Title: Choose
Author: imaginary-witness
Pairings: Eruri
Characters: Levi, Furlan Church, Erwin Smith, Judd
Ratings: PG/Teen
Warnings: None.
Genre: Alt. universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Vignette
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story, living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.
Author's Notes: Based on 's drawing of Eruri kissing in a cafe. Available for viewing here: image/ 162819477239 - posted by them on July 10th, 2017, at 6:29 am. Beautiful picture by a talented artist. This piece is dedicated to a friend that requested a story based on the artwork. Not sure if this is what they originally thought of, but here it is.
It was a mild spring morning in Los Angeles. The temperature was still cool, and the rain that had graced the city throughout the night had stopped; the scent of petrichor was still heavy in the air. Levi had woken up in his studio, disorientated and unaware of anything but the early morning gray sky. He stumbled out of bed and checked his phone for messages, but there was none, so he headed over to the window and pulled the heavy, double curtains apart so he could see the world outside. He hadn't been outside since yesterday afternoon, since he had barricaded himself away to work, but instead he had spent the evening crying. It was his usual way to end the day now, since he had gotten himself in such a tough situation regarding his upcoming wedding, and he hadn't meant to fall asleep in his studio and wake up there the next day.
Uninspired, he got up and pulled his grey fleece sweater tighter around himself. He headed away from his computer, coming to curl up on the small sofa in the center of the room. He wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the table before him, biting on the inside of his lower lip.
"Levi."
The voice started him out of his thoughts. Levi gave his head a slight shake, just enough to flip his dark cropped hair away from his eyes, and glanced upwards at the man in front of him. He realized that he hadn't notice the morning turn into the afternoon, or paid any attention to the man who had entered and tried to speak to him, lost as he was in his own thoughts. The blonde scowled, aware that Levi had been ignoring him for the past...however long it had been. He gave Levi a hard look, and his dull blue eyes narrowed. His lower lip curled, as if he was debating accusing Levi of something, before he seemed to make up his mind and excused himself for a drink.
Levi stared for a moment at where the blonde had stood before he averted his gaze to stare at the cup in his hands, as if seeing it in front of him for the first time. It was made of shiny, painted porcelain, accented with a line of gold foil, with a dainty looking handle and small, fluted saucer. Levi traced the rim of the cup with his fingertips, then lifted it by holding the lip of the cup and took a sip of the red cinnamon tea inside. The tea, just like the cup, was cold, and Levi scowled as he put the cup down in bitter disappointment.
He traced the rim of the cup with his fingertips again, his heart aching in his chest. In his mind it was another cup altogether; a smaller, shiny, white porcelain teacup, with a soft, curved handle and small, simply saucer. Levi bit his lower lip, trying not to let his feelings distort the memory, then licked his lips, trying to recall the taste of the sweet black tea from the simple white cup. But all he could recall was the faint taste of his lover, cool on his lips as their skin touched ever so softly, ever so gently, before it faded back into memory.
Levi's eyes unwillingly parted, forcing him to see his surroundings were of a lavishly furnished studio, with dark red walls and deep brown floor-length curtains. A soft moan broke past his lips as he realized he had been stroking his own neck, hugging himself as he envisioned the dimly-lit, tightly packed booths of Strada Cafe, and the warm arms of his lover. Tears fell from his dark eyelashes, surprising him with their presence, the physical manifestations of his emotions, and he pushed himself away from the small white table and the suddenly offensive expensive teacup.
Since last spring, Levi had found himself engaged to wealthy producer Furlan Church, a man with the keys to many Hollywood studios, mansions, and contracts. And while it was a relationship that started off with trust, passion, and love, it grew shallow and emptied of all emotion easily, tainted by unnecessary luxuries and rigid expectations. The glamour of their success and relationship, which had once been welcome, celebrated, and cherished, quickly became meaningless, predetermined replacements for their affections, and Levi found that one day he woke up with no love in himself for Furlan Church just as easily as he had fallen in love with him. 'It's temporarily,' he told himself, 'It's pre-wedding nerves.' But the longer he put off admitting it to himself, the more he felt suffocated by the natural - and until recently, mutual - arrangements of their relationship. His disappointment was obvious, which led to them spending less time together, resulting in more gifts to make up for time, which only made him feel more insignificant. The jewelry began to feel like chains and the food had long become tasteless, but he couldn't seem to find a way out of his trapped predicament without making things messy for both himself and Furlan. He felt stuck to live out his days in unhappiness, caught in a cycle like a bad load of old laundry, with the weight of the wedding pressed on his mind, until one September day when he realized he was unconsciously looking for love elsewhere.
He had been walking down the beachside with Furlan, following him at a pace deemed acceptable for a fiancé while not actually touching him, when he caught sight of another attractive blonde running in the low-tide waves up ahead. He recalled feeling amazed when his lips naturally drew upwards in a smile for the first time in what felt like ages, and he paused in his steps to take a good look at the man who managed to break through his bleak and repetitive schedule. He was tall, dirty-blonde, and bright eyed, with rippling muscles and a soft dusting of facial hair; a short but concise list of things Levi found attractive. He felt as if new life was breathed into him as he watched the man swim out a few yards to catch a football, before he pulled his arm back and threw it back the way it came.
And then he saw him, the man that stole his breath and made his heart skip a beat. Golden-haired, tall, and ridiculously handsome, the man appeared more angel than human, and Levi found himself a ragging mass of neglected hormones and lovesick romantics. He made eyes with the man, who caught the football thrown by his friend, then turned back to face Furlan, and upon seeing his fiancé on his phone - for the third time that morning - he seemed to make up his mind about something subconscious and headed over to the attractive blonde to pursue his own conversation.
For the past six months, he had escaped to meet him, grew close to him, and eventually fell in love with him. He hadn't meant to have an affair; it was something Levi would never have thought he was capable of - especially to someone as important to him as Furlan - but there was a feeling of freedom that his new lover brought him, a feeling that gave him wings. Despite meeting in cheap restaurants and cafes before rushing to an equally cheap motel, there was an abundance of affection that filled the void created by isolation and neglect. They didn't have gifts or physical expectations, but it wasn't because of another form of cheap of affection, such as sex, that kept them together. After several weeks of secret scandalous meetings, Levi was surprised when they met in a hotel room to simply lay in each other's laps and talk for hours about their day. It wasn't until then that he realized he never wanted to let go of this man, that he wanted to move on from Furlan and his prison of luxury. Even if he spent days on end without a drop of tea, he wanted to be with the man who stroked his arm while cradling him against his chest, and made him laugh with silly stories, or gasp with his sudden - and charming - perception. He wanted more than anything to be with his lover who saw him as a person first and an object never; the man who - while outrageously good in bed - never based their relationship on sex, but rather emotions and communication. He couldn't be sure when he had fallen in love with him but he knew it meant change in the future - a change that he would inevitably have to initiate - and with every passing day dragging him closer to the wedding, he began to worry that he might miss his chance.
It wasn't that he wanted to stay with Furlan that he was struggling with finding the right words to explain how their relationship would be coming to an end. It was that he cared about him in such a way that he would hate to taint his name in the limelight that Hollywood status brought them. With the wedding getting closer, the press became suffocating, and Levi - originally scared he would be caught by them sneaking out to have his affair - was afraid that they would spin stories about the whole situation, rather than allow them the space and time to heal from such an empty experience. As well, he was afraid of how Furlan would take his announcement, since he wasn't sure how Furlan felt towards him recently. He wasn't even sure if Furlan had noticed their growing distance, or even if he minded at all?
Levi sighed heavily, his gut aching with guilt and fear. He wanted nothing more to be in the safe, warm haven of the Strada Cafe, surrounded by its dark ambiance and the smell of roasted coffee, cinnamon, and the odd blend of wood polish for the low tables. He could vividly recall the scent of the freshly fallen rain the first day they had met there, and the exact tone of the bell above the door jingling as he entered. Levi blushed, feeling a stirring of warmth beginning to spread from the centre of his being outwards, until it gave even the tips of his fingers a tingling sensation. He licked his lips, realizing how dry they actually were, and pushed away the tears in his eyes. He could feel his lover's lips on his neck and he curled up, just as he would when his lover embraced him and pressed them chest-to-chest, hip-to-hip against whatever surface they fell upon; tabletops, walls, or mattresses.
Levi's breathing spiked and he moaned softly, wanting so much more than this feeling of a ghost-lover, wanting so much more than this fantasy. He reluctantly opened his eyes and his fingers jumped to his lips, pausing long enough to trace the soft curve that his lover would bite sensually. He forced himself to breath evenly, feeling foolish for acting so outrageously out of control of himself, and then he was back to aching, desiring his lover's embrace. But he stayed his hand and silenced his voice, unsure of how to proceed now: what were the right words? How could he even begin to explain? And why did he feel like it was already too late?
Levi looked up, forcing himself to stand, and he gazed around the room as he backed himself into a corner. He tried to push through his feelings and find a starting point, determined to find a solution to his bizarre scenario when a knock at the door sounded and disturbed his thoughts.
"Levi?"
The voice was Judd's, one of Furlan's bodyguards. He didn't wait for an answer, as Levi assumed he stopped waiting for his response a while ago, and simply entered the room, bringing with him a suit bag.
"Your outfit for the evening." Judd announced. "For the charity gala." He explained, noting the confusion on Levi's face.
"The gala's tonight?" Levi asked, surprise coating his voice. His features barely changed as he reacted, remaining dreamy and lost looking. Was that what Furlan had been asking him about earlier? He bit his nails, his hand pressed to his mouth again, and nodded. "I should get ready then." He mumbled.
Judd nodded and stepped outside, and Levi could hear him take a seat. Furlan had recently taken it upon himself to have security follow him around events, and Levi was unsure if it was because of the increasing amount of press due to the impending wedding date or if he was suspicious of his affair? It made him hesitant when he considered it was because Furlan was suspicious of his affair, so he began seeing his lover less and less. It had been several weeks since he had seen him, and his lover had become quite disappointed in their decreasingly commutative state.
He glared at the suit bag with contempt, suddenly disgusted with having to dress up and play pretend some more. His stomach felt like it was in knots, but he found himself walking forwards, and once more he felt incapable of doing anything against it. What would happen if he didn't get ready for the gala? What if he never arrived? He unzipped the bag, wondering how Furlan would react. Inside was a sheer long sleeve shirt, with a black, pressed vest, and dark, fitted pants. Levi found the whole thing rather simple, and for a moment his heart skipped a beat as he thought Furlan had remember him as the simple boy he had fallen in love with. But he was disappointed as he picked up the outfit and found the overcoat underneath; vibrant red, with black fur cuffs and a thick, twisted-rope belt. He frowned, finding himself running his hands through the glossy fur, trying to force himself to feel anything positive about the coat, but all he felt was the bitter sting of disappointment.
As he stood, staring down in complete bewilderment at the ridiculously flashy outfit, he contemplated running away from the whole event. Would Furlan notice? Would he care? Levi felt his chest tightening, as if he could feel the invisible hands of society forcing him to do what was expected of him and play along some more.
It was the revelation that he wasn't given any shoes with this outfit that broke through his thoughts. Shoes? He found the thought funny, how had he not been given any shoes? Levi's lips twisted and he searched the bag, picking out each item and then finally flipping the bag upside to shake out. But neither in or under the bag was there any shoes.
Levi bit his lower lip, and the mystery of the shoes distracted him from his heartache. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, wondering if he was considered a vain person for inquiring about shoes when just seconds before he was having a midlife crisis regarding his scandalous affair. Was this a sign that he was as indulgent as Furlan made him feel? Or had he finally seen that Furlan simply stopped caring? Whatever the reason for the missing shoes, they gave Levi a chance at something he hadn't had in a long time: an independent choice.
And suddenly the whole mirage of the wedding shattered before him. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from his eyelids and he was once more able to see the light in his situation. Marriage was a choice by two consenting partners, and he didn't have to agree to it just to please Furlan. There was no requirement that he uphold his original answer, and after realizing that, he found there was no way he could walk down the aisle and say 'I do' to Furlan Church.
It was suddenly crucial that he attend the gala and find Furlan. It didn't matter if he ruined his night with the urgent news that they break up; what mattered the most was that he didn't spend another minute pretending to Furlan that they were okay and going to be married soon.
He untied the belt of his grey silk robe and let the material slither to the floor. It felt soft against his calves and made him sigh with desire, but he pushed the thought of his lover's hands away from his mind and stepped into the dark dress pants. They were well fitted to his hips and he decided not to tuck his vest, so he wore the sheer long sleeve first, before pulling the vest over his head and pausing to straighten each shirt out on top of each other. He brushed a hand through his choppy black hair, then shrugged; this was as good as presentable as he would appear.
The main thing now for him to decide on, the first decision he would get to publicly make for himself in months, was on which shoes he would wear. Since he wasn't given any socks, he wanted to wear something with straps so he could remain barefooted, but he also want d something easy to walk in, so he was conflicted on wearing even a low heel. Anything flat with straps appeared too much like a sandal, and that was just unprofessional altogether. He bit his lip and headed to the little cluster of shoes he kept in the closet space; the studio he was in was in no way his bedroom but rather a cozy space he'd escape to work - and more recently, hide. Still, he kept several jackets, scarves, shoes, and pants here, especially since he had started his affair and needed the ability to change his outfits more frequently. He decided to wear ankle-high, black boots, with a low half-inch chunky heel. It was professional enough to pass for formal footwear, without the odds and ends of being overly decorated. It was both fashionable and functional, and it was something simple that he found represented himself - and not his luxurious lifestyle with Furlan - properly.
He slipped black socks on, finding it darkly humourous that he was dressed for a funeral rather than a gala, and slipped his wallet into his pocket. As a second-though he slipped on a pair of large, black sunglasses onto his head, before stopping to check his reflection in the mirror on the inside of the closet door. He was slender, more than his usual weight, since he was constantly worried for the past few months. But asides from his obvious drop in weight, he was still healthy and attractive.
He patted his thighs as he stared at the mirror, almost as if he were waiting for his reflection to speak to him, before he pushed the door shut and grabbed the hideous fur coat. It was heavy, and he cringed as he slipped his arms into it, recalling the fact that he hated fur clothing altogether. He breathed a heavy sigh, tied the belt around his waist, and pulled the sunglasses down over his eyes, before heading over to the door.
"Judd?" He asked, surprised when his dry throats made his words sound scratchy, "I'm ready to leave."
The door opened at once and the man nodded at him, before turning his back and leading Levi to a sleek black car in the garage below. They descended into a silence that he hadn't prepared himself for, and left alone with his thoughts for the ride to the event, he began to second guess himself. Was the gala the right place to do this? Was it selfish of him to put his feelings before those of the event?
Before he had time to fully process his questions and rationalize anything he could use as an answer to calm himself, the car was slowing to a stop. He thanked Judd and hurried out as soon as he could, and for a moment he was surprised by what he found: not a single camera flashed in his direction. The lack of press baffled him, and it was only then he realized how late for the gala he must have arrived. He hurried to the front entrance, and after confirming with the security that he was late, he entered to find the party was in full swing. He had missed the opening speeches, including one given by Furlan, and he had stepped into a room teaming with colleagues dressed up in ridiculously expensive outfits as if they were pompous peacocks attracting mates. Furlan sighted him at once and came over to him immediately.
"You arrived!" He kissed his cheek, his words touched by the slur of alcohol. "I'm so glad!"
"Furlan-" Levi greeted him. He was glad Furlan had been so easy to find, but it made him freeze up with how he was to handle this situation. Face to face with him, he discovered he couldn't hold himself back from saying the exact heartbreaking, life-altering, soul-stopping thing he needed to tell him, and yet he couldn't do it so openly in front of all their colleagues. He needed to get him alone. "Can we talk?"
But Furlan didn't appear to be paying him any attention now. He took Levi by the hand and was leading him towards a table when a man Levi didn't recognize, standing several feet over, waved at him and stole his attention.
"I'll be right back, you stay right here." Furlan slurred, guiding Levi into a chair and then kissing the back of his hand before he hurried off.
Levi scowled. Judd came to stand next to him, looking out for any paparazzi that had managed to sneak in, and he once again felt trapped. Furlan hadn't even paid any attention to him, and while he understood how hard it must've been for Furlan to stand aside and be ignored by him this whole time, he found it shocking since he had started to talk to him again. Was he that overshadowed that even acting out of character was ignored by his fiancé?
A server came by and he reached out and stopped him, taking a flute of strawberry champagne from his tray. The server smiled at him sympathetically but said nothing, and Levi could only assume it was because he was the only guest in the room not part of a small conversation at the least. In fact, he was the only one being guarded like a child.
Levi's eyes narrowed and bit his lower lip. He placed his champagne on the table so he could untie his belt and shrug off the coat. He crossed his legs and sat back in the chair, attempting to maintain whatever dignity he could while sipping his champagne, but after several minutes had passed and Furlan hadn't returned to him, he stood and attempted to head over to find him.
Judd reached out a hand and caught Levi's shoulder.
"Levi," he addressed him, "I think it's best you stay here and wait for Furlan to return."
Levi sighed heavily, turning to glance up at Judd. "He's been several minutes already." He complained, "I need to speak to him."
"I'm sure he's on his way." Judd replied monotonously.
Levi sighed in frustration. Judd was apathetic. He paused a second server and took another flute of champagne from her, drinking this one slightly slower to try to appear more at ease in front of Judd. A second bodyguard came to speak to Judd, and Levi found himself faced with a choice as the two leaned together to speak: he could attempt to eavesdrop on what they were saying, or he could make use of the distraction and find Furlan.
Seizing the opportunity, Levi slipped into the crowd. He didn't look back to see if the guards noticed him leave, he simply briskly walked away, attempting to blend from one group of posh group of celebrities to the next until he located Furlan. It took him longer than he expected and he began to question just how far Furlan had left him; within a minute of his disappearance he had caught sight of Judd stretching up on his tiptoes to scan the crowd for him and he hadn't even seen Furlan yet. He used his short stature to his advantage and crouched down as he slipped from group to group, but rather than gain any more funny looks from the other gala attendees, he found he had wondered down a small corridor that was otherwise empty. It was dimly lit, with no windows or doors, and seemingly led nowhere in particular.
Levi frowned and swallowed the spit that had built up in his mouth as he held his breath. It was...nice here, away from the party, and he took a moment to catch his breath, realizing he was breathing deeply. He paused a moment to assess his current situation: if wasn't careful heading back out, Judd would see him and he probably wouldn't have another chance to find Furlan. He scowled, and watched the entrance of the hall for a group to pass by that he could blend into, when a sound caught his ear that was unmistakable.
It was the breathy gasp of a lady; the exact kind of gasp one would let escape when a lover was kissing up their neck. Intrigued, and slightly aroused by such a risky, passionate couple, he followed the sound of the gasp further down the hallway, careful to remain as quiet as possible himself. He hadn't gone far when the hallway turned sharply and he hesitated to round the corner, afraid he would openly intrude on the intimate scene. He reached out a hand to hold the wall as he debated leaving them to their affair, when he heard an unmistakable voice that broke through haziness of his thoughts.
"We should be getting back now; they'll start to wonder where we snuck off to."
The voice held no trace of guilt or remorse, only the trace slur of alcohol, and the flirtatious tease that was prominent in his early conversations with his fiancé. Levi stepped around the corner without thinking through the action, only to find his fiancé Furlan with his arms around a lady in a lavish red cocktail dress, the neck of which was pulled down around his waist, exposing her bare breasts to anyone who was foolish enough to walk by. Saliva glistened on her fair skin, and the sight caused a wave of nausea to cause Levi to choke; the fact that catching Furlan red-handed in the act of fondling another person was so surprising that he felt disgust for having ever slept with him.
Furlan turned to face the intruder and the coy smile her had whenever he was getting his way fell off his face at the sight of Levi. His hands dropped and he opened his mouth to say something - anything - to him, but Levi didn't wait to hear what it was. Feeling like he had been punched in the gut, the dark-haired man turned and ran from the hallway, racing through the main room of the gala and rushing down the entrance steps two at a time, until he hit the streets. His flight caught the attention of Judd and the other man, but neither was quick enough to stop him, and both paused at the top of the steps, watching him flee.
He wasn't sure what time it was, or if Furlan would return home that night, so he did the first thing he could think of and hailed a taxi cab. The driver was quite surprised to see him in his state, and hurried to get him inside the vehicle, not wanting to become the target of any prying eyes.
"Just keep driving around," Levi instructed him, not sure where it was he wanted to go. He just knew he wanted to put distance between himself and Furlan, surprised that there were tears flowing down his cheeks.
It wasn't that he was surprised Furlan had began to look for affection elsewhere - it had been god knows how long since they had last been intimate together - but he was surprised Furlan had taken to secret, high-class whores rather than outright dump him for another relationship. And yet he couldn't be angry with him for cheating and hurting him this way because...he had done it as well with his own lover. Still, that didn't remedy the fact that he was hurt having been sidelined by the woman in the red dress; if Furlan had paid more attention to him - the way he suckled on her tits - he wouldn't have cheated on his fiancé in the first place, and maybe then they wouldn't be in the situation they were in now.
He shivered, realizing he had left his coat back at the gala. It was probably for the best, since it would give away his celebrity status, so he began debating what else he could do to warm up. A hotel to spend the night would be nice, but a good cup of warm tea sounded much more comforting, and there was only one place he could think of having a cup of tea from right now. Distraught, Levi tapped the glass dividing the rear of the cab from the front to catch the drivers attention.
"Could you get me to the Strada Cafe?" He asked, inhaling a sniffle.
The driver said nothing but nodded, and within half an hour they pulled up next to the shabby cafe. Levi pulled out five twenties and handed them to the driver, before climbing out without waiting for his change. He had been in the cab for longer than an hour, despite light night traffic, so he hoped it would cover the time and give him a large enough tip to express his gratitude for his compassion. The cafe was unsurprisingly still open, and upon entering, Levi could see the booth at the back was empty; so his lover wasn't here.
He bit his lower lip, standing in the doorway for a second and patting his thighs, then decided on sitting at the vacant booth in front of the window instead. He was already here, and no one from the press had seemingly followed him, so he didn't exactly care if they turned up now to take his photo. The waitress came by, giving him a sympathetic smile, and placed a pot of his usual order, (black tea with honey), down on the table before him.
"It's on the house, dear." She mumbled, touching his shoulder before walking away.
Levi felt his lips pull uselessly upwards in an attempt to wordlessly thank her for her kindness, but he felt the muscles in his face quiver with the effort and he politely lowered his face instead. When she had gone, he exhaled shakily, and let out sigh of defeat, then surrendered to the quiet sobs that threatened to choke him if he continued to hold them in. With shaking hands, he reached forwards to pour the hot tea into the cup, then squeezed a generous amount of honey into the brew and stirred it with the wooden stick. He wrapped his fingers around the warm cup and traced the rim of the cup with his fingertips, his heart aching in his chest. In his mind he laughed at himself, sickly amused that it was yet another cup on his mind altogether; a shiny teacup, accentuated with gold, with a dainty, little handle and small, fluted saucer. But it was with no regret that he thought of that cup, it brought no emotion to him at all. Rather, he found himself oddly relaxed with the current cup in his hands - as if he had completed the scene from before - and he only thought of the gold cup as a distant memory, a stepping stone to get from there to here.
He reached into his pocket to make sure he had enough money to cover the tea, despite the waitress's not charging him for it. He had been surprised that he had his wallet with him despite leaving his coat behind when he had paid for the taxi, but his mind was barely able to keep up with his melancholy, let alone other observations. Now that he focused on it, he found his wallet was all that he had with him. Somehow he had managed to leave his cell phone behind, which was probably why he was not receiving any calls from Furlan, or why they couldn't seem to find him. He bit his lower lip, realizing the drawback; while he was grateful that they couldn't call him, he realized he couldn't call anyone else.
He ran his fingertip along the rim of the cup, debating if he would actually call anyone else. He had lost several friends when he had began to date Furlan, and afterwards when he got engaged he fell out of seeing his friends on his own as he was used to. He put more of his time into his career and prompting his work, and after he began having his affair, he had less time to give to any social outing that didn't involve one lover or the other. He frowned; he valued his privacy too much to let anyone else come back into his life and judge him for the situation he was in.
He took a sip of his tea, tasting the sweetness of the honey fighting the bitterness of the black tea. There was a hint of lemon in the tea as well, and Levi assumed the waitress had put it in there to give him something extra in an attempt to cheer him up. His lips curved up slightly, grateful for her attempt. He found it sad that the waitress – who he barely knew – would think of him in a way that another colleague – Judd in particular – didn't. It bothered him that Judd had tried so hard to keep him from seeking out Furlan, and while he was at the gala, Levi had assumed it was because Judd was simply taking orders from Furlan or trying to keep Levi from creating a scene; given that he had rushed towards the gala with all the determination of a fiancé about to dump their partner days before their wedding. Only now as he reflected upon it, he questioned why Judd had worked so hard to keep him from finding Furlan, and the only conclusion that made any logical sense angered him to the point that his tears stopped for the first time since he had left the gala. Had Judd been purposely supervising him so that Furlan could have time away with his affair? He had been fine with Levi going to the gala before the second security had come and informed him of...what?
"Levi."
The voice was low, quiet, and familiar. It broke through his thoughts with a force that seemed to touch every aspect of Levi's surroundings. Levi turned to face his lover, his own silver eyes wide with surprise to be found here. The moment he caught a glance of the tall man's sea blue eyes, he whispered his name and bit his lower lip, his body suddenly aching to be held by him again.
"Erwin,"
"Levi." Erwin breathed in return, a smile coming to his lips as soon as the man said his name. He stepped forwards, closing the distance between them in seconds, and gathered the dark-haired man in his arms. "Oh, Levi." He whispered in his ear, running a hand through his silky, black hair. He aimed to comfort his lover, concerned about his reasons for crying all by himself in a cafe in the middle of the night.
"What are you doing here?"
They both asked the question at the same time, and they both paused to blush and smile shyly at the other as they debated who would answer first.
Levi wiped a tear away, then looked back at his teacup. "It's a bit of a long story," he began, before sliding back into his seat.
Erwin followed his lead, sliding onto the bench opposite his lover, but extending his hand on the tabletop so he could hold Levi's hand as they spoke. "We have all night." he replied softly, coolly letting his lover know he was there to support him.
Levi glanced at Erwin's waiting hand, then hesitantly placed his own in his, accepting his hand as a physical comfort. He wrapped his free hand around his teacup, attempting to warm up. "You first." he replied easily, nodding towards Erwin but not yet looking at him.
Erwin sighed softly, a sound that conveyed his understanding of Levi's need to gather his thoughts first. He looked at the cuff of his dress shirt, following the new-age pattern printed on the satin material as he tried to find the words he needed to properly explain himself. Under the table, he tapped his foot against the floor and his legs felt as if they had suddenly turned to lead; bulky, heavy, and uncoordinated clad in his black jeans.
"I-" he opened his mouth, then closed it, before meeting Levi's eyes. He looked innocently curious, and was biting his lower lip, and the image was just so tender that Erwin found himself blushing. "I missed you." he murmured, before reaching forwards and brushing his fingertips along Levi's cheekbone. "We weren't exactly talking, and I wasn't sure if I could call. So I...came here to just...remember us. That's all." he trailed off rather embarrassed, then shrugged.
Levi's eyes lit up with adoration and he lifted Erwin's hand from the tabletop to press a kiss to. Despite his affection, his voice when he spoke was still rough with emotion and low. "You should have just called me." he replied, "It's sweet, but you shouldn't have been sulking on your own."
Erwin nodded, then rolled his eyes. "I didn't want to disturb you. I know you were feeling a lot of pressure about the whole wedding thing, and I thought that it would be...unfair, if I were to start burdening you with my feelings."
Levi nodded, understanding Erwin's point of view. He felt flattered that Erwin thought so significantly of him, valuing his emotions and space as he would his own. He tried to smile but his lips didn't fully curve up, having been reminded of the wedding and Furlan.
"Furlan...cheated on me." He mumbled, not entirely sure how else to begin.
Erwin made a sound of understanding, nodding to save Levi the pressure of any form of opposition. The boy looked ready to collapse and he was concerned that any unnecessary stress would cause him to act irrationally.
"I mean, it's not like...I don't deserve it. I mean, I cheated on him first...I dunno, maybe? But, it just...walking in on it...I wasn't prepared." Levi tried to explain himself, aware that he would initially be seen as self-centered.
Erwin's responding noise was more understanding than it had been before, and he nodded and squeezed Levi's hand. "That's tough." He agreed. He could only imagine to the extent of the scene Levi had walked in on, so he didn't say anything further, still curbing his words to preserve his lover's mental state. Levi seemed quite talkative about it already, and despite his own insecurities with Levi's current - and more official - relationship, he said nothing insensitive since he knew he was the one putting Levi in such a tough position between two men.
"I wanted to tell him," Levi began, "about us. I went to the gala to tell him I wanted to break up, because I want to commit to you-"
Erwin's eyes widened at Levi's casual declaration of commitment. They had discussed becoming an official couple before, but it was always in connection to how the media would portray them, and that often led back to Levi's indecision to hurt Furlan. "What made you...make up your mind?" He asked, keeping his voice low and stroking the back of Levi's hand with his thumb. His chest burned with the warmth of love, and despite feeling overwhelmingly happy he was hesitant to believe that Levi truly meant what he said; he was afraid that he was only saying it out of retaliation to Furlan's recent affair.
"Ironically, it was a pair of shoes." Levi mumbled, ashamed by how vain he thought it sounded. He fell quiet as the waitress returned to give Erwin a cup of his usual black coffee; she gave the blonde a smile of compassion, then hurried away to give them their privacy. Levi took the opportunity to sip at his tea, before continuing, "I was in my studio, drinking tea in this...pathetic excuse of a teacup, when Furlan came in to speak to me about the gala. I...was thinking about you and...regretting...having become so distant from you lately...because I was prioritizing this...stupid wedding and how people would talk." He rolled his eyes, then paused to take another sip.
Erwin followed his action and sipped at his own coffee, continuing to stroke Levi's hand.
"I didn't pay any attention to what he said, so when Judd arrived with my outfit I was surprised the gala was today. I got dressed," he motioned to his outfit with a nonchalant wave of his hand- as if the clothes were of little to no importance - his hand still maintaining his hold on his teacup. "But there wasn't any shoes. And it made me realize that...I had to pick my own shoes." he laughed suddenly, a weak chuckle, but a laugh nonetheless, and when he met Erwin's eyes there was a sparkle of true happiness in his own. "For the first time in...a very long time, I got to choose something about how I would be presented to the world, and it made me realize that a marriage is a choice, and not an election. I am the one that decides whether I walk down that aisle, not the paparazzi or the fans or the readers of Gossip Magazine. And the person who I would rather be married to is...you, Erwin."
Erwin felt the blood in his cheeks heat, and he took another sip of his coffee to counter the butterflies that flew up from his stomach to his throat. He wanted to rip the table out from between them and wrap Levi in his arms as tightly as he could just from hearing those words. Levi - his Levi - wanted to marry him! Erwin was ecstatic! But instead of reacting so foolishly, he gave Levi a devilish smirk and flashed his crooked grin, before squeezing his hand tightly.
"Then let's get married." He replied easily, before taking the small gold ring off his pinky finger and holding it out to Levi. "Make me...the happiest man on the planet and be my husband, Levi."
Levi blushed at Erwin's words, taking his hand out of Erwin's to cover his face with his hands. Despite his efforts he couldn't hide his grin, and just under his fingertips Erwin could make out the faint glistening of tears that had managed to escape the corners of his silver eyes. A moment of silence passed, where Levi looked upwards at the ceiling in an attempt to clear the tears from his eyes and decide on what to say next, before he met Erwin's gaze with an abundance of adoration in his eyes. Wordlessly, he took Furlan's lavish engagement off, before placing it on the table and offering his left hand to Erwin in silence.
Erwin smiled at Levi, immediately reaching out to take his hand as he had grown used to doing, but paused before he brought the ring close to him. "Is this...is this...?" He questioned, unable to say the one word that would make the world of difference.
"Yes," Levi nodded, "yes, I will marry you, Erwin." He laughed, feeling giddy, and loved, and alive for the first time in weeks.
Erwin grinned and slipped his ring on Levi's ring finger, before guiding his hand to his lips, so he could kiss the back of Levi's hand. "Thank you, my beautiful love." He whispered, before planting a row of tiny kisses along Levi's ring finger.
"For what?" Levi blushed and chuckled, barely aware of the Cafe staff watching them in silent admiration.
Erwin chuckled, looking down at the table for a moment before meeting Levi's gaze again. He debated several reasons why he was thanking Levi, but he realized they all had the same thing in common; "Thank you for loving me." He replied, before kissing Levi's hand again.
Levi bit his lower lip, then glanced up at Erwin from under his eyelashes. "It's...nice, being engaged to you." He mumbled, surprised by how much stress he no longer felt after discussing their future together. For several weeks he had felt nothing but a sorrowful loss towards Erwin, and he had been afraid that he would have to surrender their relationship as some kind of pre-marital fling. And while he hadn't officially broken up with Furlan in the way he had intended, he was sure since he had interrupted his ex-fiancé's affair that a mutual understanding had already been established emphasizing they had no future together anymore. This engagement to Erwin felt clean and pure, and full of hope and opportunity; everything he had thought an engagement should feel like, and nothing like the business transaction his previous engagement had felt like.
Erwin nodded and smiled at him, silently admiring his beauty and enjoying the look of pure bliss on his face. For the first time in weeks, Levi appeared relaxed, calm, and happy, and it rose Erwin's spirits to be the cause of it. He kissed Levi's hand again, squeezing it firmly, and watched the fires of passion dance in the liquid silver of his eyes.
Levi reached out and placed his right hand on Erwin's bicep, touching him lightly with his fingertips before letting his palm rest against his skin.
Erwin's reply was just as simple; he wordlessly reached out to cup Levi's cheek in his palm, holding him delicately and watching him closely for any signs of worry.
Levi smiled, encouraging Erwin to continue, and he leaned forwards so that they were closer together.
Erwin felt his blood heat as Levi leaned forwards and he felt the satin material of his aquamarine dress shirt tug at his chest as he leaned forwards as well. His thumb brushed against Levi's cheek once as he tilted his head before pressing their lips together in a soft, sweet kiss.
A small moan escaped Levi, and his fingers curled to stroke Erwin's arm. He tilted his head, opposite to Erwin's, and blushed as the blonde's tongue teased his lips twice, before meeting with his own tongue inside his mouth. He sighed with pleasure, feeling his body heat under Erwin's affections, and the corners of his lips pulled into a smile.
"Oh Erwin," he whispered against the man's lips, breathing his name like a prayer. "I love you."
Erwin kissed Levi one more time, ending with the gentle sound of their lips parting, before he pulled away just enough to be able to meet Levi's eyes. Staring intensely into his gaze, his blue eyes full of unconditional and unending love, Erwin stated the very words that Levi so desperately longed to hear him say, the words that tormented him to no end the last several weeks. Running his finger through his dark black hair and brushing it off his forehead, Erwin leaned into kiss Levi once more, before pulling away once again,
"I love you too, Levi." He whispered.