Disclaimer : I do not own any of the things in this piece of writing, except for the character Hopi Dontoffendu and the Tatooine Times, a fictional newspaper.

I did this for a school assignment, believe it or not. We were supposed to make a a newspaper, and since Star Wars Three had just come out, my friend and I decided we'd do Star Wars as our subject. This is one of my articles, and my favorite. So I decided since I don't have anyhting on here, why not post it? Hope you all enjoy it.

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Tatooine Times

LOCAL BOY DOES WELL

Anakin Skywalker becomes the scourge of the universe

Written by Hopi Dontoffendu

In a brutal event yesterday, Anakin Skywalker, gone bad, went on a Jedi killing spree (Of course, it might not seem brutal in some individuals' opinion.) From what we know, none survived his massacre, not even the young apprentices. Why would such a prospective young Jedi, thought to be the one from an ancient prophecy, the one that would balance the 'Force', do such a horrid thing (Again, maybe horrid isn't the best word to describe it?) You don't join the Dark Side, put on a life support machine disguised as grotesque mask, and start calling yourself Darth Vader on a daily basis. On the other hand, maybe people do. No, something must have pushed him over the edge. But what? That's why we interviewed the new Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader himself.

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I met him at a small cafe, not well known, but they make great coffee. I hoped I wouldn't offend him, as he might not ever be able to drink coffee again, considering he has to wear that mouth less mask all the time. I waited for ten minutes, as I had arrived early. I frantically prayed that I wouldn't annoy him by being there before him. I began tapping my foot impatiently, when he stepped through the doorway, ringing the small bells attached to the doorknob. He arrived in his new outfit, complete with mask and long billowing cape. I could've sworn there was fan hidden somewhere, but I didn't mention as not to hurt his feelings, if he had any. He looked around, studying each person's face until he noticed me with my hand raised in the air, waving. I immediately stopped when he saw me. He probably doesn't want people to think he's associated with an idiot waving their hand in the air, like a ... idiot. But he walked over to me anyway, his stride confident and long. It seemed as if he emanated power. He took a seat across from me silently. I noticed that he seemed to breathe slowly and quite audibly. He then spoke in a deep, commanding voice.

"You wanted to interview me, Tatooine citizen?"

"Y-yes, yes, L-lord Vader sir. I'd like to ask some questions concerning your recent."-I searched for a good word, -"achievement." I cursed myself for stuttering, but his very presence was a little stifling.

I saw him pause for a moment, as if pondering something, and realized just stupid I was. I doubted he wanted to talk about it, especially if he didn't totally understand it either. I was busy mentally slapping myself when he answered.

"Well, fire away then. I have another meeting with my master in an hour, so make it quick."

The casualness of his voice threw me off a bit, but it gave me a little confidence.

"Ah, yes. First question. What caused you to murder all the Jedi, the ones you supposedly owed loyalty to?"

It didn't take him long to answer, and his reply was concise.

"They were becoming too selfish and power hungry. I owe no one loyalty but the Republic and the Emperor."

"Hm. Now, next question. Don't worry, there's only three more. How do you feel about Chancellor Palpatine's take over?"

"I am glad of it. He will make things right in the galaxy and no one will have to suffer any longer. He's quite an amazing man."

His voice was so filled with admiration that I decided my own opinion on the matter might be too judgemental.

"Interesting. Last question: What do you think made you turn to the Dark Side?"

I hoped he wouldn't get mad at this question. Maybe he thinks the Dark Side is the Good Side? Luckily, I think he understood what I was getting at.

" … My mother died when I was a Jedi. I'd had dreams of her in pain, but I was too late to save her. I … killed all of the sand people, the ones that had tortured her. The men, women, children. I think that was the beginning. And many other things were mixed in."

I was surprised that he'd told such a thing to a random reporter like me, so I just smiled, a very awkward smile.

"That's unfortunate. I thank you for your time. I hope you." – I wondered what to say briefly, before settling with the usual: - " Have a good day."

"The last question?"

"Um. Well, you have a busy schedule right?"

I had decided the question, meant to be humorous, 'Do you regret that turning to the Dark Side has made you unable to show your face publicly ever again?' was not the best question to ask him.

"Yes. Farewell then, Tatooine citizen."

He rose from his seat and pushed it towards the table in one fluid motion and left with a flourish. I was glad that it seemed I hadn't offended him at all.

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Look closely at the name of the person who wrote the article. You might understand his 'Hope I don't offend' attitude. ;)
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