A/N: This one picks up from the exact moment my other UM fic Kinniku Roxanne left off at – and as it is continuation of my other works, it's probably best to read those first, or at least check out Bad Boys and Kinniku Roxanne just so that this one makes a little more sense.
For those who know my work, ignore this paragraph, for those who don't, please note that (until recently) I was only familiar with the dubbed anime version of UM, and so all characters names and personalities are most closely linked to the anime dub and not the manga.
At the end of Kinniku Roxanne: Edward Mask and The Anarchists kidnapped Jacqueline McMadd, Roxanne, Trixie and Kiki, and challenged the Muscle League to a fight back on Earth. Edward dropped a sleeping gas bomb on the crowd and set fire to the hall: which is where this one begins.
Chapter 1 – Kevin's Worst Nightmare
The hall of Muscleham Palace was a picture of pandemonium as the guests of the royal wedding ran around, trying to fight off the raging and ever-increasing fire, trying to escape from the building, trying to rescue those who had fallen victim to the effects of the sleeping gas, and trying to avoid being caught by the sleeping gas themselves.
Terryman had lifted his cravat up over his mouth and nose, offering him enough protection to help rescue some of those who lay unconscious. King Muscle and Meat were able to escape the effects of the gas by activating the mouth-guards of their masks, and both were trying their best to control the fire with buckets of water. Robin Mask's mask was proving to also be an effective block for the gas, and he too was distributing his efforts between rescuing the fallen and staving off the fire as best he could.
Kevin, meanwhile, was still standing in the exact position he had been in before the chaos had even begun: next to the buffet table, a half-eaten chicken leg in one hand, smirking at the scene before him. Although none of the other guests had spotted that Kevin was standing redundantly on the sidelines, he felt quite sure that if they were to see him, they would be furious with him; and that thought only made his smile grow larger.
"Bloody ridiculous state of affairs," he muttered, before casually finishing off the chicken leg.
Kevin had given up on the notion that the worst of his day had already past. Things could get worse, he told himself. They could get much worse, in fact. Apparently, this truly was the worst day of his life. It was possibly not the worst day of his life ever, but it was certainly the worst day so far. He was powerless to stop the madness from happening around him, so he decided he was going to just relax and let it happen. Mars was always relaxed, and he was always a lot happier than Kevin was. Not caring about anyone or anything certainly did seem to have its benefits; and Kevin really did not have anyone or anything left in his life worth caring about.
Kevin sucked the meat juices from each of his fingers in turn, squinting through the bedlam before him as he caught sight of something red in the rubble. Kevin reached a hand out to the table in front of himself, fumbling around blindly for his mask as he tried to confirm that what he was looking at was just what he thought it was.
"Mars…" he muttered, as a chunk of rubble slid away from Mars's limp form, causing him to flop over, his unconscious face turned towards Kevin.
Kevin finally looked away from Mars for long enough to locate his mask and grab it up. He hurriedly pulled it back on, securing it firmly into place to ensure that he would not suffer from the effects of the sleeping gas himself. Kevin then leapt over the table and ran straight through the thick of the smoke, grabbing Mars up and hoisting him over his back.
"Good God you're still as heavy as ever!" Kevin groaned as he staggered out of the hall with his friend.
Outside, Kevin found that most of the guests from the wedding, along with the staff of Muscleham Palace, were already safe, gathering around in groups and working their way between controlling the fire externally and checking for missing friends, co-workers and family members.
Kevin placed Mars on the ground, looking around himself suspiciously. Whilst there were throngs of people around him, he could not locate a single Muscle Leaguer. It was, of course, entirely possible that they were all still inside fighting the fire, he told himself, but it was equally as possible that some of them were still stranded or still rescuing others who had fallen; and either way, Kevin's help would be needed.
With a sigh, Kevin turned back to the hall and jogged back over to the door, slowing as he re-entered the building. Kevin almost immediately spotted Jaeger, lying unconscious a sort distance from where Mars had fallen. Kevin hurried over to him, grabbing him up, relieved that the German was much smaller and lighter than Mars had been. As he turned to walk out again, something else caught Kevin's eye, and he turned his head to see Terry Kenyon lying on the ground too. Kevin picked his way through the rubble to Terry's side, balancing Jaeger over one shoulder and holding him in place with one hand, Kevin grabbed Terry's wrist with his other hand, dragging the Texan Chojin out behind him.
"Is that everyone?" Kevin called out, as he dropped Jaeger down to the ground and released Terry.
"What happened?" Mars groaned, sitting up as he finally woke up.
"I think that's everyone now," Belinda said confidently. "All the guests are here, and all our staff are out too."
"Everyone's here except Roxanne, Trixie, Kiki and Jacqueline," Kid moaned from his position sat on the ground.
"I know it's bad son, but the main thing right now is that everyone else escaped alive and unharmed," King Muscle said, patting his son on the head reassuringly.
"Wait, Sire!" one of the royal servants called out, running over towards King Muscle. "The kitchen staff are all still inside the building!"
"The kitchen staff?" King Muscle echoed.
"They were on the upper level of the kitchen, Sire," the man continued. "They were cleaning the dishes from the wedding meal."
"What about my chef?" King Muscle asked.
"All of the kitchen staff are still in there, Sire, including the chef!"
"No!" King Muscle wailed, running off with his arms above his head.
"Dad, the kitchen's this way!" Kid yelled after his father, pointing back in the opposite direction.
"Don't just sit there, son!" King Muscle yelled back as he turned to run back in the direction Kid was pointing. "Our chef's life is in danger here! If we don't do something, there'll be no more cow and rice for breakfast, served to us while we still lie in our beds!"
"What?!" Kid yelped, leaping to his feet. "No more cow and rice in bed? No!"
Kid sprinted off around the outside of the building, followed closely by his father. Kevin let out a sigh of despair, shaking his head.
"In all honesty, what are their chances of survival?" he asked Belinda.
"Very little," Belinda confessed. "The fire has spread so far and so quickly, the only way out for them now is through the window, and it's too high for them to jump from it. And the window is actually for display purposes only, it doesn't actually open, so they would have to find a means of breaking it, first…"
Mars slowly stood up, an angered and determined expression creasing his face.
"Dat little bastard brother of yours has already ruined my night, I ain't lettin' him kill some innocent servants too!" he said to Kevin.
"Right you are," Kevin agreed. "Let's go help."
"We especially ain't lettin' Eddie kill a guy who can make food taste so good," Mars added.
Mars jogged on after the king and prince of Planet Muscle, catching up with King Muscle as he rounded the corner of the palace. Kevin reluctantly ran after them, slowing as he rounded the corner himself.
Ahead of them, Kid Muscle was standing below a wide window set high in the wall some thirty feet in the air. A chain of cloths tied end-to-end hung from the window, and the kitchen staff were in the process of climbing down it, one-by-one.
"Looks like they've got everything in hand already," Kevin commented.
King Muscle, Mars and Kevin joined Kid as he watched the Kinniku servants slowly climb down the outer palace wall.
"Chef!" King Muscle said impatiently. "Where is my chef?"
"Up there, Sire," a woman in a waitress's outfit replied.
"What's taking so long?" King Muscle demanded from the girl. "I want my chef. Now!"
"The chef insisted on staying in the kitchen until everyone else had escaped safely, Sire," the waitress calmly replied.
"What?" Kid yelped. "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!"
"It's called honour, you miserable fool!" Kevin snapped.
"No more cow and rice in bed…?" Kid whispered as he looked up at the window.
"Is the fire actually in the kitchen?" King Muscle asked the waitress by his side.
"Yes, Sire," she confirmed. "But don't worry, the chef is controlling it. After punching through the window and making the chain of cloth for us to climb down–"
"Punching through the window?" King Muscle screamed. "You let my chef punch through the window? With a fist?"
King Muscle jabbed a fist through the air to demonstrate his point, narrowly missing punching a young man in a waiter's outfit square in the face.
"Wid all due respect, Your Majesty, dey was gonna die if dey didn't break dat window," Mars pointed out. "And it ain't no big deal. I'm sure you can afford a new one, right?"
"I don't care about the window!" King Muscle roared. "A window can be replaced! The hand of my chef cannot!"
"Resourceful fellow, isn't he?" Kevin commented. "Making that chain of cloths like that. Breaking the window with his bare fist, fighting the fire alone and ensuring the safety of his own staff first is a damn fine example of bravery, too. I wonder if he would like a job at the Mask Estate back on Earth?"
"I'm sure your chef will be just fine," Mars assured King Muscle. "He's probably a big guy, right? Da sorta guy who can easily punch out a window like its nothin' more dan a piece o' paper. He's a Kinniku, yeah?"
"No, you fool, my chef is from Earth!" King Muscle raged. "And it took me a very long time to find someone so skilled! To find someone with such talent, and to convince that person to leave their own home world was a challenge in itself! And for the record, my chef is anything but big!"
"That's everyone now, Sire," the waitress said, as another man dropped to the ground in front of them. "It's just the chef that's left."
"Good!" King Muscle said, sighing with relief.
The others watched silently from the ground as a figure dressed in white, with a giant white hat and a large, blood-soaked white cloth wrapping tightly around one hand, began to climb out of the window.
"Be careful, the fire is spreading inside!" one of the kitchen staff yelled up to the chef.
Kevin twitched as a small creaking sound reached his ears. The cloth rope the chef was using to climb down suddenly ignited at the window, the flames quickly burning a hole right through the rope. The chef let out a piercing scream and those below leapt forwards in an attempt to prevent a disaster.
"Got you!" Kevin groaned as the weight of the chef's body tugged on his arms.
Kevin looked down at the pile of white cloth in his hands, a frown creeping onto his features beneath his mask. King Muscle had been right about one thing at least: his chef was anything but big.
"Oh, thank you!" a female voice said as the left, unbandaged, hand pushed at the white hat that had fallen over the chef's face. "Thank you so much, Sir! You saved my life! You must be my… Angel… Kevin? Kevin Mask?"
Kevin gulped audibly as he looked down at the woman in his arms. Although her figure was concealed beneath her excessively bulky white clothing, and her large white hat still hid her head and her hair from view, her large dark eyes and the two distinct scars across her face immediately gave her identity away.
"Amy?" Kevin eventually managed. "Amy MacLeod?"
For a brief moment, Amy stared up at Kevin, her eyes wide and childlike, her lips slightly parted as though she was about to talk; but as she studied Kevin, her face slowly twisted, a scowl creasing and darkening her features.
"Get your stinking hands offa me!" she yelled, wriggling in his arms, struggling to break free from his hold.
Kevin fought against Amy to lower her to the ground, placing her on her feet. As soon as her feet were both securely on the ground, Amy shuffled back several steps from Kevin, glowering at him indignantly.
"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" they both yelled at each other in unison.
"I asked you first!" Amy quickly added.
"I don't have to answer to you!" Kevin snapped.
"And besides, I work here!" Amy sneered, waving her bandaged, bloody hand at her chef's uniform. "What's your excuse?"
"I was invited to the wedding?" Kevin sighed, wholly unable to hide the sarcasm in his voice.
Amy turned to Kid Muscle, frowning at him and tilting her head to one side in confusion.
"You invited Kevin Mask to your wedding?" she asked him.
Kevin gasped in offence and shock, watching as Kid shrugged his shoulders and began to pick his nose.
"I had to, Mars said he wouldn't come if I didn't invite Kevin too," Kid frankly replied, as he inspected his finger after pulling it from his nostril.
"What?" Kevin yelped.
"You invited Mars as well?" Amy echoed.
Amy slowly turned her head to one side, sighing as her eyes rested on Mars, who was standing smirking at her, his expression alone making him recognisable despite the fact that he was not wearing his headdress and he was dressed in a tuxedo.
"Oh this night just keeps getting better and better!" she groaned. "Why did you have to invite Mars to your wedding, Kid?"
"Because he's dating Kiki?" Kid innocently replied, shrugging his shoulders indifferently.
"Huh?" Mars snapped, his smirk dropping from his face.
"Well, Roxanne wanted to have Kiki at the wedding as one of her bridesmaids, and Kiki wouldn't come without you," Kid explained to Mars. "And then you said you wouldn't come without Kevin Mask, so then I had to invite you both, even though I didn't even want either of you here!"
"You little asshole, I oughta–"
"Mars, wait!" Kevin yelled, running towards Mars, holding up one hand to halt Mars's advance on Kid.
"Okay, before this day gets any weirder, or any crapper, can someone please tell me what, or maybe even who, started the fire?" Amy asked, looking around the others. "I pride myself on the fact that no kitchen of mine has ever caught fire before now, so what happened this time?"
"My little brother," Kevin flatly replied.
"What?" Amy echoed, spinning on her heels to face him.
"My brother and the remaining members of the DMP broke into the hall and kidnapped the girls and set fire to the whole place," Kevin explained.
"Oh God, they're all back!" Amy moaned. "Scarface, squealer and Eddie! Fantastic! Just when I thought that this day couldn't possibly get any worse!"
Amy tore her hat from her head, throwing it down to the ground with a growl of frustration.
"Wait a minute!" Mars said, waggling a finger at Amy. "I know you!"
Amy arched her eyebrows, eying Mars anxiously from the corner of her eye.
"Ain't you dat skinny horse-faced girl from High Park?" Mars asked.
"Horse-faced?" Amy echoed. "Hey, better horse-faced than bird-arsed!"
"Dat don't even make any sense," Mars pointed out.
"This is insane!" Amy wailed. "I'm outta here!"
"Not so fast!" Kevin yelled, stepping into her path.
"What do you want?" she snapped, folding her arms across her chest and narrowing her eyes at him.
"Some manners wouldn't go amiss, but for now I'll make do with a simple answer to a very simple question," Kevin dryly replied.
"The very simple question being…?" Amy pressed.
"What do you know about what my brother is planning to do now that he's kidnapped those stupid little…"
Kevin hesitated as he caught sight of Mars and Kid scowling at him angrily. He cleared his throat awkwardly before shifting his eyes back to Amy and continuing.
"Now that he's kidnapped those girls?" Kevin asked, trying not to put too much emphasise on the word "girls".
"How the hell should I know?" Amy asked.
"Because you're a nosey, interfering bloody cow who makes it her business to know every little detail about everyone else's affairs!" Kevin snapped irritably.
"For your information, during the Chojin Crown, I met King Muscle, and he offered me the job here on Muscle Planet," Amy tightly replied. "I accepted there and then, and the day after your match against Mars, after I returned your stupid mask to you, I got on a spaceship to here, and that's where I've been ever since then!"
"Oh really?"
"Yes, really!"
"And what about before then, eh?"
"What, you honestly think that I had nothing better to do than to sit around and spy on the DMP for the rest of my life?"
"It's all you ever did before! You sold my life story to the McMadds, you scheming little bitch!"
"I sold your life story? You were the one who sold me out! Thanks to you, I was robbed!"
"What the devil are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you telling the McMadds about the information I gathered about the DMP back when you were a Devil Chojin!"
"I never told them that!"
"Then why did they try to buy information about the DMP from me?"
"Why did you sell it to them?"
"I didn't! And then they stole it from me! I came home one night to find that my apartment had been broken into and I'd been robbed!"
"What?"
Kevin straightened, frowning down at Amy in confusion.
"Don't look so innocent, I know it was you!" she snarled, jabbing the point of her index finger into his chest. "My neighbours saw you running away with my stuff!"
"I never did that!" Kevin insisted. "And I certainly never mentioned you to the McMadds. I hardly ever talk to the McMadds, and when I do, it's usually a case of me telling one of them to bugger off!"
"If you didn't tell the McMadds about my journals, then who did?" Amy sneered.
"Hey, it ain't my fault people talk sometimes!" Mars said innocently.
Kevin and Amy rounded on Mars, glowering at him questioningly.
"I may have told some of da guys at da Hercules Factory about da horse-face girl, but I sure didn't tell da McMadds!" Mars explained.
"Who did you tell, and what did you say?" Kevin demanded.
"I told…" Mars began, his eyes wandering from Kevin as his face paled. "Y'know… Buffaloman… And maybe just… Robin Mask…"
"You told my father?" Kevin yelled.
"Maybe," Mars weakly replied.
"You're the horse-face girl?" King Muscle asked, pointing at Amy.
Amy rolled her eyes, sighing in despair.
"You told a Kinniku?" Kevin growled at Mars.
"No, I swear to God!" Mars replied defensively.
"Robin Mask told me," King Muscle cheerfully explained. "And I told Mantaro!"
"And I told Jacqueline!" Kid said proudly.
"There you have it!" Kevin declared proudly. "This is all Kid Muscle's fault!"
"No it's not!" Amy snapped. "He was only repeating the story! I blame the originator!"
"Alright then, this is all Mars's fault then!" Kevin said.
"No, this is all your fault, dickhead!" Amy spat. "Now if you will please excuse me, I have to get going! Some of us have a job to do!"
Amy marched off, at which point Kid Muscle began to snigger to himself.
"What are you laughing at, dimwit?" Kevin sneered.
"She hates you, it's funny!" Kid giggled. "She likes everyone, but she hates you!"
"She does not like everyone!" Kevin shortly replied.
"Dat's true," Mars agreed. "I reckon she's got da hots for me. Dat's why she's so mad, you told her I already had a girlfriend."
Kevin sighed, hanging his head.
"Are we going back to Earth or not?" he asked. "Before this day can get any worse than it already has for me, please let us just leave this place immediately!"
"Sure Kev, you guys go on ahead, dere's somethin' I just gotta pack," Mars said, before walking off.
Kevin nodded his head, turning to King Muscle.
"We need the fastest spaceship out of here," he explained.
"Of course, I'll get on it," King Muscle agreed.
Kevin turned to Kid to ask him a question, but decided against it as he found Kid picking at his nose with one hand and scratching down the back of his underpants with the other, a vacant expression plastered across his masked face again. With a sigh of despair, Kevin turned away from the group and headed back to the spaceship docking area.
Kevin was glad to see that the others were hurrying around, readying themselves for the journey back to Earth, and by the time he actually reached the spaceport, most of the Muscle Leaguers were already onboard a ship. Kevin quickly made his way onto the spaceship, stopping at the bridge and slowly scanning over the faces around him.
"Van Dik, Tusket, Kenyon, Checkmate, Jaeger…" he muttered. "Muscle…" he added as Kid Muscle joined them. "Has anyone seen Mars?" he asked.
"He went down to the lower deck," Kid replied.
"Is everyone onboard?" the pilot shouted back.
"Yeah!" the others called to him.
"Alright then, prepare for take-off!"
As the engines of the spaceship roared to life, Kevin began to frown, his mind trying to piece together just what was wrong with his current situation.
"Why would Mars go down to the lower deck?" he asked slowly.
"Well I dunno!" Kid replied, shrugging his shoulders. "All that's down there is the cargo bay and the holding cell."
"The what?" Kevin echoed.
"The cargo bay?" Kid offered.
"And?"
"The holding cell?"
"Holding cell? Like a prison cell?"
"Yeah, kind of. This ship belongs to the Royal Guard, sometimes they need to take prisoners."
"So what would Mars want in the cargo bay or with a prison cell?"
"I dunno, someplace to keep his stuff and stash a prisoner?"
"Stash a prisoner, really Kid Muscle, what an imagination you have…"
Kevin slowly fell silent as a sickening idea occurred to him. His knees bent slightly beneath him as the spaceship took off, rising upwards through the night sky of Muscle Planet, but otherwise he remained perfectly still as his mind slowly worked through the idea.
"Oh, bollocks…" he grumbled. "Excuse me."
Kevin pushed past Kid, marching along the bridge to the steel staircase that lead down to the lower deck. Before Kevin could even see any proof of what he had suspected to be true, he heard confirmation of his suspicions. As Kevin neared the prison cell, he could see and hear Mars standing laughing and pointing at the cell itself, and he could hear the angered protests of the person locked within.
"When I get out of here, I'm gonna ring your neck, you filthy bird-bastard!"
Kevin stopped my Mars's side, his presence causing Mars's prisoner to fall silent and turn white.
"What the bloody hell did you have to take her on board for?" Kevin asked Mars.
"Da entertainment value?" Mars offered. "Besides, you got stables at da Mask Estate, we could keep her out dere as our pet!"
"How dare you?" Amy screamed, grabbing her arms through the bars at Mars.
Mars laughed as she stretched her fingertips out towards him, failing to reach him by the narrowest of margins.
"At least let her out, Mars," Kevin said. "We'll tell the pilot to take her straight back to Muscle Planet as soon as we get to Earth. I don't think I can stand having her around any longer than that."
"Ah, you're no fun no more, Kev!" Mars moaned. "I'll tell ya what, we'll let da pilot take her back, but let's just keep her in dere until we get to Earth, yeah?"
"No!" Kevin sternly replied, snatching the key for the cell from Mars's hand.
Kevin marched up to the cell door, whereupon Amy instantly took a large step back from the bars, pulling her arms back inside the cell. She watched Kevin with large eyes as he unlocked the door and then pulled it open.
"Go on, out you get," Kevin said to her.
Mars began to mutter under his breath, walking back around the holding cell to the staircase leading back to the main deck. Once he was out of sight, Amy cautiously crept out of the cell, leaping on the spot as Kevin banged the door shut behind her.
"Thank you," she said quietly, avoiding his eyes.
Kevin threw the key down at her feet, causing her to sharply lift her head to look directly at him.
"Just make sure that you are definitely on the return flight," he said coldly.
Amy's face twisted into a scowl, but Kevin turned away from her and began to walk in the same direction Mars had disappeared in.
"I never wanted to be on this flight in the first place!" she yelled after him. "Arsehole…"
Next Chapter: Kevin battles with insomnia during the journey back to Earth, but someone else onboard the spaceship has the perfect cure for his problem. Chapter 2 – Gorgeous Sleep.