This is the prequel to the Kali Black series. Enjoy!

Chapter One:

Do Not: Bring Up Old Mistakes

Some time in early May1979,

Somewhere in London,

Remus J. Lupin,

It was a miserable bloody night. The icy rain hit Remus's skin like viscous little pinpricks, soaking him from head to foot and freezing him to the bone. He hadn't eaten since breakfast, and he'd only gotten a couple of hours of sleep in last night between a reconnaissance mission for the Order and his early morning shift at the Muggle store. To top it all off, the full moon was less than a week away, making him cranky and restless. He wanted to go home, order take-out, and have a long bath… Merlin, he would kill for a bath right now. But he couldn't have what he wanted, because he'd promised Prongs that he'd show up to this bloody party in the middle of bloody London.

He hated the city, hated it. Every city. Big towns too. He wasn't sure if it was the wolf in him, who would much prefer a real forest to the urban jungle, or if it was because he'd grown up in rural Wales and wasn't used to all these looming buildings and crowded streets, but for whatever the reason, they made his skin crawl and they made him feel on edge and jumpy and paranoid. But despite the unease that it caused, this was where he'd chosen to live. He kept telling himself that it was for practicality's sake: everything was easier to get to in the city, amenities were plentiful and close at hand, there were more opportunities, more job offers… but, honestly, he only stayed out of pure stubbornness and contrariety toward whatever base instinct made him hate metropolitan areas so much.

He wasn't in a busy part of town, that was something at least. It was an upscale residential area in a Muggle neighbourhood, with big houses that probably cost more than Remus would make in a lifetime. The party was being hosted by old friends of James's parents. Remus wasn't sure what their names were, but James said that they were good people. But good people or not, Remus thought they were being foolish by having a big party and inviting people they didn't even know while there was a war going on. James hadn't shared his concerns, though:

"Come on, Moony, we could do with having a good time," he'd said when Remus had raised his concerns.

And, of course, Remus had caved, because his friends had been so excited, and Sirius had given him that look, and how could he say no to that look? He'd started to look forward to it, even. That was until Dumbledore gave him a last minute assignment and his boss demanded that he work overtime to make up for the hours that he'd missed during the last full moon. Now he was decidedly not in the mood for a party.

He was over three hours late and he'd hoped that everyone would have gone home by now, but apparently they'd all decided to make the most of the free booze, and to forget, at least for awhile, that people were being tortured and murdered all over the country at this very moment.

Remus gave himself a hard shake, he was going to be the life of the party with this attitude.

The festivities had spilled out onto the front steps of the house, beneath the stone overhang, where three separate couples where snogging, and embracing, and being completely oblivious to the world around them. Light spilled out onto the street as Remus stepped into the house, the door swung shut behind him, and he just stood there luxuriating in the warmth. He didn't plan on moving any time soon, but an excited shriek told him that, once again, his wishes would not be respected.

Lily flung herself at him, not caring that he was drenched, and hugged him tightly. She smelled strongly of alcohol.

"You're here," she shouted merrily. "We didn't think you were going to come."

Remus got a little annoyed at that, he'd promised he'd be here, hadn't he?

"Oh, you're all wet," she said, not noticing how his jaw clenched. She took out her wand and with a sharp jab she siphoned away all the water. Figures that even plastered she could do that spell better than he could sober. "Come on, everyone's in the living room."

She helped him out of his coat and took his hand, leading him further into the mansion. He quickly discovered that not everyone was in the living room. There were a lot more couples lining the walls, and muffled giggles and moans could be heard through closed doors. Remus was starting to feel very uncomfortable, but Lily found the whole thing hilarious – she found everything hilarious when she was drunk.

The living room was about twice the size of the flat that Remus shared with Sirius, and about fifty people moved around the space, dancing, and talking, and drinking, and eating. He spotted several levitating appetizer platters and grabbed whatever he could get his hands on, not bothering to savour any of it, just hoping to fill his stomach.

There was a resounding shout of 'Moony!' as Lily and Remus dropped onto the sofa where James and Peter had been huddled together, whispering, before their arrival.

"How was work?" asked Peter, a little cross-eyed from all the booze.

"Awful," he said snatching a couple of shrimp and avocado concoctions that weren't half bad from a passing tray.

"I don't see why you don't just quit," said Lily, throwing her legs over his lap. "You're too good for that place."

Remus didn't say anything. Work wasn't a subject he liked getting into with his friends, because they all thought he could do better, but he wasn't about to let himself get deluded by their optimism. He knew that realistically the chances of him getting a decent job were practically non-existent, he'd known this even when he was still in school. His condition meant that, for any job he got, he'd have to take at least one sick day a month, every month. This limited his career options drastically. He couldn't work in the wizarding world, because anyone with a brain would add two and two together and figure out what he was and fire him on the spot; and he couldn't get a proper job in the Muggle world because he had no qualifications. Anyway you tried to spin it, he was screwed. The only reason he'd held his current job this long was because his boss knew that he was desperate, and he knew that desperate people could be worked harder and longer than the rest, and he could pay them less for it. Give it another couple full moons, though, and even mean Mr. Seaman would grow tired of Remus's monthly absences and give him the boot.

He tried to ignore his impending unemployment, and instead he took in the rest of the guests. He'd expected to see mostly people James's parents' age, but he'd been wrong. There were a few older wizards and witches, but most of the party-goers ranged from Remus's age to people in their late-thirties.

"There she is," Peter squeaked, jumping up and down in his seat. James perked up immediately and ran his hand through his hair.

"There who is?" Remus asked, wondering who had gotten his friends so excited.

"Asherah Morrigan," Peter whispered reverently, pointing to a tall, beautiful young woman surrounded by a crowd of people to their left.

"Who is she?" he asked, and Lily snorted as both James and Peter's heads whipped toward him.

"Only the best Chaser on the planet," said James. "Youngest ever to play for the World Cup, an artist on a broom, a legend."

Remus smirked. "You're a fan, then?"

"She's won Israel the Cup twice in a row, and she's only twenty-two," he said dreamily. "She's magnificent."

"He's been drooling over her all evening, but he hasn't worked up the nerve to go talk to her yet," said Lily, poking her boyfriend in the ribs.

"Merlin, don't tell me James Potter is actually nervous," said Remus.

Lily nodded seriously. "'Fraid so, poor lamb."

"You're both awful," James groaned.

"You are ogling another woman with your girlfriend sat right there," said Peter.

"Ah, but Prongs doesn't see her as a woman, he only sees Quidditch. She could be a mountain troll for all he cares, but if she's good at that damn sport he'll still grovel at her feet," Remus explained sagely making Lily laugh.

James threw a throw pillow at him, hitting him square in the face – he hadn't been Gryffindor's star Chaser for nothing.

"Oi, quit abusing my boyfriend." Sirius vaulted over the back of the sofa, landing heavily in Remus's lap. Lily had to quickly move her legs to not get squashed, and Remus groaned under his weight.

Sirius was drunk. This was not only obvious by the wet kiss that Sirius pressed sloppily to his mouth, but also by the fact that Sirius seemed to have completely forgotten their argument from the previous night.

Remus and Sirius spent a lot of time arguing of late. They argued about little things, like whose turn it was to do the dishes and putting laundry in the hamper where it belonged rather than dumping it on the floor. Little spats and temper flares, that at least once a week turned into full blown shouting matches addressing issues far greater than dishes and laundry. That was what had happened last night, it had started with Remus coming home late from work to a flat that looked like a hurricane had blown through it, and it had evolved from there into their biggest row yet.

"Still haven't found the balls to go and talk to her, then?" Sirius asked James, nuzzling against Remus's neck.

Sirius became very tactile when he was plastered, more so than usual, which was saying something. Unfortunately, public displays of affection made Remus uncomfortable, but Sirius didn't care about that. Sirius got what Sirius wanted, always and regardless of anyone else's feelings on the matter. Remus felt the now familiar bitter resentment building and jumped to his feet, pushing Sirius out of his lap, before the feeling could get any worse.

"Come on then, Prongs," he said, hoping his joviality didn't sound too forced. "Lets go meet your hero."

James looked terrified, but Remus managed to pull him to his feet, and with Lily's help, they herded him toward the Quidditch star. She was uncommonly pretty, with a very sharp jaw, very high cheekbones, and very dark hair. She was also tall, almost reaching Remus's height in her heels and easily towering over the rest of his friends.

"Hello," said Lily boldly, elbowing her way to the front of the crowd and sticking out her hand.

Morrigan smiled and shook Lily's proffered hand. "Hello," she said, her accent turning her voice into a deep, musical melody.

"My boyfriend's a big fan of yours," said Lily, pointing her thumb over her shoulder to where James stood, wide-eyed and gaping.

Morrigan made direct eye contact with James and his tan skin took on a faint red colour. He opened his mouth, lips forming words, but no sound coming out; he looked like a floundering fish. Lily was sniggering madly at her boyfriend's predicament. Morrigan also found the whole thing fairly amusing, smirking as she held her hand out for him to shake. Sirius had to shove him forward a bit before he grabbed it enthusiastically and started grinning like a maniac.

"You are all from Hogwarts?" Morrigan asked when James finally released her hand.

"Graduated last year," Peter said, his voice squeaking with nerves.

A stout man with rosy cheeks and a big grin thumped James on the back. Remus guessed this was their host. "Miss Morrigan went up to Hogwarts yesterday, played a few pick-up games of Quidditch with the kids. Bet you regret not being there for that, eh, James? How are you all enjoying the party?"

After making sure that his young guests were having a good time, the little man walked away merrily. James was an even deeper shade of red now, and he still hadn't said a word. Feeling a tad sorry for the lad, Remus started talking to Morrigan, distracting her from the fool James was making of himself.

"How did you like Hogwarts?"

"It was nice, a bit draughty, though," she said.

Lily snorted. "You should visit during the winter. I used to have to wander around with three layers of clothing on before I learned the warming charm."

"Where did you go to school?" Peter asked excitedly.

"I went to one of the Israeli magical primary schools when I was a child, and I studied at Ilvermorny in North America when I was a teenager." That explained how her English was so good.

"I've read about Ilvermorny," said Remus. "What's it like?"

"Not dissimilar to Hogwarts: a big castle in the middle of nowhere, with its many students sorted into four houses, and teachers who are either very good or very bad at their job."

Remus chuckled and agreed wholeheartedly, remembering Professor Slughorn's disastrous attempts at teaching him potions.

"Did Ilvermorny just completely copy off of Hogwarts?" asked Lily screwing her nose up.

"Pretty much," Morrigan agreed. Sirius was pawing at the back of Remus's shirt. Remus tried to ignore him. "Although I've been told that both schools sort their students based on different things."

"What does Ilvermorny base itself on?" Remus asked. Sirius was not getting the message that he wanted to be left alone.

"It sorts its students according to the traits they possess, deciding whether they are scholars, warriors, healers, or adventurers."

"But that's exactly how Hogwarts' sorting works as well," said Peter.

Morrigan shook her head. "I was told that the Hogwarts' sorting depended on the traits you value, rather than the ones you possess. Ilvermorny focuses on what you are, while Hogwarts emphasizes what you want to be."

It was a fair observation, but Remus couldn't focus on it because Sirius had renewed his efforts to get his attention.

He couldn't take this anymore.

He grabbed Sirius's hand, excused himself from the conversation, and marched away, dragging Sirius along with him. He wasn't sure where he was going, but anywhere away from the crowd would be fine by him. They ended up in the entrance hall, and Remus pushed Sirius into the cupboard Lily had thrown his coat in earlier.

It was dark, but even so Remus couldn't miss Sirius's blazing grin. "Wow, Moony," he purred sultrily. "I just wanted to dance, but if you insist…"

Suddenly Sirius's hands were everywhere and his mouth was everywhere else. He was unbuttoning Remus's shirt and trailing kisses down the column of his throat, whispering "I missed you," and "I love you," before Remus could get a word in. Remus tried pushing him away, but Sirius was insistent. Remus almost gave in, as he always did. It was so nice to be touched like this, to be wanted like this. He wanted to cherish it, knowing that this might be the last time they spent together.

He'd never had to worry about this at Hogwarts. When they were still at school things had been so good between them, their relationship had been solid for two whole years, but then they'd stepped out into the big, bad world and it had all gone to hell, and the war was only partly to blame. Remus knew that they would have hit this rough patch regardless of the chaos brewing around them, because the problem was far too serious to ignore forever. It had been easy to overlook it back at Hogwarts, where options were limited. But now it was painfully obvious to him that he and Sirius were not equals, that they would never be equals, because Remus would always need this relationship more than Sirius did. Sirius had options; he was smart, handsome, funny, he'd have no problem finding someone else when he realized he was too good for Remus. And he was too good for Remus, no matter what he said. Because Remus would always be looked down on for what he was, he would never be able to hold a job, never be able to have a family, he would never fit in, never be normal, and Sirius deserved a normal life. Remus knew that the minute it ended with Sirius, that would be it for him. He would never find anyone else to love him after Sirius, unless he was willing to lie to them and hide his condition from them, but even then it couldn't last. He'd be alone.

Remus shoved Sirius hard, planting his hands firmly on Sirius's shoulders to keep him at a distance. "I think we should break up."

He said it quickly, hoping to get all the words out before he changed his mind again. How many times had he tried to say it in the past few months? How many times had it nearly come out but not quite? How many arguments had he started because he couldn't say what he needed to say? Well, he'd said it now and Sirius was looking at him like a kicked puppy. He wasn't fighting to close the space between them anymore, so Remus let his arms fall awkwardly to his side.

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius, his voice was very small, and Remus hated it, hated how it made him feel.

"I mean we aren't happy together, and we need to stop seeing each other," said Remus, hugging himself tightly, hoping that it would make this hurt less. It didn't.

"I am happy," he said, betrayal etched all over his face.

Remus shook his head. He wasn't about to let Sirius guilt him into taking it back. "No, you're not. You want to be and you try to be, but you're not. We're not."

"Please don't do this. It's just a rough patch, we can fix it."

Remus sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "Why would you want to? You're miserable."

"I'm miserable because I love you, but you're never around," he said, frustration and anger slowly creeping into his voice. "I've barely seen you in weeks."

"Don't act like this is my fault," Remus snapped. Anger was good, anger was familiar, he could handle Sirius's anger far better than he could deal with that forsaken look on his face. "The Order comes first, you said so yourself."

"Yeah, the Order, not those two Muggle jobs of yours that you hate."

"I've got to make a living somehow, not everyone has dead relatives who leave them money."

"You know that I have enough to support the two of us," Sirius shouted. Their argument was getting louder by the minute and if anyone walked by they would know exactly what was being said, but Remus didn't care.

"I don't want you to support me, I don't want to have to rely on you for everything," Remus spat.

"If you'd stop being so fucking prideful, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You could quit those awful jobs, and focus your efforts on the Order like the rest of us are, and we'd be together, and you wouldn't be so damn grumpy all the time."

"Are you saying I'm not as helpful to the Order as you are?" Remus asked angrily.

"I'm saying you're spreading yourself too thin, and you don't have to."

"You don't even realize how privileged you are, do you?" Remus snarled. "You have no idea how bad some people have it. Don't you get that I'm doing this for you? To protect you?"

"Don't be such a bloody hypocrite" he snapped. "You're not doing this for me, you're doing this because you don't think you're good enough. You think I can do better than you, and you're going to keep pushing me away until I prove you right, but I won't. No matter what you do, I will always love you and I will never hurt you."

Remus sneered. "Really? 'Cause I remember you hurting me pretty bad when you told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow."

Sirius flinched and Remus knew that it had been a low blow. "That was years ago."

"So? What's to say you won't do it again? That you won't use me as a weapon to hurt someone you don't like? Make me kill them or worse bite them? If anything had happened that night, the Ministry would have put me down like an animal and it would have been all your fault."

"I made a mistake!" he shouted, and Remus wasn't sure, but there may have been tears in Sirius's eyes. "I was sixteen and I made a mistake, and if you're going to keep lording it over me every time we argue, then maybe we should break up."

"Good," Remus snapped, grabbing his coat. At least he was pretty sure it was his coat, his throat was contracting uncomfortably and his eyes were stinging, and he knew he was about to cry, so he grabbed the first coat that felt like his, and stormed out of the cupboard.

"Great," Sirius shouted back. There was a loud thump and a curse as Sirius hit or kicked something, Remus wasn't sure, and he wasn't about to turn around to check. Tears were running freely down his cheeks as he slammed the front door behind him and stepped out into the rain.

He'd done it, he'd ripped off the band-aid. He just hadn't expected it to hurt so much.