Her Secret Santas

Summary: AU This just goes to show how far Secret Santa can get out of control and yet could possibly lead to serious romance. Oneshot. For Vesper chan's Christmas challenge. [Orochimaru x Sakura x Hidan]

A/N: Just like in Stop And Say You Love Me, asterisks (*) will be placed near the required words Vesper chan had listed on her profile.

Text:

"Speech"

Thoughts

Flashback

Disclaimer: Is my name Kishimoto? No. And do you really think if Naruto belonged to me I would kill off Orochimaru, all the Oto shinobi, and the Akatsuki? As if. I'm only lucky that Sakura is still hanging around. Seven bucks that Kishimoto is going to kill off Sakura to bring Sasuke and Naruto back together as friends. And no, I don't own the book An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon.

"And that is the beauty of a gift, my lord. If someone needs it, then it becomes charity. It is only when you give someone something that they want and have no need of that it becomes a real gift."-Seren, Sword of Darkness by Kinley MacGregor.

It wasn't that Sakura didn't like Secret Santa and the exchanging of gifts. On the contrary, she enjoyed the thrill of shopping for someone without them knowing about it or receiving a present from a mysterious someone. Unfortunately, her workplace and friends were known to go a little…overboard with the whole Secret Santa concept. Of course, it didn't help either to have Jiraiya consistently prattle on and on about how he was the one who invented Secret Santa. He only shut up after when Tsunade knocked him unconscious.

"Hey, Sakura! Are you done with your shift?" Nodding, the said rosette-haired doctor finished filing her dossiers away before lifting her eyes up to meet the bright azure orbs of her best friend, Ino.

"I'm sure am, Ino. Tsunade is giving me the rest of the day off. The same goes for Christmas Eve and Christmas day." Ino gave a little cheer, pumping her fist up into the air.

"Finally! Now, the rest of the gals and I can get you good and drunk on eggnog!" she declared, dragging a protesting Sakura away from the medical building that she had been part of for many a year. "And then we can do Secret Santa!"

"Wait, what?" cried Sakura, jerking her arm out of Ino's fierce grasp. "Ino, my work is also doing Secret Santa. I already have someone–Shizune."

"So? What's wrong with having another person to share the Christmas joy of giving and receiving? Don't be a Scrooge on me, Sakura!"

"Well, I am on a budget. And I do have other people I still need to shop for…like you." Her friend's baby blue eyes lit up instantly, the luminance akin to a jovial flame* flickering brilliantly on a candlestick. Sakura inwardly smirked; she had her comrade's attention all right.

"Ooooh, really? Don't you dare be stingy on me, Sakura! You know diamonds are my second best friends, right?" clamored Ino as they headed towards Sakura's parked car. Chuckling, Sakura unlocked her onyx Acura and Ino slipped into the passenger's seat (her boyfriend, Shikamaru, had given her ride to Sakura's medical practice and told him Sakura would chauffer her back to their place) with a toothy beam on her face.

"You'll see, Ino," was all Sakura said as she started the car and began driving back to Ino and Shikamaru's apartment complex.

Of course, there had to be a boisterous gathering of friends at the platinum blonde's flat and some of the people Sakura was stunned that Ino or Shikamaru even knew. Like for instance, Hidan, and the rest of his peers who wore a crimson symbol of a cloud dangling from their dog tags. They called themselves the Akatsuki but what they actually did for a living Sakura never fathomed, and yet she never wanted to find out. Much to Sakura's surprise, her mentor Tsunade was there, already intoxicated and off her trolley. She was swinging her bottle of sake around while singing "The 12 Pains of Christmas" horribly off-key. And since Tsunade was there, so was Jiraiya, keeping two eyes on Naruto so he wouldn't accidently trip over the cord of Christmas lights or find any of his concealed Christmas presents. The only person who seemed be absent for the two adults was Orochimaru, whose presence still remained a mystery even though Sakura knew the man very well after a couple of years.

"What is this, Ino? An early Christmas party?" Sakura muttered underneath her breath.

"I suppose you could call it that," Ino answered jauntily, going up to Shikamaru to peck his cheek, "and with this huge group of people, Secret Santa will be way more successful, don't you think?"

"Fine," grumbled Sakura, kicking her boots off, "Whatever you say."

Thus, that was how she became embroiled with Ino's mini fiesta, with everyone celebrating the fact that Christmas was less than a week away now. Sakura almost spent one forth of her time keeping Naruto, Lee and the eggnog separated, a hammered Naruto and Lee was not a pretty sight. At least Tsunade managed to keep her temper and strength in check when she was drunk as a sailor. Plus, she passed out rather quickly.

"Hey, you, fucking pink-haired doctor!"

Eyes ablaze, Sakura whirled around, arm extended and fist clenched. She didn't need to look at the speaker to know who crudely addressed her like that. After tending the same foul-mouthed being for years, the fiery verdant-eyed medic would know it was Hidan talking even if she was stuck in an enormous cubicle with nothing but darkness.

"Nice to meet you too, Hidan!" she spat at him before bestowing a lovely yet potent punch to his unsuspecting face.

There was an unpleasant dissonance wafting through the air as Sakura's taut, dangerous fist collided with the flesh and cheek of the cussing Hidan. Stumbling back, he grunted in surprise but didn't clutch his visage in pain like some weaker men would have done. Instead, he glowered contemptuously at Sakura before exploding into a round of expletives.

"What the fucking hell?! Are you nuts, you psycho bitch?! What fuck was that for?" Hidan hollered out furiously, glaring daggers at the fuming Sakura.

"My name is Sakura, you trash-talking imbecile! I thought your tiny brain would have known that after all the years of medical treatment I've given you!" she snarled, emerald eyes flashing irately. She stood her ground even as Hidan came barreling towards her, his violet eyes equally raging and wrathful.

"Tiny brain, my ass! You fucking think just because you're a goddamned doctor that you are so much fucking, damned smarter than the rest of us!" He stopped right in front of her and for a moment, Sakura actually thought he was going to strike her. But he didn't, he simply glowered menacingly at her. He appeared like all he wanted to do was toss her out the window, into the freezing cold and snow.

"Bullshit!" Sakura snapped, deciding to fight fire on fire with a few execrations of her own, "I'm just saying you should call me by my name, not—"

"Is something the matter?"

The crisp, suave, and liquid-esque timbre that flowed like rivers of golden honey and sweet chocolate echoed teasingly in Sakura's ears, the firm conviction in the owner's voice ceased the truculent diatribe between Hidan and Sakura. That beautiful, dark, and deadly voice had always haunted Sakura, always sent frissions down her spine. Of course, Orochimaru's presence naturally had that strange, alluring affect on her and unfortunately for the pinkette, she had no clue why.

"Everything is fucking fine, Orochimaru," Hidan replied tersely, narrowing his eyes on the tall, pale-faced man. Orochimaru cocked one incredulous eyebrow at him, an unreadable expression flickering across his amber eyes.

"Oh really? Somehow, I doubt that." A black, cocky smirk slithered across his lips*, a taunting lilt in his words now as he stared the fuming, silver-haired man down.

"How about minding your own fucking, goddamned business, shitface!"

"Hidan," Sakura growled with a half-sigh as she pinched the bridge of her nose, "Don't make me punch you again." Honestly, how were they not drawing any more attention? Hidan was almost as loud and demanding as Ino and Naruto and that notion alone was frightening enough. Sakura was lucky that she hadn't been drove into insanity by those two boisterous blondes already.

Upon hearing her latest input, Hidan snapped his head around in her direction, intensely leveling his aubergine orbs against Sakura's deep verdant ones. "I fucking dare you to, Sak-u-ra," he retorted, deliberating drawing out her name in total mockery with hopes of ruffling her feathers. Instead, Sakura rolled her eyes, already weary of this rather childish quarrel.

"I'm overjoyed that you can finally remember my name now, Hi-dan," she answered effortlessly, mimicking his same actions of pronunciation. "I hope you won't forget it this time."

Ere the indignant man could burst into another volley of swears and other course language, Sakura made her speedy exit, ducking into the large throng of people dancing and drinking simultaneously. Once she managed to disentangle herself from all the slightly inebriated revelers only then did Sakura exhale in relief and lean against the wall, glad to finally be alone. Of course, that unspoken thought died instantly when she espied out of the corner of her eye, a figure making his or her way towards her. Lifting her head up to face the intruder of her privacy, the roseate-haired female was about let loose a sigh of irritation. Yet the noise remained stuck in her throat once she beheld who it was.

"Oh–why hello, Orochimaru," she greeted, relieved that it was only him, "Looks like you were able to get away from Hidan as well."

"The feat is not that difficult to accomplish," Orochimaru replied evenly, offering a chair for Sakura to sit down on, which she accepted happily. "Besides, he's gone back to nursing his beer bottle so I doubt he'll be any trouble to us for the rest of party."

"I sure hope so," muttered Sakura just before Ino's voice rang out all across the flat:

"Time to pick Secret Santa! And this year, since there's so many of us, we can select two!"

Thanks to Ino and Tenten's methodical instructions, everyone had been arranged to be in a circle so no one would be missed. Everyone had their name twice in the bowl so each person would get a total of two gifts. If someone drew their own name, they would just have to put the slip of paper back into the bowl and try again.

Minutes dragged by as Sakura watched Ino go around the badly shaped circle, shaking the bowl haphazardly. When it was her old teacher, Kakashi's, turn to pick, Sakura prayed with all her heart that he wouldn't obtain her name. Memories of his past presents to her (which consisted of his nasty Icha Icha Paradise books) flashed though her brain and she suppressed a grimace. She absolutely did not want a repeat of that ever again.

"Hey, Forehead girl, it's your turn!"

Jolting herself back into reality, Sakura stuck her tongue at Ino and reached into the bowl, mixing all the tiny paper slips around until her fingers finally snared two chosen pieces. "Thank you, Ino-pig," she bantered. In response, Ino blew her a raspberry prior to moving to Orochimaru. While they were preoccupied, Sakura took the time to take a peek at whom she selected.

The first one: Hidan.

Sakura resisted the urge to smack herself in the head.

Just my luck. How in the heck I am suppose to find a gift for him without him either complaining about it or cussing off the top of his lungs?

As she debated whether or not to give Hidan an English dictionary so he could learn proper words, the pinkette glanced down at her second piece of paper. The name made her heart skip a beat: Orochimaru.

Holy cow! I don't even know what would be the right present for him–Orochimaru is going to be a whole lot harder than Hidan! At least with Hidan I could give him a gag gift and tell him to stick it.

Thus came Sakura's dilemma: finding the perfect Christmas present.

The merry, giddy tintinnabulation* of bells outside the store reverberated in Sakura's ears as she scanned the rows of merchandise for anything in particular. She had first decided to shop for Hidan, reckoning she would eventually stumble across something that he would like. From her past speculations of him, she had gleaned he was a bit of a sadomasochistic and proclaimed he served some god called Jashin.

"Perhaps I should give him a Bible," chuckled Sakura, imagining Hidan's displeased, enraged face when he opened up her gift only to behold a religious tome, "Granted, he would probably kill me afterwards but his expression would be priceless."

She continued to browse through the store, mentally listing all the possible items Hidan would enjoy. Sakura decided she would be the bigger person and actually buy a good present for the temperamental, violet-eyed man. Maybe the gift would provoke him to act more civil towards her.

If I get that lucky.

Hours passed by and Sakura could find nothing that was suitable for Hidan. Honestly, a CD or gift card would have been a piece of cake but no, she just had to agonize over in getting him the perfect gift. Sighing exasperatedly, the pinkette was ready to call it quits and go into another store when a flash of scintillating silver ensnared her acuity*. The glint of the glamorous silver bade Sakura to follow and when the roseate-haired young woman investigated further, she was faced with a beautiful, rather intricate pentagram necklace. The pendant definitely didn't look farcical or cheap, the star pentagram and the beads must have been construed out of sterling silver or some other genuine brand.

Easing the pentagram off its hook, Sakura inspected the object closer, admiring how the glow of the light bulbs reflected mystically off the smooth, polished argent five-pointed star. A small smile drifted onto Sakura's features; she had finally discovered Hidan's perfect Christmas gift.

And what made her day even better is she knew exactly what to get for Orochimaru.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!" hollered Ino, waving her arms out about to gather all the guests' attention. "REMEMBER, IT'S TIME FOR THE SECRET SANTA EXCHANGE!"

"Just how much eggnog did Ino consume?" Shikamaru murmur to Sakura, who merely shook her head in regalement.

"I'm estimating about four or five but since it's Ino, I would add two more, just to be on the safe side," she replied, feeling her mouth curl up while Shikamaru sighed, then grumbled about how troublesome Ino was being. In his usually lethargic manner, he walked right over to the tipsy blonde, hoisting her off the chair and setting her feet neatly to the ground. Ino giggled, clasping her hands on her boyfriend's shoulders and allowed him to escort her to a vacant chair that was well away from all the alcoholic beverages.

Glancing down at the two efficiently wrapped presents in her arms, Sakura beamed proudly in her excellent benison* that she managed to find two wonderful gifts for Hidan and Orochimaru. After purchasing the pentagram for Hidan, Sakura cruised back home to take a look at her small, private weapon collection she had started since she was twelve. Years ago, when Ino and the rest of her female companions had convinced her to hold a party in her flat, Orochimaru had taken a keen intrigue in her tiny arsenal of antiques. One of his personal favorites was her serpentine daggers. She possessed three of them and all their handles were carved to look like a snake's skin. It was at that time Sakura learned Orochimaru amassed weapons himself and for the rest of the whole night, they became engaged in an intelligent, lively discussion of their preferences of weaponry and others weapons they had owned.

So when Sakura came home after buying Hidan's gift, she selected one of her serpentine daggers, rolled the ornate knife up in several rolls of tissue paper and bubble wrap prior to putting the dagger in a box.

Hopefully, they will like their presents—

"Sakura!" The demanding tone of Hidan interrupted the said pinkette's reverie. Whirling around, she soon found herself being accosted by a pair of gorgeous heliotrope eyes that seemed to singe her very being. Recollecting how they last got off on the wrong foot, Sakura forced an amicable grin on her visage.

"Greetings, Hidan. I was just about to start looking for you."

He blinked owlishly at her, taken aback utterly by her words. "You were?"

She nodded, presenting his gift to him. "I certainly was. I am your Secret Santa–or at least, one of them." Sakura passed the wrapped package along and Hidan took the present gladly, an amused smirk slowly crept across his features.

"You got to be shitting me. What are the fucking odds that I would be one of your damned Secret Santas too?" Laughing good-naturedly at Sakura's stunned expression, he handed her a fairly large box, devilry gleaming in his violet eyes. "Go on, open your gift. I swear you'll fucking love it."

Peering suspiciously at him, Sakura tentatively opened the lid of the white and gold box, wondering what sort of luxurious item Hidan could have possibly spent on her. Well, there's only one way to find out…

As she flipped the lid over and it crashed to the floor, a small gasped escaped her lips and emerald eyes widen at the sight before her. Amidst the white tissue paper was an enticing, lacy, ebony lingerie outfit. The straps of the top were thin and furnished with black ribbon whereas silk ruffles trailed all over the top hem of the bust. Sakura managed to breath a little bit easier when she glimpsed that the panty Hidan got her wasn't a thong.

Cheeks flaming, Sakura didn't need a mirror to know she was redder than peony nor look up to see that Hidan was grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"I thought you'd need something fucking sexy to prance around in. Beside, you look goddamned hot in black." Averting her gaze away from the sensational lingerie, Sakura quickly snatch the lid from the floor and slammed it back on the box for she feared a passerby would accidently witnessed the naughty attire Hidan had bought for her.

"Just what makes you think I would even wear this?" Sakura hissed, assaying to recover from the initial shock of Hidan's provocative gift, "I mean, I doubt it would be comfortable or—"

She halted her impending rant immediately after seeing the diabolical look flashing across in the lusty silver-haired man's countenance. "Why don't you wear it after we go on a date?" he insinuated, his smirk growing wider and wider as Sakura flushed brilliant scarlet. "What do you say, babe?"

Sakura wasn't sure whether to slap or gap at him. Was he serious?

"I think I need to have a drink," she answered finally, her mind dizzy from all the chaotic thoughts swirling about, "We can…talk about this later, Hidan."

"Any fucking time, Sakura," he replied with a roguish grin, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at her before she made her escape. Before a beautiful, warm ache throbbed between her thighs and her back tingled with pleasure. Did Ino spike all the food or what?

Okay, find Orochimaru prior something else crazy occurs that will give me either a stroke or heart attack.

Her search didn't last long. She easily spotted Orochimaru's long, silky ebony hair from a distance, even though he was sequestered in the corner, chatting with Kabuto. As she approached him, Sakura couldn't help it but to silently admire how finely tailored Orochimaru was. His shirt and pants were flawlessly pressed and his fancy shoes had been polished until she could see her reflection in them. A faint waft of his aftershave played with Sakura's nose, causing her to deeply inhale the musky scent and letting her mind wander in his aroma for a moment.

Kabuto obviously was the first to know her appearance and whispering to Orochimaru, the golden-eyed, alabaster man turned his head around to face Sakura, a small smile adorning his lips.

"Merry Christmas, Sakura," he greeted, standing up from the leather coach, "And now that you are here, I have a gift for you."

You got to be jesting. Orochimaru is my other Secret Santa?! Fate must be laughing down at me now.

"What a coincidence, Orochimaru. So do I!" With that said, she exchanged presents with Orochimaru, feeling herself relax as she was soon caught up in the raw, magnetic power of his mesmerizing golden eyes. Seized with the sudden desire to see what lied inside the wrapped box, Sakura tore at the wrapping viciously while Orochimaru observed her actions with great amusement. Kabuto had excused himself so the two of them could have some time alone.

After Sakura had crumpled up the last scrap of wrapping paper into a tiny ball, she eagerly lifted up the lid. Unlike Orochimaru, she fathomed she wouldn't be receiving any jaw-dropping surprises so she was surely safe. The only entity that could top Hidan's sexy lingerie was the entire series of Icha Icha Paradise and Orochimaru wasn't that type of guy.

When the lid was off, the pinkette found herself gazing at the hardcover of the newest novel to one of her favorite series. "Open the book, there's more," Orochimaru said abruptly and she obeyed, curiously lifting the cover of An Echo In the Bone open and flipping through the first few pages. All of sudden, she stopped instantly, eyes glued to the scribbled writing belonging to none other than the author herself.

"Oh my God, Orochimaru!" Sakura exclaimed, snapping her head back up to meet his gaze, sheer joy and gratitude blooming all over her fair visage, "I can't believe it–you actually had her sign to this?!" Unable to help herself, she wrapped her arms around Orochimaru and embraced him tightly, thanking him over and over again for the splendid, amazing treasure.

"You're quite welcome, Sakura," he replied, the tiny smile on his face expanding ever so slightly due to her gesture and he hugged her back. "Have a merry Christmas."

"Trust me, I will," the elated pinkette told him with a jovial beam, "And I wish the same to you."

Between clutching her precious book and the box that contained her sexy lingerie, Sakura concluded this was one of the best Christmas days she had ever had. And when she returned home, she was going to slip into Hidan's ridiculously lacy outfit, snuggle in her cozy coach with a blanket while sipping some hot chocolate as she read An Echo In the Bone.

And maybe, just maybe, she'll take up on Hidan's offer of a date, if he was really being serious. That is, if Orochimaru didn't ask her out first.

Color Glossary:

Aubergine- eggplant color; dark purple

Argent- silver

Heliotrope- purplish color

What's this? An Orochimaru/Sakura/Hidan love triangle? Sort of.

Originally, prior I began writing, the oneshot was designed to be solely Orochimaru/Sakura but Hidan just wouldn't get out of my head. Hence he wormed his way into this piece and managed to get a slice of some Sakura lovin'.

Not much else to say save for "Merry Christmas!" and "Have a Happy New Year!" See you all around!

---SpeedDemon315