Disclaimer: Belongs to Disney, Brothers Grimm, yadi yada yada. NOT to me (At least that's what you think ;P)
A/N: I'm bored so I'm writing a sequel. Yes, a SEQUEL. NOT the second half of a two-shot :P
Beasty Mofos Don't Get (re)Captured
A Tangled ONESHOT (not a two-shot)
Naturally, the Stabbington Brothers were pursued after escaping from their execution (see that particular piece of badassery in my fic 'Sexy Beast Don't Die'…or not, because it's meh).
"We have to lose them!" Logan (or Chops, short for Mutton-Chops, whatever you prefer), yelled as he ran side by side with Viktor (or Patch, short for eye-patch), referring to the team of clanking guards in heavy pursuit behind them.
"Nooo, I like having things thrown at me!" Viktor retorted scathingly, ducking as an arrow flew over his head and smacked into a nearby tree with a resounding thwack that sent a few innocent birds screeching into the sky.
"Well, let's see how they like it!" Logan roared, skidding to a stop, picking up a conveniently nearby boulder, and chucking it at the guards. They scattered as it crashed into the ground, creating a pleasantly large crater and a nice crunching sound as it knocked a soldier's crossbow out of his hands and smashed it to pieces. "Piece of cake," Logan told his brother smugly.
"More like a piece of crap," Viktor snarled, shoving his brother forward as they broke into a run once more. The soldiers had circled back and this time they had their swords drawn.
"If we can make it to the river—" Logan yelled, ducking an overhanging branch, "—then we can use it as cover!"
"But you can't swim!" Viktor reminded him.
"Ha-ha bloody ha!" Logan snarled, swinging at his now laughing brother.
"Faster, they're getting away!" the soldier with the biggest mustache shouted to his comrades.
The two brothers jumped and dove and weaved through the many trees of the forest expertly, as the soldiers stumbled after them, at a disadvantage because of their bulky armor.
"Idiots should have dressed for the occasion," Logan remarked.
"Last thing on their mind, I think," Viktor replied, smacking a branch out of his way.
"TREE!" Logan then shouted, but Viktor, distracted by a sudden pain in his left buttock, ran face first into it.
"SON OF A—"
"—THERE'S AN ARROW IN YOUR BUTT!" Logan yelled, pointing as Viktor clutched his throbbing nose.
"Wha—well, would you look at that!"
"Soldiers—coming—worry about your arse later!" Logan took off through the trees again, and Viktor stumbled after him, still pinching his nose, which was now bleeding quite terribly.
"I HIT HIM! I HIT HIM!" a soldier behind them was saying excitedly. "Did you see that—I hit him!"
"I see the river!" Logan shouted back to Viktor. "It's right up—ARGHHH!"
Viktor cried out in shock as his brother disappeared as suddenly as if the ground had swallowed him up, and sure enough, Viktor's feet fell out from under him too, and he tumbled down a smooth chute, his own and Logan's shouts ringing painfully in his ears. A stinging snap sounded and he roared in pain. The arrow lodged in his hindquarters had snapped in half. All in all, he was now in a butt load of pain (no pun intended).
Viktor flew out of the end of the chute and knocked Logan, who had just managed to stand up, back off of his feet.
Grumbling, the two brothers shook their heads as the thick dust settled around them once more.
"Where are we?" Logan asked loudly, and both men started as his voice echoed deafeningly all around them, causing them to throw their hands over their ears.
"Some sort of underground tunnel," Viktor said in a low voice as the echo faded away.
Logan crouched down next to the mouth of the chute and tried to peer up to the top, but it was too dark inside of it. "Must be pretty far underground, then," he told his brother. "I can't hear the soldiers."
"You hear that?" Viktor asked him, listening hard. "It's water."
Sure enough, once Logan had quieted down, he could hear the steady dripping of water coming from down the tunnel they were in.
"Well, only one way out," Viktor said, shrugging at his twin, and they began making their way down the long and twisting dark passage.
After a while of walking to nothing but the irritating sounds of dripping water, Logan said, "Do you think we're under the river? That would explain the water."
Viktor shrugged. "Makes sense to me. And look at the color of the walls. Green and…river-y."
Okay, so maybe he didn't say 'river-y'.
Once the silence had become almost too much to bare, the twins resorted to their second best favorite thing to do that wasn't thieving related: Make fun of Flynn Frikkin Rider.
"Did you see what he was wearing?"
"So last year."
Okay, so they didn't say that either. What they did say was quite rude and I don't feel very comfortable writing it down, in case anyone beneath the safe age of 42 is reading this.
"…and that, Brother, is proof that Rider must secretly be a girl," Logan concluded smartly.
"Never even noticed that," Viktor told him sincerely.
"No one ever does," Logan shrugged. "You have to look for these things."
And the idea of Logan looking anywhere on Flynn made Viktor double over laughing very hard, which, in turn, reminded him that he had the tip of an arrow imbedded in his tender behind.
So as Viktor howled in pain, Logan laughed harshly and dragged his dimwitted brother down the tunnel.
Now, take a moment to imagine what it would feel like once the liberated Stabbington Brothers reached the end of that despairing tunnel and, blinking, climbed out into the new day sunlight once again, after hours of wandering blinding through the dark depths of the underwater tunnel.
Well, they certainly didn't find a change in the new dawn. Are you crazy?
"Where the *cough* do you think we are?" Viktor growled irritably to Logan; his bum had gone a bit numb by now, and he was quite keen to get somewhere—anywhere, really—that would offer services experienced in removing arrows from one's hindquarters.
"No idea, nowhere I recognize," Logan said unhelpfully, looking ahead over the grassy open field that lay before them. In the distance, they could see the edge of the Coronian (Coronan? Coram? Coriantum? ;P) forest, which, unfortunately, was occupied by the soldiers from before.
"THERE THEY ARE!"
"Oh, come on!" Logan roared as he and Viktor (who winced and gritted his teeth with every step) took off across the valley floor, ducking their heads as more arrows came flying overhead.
Would it be too coincidental if…
Viktor suddenly felt a sharp pain in his right buttock, and looking back saw that he now had an arrow sticking out of the other side of his behind.
"ARE YOU EFFIN SERIOUS?" he yelled in terrible distress.
"I need a boulder to throw!" Logan shouted, looking around the depressingly flat prairie frantically.
By now, the soldiers were quite close, and they were beginning to look victorious.
"Logan, Logan, listen to me, you've got to go on without me," Viktor told his brother, slowing down. "I can't keep up with my caboose in so much fetchin' pain—"
"Now is not the time to be all sacrificial, you bonehead!" Logan said, and without further ado, he yanked the arrow out of Viktor's right buttock. "The other one will have to wait! Come on!"
"Ow," Viktor growled, yanking the now free arrow out of Logan's grip. "But, cool, souvenir."
And so the chase began anew.
Now I don't mean to sound cheesy, buuut…
The Stabbington Brothers ran across the valley, the soldiers chasing them relentlessly, but as their silhouettes disappeared on the horizon, they threw their swords onto the ground and gave up.
THE END!
Or…to be continued ;D
E/N: There really is nothing to be said… o.O Except….REVIEW! :D Please? :3