Letters
A/N: This is sort of continued from "Turtle-Ducks" and I guess it could follow "Lilacs" as well. But it should make sense whether you've read those or not...I hope...it was supposed to...
Dear Ursa,
I miss you. Please come home.
Ozai snatched up the paper he'd been writing on and torched it in his hands. That was a stupid beginning. Taking a long, deep breath, he pulled a new piece of paper out and spread it neatly in front of him. Sunlight glared through his study window, illuminating the clean sheet of paper so that he could hardly stand to look at it. Rising from his clenched fists were thick gray coils of smoke. This would never do. How was he supposed to write a letter to anyone if the sun made his paper too bright to look at?
Anger boiled up inside of him. What was he even doing? This was ridiculous. If this letter even made it to Ursa, she'd probably laugh and throw it out. After all the years she'd been away, she must've found someone new; someone who'd think twice before letting her get herself into something that would result in her banishment. He'd been careless, and now it was too late to start caring. Still, he was the Fire Lord. If he wanted something, he got it.
And why should he even want Ursa back? It had been her idea to kill Azulon in the first place. All he'd done was agree. He was completely innocent in all of this; it hadn't been his fault. Besides - Ursa and Azulon had never gotten along. She was bound to go after him eventually.
Ozai sighed heavily and pulled the thick red curtains over his window closed. What happened with Azulon was all just a part of the past. It shouldn't mean anything now.
Willing himself to stop getting distracted so easily, the Fire Lord picked up a brush and dipped it thoughtfully into some milky black ink.
Dear Ursa,
I know it has been a long time since we've seen
In seconds, the document was nothing but a few smoldering ashes scattered over his desk. Why was this so hard? Ozai had lived with her for about a decade before any of this banishment confusion; she had his children, for goodness' sake. Writing a letter should be easy compared to so many other things he'd done in his life. Honestly, this was getting to be more frustrating than it was worth. Proposing to her had been easier.
And what if she didn't want him back? He might send this letter only to find out she was happily remarried to an Earth Kingdom merchant named Lee and wanted nothing to do with her old life in the Fire Nation. Making a fool of himself wasn't something Ozai had ever taken kindly to, and he wasn't about to change that. She was still a young, beautiful girl. There was nothing saying she couldn't have moved on. Maybe he'd been too busy to find a new partner, but that didn't mean she had been.
Dear Ursa,
I know you might have forgotten about me and you may have started a new life in the Earth Kingdom, but just in case you haven't
No; that didn't sound desperate at all, Ozai scowled. He couldn't sound desperate in his letter to her. Then she'd think he needed her, and if anything, she should need him. He didn't want her to think she was completely irreplaceable. She was, of course, but if she knew that then she could get cocky. Although she never had been arrogant or prideful before, people changed. It had been a long time since he'd seen her and he had certainly changed; why shouldn't she have as well?
With his fingers wrapped tightly around his brush, Ozai decided to start again. Staring blankly at the new piece of paper in front of him, he wondered what he wanted to say. He was sorry? He missed her? He still loved her even if he'd always been a jerk to her and banished her from the country for a problem he should've been able to handle? Or maybe he just wanted to say he wanted her back. But did he? Until now, Ozai hadn't really thought much about it. He'd assumed he wanted her back because he was supposed to. It was proper. It was right. It was the considerate thing to do.
But was this really about being a good person? He didn't want to invite her back only to find out that he'd been wrong and had never missed her at all. There may never be a second chance to kick her out. Maybe he was just lonely. He wasn't really a friendly guy; being around other people irritated him - made him impatient and tired. Everyone who came to see him wanted something. Ursa might have been the same way except that he'd gone to find her first. She'd been shy and quiet. That's why he liked her. Instead of constantly begging for attention, she was often content to be by herself and even when she wasn't, she did a good job hiding it.
Sure, it had made him feel a little bit anxious; every day he'd doubted her affection for him. But it had been working so well, even if he was nervous and she was alone all the time. Surely if she'd really wanted him to pay more attention to her, she could've let him know.
Maybe he didn't need a lengthy, complicated letter. Maybe it would be better to keep things simple for once, something he'd never really thought to do before. Maybe he really did want her back after all.
Dear Ursa,
I miss you. Please come home.