Where are you?
My first songfic, yay :)
The song is called "Wo bist du?" (Where are you?) and is from the album "Läuft bei euch" of the German A Capella band "wise guys". Maybe you should listen to the song beforehand, so you know the feels behind it, you can find a sneak peek on their Youtube channel.
The song is in German. As I prefer writing A-Team fics in English I will give you the German version of the text and translate it into English. I really hope, I managed to bring the meaning behind the song across, because it is one of the most moving songs I know! Any comments on how to do it better are greatly appreciated. I have written this quite some time ago and didn't dare to upload it, because I feared my translation wouldn't do the song justice, after all the rhymes are lost in English. I am still not sure, but I recently found this again and I decided to try and upload it anyway.
Disclaimer: I don't own the A-Team or the song used in this fanfiction.
I hope you enjoy!
It was a shock to see Murdock like this. Face hadn't been prepared for it. The first thing he had wanted to do, after escaping the prison, was to visit Murdock. But it was just not done, it had been too dangerous. The team had needed to wait until things had cooled down a bit.
In the end it was a month till Face was able to go visit the pilot.
Face had been overjoyed, he had looked forward to finally seeing his best friend again. On his way to the VA he thought about all the fun they managed to have in 'Nam. If they could have that much fun in a warzone, how much more fun could they have now, that they only had to worry about the MP's! Face couldn't help but smile to himself, as he drove the rent car down the street, nearer to his buddy.
Wir wohnten in derselben Gegend und wir haben so viel Zeit zusamm'n verbracht, die selben Songs gehört beim Segeln oder Zelten. Und mal bekloppt und mal bewegend haben wir uns jeden Tag was Neues ausgedacht und nachts im Park gesung' bis die Hunde bellten. Wir waren füreinander da, notfalls mitten in der Nacht, was hat das Leben bloß aus uns gemacht?
We lived in the same area and we spent so much time together. We listened to the same songs, while we went sailing or camping. And we always found new things to do, some of them crazy, some of them touching. At the night we would sing in the park, till the dogs began to bark. We were there for each other, even in the middle in the night. What happened to what we had?
He remembered their time at the army, before Hanoi, before they had been declared criminals. He remembered how Murdock had always made the hard days in Vietnam feel like they were only on a camping trip. He remembered all the pranks they had pulled and even now, after it was all over, he wondered how they got away with it. How often had they kept their comrades awake, because Murdock had wanted to howl to the moon and Face, instead of keeping him from going through with it, had joined in. The Lieutenant chuckled, Murdock always made him do crazy things he would never have done alone. Hadn't it been for Murdock howling to the moon would have embarrassed the life out of Face. But with Murdock he had discovered it was fun. There was nothing that made him feel as in peace with himself as howling to the moon. It was a freeing thing to do, as strange as it was. He hadn't done it in a while, he couldn't. Not without his buddy giving him the confidence not to care what others thought. Now Face found, he missed those nights, even thought he never really cared for the running away, that followed their nighttime activities. Their fellow soldiers hadn't liked it...
Murdock had always managed to make Face feel good, either through actions or simply being there, no matter how hard their work had been that day.
One time the young Lieutenant had been homesick, he had told Murdock about the sailing trip he had once made with his orphanage. About the wind in his face and how he had felt so free and happy back than. He still remembered the name of the boat: Mary Lou. That night the pilot hadn't slept and the next morning he had woken up his buddy early.
Murdock had somehow nicked a little plane named 'Mary Lou'. It only had a front window, so they could feel their wind around their noses. Murdock said it was as close to sailing you could get, in the middle of a jungle and Face had agreed. They had flown the plane for almost two hours that morning. It had been dangerous as hell and they had gotten in so much trouble for it, but Face had felt better after that. His ears sometimes still rang from the shouting of their CO, even after all this time. If it hadn't been for Hannibals protection and the fact, that Murdock was the best pilot out there, they would have been sent home for sure! The Lieutenant smiled, Murdock was the best friend he could ever wish for and he was on his way to see him again. Face felt good, live was great!
But when he finally found his way to the VA hospital and into Murdocks room his expectations were deeply disappointed. Murdock had changed so much!
Du sitzt mir beinahe gegenüber, dieser Mann, der mal mein kleiner Bruder war und ein Freund der allerbesten Sorte. Ich schaue lange zu dir rüber, doch ich krieg' das einfach überhaupt nicht klar. Was ist los? Ich finde keine Worte! Ich hätte dir alles gegeben, notfalls auch das letzte Hemd. Und jetzt sitzt du da und bist mir völlig fremd.
You sit so close to me, the guy who once was my little brother and the best friend I could wish for. I look at you for a long time, but I can't comprehend it. What happened? I don't know what to say! I would have given you everything, even the shirt off my back. But now you sit there and it feels like you are a total stranger.
There was an empty quality about Murdock's eyes. They didn't light up as the Lieutenant had expected.
"Murdock! It's good to see you again!", he tried to pull his friend from his shell.
"Face", Murdock greets him back, sounding emotionless, almost empty.
The young Lieutenant stayed silent for a while, he didn't know how to treat this new Murdock. He was a bit taken aback by his coldness. Never had Murdock treated him like this, no matter what he did. The pilot had always been the first to forgive his friends any wrong-doings. And right now Face didn't even know what he could have done wrong. Sure he hadn't called in for quite some time, but how could he, with the MP's hunting them. He would only have gotten Murdock in trouble, surely the pilot knew that?!
He didn't know this side of Murdock, nor did he want to know it, he just wanted his friend back. The easy going, happy guy he had known!
[Refrain] Ich erkenne dich nicht wieder, ich weiß nicht mehr wer du bist. Und ich weiß nicht was dir irgendwann mal widerfahren ist! Warum hast du mich angelogen und dich ganz zurückgezogen?
Warum schlägst du alle Türen zu? Bitte sag mir: Wo bist du?
[Refrain] I don't even recognize you, I don't know who you are and I don't know what happened to you! Why did you lie to me, why did you pull back from me? Why do you try so hard to keep everyone away? Please just tell me: Where are you?
"You know, I was thinking, there is a big fest in town. They have a roller coaster and carrousels and even a big wheel of fortune. Maybe we could go there together?", the young fugitive tried again.
Murdock had always loved roller coaster rides, they made him feel like flying, he had told Face once. But now not even the outlook for a roller coaster ride got Murdock from his shell.
"Naw", the pilot declined. "I would miss the coloring therapy and the sports therapy. Those are my favorite."
This was harder than Face thought. He sighed.
"A nice room you've got", he said in search of anything to talk about.
"Yeah", the pilot agreed. "Home, sweet home, isn't it?"
And the worst thing about it, was that Face could detect no sign of sarcasm in his friends lifeless voice.
"Don't you want to show me around a bit?", he asked his friend, now almost desperately trying to reach him, through the thick armor he had build around his heart.
"Sure, why not", the pilot agreed. "I just got to ask the nurse first, so she can open the door."
The young Lieutenant couldn't believe it! It wasn't like Murdock to ask for permission. This wasn't the man who had fearlessly aggravated their CO's, who had more than once ended up with a black eye, because he used his cheek around the wrong people. Murdock wasn't afraid of consequences and only followed his own rules. But that seemed to have changed.
Face wanted to scream at Murdock, wanted to tell him to get it together. Remind him of all they had done together, wanted to tell him to not give up on himself, but jump back into live. He just wished his buddy would take control of his life, instead of giving up.
Instead he just proposed they just take the window, hoping to get a glimpse of his old buddy. There was the ghost of a smile on Murdock lips as he agreed. "Still the old trouble-maker, aren't you Lieutenant?"
But soon the sign of life was gone again and as they climbed out of the window, carefully avoiding the alarm, Murdock's face was expressionless again.
Ich trau mich kaum es dir zu sagen, doch dass du glücklich bist, das nehm ich dir nicht ab! Du scheinst die Welt um alles zu beneiden. Vielleicht muss ich mich selber fragen, ob ich dich nicht schon längst komplett verloren hab. Du wirkst als könntest du dein Leben selbst nicht leiden. Ich würde dir am Liebsten sagen: 'Nimm die Fäden in die Hand!' Wo ist der Typ den ich so einzigartig fand?
I almost don't dare to tell you, but I don't believe you, when you say you are happy. You seem to be jealous of everything and everyone. Maybe I have to ask myself, if there is even a chance to get you back. You seem to be so disappointed in your life. I wish I could tell you: 'Take control over your live!' Where is the guy that seemed so unique to me?
[Refrain] Ich erkenne dich nicht wieder, ich weiß nicht mehr wer du bist. Und ich weiß nicht was dir irgendwann mal widerfahren ist! Warum hast du mich angelogen und dich ganz zurückgezogen?
Warum schlägst du alle Türen zu? Bitte sag mir: Wo bist du?
[Refrain] I don't even recognize you, I don't know who you are anymore and I don't know what happened to you! Why did you lie to me, why did you pull back from me? Why do you try so hard to keep everyone away? Please just tell me: Where are you?
Out in the little park of the VA they sat down at a bench, hidden from sight behind some bushes. Murdock took out a cigar and lit it. Face watched him unsure. He couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad sign. Murdock had always had a dislike for smoking, even though he would never object if the Colonel smoked. He had once told his friend so, in secret. But on the other side it showed that there was still a bit of 'Murdock the rulebreaker' left.
It was only another sign of how far away they were from each other, when they started to talk about the weather.
Face wanted to tell Murdock about their flight, how he had missed him and craved the day he would see him again, but he found he couldn't. Right now there wasn't much of the friendship left, they once had.
Face remembered how alone he felt without Murdock, in fact he felt like this right now. He only hoped Murdock wasn't as alone as he was. He hoped his buddy had friends in the VA.
Wir sitzen uns fast gegenüber und kriegen nur noch Small-talk raus. Ich wusste gar nicht, dass du rauchst! Doch ich weiß, dass du vielleicht nicht mich, aber dass du einen Freund zum Reden brauchst.
We sit so close, yet we are so far away from each other, we barely manage Small-talk. I didn't even know you started smoking! But I know, that you need a friend to talk to, even if it may not be me.
[Refrain] Ich erkenne dich nicht wieder...
[Refrain] I don't even recognize you...
It wasn't long after that, that Face had to leave. A nurse found them out there and ushered Murdock back inside quickly. When the young man tried to follow, he was just shooed off. For a moment Face considered using his charm to follow his friend back inside. But what for?
While the pilot was herded inside there, he showed no sign, that he wanted his old friend and comrade to follow. Taken aback Face remained motionless, until it was too late and Murdock was back inside.
Maybe it was for the best, he supposed. After all he didn't want to force himself on the former Captain. He could only hope, that he would come around eventually. If not... Face would rather not think of it.
Ich will nicht vergeblich hoffen, aber meine Tür bleibt immer offen...
I don't want to keep my hopes up high, but if you need me, I will always be there for you...
A/N: Please review and tell me what you think of my story, constructive criticism it very welcome.
Isn't the song just great? It is really sad, that the wise guys recently stopped making music together... I went to a few concerts and they were all great. I am going to miss that!