of the line.
Head tilted to the side, Jean gazed at Eren for a long while. He didn't really understand it, but he knew this trip meant as much to Eren as it did to him. Except, they were perhaps very different journeys on their parts. Jean needed to overwrite what he'd done for Marco and Eren had done that perfectly for him, so perfect. Eren though…Eren's feelings seemed more complex. He'd done so much already that Jean wanted to return the favor.
"Do you really want to stay? I mean, it's stupid, but…" He found himself trailing off again, eloquence failing him. However, Jean managed to grab his boyfriend's hand, expressing with touch instead. Eren must have understood because he squeezed back. Then, he tumbled back into the sand, dragging Jean down with him.
"I don't know," Eren sighed, even as Jean squawked and moaned. He stayed still though, quieting at Eren's tone of voice. "Maybe I just want to have you to myself a little bit longer. Everything has been like a dream…" He choked back a mirthless chuckle. "Actually, it was like that five years ago too. A fucking dream, except I hated that time as much as I loved it. We were such a mess."
Jean hummed his assent. Dropping his head back in the sand, he let his thumb rub across Eren's knuckles. "Yeah, but dreams come to an end. Doesn't have to mean anything though. Aren't you happy?"
Eren didn't even hesitate. "Of course! Every freaking day!" Yanking Jean by the arm again, he pulled the other man on top of him, not caring that others watched, that they could even think to judge. "I love you, Jean, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you! I know you feel the same, so how could I not be happy?!"
"E-Eren, shit…I-" Jean flushed a dark shade of red, even as he fisted a hand in Eren's hair. "Do you have any idea what saying that means to me?" he finally sighed, dropping his head down to rest against Eren's. He didn't want to think about it, but a part of him still feared. One day, he might wake up without Eren at his side and that would break him. More than Marco, more than anything else in his life. To have loved and lost and loved again, he didn't think he could manage it another time. And yet, Eren so casually said those words like they didn't make something funny flop inside of his heart.
Running one hand up Jean's back, Eren tried to hold both of them steady. "I know. I promise I'll never leave you, babe." He didn't have the power to stop accidents, but when Jean so badly needed to hear those words, he couldn't help but comply. And really, if anyone was stubborn enough to outrun death, it was him. Already proved it once, after all. "I think for you, I'd even sell my soul not to die."
Heat flushed through Jean. Despite himself, his heart clenched at the words, pleased beyond belief. They were the exact words he wanted to hear, but the look on Eren's face lessened the blow, made him brush a kiss against the man's forehead and grab his hand. "Thanks. You um, don't have to try so hard though…"
And hell if that didn't make panic flash in Eren's eyes.
Jean breathed out, once, before he sat up, sliding his butt down into the sand. Eren tried to grab hold of him, keep them pressed together, but Jean didn't want to wallow in comforting touches when they sat in front of the ocean. Where better to embrace happiness? He smiled, bright and so full of life that it knocked Eren back. "I told you I'm okay and I'm happy now. You don't need to do anything extra special. Just you is enough, you know. Just you…" He breathed out, raising their clasped hands so he could press a kiss against Eren's knuckles. "I know you've put a lot of time into putting me back together. Want to give that back. Want you to feel happy too."
Eren breathed out a shaky laugh. "Oh god, I am happy. Haven't I fucking said that enough," he managed. The words sounded garbled though, choked off with emotion. Damn Jean for making him feel like he wanted to cry now. This was not the place he planned for it. Kinda planned to never cry again. And yet, he felt his lashes dampen with more than the salt air. "Shit, Jean. I love you!"
"Love you the most," Jean whispered back so that they both had to bite back giggles. "So…" He scooted closer again, enough that their thighs pressed together. "If you really want to stay here, a bit, I'll say yes."
The tears swimming in Eren's eyes spilled over. "Fuck." He sounded wrecked, coming apart just because Jean offered to compromise. "You don't need to do that, babe. You really don't."
Jean shook his head. "But I want to, if you want to." Chin tilted up in defiance, he dared Eren to argue with him over it. Thankfully, Eren just shook his head, deflating.
"I know you do, but still…" Eren bit his lip. "Now that I'm here, I know I don't need to stay in order to keep you." He'd been trying to put that into words for a long time. He didn't realize that was what he wanted to put into words. Staying meant keeping Jean? It sounded stupid now that he realized his desire, because like Jean said, he didn't need an ocean to make either of them happy. Taking both of Jean's hands in his own and squeezing, he managed a brilliant smile that matched the one Jean wore just a minute ago.
"Jean, let's go home…"
Worlds lit up in the amber of Jean's eyes. They fell together like that, tender touches and kisses like promises. "Yeah…home. I'd like that." With his head on Eren's chest though, he wondered just where home was if not here? They used to spin tales to keep themselves alive. Wasn't this a tale of more though? A tale of the future?
Jean breathed out just once before he pulled them up to gaze at the ocean once again. "But Ere, just so you know, I am home." And with the other man against his side, humming a warm answer, he knew nothing could ring more true.
A/N: EreJean Week day 2- Road trip/comfort
Sooo, while this is written as a sequel to my story Tell No Tales, I have yet to post that fic and tried to make this as readable as possible without the main story. I wanted this to stand on its own and I hope I managed that. Let me know if you think I did or not~