I do not own the characters and I am not making a profit off this tale. No offense to anyone.

This is a spoof and it is meant for humor and not offense to anyone. Do remember I bruise easily if you chuck something hard at me. And I always got tagged as the Goose in the game of duck,duck,goose and with good reason.

Rated T to M for crude humor and silliness.

Chomp

Snacks and Subtext

Olivia shook the bag of chips, scattering tortilla chips in all directions except down into the bowl. With a frown, she scooped up the scattered chips and dumped them into the bowl anyways. Opening the refrigerator, she grabbed the bowl of dip, the jar of salsa and several cold beers. Walking quickly into the living room, she plopped down her treasures onto the coffee table then spun around to get more snacks from the kitchen.

She grabbed the malted milk balls, the peanut butter cups and her stashed away bar of dark chocolate. She smiled as she arrived at the leather sofa. Setting down her burdens, she curled her feet under her, tossed the afghan over her bare legs then eased back to await the clock as it ticked away the minutes until nine o'clock.

A soft weight plopped down next to her. She turned her head to meet the sparkling blue eyes of her lover Alexandra Cabot. Olivia took a sip of her cold beer and gazed into deep blue.

Alex grabbed her beer and took a sip then set it back down onto the coaster. "Hey baby, did the show start yet?"

"Does it look like it?" Olivia teased, leaning over to nuzzle a soft cheek, kissing the smooth skin then pulling away to sip more of her beer while it was still cold.

"I don't know… That is why I asked you. It was your idea to watch the new season of this detective show." Alex looked at the coffee table and gasped. "Did you leave any junk food at the store?"

"Nope…And I actually suggested it to spend time with you," she mumbled softly then said, "it's not just a detective show you know."

"Right. Just a show about two extremely attractive women chasing down bad guys…got it. Not very detective like at all."

"I bought and watched the first season for the plot lines…thank you very much." Staring at all the junk food, Olivia couldn't resist reaching out and grabbing a chip then immediately plunging it deep into the cold layered dip. Around bits of chip, she mumbled, "yummy."

Alex watched her lover chew and moan around bean laden fried tortillas and shook her head. "I must be in love to actually enjoy this."

"Rru saidd sooo," Olivia muttered as she took another chomp of her chip.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Alex grabbed a chip and daintily chewed the plain chip, not wanting to subject her healthy arteries to the saturated fat of the sour cream and refried beans dip her lover made.

Olivia watched Alex with wide eyes. "God Al…you are…such a girl."

"Well, you are such a lesbian, so we're even." Alex stared at Olivia then turned her head, ignoring the glaring brown eyes.

"Babe, you put the tootsie pop owl to shame with your licking technique. Lesbians the world over would fall at your feet to have an ounce of your breath control when your between my legs." Olivia drank more beer, licked her lips then said with a smile, "hon, go peddle your tryke-you wanna be dainty dyke."

"That's your best. Really? Oh, so grown up Liv." Alex sucked in a mouthful of cold beer then whipped her head around and smacked her lover right on the lips, letting the beer trickle out as she kissed.

"Ugh…Al."

And now for the season premiere of Rizzoli and Isles….

Alex laughed and wiped off her mouth. "Look, the show is starting. I'll get the lights." She jumped up before Olivia could grab her and flicked off the lights, casting the room in almost complete darkness. She sat down further away from beer soaked lover.

"Maybe you can go change your shirt at the commercial break." A giggle escaped out of her lips as she wrapped her arms around her curled up knees and relaxed back into the leather cushions. A pillow zinged at her head and she ducked to avoid being clobbered.

"Your aim sucks." She turned away from Olivia to watch this super great detective show.

After ten minutes of watching, Alex said, "Would you seriously wear that shirt to a crime scene? Look at how low it dips. Good thing that she isn't as stacked as you are Liv. But I'm beginning to see the appeal for you, being a lesbian and all."

"Stacked? What's next Al…boobies," Olivia guffawed and reached for a malted milk ball. She popped it into her mouth and chomped down hard. "Nummms." As she chewed, she reached for a chip and sank it all the way into the dip then popped it into her full mouth.

Alex watched her lover shove food into her mouth and sighed. "If you choke, I am not going to give your dip and chocolate coated mouth CPR."

"Rr youus say'n you down't luvvv me?" Chomp, chomp. Olivia reached for her beer, tipping the bottle to her moving lips and guzzling the liquid. She swallowed then said, "I love you enough to save you no matter what your mouth might taste like." She gazed into blue and said loudly, "you look at boobies too. More than me if the first thing you noticed on this show is how low cut the shirts are."

"Aww…Whatever Liv."

"Oh, is the attorney giving up on disputing my burden of proof."

"I'm simply going to remain quiet while you watch this fabulous and well pointed, I mean plotted show." Alex chewed on a chip to stop any further discussion. She flicked her eyes back to the screen and watched as the tall lead Detective and her shorter friend in the nice dresses ran around a brightly lit alley. Alex huffed and said, "like people die around noon all the time. You always leave me in the middle of the night. Hell, that one time you were fucking me when Elliot called you for that spouse killing."

"It's a show…made up and fiction Alex. It's not meant to be real," Olivia said and slapped the leather couch in exasperation. "Besides, I don't watch it for the cases…I watch it for the boobies as you put it. And the subtext between the two women."

"Subtext? What are you talking about?" Alex pointed to the television and continued, "both of these women are always on dates with men. If they were my friends, I would suggest therapy for sexual inadequacies. The characters are firmly ensconced in heterosexual Ville."

"Subtext is implied. Just watch the way they interact; the way they flirt with each other." Alex watched as the tall detective grabbed the smaller woman in a tight hug and pretended to cry on her shoulder. The smaller woman, wearing the frilly dress squealed and hugged back tighter.

"Oh..I see what you mean," Alex said as she reached for a malt ball and chomped down. "It's hot, I'll give you that."

"Damn straight. Um, I mean forward," Olivia muttered and chewed on a chip loudly. "Oops, commercial break." She got up and got two fresh beers out of the refrigerator and sauntered back over to the couch, watching Alex, 'miss I'm on a diet' as she kept popping malt balls into her mouth.

"I hate commercials." Chomp, chomp. "God these are so good," she mumbled around a mouthful of melted chocolate.

"They are. So you hate commercials even with me here to distract you?"

"Eh, not so much now." Chomp, chomp.

Olivia rolled her eyes and took a big gulp of her fresh beer, watching the television as the commercials ended and the show started again. Alex popped more malt balls into her mouth.

"I am not rolling you off the couch later if you get fat like that girl from Willy Wonka."

"Rrroos, Livvv." Chomp, chomp. Alex took a swig of her beer to wash down the malt balls and grimaced, "Oh my God..disgusting." She took another drink, which tasted better than the first and watched the tall detective strut around the morgue, following the shorter woman. "Sexy shirt," Alex murmured softly.

"Why?"

"Look how it accentuates her..uh," Alex stuttered and scratched the back of her neck, then grabbed another malt ball.

Olivia guffawed and said, "you're turned on by the detective. It's why you keep eating," she pointed to the box on the coffee table and smiled, "those malt balls. Same reason people chew ice when they are sexually frustrated."

Thud. "I am not," Alex argued.

"Yes, you are. No need to be ashamed lover. As I said earlier, I watch for the subtext and the cute little dresses the ME wears."

"Whatever.." Alex huffed and watched the women running down the sidewalk, in heels of course. She bit her lip and stayed quiet, staring down frequently at the box of malt balls just a reach away.

Music filled the apartment in the silence, a loud voice said, "tune in next week for the continuation of Shoot'em Dead…Part 2."

"So you want to watch next week with me?" Olivia smiled at Alex

"Yes…but no malt balls…and your distracting me at each commercial break with your lips and fingers."

"It will be my pleasure as well as yours." The sound of lips kissing accompanied by soft whimpers filled the dark apartment.

-Damn Maura..we let them get away-

-Don't worry Jane, we'll catch them next week-

-Kiss-Kiss-

A/N: Ha..we wish right. As I said at the top, this is just a spin or spoof. All in good fun. Review and let me know if you laughed so hard you tinkled in your shorts.

Well at least tell me the laughing part…