The picture lay on her desk in her basement. She saw it almost everyday, but today she was feeling particulary nostalgic. She reached for the frame, and studied it for a few minutes. His goofy expression made her laugh. It was Ray alright. The same Ray she had known her whole life, but he was different somehow. He had been different for the past two years. He was her best friend. Sure, they had a thing before their junior year, but that slowly faded away. She wondered if she would ever feel his body against hers ever again. They were friends, and she was satisfied with that. Satisfied. She didn't really like that word.
The sun poured through her window. She lay on the sofa, half asleep. She was still in her pajamas, and her hair was a mess. She reached for an elastic to make it look semi-decent. She had been up all night last night, worry about Ray. She phoned his cell a number of times and he never picked up. She called his house and his father told her he was out with his girlfriend. It suddenly occurred to her that maybe she herself was the one she was worried about.
Thinking about Ray with another girl hurt her in ways she couldn't explain. Even Robbie, her best friend, wouldn't understand. Everytime he asked her if something was wrong, she shrugged it off as if it was nothing. At night she would write dark songs that she wouldn't dare play in public.
How could this have happened? She had spent so much time thinking about it that she could actually pinpoint the event. Just as grade 9 was beginning to end, she realised that she was truly in love with Ray. She broke up with the most popular guy in school to be with him. At first, their relationship was fun and exciting. They met at the Roscoe Observation Deck whenever they could, stealing kisses under the moonlight. As summer continued, they saw less and less of each other. Ray worked very hard at Mickeys. She knew being a comedian had always been his dream, so she didn't pressure him. On his days off she was usually off in a different city. No Mans Land traveled all across the region with their mall tour. Even though she missed Ray, she kept telling herself that everything would be fine. She needed that mall tour, but what she didn't realise was that she needed Ray more. At the end of the summer, it was almost like an unspoken agreement that their relationship had ended. Robbie kept pressuring them to keep up with RFR, and it had been a month since they had been alone together. At the homecoming dance, when Ray brought a different girl, Lily was not surprised. She told herself that it was for the greater good. She didn't want her relationship with Ray to interfere with her music or RFR. So they went back to being friends. They saw each other everyday at lunch and at RFR, and for a while that was enough.
By the end of her junior year, Lily realised how much she missed Ray. Her grades were slipping due to stress. Parker and Robbie noticed that something was wrong, but she couldn't open up to them. She didn't want to become vulnerable again.
Maybe it was time for her to take a chance. She'd been taking less and less of those lately. Could it really get any worse? Maybe she should tell him how she really feels. If nothing came of it, at least there would be some closure. She was tired. Tired of seeing Ray and his girlfriend, tired of feeling sorry for herself, and most of all she was tired of being a coward. Maybe it was time for her to wake up.