Title: Whenever You Need Me
Author: The Zeppo
Disclaimer: Believe me, I own none of the characters. If I did, I'd be the
happiest woman alive
Spoilers: Takes place during Angel season 3, right after Holtz kidnaps
Connor
Summary: Buffy's POV. Buffy goes to LA to try and talk to a grief stricken
Angel, who hasn't said a word since he lost his son
Rating: PG
Content: Angsty
Feedback: Sure, why not! I need some pointers (slayage@hotmail.com)
Comment: Only my second fanfic. I guess this means I'm becoming a real
fanatic, doesn't it?
As I pull up to the hotel, I wonder what exactly I'm going to say to Angel. The first thing that springs to mind right now is, how the hell could you not tell me Darla was alive? That you slept with her? That you had a son?! However, I know that my visit today has nothing to do with my feelings, it has to do with Angel, and what he's going through.
I walk through the doors of the Hyperion Hotel, seeing Angel's new headquarters for the first time, and I mentally kick myself in the butt for hardly ever coming to visit him.
"Buffy," Cordelia's voice is welcoming, but it also sounds like she's been crying, not that I can blame her. She's gotten very close to Angel, and they've become like a family.
"Hey," I reply, softly. Cordy comes up to me, and, not knowing what else to do, I slowly move towards her and give her a soft hug. We both know the hug is not only an act of friendship, but as a silent thank you for taking care of the man I love for all these years.
"Where is he?"
--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@- -@--@
As I slowly turn the knob to Angel's room, I secretly contemplate turning around and going back to Sunnydale. But no matter how hard this is going to be, I have to be strong. For him.
The room is dark, as I expected it to be, but I spot Angel right away. He's wearing his usual all-black ensemble, his hair looking a little messy. He sits against the far wall of his bedroom, grasping a teddy bear in his hand. Connor's, obviously , I silently say to myself. He doesn't look up to see who just entered his room, and I'm not sure if he knows that it's me who has trespassed. Somehow at this point, I doubt he cares. I slowly walk up to him, then slide down the wall and sit down next to him, our arms slightly brushing against one another's. I look into his eyes from my place beside him, and I can tell he hasn't slept in days. It doesn't look as if he's cried yet though, Cordelia told me she hasn't seen him show any real sign of emotion. He just sits here all day and night, staring at the stuffed animal in his hand.
"Hi," I whisper to him, and without another word, I take one of his hands in mine, holding it tightly with both of mine. He doesn't move, and show's no sign that he's even aware of my presence.
"I'm sorry," I continue. My voice is still a whisper. I don't want to disrupt the silence of the room. "I'm sorry for not being here when all this happened. I mean, I know you have a family here, but something as big as this, I should be there for you too." Silence from him. "I wish you would've talked to me. I wish you would talk in general."
--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@- -@--@
For the next fifteen minutes or so, I allow the room to be left in silence, and leave Angel to his thoughts. Although for those fifteen minutes I had given up on trying to speak, I continue to look deep into his eyes, still trying to read him. I soon speak my mind though. "I wish I knew what you're thinking. Maybe then I would know what to say, or what to do." Once again I wait for him to say something, but he just keeps staring at the bear in his hand. "Angel, can you just acknowledge that you know I'm here?" I do my best to keep my patience. "Honey, I know that you're hurting. You lost your son. But there's nothing that I can say that can make this better, that would make the pain less. You should just know that of all people, I do understand what it's like to lose someone you love. I have lost so many friends. I've lost you, and you know how much I love you, how much I'll always love you. And I've lost my mother. The most important person to me in the world.and I lost her." Remembering all the pain I do so well to keep bottled up inside, I feel tears beginning to form in my eyes. Finally, Angel changes position. He does hear me, hears what I'm saying. I know because he turns slowly and faces me. He looks into my eyes, sees the first tear running down my cheek, and he lifts up his hand and ever so gently wipes it from my face. He then cups my cheek with his hand, and I cover that hand with mine. "You don't have to be strong with me," I whisper to him, and I know he knows what I mean. I see a tear roll down his cheek, and hold his hand even tighter. Before long he can't stop. His sobs wrack his entire body, and tears from my eyes begin to flow more freely as well, for the pain we've both suffered throughout our lives. I take Angel in my arms, and hold him there. I'll hold him for as long as he needs me to.
I'll always be there when he needs me.
As I pull up to the hotel, I wonder what exactly I'm going to say to Angel. The first thing that springs to mind right now is, how the hell could you not tell me Darla was alive? That you slept with her? That you had a son?! However, I know that my visit today has nothing to do with my feelings, it has to do with Angel, and what he's going through.
I walk through the doors of the Hyperion Hotel, seeing Angel's new headquarters for the first time, and I mentally kick myself in the butt for hardly ever coming to visit him.
"Buffy," Cordelia's voice is welcoming, but it also sounds like she's been crying, not that I can blame her. She's gotten very close to Angel, and they've become like a family.
"Hey," I reply, softly. Cordy comes up to me, and, not knowing what else to do, I slowly move towards her and give her a soft hug. We both know the hug is not only an act of friendship, but as a silent thank you for taking care of the man I love for all these years.
"Where is he?"
--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@- -@--@
As I slowly turn the knob to Angel's room, I secretly contemplate turning around and going back to Sunnydale. But no matter how hard this is going to be, I have to be strong. For him.
The room is dark, as I expected it to be, but I spot Angel right away. He's wearing his usual all-black ensemble, his hair looking a little messy. He sits against the far wall of his bedroom, grasping a teddy bear in his hand. Connor's, obviously , I silently say to myself. He doesn't look up to see who just entered his room, and I'm not sure if he knows that it's me who has trespassed. Somehow at this point, I doubt he cares. I slowly walk up to him, then slide down the wall and sit down next to him, our arms slightly brushing against one another's. I look into his eyes from my place beside him, and I can tell he hasn't slept in days. It doesn't look as if he's cried yet though, Cordelia told me she hasn't seen him show any real sign of emotion. He just sits here all day and night, staring at the stuffed animal in his hand.
"Hi," I whisper to him, and without another word, I take one of his hands in mine, holding it tightly with both of mine. He doesn't move, and show's no sign that he's even aware of my presence.
"I'm sorry," I continue. My voice is still a whisper. I don't want to disrupt the silence of the room. "I'm sorry for not being here when all this happened. I mean, I know you have a family here, but something as big as this, I should be there for you too." Silence from him. "I wish you would've talked to me. I wish you would talk in general."
--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@--@- -@--@
For the next fifteen minutes or so, I allow the room to be left in silence, and leave Angel to his thoughts. Although for those fifteen minutes I had given up on trying to speak, I continue to look deep into his eyes, still trying to read him. I soon speak my mind though. "I wish I knew what you're thinking. Maybe then I would know what to say, or what to do." Once again I wait for him to say something, but he just keeps staring at the bear in his hand. "Angel, can you just acknowledge that you know I'm here?" I do my best to keep my patience. "Honey, I know that you're hurting. You lost your son. But there's nothing that I can say that can make this better, that would make the pain less. You should just know that of all people, I do understand what it's like to lose someone you love. I have lost so many friends. I've lost you, and you know how much I love you, how much I'll always love you. And I've lost my mother. The most important person to me in the world.and I lost her." Remembering all the pain I do so well to keep bottled up inside, I feel tears beginning to form in my eyes. Finally, Angel changes position. He does hear me, hears what I'm saying. I know because he turns slowly and faces me. He looks into my eyes, sees the first tear running down my cheek, and he lifts up his hand and ever so gently wipes it from my face. He then cups my cheek with his hand, and I cover that hand with mine. "You don't have to be strong with me," I whisper to him, and I know he knows what I mean. I see a tear roll down his cheek, and hold his hand even tighter. Before long he can't stop. His sobs wrack his entire body, and tears from my eyes begin to flow more freely as well, for the pain we've both suffered throughout our lives. I take Angel in my arms, and hold him there. I'll hold him for as long as he needs me to.
I'll always be there when he needs me.