Title:Recovery
Summary:With Rachel in New York, Finn is barely getting by. He has a girlfriend he doesn't love, and a life he's unhappy with. When Kurt tells Finn to take the initiative and recover his dreams – and his true love – what will Finn do?
Rating:T
Airplanes are not my favorite things in the world. The seats are not even remotely comfortable and the cramped spaces are not good for tall, solid men. And then there's being with large men on a flight. That makes my list of not-so-favorite things too. Especially when you're ninety percent sure one of them plays for the same team as Kurt. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with him being gay- I mean, my little brother is gay!- but I do have a problem with him touching my butt and then smiling at me like we have a dirty little secret. I think that even if I were gay, I'd be turned off by this guy.
I try to confront him about it. I tell him that I respect his lifestyle but we live two very different ones. I would appreciate if he would leave my…areas alone.
He still doesn't stop.
When the plane finally lands I look to the heavens to show my gratitude. I'm tempted to begin a little hallelujah! ceremony, but I think some people might get a little freaked out. I satisfy myself with a thankful glance at the massive airport – freedom! – through the window, then quickly grab my bags from the top and head out.
The man still follows me. I hurry through the jetway, grab my one suitcase at the baggage claim, and fly through the terminal at a near run. When I reach the revolving doors leading to drop-off and pick-up areas, I turn around and catch a glimpse of glitter. Honestly, I'm getting a little freaked out. I wave down a taxi and when one pulls over, I jump in. The man gets in with me.
"Hello," I manage in a strangled voice.
He winks. "Hey."
"Listen, I'm not-" I begin, but the driver cuts me off.
"Where to?" He speaks gruffly, and I can tell he's a hard-core smoker.
"Uh…here." I hand him the address with a quick glance at the man next to me as the driver reads my scrawl out loud.
"Shocker." The man next to me says seductively. At least, I think it was supposed to be seductive. "I was just headed there myself."
I nod uneasily, wondering if this sort of thing is allowed. Maybe in New York, it's different. Maybe random glittery strangers hit on straight men all the time. Maybe, in New York, it's normal for people throw themselves into cabs with you and demand a ride to the same place you're going. Maybe.
As we ride, the man tries putting his hand on my knee. I move it back. He puts it there again.
"No." I say, my voice cracking mildly, "There-there's no need for that."
He smirks, but his hand returns to his own leg. I stare stiffly forward for the rest of the trip, trying to stealthily move myself towards the furthest door. My mind wanders, as always, to Rachel. What was I going to say to her when I saw her? I should say what they do in the movies. Tell her something that sounds majorly badass.
Hey, Rach. I know what you've been dreaming about: Me. And I've come to make your dreams come true.
No, that's weird. Plus, what if that's not what she's been dreaming about at all? Kurt's voice sounded through my mind. Tell her what you feel.
Hi, Rachel. I just wanted you to know something. You are beautiful. More beautiful than anyone I've ever met or seen. And I know that other kids always made fun of you but I've always been on your side. I've always known you were meant to be great. I smile to myself, and then mentally add You've always been great.
Sorry, Kurt, but that, also, was not going to happen. I've been telling her my true feelings for years, and we broke up. It obviously was not a good way to deal with things. I lied with Eliza all the time and our relationship was perfect.
I get out of the vehicle in a daze, forgetting about the man still in the backseat. I can feel myself getting nervous as I enter the apartment building. I still haven't decided what I'm going to say to her. I walk down the hall, not noticing anything else around me. Do I really think she's going to take me back? Do I really think she's even going to let me in? I'm stupid. This idea is stupid. Kurt is stupid. I should have never listened to him. I should've...
Too quickly, her door is in from of me. I wonder if the airlines will give me a free flight home. I came today, right? So returning me on the same day should be easy. Yeah. No. No! I came here for a reason. Breathing deeply, I lift a fist and knock on the door. My palms. Oh my God they're all sweaty. What if she tried to hand me something and it slips right from my palms? I should have never come here.
I felt a tickle in my ear and shake my head irritably. After a second, I feel it again. I turn around and see, with a start, the man from the taxi, lips puckered as he blows in my ear. I hold back a shudder.
"Hey." He smiles creepily.
I look back and forth from the door to him before resting my eyes on him, "You need to leave me alone. I'm trying to get something figured out." I say thinly.
"Let me help." He coos, and puts a hand on my waist.
I fight the urge to deck him and shove him off. "No. You have to go. I have no idea who you are or what you want, although I have a good guess on the second one." My mouth puckers with disgust at my last words.
The door opens with a creak and I turn and see Rachel's brown eyes peeking from the crack, her dark brown hair falling over her face. "Finn?" She whispers.
For a moment my world stops spinning. For a moment it's just me and her. For a moment I pretend she's all mine. For a moment, I'm back in my senior year, and Rachel and I are getting ready to take on the rest of the world together. But it's only a moment, and moments pass.
"Who is your…friend?" She asks tentatively, only taking her eyes off my face for a second.
I smile sweetly back at her. I'm not sure why, but I couldn't not do it. It was my instant reaction. It reminds me of when I was little, back when my mom would hold me down and tickle me. She would always say Don't laugh, Finn, don't laugh! and then tickle me harder. Of course I had to laugh. Now was just like that. Don't smile, Finn, don't smile... But I can't help it. She is right here. Her high cheekbones and soft lips put Aphrodite to shame.
"I don't know him. He followed me from the airport." I say through a daze.
Her eyes widen. "Okay. Well, why don't you come in and…"She takes my hand. How can she not feel this? The spark that's so obvious, so complete. It's not even a spark, actually; it's a full-blown fire that never will stop burning, that will light any sky for miles.
She tries to lead me in through the door but the man is glued to my back. "No." She says to him as if he were a dog, "You….you can just stay out here." She tugs on my arm. I'm a hundred times stronger than her with her lithe frame, but all six feet two inches of me is jelly, and I am jerked through the doorway. The man tries getting in anyway, but Rachel slams the door before he can. The second the door clicks shut, all thoughts of glitter and gayness rush from my head. In this moment, I am utterly confident in my straightness.
Then it hits me. It is really us. Just me and her, in this apartment together. Nobody else is here to interrupt our world. I had forgotten how much I missed this little world of ours- the one we controlled so completely.
I'm trying to ignore how she looks right now. I'm trying not to focus on her golden-honey skin, or on her sleek curtain of hair, or her wide dark eyes that look up at me so innocently. I try to talk through my cotton-filled mouth.
"H-hey Rachel." Why did I just call her Rachel? I should have called her Rach. Loosened this tension that layers the air like a thick blanket. Or maybe I should have said something cool. Something that a major stud would have said. I should have been all 'hey babe, how's it shakin?'
"Hi Finn." She replies evenly, simply.
Damn. Why am I scanning my brain looking for words when she can so easily produce them? I have to look cool. But I also have to tell her how I feel. Maybe I can get it across...indirectly.
"Rachel, you look like a donut." I smile proudly at my thought for a moment, but the minute I say it I realize it has not gone across like I had imagined.
Emotions battle across her face: irritation, amusement, and hurt. "Did you just call me fat?"
I try to wipe the shock away from my face the second it appears. Only second later, the panic sets in. This is it. I'm going to lose her. What did I think was going to happen, really? I would show up and she would fall into my arms and then I could just walk her to science class like we used to? That life is gone. It's a piece of history I need to erase from my memories so it can stop torturing me. The word gone echoes in my mind for a few seconds and with it a dull ache forms in the pit of my stomach.
One look at her and I wonder how I messed that up, that thing that was Finn and Rachel and Rachel and Finn. I always thought that she was like some supergirl; something so great and so perfect even I couldn't mess us up. But I was wrong and every minute since the break up reminds me if it.
"I only said donut because that's how I think of you. All sweet and all sugary and all..."
"Round?"she guesses. For a second I think I've angered her, but a smile spreads across her face. She's just waiting to see how far I'll dig myself into this hole.
I allow a grin of my own to stretch across my face. I know what I look like. When I smile my mouth spreads out across my face and my eyes squint at the edges. My nostrils flare and I've been told that I look like a toddler. But I can't find it in myself to care. Rachel makes me like this, and that shouldn't be taken away. What I look like doesn't matter when Rachel is in the room anyway – she outshines me no matter what. I mean that in not a rude or spiteful way, but in the best of ways. In the most truthful of ways.
Still smiling, I glance around. The apartment looks the way it had last time I'd been here.
Rachel notices me looking around and instantly snaps out of her genuine self and into a professional host.
"May I get you anything? I know you don't like coffee, but we have Earl Grey tea," she says in attempt to make the tea sound appetizing.
"No," I smile slightly, "no thank you. I don't like bergamot." Her head inclines towards me and she stares at me, confused. She looks like she doesn't recognize me when she speaks.
"I didn't think you'd know what Earl Grey tea was, much less that it had bergamot in it."
I grin. "In most cases I wouldn't know what it is. But I'll bet Kurt is the one who got you to start drinking that." When she nods slowly, I continue. "I lived with him, so he tried to get me to drink it to. I never liked it much so Kurt made me try all these different things until he concluded I didn't like Earl Grey tea because I didn't like the bergamot."
Her mouth curls. "Well, maybe you'd like some chocolate milk or something while I drink my coffee?"
I let the muscles in my cheeks relax again into a smile. "Now we're talking."
She laughs noisily and it sounds though the small apartment. I once heard about someone who read a book that said a beautiful girl's laugh sounds like tinkling bells. Whoever said that was lying. Bells get annoying, with their constant chiming that grates at your ears . There is a point where you literally will do anything to stop bells' noise, but I will never hate of the sound of Rachel's laugh.
Too soon after it started, she cuts herself off. I'm not sure why at first, but then I remember. We're each other's ex. We broke up- split- separated- stopped seeing each other- not too long ago and we aren't allowed to be happy yet. We're supposed to hate each other. We're supposed to want to cry at the sight of each other. We're supposed to want to scream at each other.
But I don't feel that. I wanted to sing when I saw Rachel again for the first time since the break up. I wanted to scream the lyrics to every love song I'd ever heard and I wanted to run down the street so everyone could hear it.
Looking at her now, I know that I can't lie to myself anymore.
That urge to scream, to sing; that utter longing I felt for her?
I still feel it now. And it's not ever going to go away.
Hi guys. I would like to thank you all so much for the reviews, favorites, and follows. And, of course, just for reading. I hope you like this story as much as I do. Does that sound self-centered? Maybe, but let me tell you a secret: this isn't my story. I've made a FanFiction account (this one) for my friend - katie - and am editing and publishing her stories (with, of course, her total consent and approval.) However.
She is a mood writer. She writes when she is in a good mood. I have a limited amount of writing that she's sent me and that I can edit and publish- and I want more! I hope you guys do too.
I don't want to put up a review ultimatum - that's just not nice. What I'm doing is giving you guys a chance. If you would like this story to continue, its up to you to put Katie in a good mood. So please, help! Review, or favorite, or follow, or just send an encouraging PM. I forward all the reviews and PMs you send to me to her for her to read, so she definitely gets them.
I really appreciate your help. Thank you and good luck!