I don't have the Heart

I don't have the Heart

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Hana Yori Dango nor the song. I am only using them for the sole purpose of my story.

I don't know if the story goes along the same lines as other stories. But I am sure that I didn't steal anything from you guys! This just came to me while I was travelling and I remembered the song and thought that it fits well with Soujiro's character.

This is my first time to write a story and I know that my writing sucks and is probably nothing but crap. Anyway, remember to drop comments. Commentaire s'il vous plait!

The first time I saw you was at one of my close friend's birthday party. I instantly knew that you, together with your friend don't belong to my world. You weren't flaunting your new limo unlike all the other guests, hell, I don't even know if you arrived in a car much more in a limo or if the chauffer has more money than you. You weren't my type but I didn't know what brought me to go and talk to you. Your face isn't a head-turner, your outfit, together with hat weed friend of yours is outdated; no wonder people around are giving curious looks.

I usually go for model-typed girls, those with devilish bodies that can pleasure me as if I am in heaven. You were nothing like that; to tell the truth your looks wouldn't even pass as one of the servants in the party.

I never go for your kind, the innocent kind and I have my reasons. One is that I'll take that innocence from them then discard them in a week. Another is that they are too clingy and wants a committed relationship. I am a playboy; you can't expect me to be a one-woman man.

Tsukushi even told you that you can get pregnant by just talking to me. She's always been against mine and Akira's playboy ways and had been openly suggesting or rather demanding for us to stop. She might be Tsukasa's beloved fiancée, one of my closest friends and the F4's weed but no prodding can change that habit. Being a playboy is a part of me; it is a part of who I am.

I am afraid that if I became a one-woman man, I'll hurt that person because of my old ways. I am afraid of the saying "Old habits die hard" because it might backfire on me and ruin whatever "love" we have between us. I never admitted this to anyone but this playboy façade is really to protect me from getting hurt. I don't like the feeling of being dumped, not after my first love and i vowed that I'm never going to feel that way again coz they will be the ones to get dumped by the end of the week. .

I don't want you to feel that. You might be wondering why I kept on rejecting you, your love and even your request to be my one week girlfriend. We have known each other for years now, the F4 being together as always and you always tagging along with Tsukushi in your hope that I am around. Tsukasa and Tsukushi though still arguing are lost without each other, like glue they always are together especially now that Domyouji Kaede finally agreed on their relationship.

I know that I'm saying that I don't want to hurt you but that I am already hurting you by my rejections. You said that by loving you, I can finally stop all the damage that I caused your heart to suffer. But you have to understand that I will hurt you more if I accepted your love for me then betray you just because my habit is kicking up again. Though it looks as if I am hurting you, the truth is that I am trying to protect you. This way, though I am "hurting" you, this heartache will seem little compared to what I might cause you in the future. I might've slightly shook your pride but at least I didn't take your dignity and the most precious thing an innocent person like you can offer, your virginity and innocence itself.

I do care for you that is why I am protecting you from myself

"I don't have the heart to hurt you
It's the last thing I want to do
But I don't have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to"