Emiya, a fate/stay night fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters involved in the story, all credit goes to their original owners.

I've been working on this piece by piece for a month or two. Inspired by the movie Unlimited Blade Works, this is an introspection into Shirou's thoughts and memories, the connection between his life and Archer's. Their connection to Unlimited Blade Works. Really in the end, it's probably just self gratification I wrote it for, but regardless, I feel the end result was satisfying.

2/27/2011

I still remember that time. The sound of clashing blades. The unbelievable sword fights that seemed like they'd never end. How our ideals struggled against eachother.

"Archer." I recall his name. The man who found nothing but betrayal and death. His tired eyes burning with hatred and regret. My determined eyes opposing him with a fierce stubbornness. From the very beginning, we'd never liked eachother. Our beliefs were completely opposite. To him, I was everything that should be destroyed. A naive child chasing a dream that would forever be out of reach, recklessly hurting those who approached me, regardless whether they were friend nor enemy. To me, He was a cold, merciless monster, incapable of compassion, caring only for the result even if the means meant the deaths of those around them. Concerned only with efficiency, not trying to save everyone he could. I can't stand that kind of person. Our blood boiled in eachother's presence. There was no beauty in our fight. No art to our movements. Those who looked upon us saw nothing but two figures viciously slamming their blades against one another, swings prompted by raw emotion.

I couldn't understand his thoughts. How could things reach this point, where he abandoned his ideals to become the person he was? Thats when I realized it. He hadn't abandoned them. He was trying to defend them. To justify them. Emiya Archer, amidst the reality of the world, was Emiya Shirou's true ideal. But somewhere along the lines, the feelings of powerlessness and the blood of those who he could not save haunted his thoughts.

It's exactly because Archer's ideals did not concern himself that he cried for and admired something so precious. Believing in those ideals, he died a hero who saved many lives, despite his crimes against himself. For every life he took, he'd saved a hundred others, chasing the dream that Emiya Kiritsugu sought. Even though it was impossible for everyone to be happy, he pursued that dream all the way to his death. Even if it's a borrowed ideal, as long as you see it through to the end..

"That way of thinking is the cause of all this. There will come a time when you will reach me."

Yeah. That's certainly true. Archer and I are one in the same, so eventually, I would reach him. It was unavoidable. Emiya Shirou would become Heroic Spirit Emiya, the embodiment of his ideals.. But what was wrong with that? Moving forward, running without stopping. There is no mistake in wanting to help others. Admiring Kiritsugu's ideal because I found it beautiful.. Archer told me. Even Gilgamesh knew it. That my ideals were borrowed, that only falsehoods and lies awaited me at the end of my life. To be betrayed by those I tried to save was the fate bestowed to Emiya Shirou. To be judged by his own actions in life.

To put others before oneself, and seek their happiness before your own, one day you will be punished for neglecting your own life. Archer was the end result of that. However, he and I were different. "Yeah. Our ideals were both the same. Yet they were both different." I said to myself. Archer attained the power of a heroic spirit, yet regretted his existence. "I Killed, and killed, and killed. I killed for the sake of others, and saved a thousand times more than I killed." For him, there was only death, and the blood of others on his hands. This man who clung to his most important ideal was constantly betrayed by it. Emiya Kiritsugu's ideal. A world where everyone could be happy. Vividly in my distant memory, his sword crashed against mine, each swing of his blades crying out in pain.

"I've seen it over and over. Meaningless massacres, meaningless suffering, meaningless happiness..! I was forced to watch it all." My lungs burned for oxygen, blood spilled from my wound and painted the ground red. I felt my bones exposed to the open air. His attacks didn't relent, swung with brute force; with no skill behind them. "Even when I refused to look, it surrounded me!" His sword clashed with mine, a metallic clank echoing through the vast entrance of the Einzenberg castle, and my muscles burned with pain. "This isn't what I wished for!" The force of the red knight's attack pushed me backwards onto my knees. "I didn't become a guardian for this!" The guardian who cried out in regret of his decisions. The lives that he took. The lives he couldn't save. The ideal that was impossible to fulfill. The guilt that burdened his heavy heart. His words struck at my soul more deeply than his blades could ever cut. The intense headache blinded my vision with red and suddenly a vision of a barren world came into mind. His world. The world filled with countless blades that stretched on forever. The sky covered in airborne sand particles painted a dull color into this world, as if the light could barely reach it. In my mind, I hear a voiceless phrase, almost as if I'd read it with my eyes, but knowing that I'd heard it flowing into my mind.

"My body.. is made of swords."

The barren ground stretches forever into the distance. The swords did not reflect this lonely world almost devoid of natural light. This world, Archer's world, which had nothing but countless blades.

"Iron is my Blood, and Glass is my Heart."

A small hill in the distance catches my eye. I move to investigate it. My mind races. Don't approach. Don't look. Don't keep going forward.

"I have overcome countless battlefields undefeated.

Not once have I retreated ,

Nor once have I been understood."

I see a figure upon this hill in the distance, but my body resists forward movement.

Don't look.

"Always Alone..

On the hill of swords..

Intoxicated with victory.."

Archer's body rests upon this hill. Countless weapons are piercing his body, and scattered around this hill. My mind freezes up, whispering to me 'See, this is his end. See, this is your end.'

"Thus, this life has no meaning.

This body.. was surely.. "

"Made out of blades."

That was when I finally understood Archer. That vision that flowed into me from him, those words holding his emotions inside them. Those were his dying thoughts. A man who died alone, betrayed by everything he swore to protect. Living on as a heroic spirit, continuously going against his ideal so that he could desperately hold onto it. Killing his emotions to slay those who would threaten peace, he brought despair to some people. Everyone had loved ones, family, friends, and anyone would be sad if they died. In this way, countless lives were ruined by him, even though hundreds of other lives were saved through his actions. However..

"Do you regret this, Archer?" He looked at me with tired eyes, Kanshou slowly falling to his side.

"Of course I do. I, no.. You should have never become a hero." He says, a distant look in his eyes. I feel my blood rush, and the magic circuits in my body all charge with energy.

"Then we're different people. I'll never regret the things I've done. I'll never regret trying to save those precious to me. I'll fight, fight, and fight. I'll lose more than I have ever gained, and continue to lose those things. But I will never give up." Archer's eyes grew cold and hateful.

"It is that stubbornness that will bring death to many lives, Emiya Shirou."

"If you don't try to save even one person precious to you, then you'll never save anyone! I can't lose to you! I don't mind being defeated by anyone else, but.. I can't lose to myself!" I abandoned the experience I'd drawn from Archer, and swung the twin swords with all my might. I can't lose to him. If I lose this battle here, I will follow the same path he walked down. 'It's not wrong.' The thought repeating itself in my head. Over and over.

"It's not.." Gasping for breath, my lungs screamed for air, my muscles cried for oxygen, but I relentlessly swung my swords against the red knight, countering his attacks. His eyes lit up with surprise. I was matching him. Despite the impossibility of the situation, I was pushing him back. "Tch." Despite his irritation, the heroic spirit was still confused, but I couldn't focus on that. I didn't have enough time to focus on other thought processes. I had to remain focused solely on this fight. "It's not..!" There's nothing wrong with helping others. There was nothing wrong with finding the ideal Emiya Kiritsugu sought beautiful. Saving others without reason, just so they could live their lives.. what was wrong with believing in something so impossible? I knocked Archer back with all of my strength. He retreated and recovered. My mouth was dry from all the panting I was doing, but I paid it no heed.

"It's not a mistake!" I plunged my sword into Archer's chest. His defense should have been fast enough, his reflexes were far above me. An attack that never should have hit him.

"It's my win... Archer." It was not his body that lost to me, but his mind. I crushed Archer's twisted ideals with my own beliefs. He said to me that nothing but fakes awaited me at the end of my road if I held onto these ideals. But that's wrong. It is because he abandoned his ideals and sought to end his life that he lost sight of what his ideals really were.

My ability is not the act of creating blades. From the start, there was only one magic I was capable of. As a magus, I have but one spell. To create a world capable of holding infinite swords. The world that Archer created, the world I would someday reach.. I grasp hold of the magic circuits firing up in my body, and clench my fist. Thus..

"I am the Bone of my Sword -"

I speak the words of the poem he created. The words the red knight used to describe himself as his spell.

"Steel is my Body, and Fire is my Blood , "

Our spells are different. Though the end result of our paths in life will always be this barren world of swords...

"I have created over a thousand blades."

The decisions we make shape our lives. Archer lived his life regretting those choices. Walking down a path of despair, cornered by his own emotions. There was no escape for the Red knight who lost hope in humanity. The weakness of the human heart was too cruel for him to bear.

"Unaware of Loss ,

Nor Aware of Gain."

I live my life unable to turn back. Always facing forward, helping everyone I can. Tohsaka said to me that it's wrong to help others without concern for oneself. That it's wrong to place value in other's lives higher than my own. That I am the scale itself. Emiya Shirou would surely wear out and start down the path that Archer walked.

"Have withstood.. Pain to create Weapons.

Waiting for one's arrival."

But I will not give in. Even if in the end I am betrayed by those I swore to save, I will never look back. I'll struggle against difficulty and reach out my hand to grasp the future I seek.

"I have no Regrets , This is the only path."

There was only one path for Emiya Shirou. To never regret his actions. To never do anything he would be ashamed of. Even if he strayed from this path, he had friends to help him back onto it. Tohsaka, Sakura, Fuji-Nee. People who cared about him. Yeah. That was good enough.

"My whole life was.."

That's right. The world inside his mind was everything he had, and everything he would ever be. The legacy Archer left behind for the boy he once was. The beautiful ideal Emiya Shirou would struggle till his last breath to protect. Yes, the end result of my life was..

"Unlimited Blade Works"

Feel free to leave me comments about it, tell me whether I was accurate, or you feel I missed the mark with it, advice, ect.