I've never been a good dancer. Not for ordinary waltzing or other such frivolities. By myself, I have tried, dancing to a beat that no one could hear…
I wouldn't know if it was good or not; I had no one to judge me for it.
But when it came to dancing in a figurative way, I was the expert. I knew which strings to pull, what buttons to push. I used everyone and everything possible- and that included myself. I was the king, the player. Until I was captured…the game was not over.
Oh, Sebastian had put it nicely when we were alone... He knew the inner workings of my mind; felt me down the blackest of the black pits of my nearly stone dead heart. He made sure of that, and told me so in a nearly mocking tone.
But I knew…knew he loved me for my sins and my cruelty. He most likely didn't know what it was (he did say that he didn't know what he felt for me…in many more words than this) but I knew what it was. I may have a nearly dead soul and heart, but nether less, I was human. My mind had not forgotten love.
We held a rather twisted love for each other…but it still ensnared us, irrevocable- at least, for me. Unconditional love was between us, but for all of that it was, it was… perhaps, to use a fanciful word- evil.
And even that drove me to love him even more. I had no idea why.
I loved him so much that I'd use him for my own uses without too much qualm, but then I would feel guilty that I didn't feel too much guilt about it, then I would dismiss it…a never ending cycle.
His love for me…
He loved me so much that he'd kill me so he could have me all to himself. He would swallow me within pure darkness, be there all the while, comfort me with a sadistic edge in his voice, and I would be completely, and utterly owned by my demon.
We loved each other more for it. I wasn't blind- it was a sin-filled, plague-ridden love, but I simply didn't care.
So, I danced in the arms of the devil, maneuvering through the endless throngs of the pawns named humans, and I was being smothered in pure black…black feathers, names of my sins would dance past, and I would give each it's respects, but I still could not bring myself to care. I was with the demon, which in the end used me as much as I used him.
I knew I wouldn't last long doing this. I was happy…well, as happy as I could be when he kissed me to fulfill the contract.
So, I didn't get it when I woke up once more, the phantomhive ring on my finger. Why? Didn't he want my soul? Or…
Did Sebastian enjoy serving me? Impossible.
But when I asked him as such; this was his response:
Sebastian gave me a warmly smug, edged in evil, twisted smirk.
" I wanted to dance with my lord once more."
And I understood.
I smiled (or at least, I tried) at him in return, and gently hugged him. Brief, but he would know.
He knew that I belonged to him, and to him only. I was happy that I was able to dance with the demon that so ensnared me once more.
Then I pouted angrily. " Sebastian. Why did you disobey me?"
Sebastian's smile only grew wider. " Bocchan, you should know that demons are always in their own interests."
I snorted out a laugh and hugged him a bit more. " Yes…but you're back in my services, so don't think it will happen again."
Sebastian let out a (happy? It must be my imagination…) chuckle and clasped his arms around my body. " Yes, my lord."
Well, at least I knew it was genuine. He could not lie to me.
BAB: Well, this is the first installment of ILYIKY. I hope you enjoyed; I will be posting others...all AU, completely non-related.
these are products of my frustration with the new season. and my fangirling.
In this case, this basically what would have happened if Claude and Alois weren't there, and if Sebastian brought Ciel back anyway.
I Do not own: Kuroshitsuji, Monoshitsuji, nor Breaking Benjamin's Dancing with the devil.
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