Hello fellow readers!
I'm sure all of you are just as excited as I am for November 25. Having just finished the series rewatch and in my impatience for the revival's long awaited appearance, I had this idea tossing around in my head. It's a one shot for now, showing how Luke and Lorelai decide to fix things. I may (and probably will) add to it when I have the time, but for now enjoy!
When Lorelai finally pulled away from Luke's embrace, from the kiss that was far more passionate than the ones she'd received leading up to that fateful night in this very same spot, she looked up to meet his gaze. She smiled softly at the nerves, concern, hope and…she dared to hope love reflecting back at her. She reached up to kiss him again, cupping his cheeks and he rested his forehead against hers when they pulled away.
"I can't believe you did all this," Lorelai whispered.
"Rory deserves the best," Luke murmured.
Lorelai smiled as she took a step back and looked into his eyes. "After everything, I can't believe you're still here," she whispered. "For Rory."
"She's still Rory," he said, which she knew was his explanation of how much her daughter meant to him. No matter how he'd felt about her in the past, he'd always been there for Rory.
She offered him a smile and asked, "Know where a girl could get a good cup of coffee?"
He shook his head slightly as he looked at her, amusement written across his features. "Go ahead."
Ten minutes later, she was sitting at her usual stool, her favorite mug in front of her, filled with her favorite coffee, poured by her favorite man. "This reminds me of old times."
"You mean the times you repeatedly proved that the word closed means nothing to you and walked in demanding coffee," he said.
"Yeah, well, my good friend Luke was also there to lend a listening ear," Lorelai replied with a soft smile. She took a sip of her coffee and watched him watch her, then asked, "I know we messed up big time, Luke, and I want to talk about those things, I really do."
"But?" he prompted, well versed in her ability to talk around a topic.
"But tonight is Rory's night," Lorelai said, glancing back to the town square.
"I know," he nodded.
"And tomorrow is going to be so hard," Lorelai said. Her eyes filled with tears at the thought of dropping Rory off at the airport with no knowledge of when she'd see her again. "Regardless of the past two years and what's happening now, I think I'm really going to need Friend Luke."
He nodded as he reached out to rub a gentle hand over her arm. "I'll be here," he promised. "Call me when you leave the airport and I'll have a fresh stack of pancakes waiting."
Lorelai shook her head slightly. "You're too much," she whispered.
"You okay?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
Fighting the urge to put up her mask of emotion, Lorelai shook her head. "No," she said. "God, Luke, I'm going to miss her so much."
"I know you are," he said.
Her head snapped up at his tone and she clapped a hand over his mouth. "Oh, Luke, I didn't mean to…"
"I know you didn't."
"Here I am, already messing this up," she sighed. "Way to go, Gilmore."
"It's fine, Lorelai, really," Luke said. "I do miss April. But that just gives me some experience to draw from for my friend who has to say goodbye to her own kid tomorrow."
Lorelai nodded as she looked at him. "Thanks," she whispered.
"I have something for you," he murmured.
"Oh, Luke, after tonight you never have to…" Her voice trailed off as he dangled a necklace in front of her. "It's beautiful" she said, reaching out to take it.
"I know we're putting a hold on things for a bit," he nodded. "But I should have given this to you when I bought it. I want you to have it."
"When did you buy it?" she asked as she took the clasp off the necklace she was currently wearing.
"When I bought Rory's present," Luke admitted. "I was in Liz's store and as you know, I can never walk in there without something for you in hand."
Lorelai giggled. "I remember," she said. "You know how to spoil a girl."
"Only when they deserve to be spoiled," he said.
"Well, us Gilmore girls deserve that if nothing else," Lorelai agreed. She fastened the necklace and looked up at him. "How does it look?" she asked.
His eyes lingered on the necklace for a long moment before he looked up to meet her gaze evenly. "Beautiful," he said in a low voice.
Lorelai couldn't help the blush that crept over her cheeks as she took another long sip of her coffee.
"Can you bring Rory in for breakfast tomorrow?" he asked to change the topic.
She offered him a sympathetic smile. "I'd love that, Luke, and so would she, but she has a really early flight. I've got to be on the road to the airport by five."
"I'll open up."
She looked up at him in surprise. "You wouldn't mind?" she asked.
"I've been known to feed and caffeinate Gilmores after hours from time to time," he said, glancing pointedly around the diner.
"Okay, but it will be really early," Lorelai emphasized to him. "Even for you."
"Four sound good?"
"Four sounds perfect," Lorelai said. "Thank you, Luke."
"You don't have to keep thanking me," he said softly.
"Not for this," she said. "I mean, yeah, but just for…being you. Tonight, seeing what you've done for Rory, for me, it's like I'm seeing the Luke that I…." She shook her head and finished her coffee. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," he replied with a knowing smile.
"I should get back out there," Lorelai said. "Rory's over the moon, Luke, really. When she thought she wasn't going to be able to see everyone, she was so worried, and now she's so happy."
"I like seeing her happy too," Luke shrugged.
"Don't stay behind the grill tonight, okay?" she asked. "Come party with us town folk."
"I will," he said, moving around the counter to walk out with her. When he placed a gentle hand on her back to show her out the door she felt the tingles in her stomach return, and she smiled as she walked beside him back to the party.
"Where have you been?" Rory asked, appearing beside her as she watched Luke drop off the long awaited charcoal at the grill.
Lorelai smiled softly at her daughter. "With a cute boy," she replied.
Rory smiled knowingly. "Yeah, I saw," she said. "What's the deal?"
"No deal, just…thanking him for tonight."
"Wait, Luke did this?" Rory asked. "I thought it was Sookie."
"Me too," Lorelai said, looking up at the collection of tents and tarps that were perfectly stretched over the square. "But it was all Luke."
Before she'd realized what was happening, Rory was gone from her side, dragging Luke from the grill to the side of the tent. She saw Rory looking up at him expectantly as Luke waved his arms in self conscious dismissal. After a moment, Rory stepped forward and wrapped him tightly around his neck. Seeing the two most important people in her life embracing, Lorelai felt tears fill her eyes again, and she looked up at the sky.
"Pull it together, Gilmore," she said.
XXXXX
When Luke had placed their breakfasts in front of him the next morning, Lorelai looked up at him and asked, "Got a minute to join us?"
Luke's eyes flashed with uncertainty, but Rory looked up at him expectantly, and he nodded. "Sure, I think I can handle that."
The identical expression of joy that lit up both girls' faces warmed his heart, and he sat down to enjoy his own breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, letting himself bask in the presence of Lorelai and Rory, their witty banter so familiar and still completely endearing to him.
When Lorelai headed to the restroom after she'd finished, Rory took a sip of her coffee and examined him closely. "Thank you again, Luke," she said. "For this, for last night, for…everything."
Luke smiled as he leaned towards her slightly. "You deserve it," he informed her.
Rory ducked her head self consciously, but then met his gaze. "Can I ask you to do one more thing for me?" she asked.
"I'll make sure she's okay," Luke promised. "Even with all our stuff, I'll make sure she'll be okay. I promise, Rory."
Rory nodded. "Thank you," she said.
"What is it?" Luke asked, knowing there was more.
"Let her come to you," she said. "Mom's heart is so big and she just wants to be there for the people she loves."
Regret washed over him as he processed Rory's words. "We're working on it, kid, I promise we'll do our best not to screw this up this time."
"Good," Rory said. She was quiet before she said, "I was mad at her too, you know. What she did wasn't okay."
As well intended as Rory's comments were, Luke didn't want to discuss the past with Rory before he did so with Lorelai. ""All you need to do is go out there and show the world what you can do," Luke said. "Everyone here already knows that."
Rory smilled. "Okay," she said.
The sadness on Lorelai's face was evident as she walked back to the table. "All right, kid, I know it's dangerous to leave Luke's if you're not appropriately ready, but we've really got to hit the road."
"Let me just use the bathroom," Rory said, taking a final sip of coffee and heading towards the back.
Lorelai nodded and remained standing, offering Luke a brave smile as he stood to meet her. "Two more hours," she said. "I just have to keep smiling for two more hours."
Luke reached out to rub her shoulder. "You can do it," he informed her.
She surprised him by stepping into his arms, burying her face in his shoulder as if to draw strength. She remained cuddled there for a long moment before she pulled back and straightened her spine, flashing her fake, pretend everything is okay smile. "I'll come back after the airport," she said. "See what this place looks like in the daylight."
"Be careful driving, okay?" he requested. "Don't get on the road until you're ready."
"I will," Lorelai said, smiling at his concern.
"Okay, I'm ready," Rory said.
"Hang on," Luke moved to the counter and held a cup of to go coffee out to both of them, then walked them out the door. He offered Lorelai a hand squeeze and a quick smile before she climbed into the driver seat, then turned to Rory as she opened the passenger door. "Take care of yourself, okay?" he requested.
"I will, thanks, Luke," she said.
Luke nodded realizing he was just as emotional now as he had been when he'd seen April off to New Mexico. "And if you need anything…"
"I know," Rory said. "See you soon, Luke."
"See you soon, Rory," he said, offering her a warm embrace.
Rory smiled at him one last time as she climbed into the car. Luke stood on the corner as he watched them take off, raising a hand into the air as a final goodbye before he turned and walked into the diner, a heavy weight in his stomach.
XXXXX
Three and a half hours later, Luke abandoned his task of explaining to Kirk why he couldn't use Canadian money to pay for his breakfast when he saw Lorelai walk into the diner. She stood in the doorway for a moment, staring at the spot where she and Rory had eaten that morning before she turned and headed for him at a breakneck pace, not stopping until she was behind the counter and in his arms, dropping her purse onto the floor beside her with a thud. Not caring what the patrons of the breakfast rush thought, Luke wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, knowing she needed a moment to regroup.
When she pulled away her cheeks were wet and she wiped at them. "Sorry," she murmured. "I broke your counter rule."
"Like that's ever stopped you before," Luke said good naturedly.
Lorelai shook her head as tried to regain her strength. "Can we take a walk or something?" she asked. "I know it's probably busy, but I just need some air."
"Sure," Luke said quickly, tossing his notepad on the counter. "Go wait outside, I'll just tell Cesar I'm leaving."
"Okay," Lorelai said.
Five minutes later, he was standing in front of her on the sidewalk, a cup of coffee in one hand and a food bag in the other. "In case you need nourishments."
"You know me well," Lorelai said. He couldn't help that she hadn't even tried to smile, but she took the items gratefully. She stashed the food in her purse and took the coffee, taking a long sip.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked.
Lorelai shook her head as she looked around. "I wanted to find somewhere neutral, but that's pretty hard to do in this town," she said.
"We've made a lot of memories," Luke agreed. "How about the lake?"
Lorelai smiled as she remembered many a late night walk around the lake over the years. "Okay," she said.
They were both quiet as they set off, and Luke tried not to be too obvious as he looked at her from the corner of his eye. She'd forgone make up that morning, but still looked beautiful, even with her sadness written over her face. Wanting to make her feel better but not wanting to cross any lines that had yet to be drawn, Luke took a few long steps before he reached for her hand, offering it a squeeze and then loosening his grip, leaving the next step up to her.
Lorelai didn't say anything, but her fingers laced through his and she squeezed back, not ready to let go.
When they'd reached the lake, Lorelai pointed to a point near a small cluster of trees. "Can we sit?"
"Sure," Luke said, following her. Lorelai sat down easily, crossing her legs and taking a long sip of coffee as she looked out at the water.
"I used to bring Rory here," Lorelai said. "After we moved from the Independence Inn, she missed the water, so in the summer we'd walk here and count stars."
"That's a nice memory," Luke murmured.
"I tried to convince her to ice skate in the winter but she was never interested," Lorelai continued. "But you know that."
Luke smiled at the memory of Rory's first ice skating experience. "She refused to let go of me," he said. "Meanwhile, you completely left me in the lurch to jump and twirl."
"She liked you from the start," Lorelai said, taking a long swig of her coffee.
"She's okay?" Luke asked.
"Yeah, I watched her get through security," Lorelai said. "It was so hard, Luke. Even leaving her at Yale wasn't this hard. I could get in my car and see her whenever I wanted. Now I don't even know when I'll see her again."
"They tend to grow up."
"Too fast," Lorelai murmured. She took another long sip of coffee and then put the cup aside, staring at the lake for a long moment. Luke watched as she turned to look at him, angling her entire body so she was facing him, her eyes searching his.
"I want to tell you something," she said.
"You can tell me anything," he promised.
"I…" she shook her head before she could tell another lie to her self or to him. She didn't know. And it wouldn't help either of them to say that she did.
"Lorelai?" he prompted her.
"You're going to be the third person in the world to know this," Lorelai informed him. "Not even Rory knows. And she can't know. No one can know, Luke, ever."
Curious, he nodded. "Okay."
"Say it," Lorelai said. "I'm taking a huge leap of faith trusting you here, but I need you to know."
Hating that Lorelai had any doubts about trusting him, but understanding why she did, he looked her square in the eye and nodded. "No one knows."
"Thank you." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then opened them. She was clearly struggling with whatever she had to say to him. "You should know that for the past few months, since…since I've been by myself for the first time ever, really, I've been…seeing a therapist."
Completely taken by surprise, Luke leaned back as he examined her, trying to figure out the most appropriate reaction. Lorelai, true to form, read his thoughts and reached out to touch his arm. "Let me get this out, okay? This is really hard to explain, and I want to be able to explain without losing the courage I've worked up." He nodded silently, and her eyes briefly reflected gratitude before they changed to fear and then determination.
"After…Christopher," it seemed to be painful for Lorelai to even say that name, "left, I realized that I have some serious issues that I've been hiding for too long. And last year, before that pathetic night of begging you, I'd met this woman at my parents' house. She was a therapist of some kind and the poor woman ended up with me, broken and confused in her backseat, pouring my heart out about you and our relationship and everything. It had felt so good just to unload on someone who had no investment in my life, who had no opinions on the people I was talking about or my feelings about anything. Just an impartial party, letting me talk and offering their judgement free, real world advice and thoughts. So when I was alone again, missing you and facing life really on my own, I realized that I wanted that again. Someone to talk to who wasn't my friend or family member or neighbor. Just a random person, certified in dealing with the tangled lives of people like me, with so many cobwebs in their head they can't see straight." She paused to collect herself, and he tilted his head to the side to let her know that he was still listening. "I've been driving to New London once a week," she said. "I wanted to go far so there wasn't any chance of me running into anyone I knew. Plus, the drive is kind of therapeutic in itself. I can use the time there to think about what's bugging me that day, and on the way home I can think about any revelations that were made that day. I'm still a pretty big mess, especially at this particular moment in time, but I do think I'm getting better. I have a lot of things to work through, and I want to get through them so I can get a real, adult grip on life."
She let out a relieved breath as she finished her explanation and looked at him carefully, trying to gauge his reaction.
He reached out to squeeze her hand. "That's really brave of you, Lorelai," he said. "I'm proud of you."
His words brought a real smile to her face, albeit a small one. "Yeah?" she asked.
Luke nodded. "It must have been pretty difficult," he said.
"It was so hard," Lorelai nodded. "As someone who joked for years about needing therapy, it took a lot of courage for me to suck it up and actually do it. But it's been eye opening. It's the first thing I've done with my own well being in mind, to really make myself a better person."
"I'm really glad you're doing this, Lorelai," he said. "It seems like it's really helping you."
"It has been." She was quiet for a moment before she said, "I wanted to tell you because the past couple sessions have been focused on you and our relationship and my thoughts about it."
Luke tensed slightly, and she reached out to rest a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. I know you don't like people knowing your business, but I need to work through it. I'm not asking you to come with me or anything, I just…"
"I'd do it."
"What?" Lorelai asked.
"If you wanted me to, if you thought it would help you become you again, I'd go with you," Luke said, and the expression on his face told her that he was completely serious.
"You really would?" Lorelai asked.
"Why not?" he asked.
"I don't know, I just thought there would be some sort of Luke rant about Freud and medical professionals and leather couches."
Luke inhaled sharply. "I'm not exactly thrilled with the thought," he admitted. "But I…it seems like it's really helping you."
"It is," Lorelai admitted.
"So maybe, I don't know…" He ran a hand over his neck. "I know we've been over this, but I messed up big time. And maybe it would help both of us to know why."
"Okay," Lorelai said, looking at him carefully. "But I don't want you to do it if you're not comfortable."
"Give me some time to think about the idea?" he asked softly.
"Sure," she said with a nod. "I didn't think you'd ever even consider it."
"People have got to stop assuming they know what I'm going to do or say," Luke muttered.
Lorelai reeled back slightly at his words as the realization slammed into her like a ton of bricks. She'd done the same thing Anna had. In a lesser capacity, certainly, but she'd simply assumed he wouldn't want to go to counseling with her and didn't even bother to ask. Anna had done the same thing with April, resulting in him missing the first twelve precious years of his daughter's life.
"I'm sorry," she muttered.
"No, I shouldn't have said that," Luke replied. "Here you are trying to be honest and communicate, and I respond with an underhanded comment."
"See this is exactly what I want to work on," Lorelai said. "You should know that I want this, Luke, I really do. You and me, the life we were planning, I want that back. But we can't just jump back in and pretend that you didn't shut me out or I didn't run away. We have to work through these issues so we don't implode again. I don't think I could survive that."
"You're right," he said. "We'll work on it. I'll work on it."
"And um…I think we should wait a bit before we jump back into being us," Lorelai said. "We should be talking and spending time together, I want that. But I think the dates and sleepovers and stuff should wait. At least a little bit."
"Again, you're right," he nodded. He sighed and turned to look at her. "One condition?"
She cocked her head and waited for him to continue.
"While we're taking time and working through things," he said. "No one else?"
"Oh, Luke," she whispered, leaning forward. "There is no one else. I promise."
He nodded as he squeezed her hand. "Come on, let me walk you home," he said. "I'm sure that crazy dog of yours needs a walk."
Lorelai smiled at the mention of Paul Anka. "He missed you, you know," she said.
"He's a dog, dogs can't miss people."
"Not true," Lorelai shook her head. She remembered how Paul Anka would abruptly leave the room whenever Christopher entered it, and had turned his back to her whenever she even mentioned Christopher's name in his presence. She had, however, found a pair of Luke's socks tucked into the corner of Paul Anka's bed and hadn't had the heart to take them from her dog, who had stashed them during her Luke purge. She still had her own one tiny reminder of the man she should have married tucked behind her make up and face wash in the bathroom drawer, one that hadn't quite made it into the boxes she'd thrown away.
"What are you thinking about?" Luke asked as they approached her house.
"Whether I can reunite the Bangles and join the band," Lorelai said without a beat.
"Good luck with that."
"Thank you," Lorelai said, smiling as she unlocked the front door. "Mommy's home, Paul Anka!"
The dog lifted his head lazily off the couch and then put it back down, clearly not impressed. "Nice to see you too," Lorelai frowned and then turned to Luke. "Do you want to stick around for a bit?"
"Oh I…" he looked around uncomfortably. He hadn't been inside since it had nearly been his house, and he could still see touches of his time away. He wondered how many of them were Christopher's influence. "I don't know if I…"
At the moment Paul Anka heard Luke's familiar voice, he jumped off the couch and charged towards Luke, barking excitedly. Luke tried to suppress the smile that came across his face, but he reached down to rub his head affectionately. "Nice to see you too, mutt," he murmured.
Lorelai smiled. "I told you. He missed you," she said. "And you missed him too."
Luke offered her a smile from where he'd bent down to rub Paul Anka's back. "Yeah, I did," he admitted. He gave the dog one last scratch on his back, then stood. "I guess I could stay for a little bit if you want."
"I want," Lorelai confirmed.
"Okay," Luke said.
"Want some tea?" Lorelai asked, pointing towards the kitchen.
"Sure," he said. "I can get it."
"Okay," Lorelai said, knowing he liked having something to occupy himself. They walked into the kitchen and she made the coffee while he boiled the water for tea. She marveled at the normalcy of the situation, something they'd done a thousand times before. Their routine was exactly as it always had been; she poured the water into the coffee maker while he filled the kettle. She scooped the coffee as he pulled two mugs out of the cabinet. And then, as they waited for their respective beverages to brew, he unconsciously reached out to kiss her forehead as he passed her to sit at the table.
"I'm sorry," he said, freezing as he realized what he had done. "I didn't mean to…"
"It's okay," she shook her head with a smile.
"We wanted to take things slow and I…"
"Kissed my forehead," Lorelai said with an amused smile. "I think even the Amish would say that was okay."
He nodded but looked at her carefully, trying to determine if she was telling the truth.
"I may have even liked it," she baited him. "That morning routine we perfected is still there. It's nice."
"Yeah, it is," he said with a nod.
"So I guess everything's not lost," Lorelai added.
He smiled meaningfully at her. "I guess not," he said.
Lorelai smiled back at him, but her gaze quickly drifted into Rory's room. She sighed as she moved to close the door, not wanting to be reminded of the goodbye she'd said that morning. As she leaned in to close the door, she saw a key sitting on Rory's dresser, a bright pink post it sitting next to it, labeled with an address. A notecard sat beside it and Lorelai picked it up.
Mom,
I don't know what's going on with you and Luke, but someday I think the two of you might be ready for this.
Love,
Rory
"Hey, do you know why Rory would have left a key with some unknown address and said that I should go there when you and I are ready?" she asked, walking back to the kitchen where Luke was pouring her coffee.
"What?" he asked.
Lorelai held the note and the key out to him and he shook his head. "No idea," he said.
Lorelai nodded as she looked down at the items in her hand. "Does that address mean anything to you?" she asked.
"No," he said. "Want to check it out?"
Lorelai considered her options carefully. "What does she mean?" she asked.
"We can go find out if you want," Luke said.
Lorelai tapped her fingers against the counter for a moment, then nodded. "Let's go."
XXXXX
Half an hour later, Luke pulled into the parking lot of a storage facility and frowned. "Are you sure this is the right address?" he asked.
"Yeah," Lorelai said. "Why does she need a storage unit? She has all her stuff stored in the garage."
"Maybe she needed more storage for her books," Luke suggested.
"You don't think it's going to be anything creepy, do you?" Lorelai made a face.
"What's the unit number?" he asked, not even justifying her question with an answer.
"23."
He pulled up outside it and turned to her, shutting off the truck. "Do you want me to wait here?" he asked.
"No, she put your name on the note," Lorelai said. "Obviously she wanted you to see this stuff just as much as she wanted me to."
"Okay," he nodded, and they both climbed out of the truck. Lorelai unlocked the padlock and Luke raised the bright red door, frowning at the sight of several large boxes piled in the center of the cement storage area. "What is this stuff?" he asked.
Lorelai shrugged and stepped forward, ripping the tape off of one of the boxes and peering inside. "Oh no," she shook her head, clasping her hand over her mouth. "Oh, Rory…"
"What is it?" he asked, appearing beside her and looking at the box of clothes in front of her. "She got a storage unit for old clothes?"
"No," Lorelai shook her head. "These are my Luke boxes."
He raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "Your Luke boxes?" he repeated.
"Yeah," Lorelai nodded. Realizing that she owed him an explanation, she collected herself and said, "After you left my house that morning, I wanted to live in complete denial of what could have been, so I took everything that reminded me of you out of the house and put them in these boxes. I left them for the trash, but Rory must have swiped them. That girl…"
Luke nodded slowly. "So all this stuff…"
"Reminded me of you."
"Uh huh," Luke said.
"It didn't work," she said. "You're written into that house, Luke, your touches are all over it. I didn't forget anything."
He nodded slowly and peered into the box again. "This was the dress you wore when we got engaged," he said, holding it up.
"You remember," she said, her smile so bright that he felt a surge of pride on his face that he had put it there.
"I remember everything," Luke promised.
"Oh, this will be fun," Lorelai said. "We can take the boxes back and I can quiz you on what each item is. You know, like a time capsule of our relationship." She paused and then took a step back. "I mean, if you want."
"I want to," he promised. "But I would like an explanation as to why there's a tube of lipstick in here."
"Blush rose," she said without hesitation. "It was your favorite."
Suddenly realizing the extent to which Lorelai had purged her belongings, he nodded and said, "Let's get these in the truck."
"Go ahead, Butch, I'll supervise." He shot her a look and she smiled. "I just want to leave a message for Rory."
He nodded and bumped her shoulder with his fist before he hoisted two boxes into his arms and headed towards the truck.
Lorelai watched him appreciatively as she waited for Rory's voicemail, knowing that Rory was still in the air and inaccessible by phone. "Hey, beautiful girl, it's me," she said. "I just wanted to say thank you. I found your lair. You're a special kid, Rory Gilmore." She looked up when Luke stopped in front of her and pointed to himself. "Luke says thanks too. Call me when you land. I miss you."
She hung up and turned back to the truck where Luke was leaning over to shove some boxes into the back. His jeans were stretched across his backside, and she couldn't help the smile that came across her face as she admired her view. A lot had changed, but Luke was still as attractive as ever.
"Are you planning on helping at all?" he scowled as he walked past her.
"Yeah, sure," Lorelai said. "Truck's that way."
He sighed as he picked up another box. "I wonder how much of my stuff is actually in here," he said.
"Not much," Lorelai muttered.
"What?" he asked.
"You weren't exactly a regular around the house when this happened," Lorelai said, a bit more harshly than she'd intended. She crossed her arms over her chest and muttered, "Sorry."
"It's okay," he said. "You're right."
"But we're not talking about it today," Lorelai said. "God, I can't seem to do anything right."
"It's a process," Luke said. "We'll get there, Lorelai."
She looked up at him for a moment, and in his eyes she could see that he truly believed that. "Let's go open some boxes."
XXXXX
Paul Anka was perched on the stair landing, watching as Luke and Lorelai spread out on the floor, going through the second box together.
"My spatula!" Luke exclaimed, holding it up triumphantly.
"Sure, that you're excited about," Lorelai said. "Your snowman boxers must be so sad right now."
Luke leaned in and pulled out a couple more items-some framed pictures, a bar of soap, some CDs-before a sly smile appeared on his face.
"What?" Lorelai looked up from folding her rediscovered clothing when she saw his expression.
Wordlessly, Luke reached into the box and held up a bright red lace bra, then reached his other hand into the box for its matching pair of panties.
"Oh my god," Lorelai said, her face suddenly turning bright red. "Give me that."
"It's not like I haven't seen them before," Luke said with a smirk. "Although I do prefer them how they were originally presented to me."
She tried to snatch the items out of his hand but he quickly stood, holding them out to her reach. "Remember that night?" he asked, the teasing gone from his voice.
She smiled softly. "Of course I remember," she said. "For someone who hates birthdays, you sure liked your present that year."
"Well, with wrapping like this," he dangled the underwear in front of him. "How could a man refuse?"
"That night," Lorelai shook her head. "We were still so new, only a couple months in, and my mother hadn't stuck her nose in yet. Things were so easy back then. So fun and sexy, and all I had to do was throw on some hot underwear to have you wanting me."
"Hey," he dropped the garments onto the coffee table and sat down on the floor in front of her. "I never stopped wanting you."
Lorelai shook her head. "Don't lie, Luke, it's not going to get us anywhere," she said.
"I'm not lying," he insisted.
"Well, by the end it seemed like a chore," Lorelai said with a scoff. "For god's sake, Luke, I got in bed naked one night and you didn't even turn to look at me."
"I noticed," he said. "Trust me, it was a very uncomfortable night."
"Then why didn't you do something?" Lorelai cried. She knew it was ridiculous, they had much more important things to discuss, but apparently their sex life couldn't wait. "I was right there, Luke. Do you know how humiliating that was? Crawling in bed completely naked to seduce my fiancé and getting no reaction? It's the very definition of pathetic!"
Hearing her side of the story now, over a year later, made Luke want to time travel and beat himself up. How had he let things get so messed up? There had been a time when he'd have given anything to have Lorelai Gilmore crawl into bed with him without a hint of clothing on. And when the day had finally come, he'd ignored her, trying to fight his desire for her as he'd listened to her sniffle herself to sleep less than a foot away from him.
"I'm sorry," he sighed.
"I don't want an apology, I want an explanation!" she demanded.
"I guess…I felt like I didn't deserve it," he said. "Deep down, I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I didn't deserve to have you like that, as much as I wanted it."
"That's stupid," Lorelai said frankly, but she dropped her anger. "And so is this fight. We have way more important things to talk about."
"Well, it's probably a major factor in everything," Luke said. "Me making you feel unwanted…I can't believe I messed that up."
She sighed as she looked at him carefully. "I missed the closeness," she admitted. "With you, it was…well, we were pretty good at it, weren't we?"
"Yeah, we were," Luke admitted.
Lorelai reached out to pick up the underwear that had started the conversation, fingering the lace as she folded it neatly. "You should know," she said. "That it's never been like that with anyone else. You're…well, no one could measure up."
Luke raised his eyebrows at her choice of words.
She gasped as she realized what she'd said and clasped her hands over her mouth. "That's not what I was...I didn't mean that you're…even if it's true, but…oh my god, this could not be more awkward."
He shoved his discomfort aside to laugh at her fluster. "It's okay, Lorelai, it's not like it's a competition," he said, trying to lighten the mood.
She met his gaze evenly. "Certainly not a close one."
The air in the room seemed to thicken as their gazes locked, and Lorelai quickly turned away, knowing they couldn't act on their desires at that point in time. They had too much to talk about before they made that step. She cleared her throat and turned to a new box. "Hey, what's in there?" she asked, pulling it towards her.
Luke cut it open and she smiled as she pulled out the dried wreath crown she'd worn to Liz's wedding. "What a night," she murmured.
He trailed his fingers over the pink ribbon, remember how badly he'd wanted to do it that night, as they'd mixed with her curly dark hair. "Good memories," he murmured.
"Would you do it all over again?" she asked. "Knowing how things happened, would you go back in time to Past Luke and say, 'hey, don't talk to the crazy woman in the zucchini patch, she's just going to break your heart?'"
"No, I'd tell him to go for it," Luke nodded. "If there was one thing I'd tell him, it would've been not to hide April. I should have told you right away." He reached into the box and smiled as he saw the soft brown sweater she'd worn to the test run of the Dragonfly, when he'd first kissed her. "What about you, would you change any of it?"
Lorelai sighed. "Yeah," she said. "A lot of things. But if there was one thing...Can I be completely honest right now?"
"Sure," he said, looking at her carefully.
"That night, I went to Christopher, it was wrong," she said. "It was really horrible of me, and I'm never going to forgive myself. It's a huge regret I'll have forever, but it's not my biggest regret."
Luke crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate.
"I never should have married him," Lorelai said, tears filling her eyes. "We could have…in hindsight, I really, truly believe that you and I could have fought through that huge, colossal, horrible thing I did. But instead, because I hadn't proved myself to be a big enough idiot already, I just screwed up even more."
Luke wasn't sure he was ready to hear this. "Lorelai…"
"It's true," she said, tears now spilling down her cheeks. She moved to the couch and pulled her knees to her chest, hugging them tightly to protect herself. "And at that point it wasn't just you I hurt. Rory was furious, my parents thought I was insane, and god, when they didn't approve I should have known something was wrong. But there I was, selfish Lorelai, just trying to convince myself that I was okay because I had finally gotten a husband, which had been the end game all along."
Unsure how much more of this he could hear, Luke put his hands on top of his head and let out a frustrated sigh.
"The problem was," Lorelai continued. "It wasn't the right husband. It wasn't the husband I should have had. It should have been you, Luke."
"Yeah, well, I did a pretty good job of refusing that offer," Luke muttered with self deprecation.
Lorelai sighed and reached for a tissue. "So much for not talking about the big issues today," she said.
Luke didn't respond, but looked down at her with his hands on his hips. "Lorelai, I think we need to do this in a more controlled setting," he said.
She looked at him curiously. "Do you mean you'll come with me?" she whispered.
"I think I have to," he said. "Doing this now, here, in the house you shared with him is too hard. I can't bounce from topic to topic with no resolution on any of it. If we want to get to the other side of this, we need to have some guidance."
Lorelai nodded and hugged her knees tighter. "Thank you," she said. "I know this is going to be difficult for you, Luke, but I really want to work through this. I think we can be great together."
"I know we can be great together," he said. "That's why I'm willing to do this."
"I'll call tomorrow and tell them you'll join on Thursday," she said. "I, uh, have a standing appointment, Thursdays at 2. Does that work for you?"
"Yeah, I can make it work," Luke nodded. "But Lorelai…"
She made a zipping motion with her mouth. "Our secret, for life or longer," she said. "I promise, Luke."
"Thank you," he said.
She pointed to the boxes. "Do you think we can get through these without more shouting or tears?" she asked.
"Hopefully," he said. "There are some pretty good memories in here."
"Yeah, there are," she said. "Oh!"
Luke watched as she pulled out a wooden jewelry box and opened it to reveal the earrings and necklace he'd gotten her from Liz. "I always loved those on you," he murmured.
"I think they're my favorite," Lorelai said. "I love this necklace, and the others you've given me, but these remind me of everything starting and being fresh."
Luke laughed as he reached into the box and pulled out a box of cigarettes. "You kept these?" he asked.
"Yes!" she said with a gasp. "Rory has cornstarch, I have cigarettes. It's a girl thing," she added at the quizzical look he gave her.
After ten more minutes, they had uncovered some other small items-the blue and white flannel she'd always looked good in, a town meeting brochure, and a t-shirt Luke had left in her dresser-he reached into the box for the final item, his breath catching slightly. "Lorelai…"
She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "I can't."
"You looked so beautiful," he murmured.
"Luke, don't."
"I wish I could have seen it on you for the real deal."
"Please," she begged. "I don't want to see that dress."
He obeyed and left the wedding dress in the box, but eyed her closely. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"I wanted to wear it so badly," she said. "You have no idea, Luke. Even after you cancelled the wedding, I would still put it on and stare at myself in the mirror, but all I was seeing was the expression on your face, and hearing you tell me it was perfect. I should have known. I did know. It was too perfect, it couldn't have worked."
Luke looked at her for a moment, hating the broken expression on her face. He knew there was nothing he could do to make it go away at that point in time. Knowing that they were both emotionally spent, he silently packaged the box with the wedding dress still inside back up and pushed it to the side. Lorelai watched him with stubborn determination not to cry again, and he gestured to the belongings that littered the living room.
"What do you want to do with this stuff?" he asked.
She dropped her arms and sighed. "You take what you want home," she said. She smirked as she held up his spatula. "I don't know how you've survived without this for the past year."
He frowned as he reached for it. "Give that to me!" he demanded.
"Hmm, maybe I'll go cook some pancakes," she said.
"Lorelai," he laughed.
"Or scramble some eggs," Lorelai pondered. "I may have to keep this in case I need to bribe you someday."
Luke narrowed his eyes, glad to see her playful side emerging. "All right, you want to play dirty," he said. He glanced around the room for a moment before he snatched a pair of purple heels off the floor. Their rediscovery had had Lorelai making noises dangerously close to the ones she made in the bedroom, so Luke knew they were a safe bet to barter with. "Your heels for my spatula."
Lorelai gasped. "As much as I would pay every damn cent I have to see you in those, you'd totally stretch out the leather," she said. "Give them back!"
"Eye for an eye," Luke challenged.
"You're playing dirty," she stated.
"You have no idea."
Their banter was again bordering on foreplay and she shook her head slightly. "Fine," she said. "But I'm also keeping the flannel."
"Like I could ever wear that shirt again," Luke replied with a small smile.
She handed her spatula over, then pushed an empty box his way with her foot. "On a serious note, take whatever you want," she said. "These are our memories, not just mine."
"Thanks," he said, tossing the spatula in the box and beginning to sort through some of the other items. Lorelai retreated to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, and when she returned a few minutes later Luke was taping the box closed.
"Got your loot?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said with a nod, standing upright. "Are you hungry?"
Lorelai smiled and shook her head. "I know what you're trying to do Luke, and I appreciate it," she said. "But I'm okay. Really."
"Just keeping you fed," Luke said. "I've been doing it forever."
"No, you're trying to distract me from missing Rory," she said. "And, for the most part doing an exceptional job."
Luke shrugged as he looked around the house. "I just know it's going to be hard for you to be here without her," he said. "I figured I'd stay awhile, if you're okay with that."
"I'd love that," Lorelai said. "But I have to face it eventually. I think we've had a day for the emotional record books though, don't you?"
"Yeah, it's been a long one," he said. "You sure you'll be okay?"
She nodded. "I'm going to take a shower and go to bed," she said. "I didn't sleep much last night."
"Okay," he said. He bent to reach for his box, but stopped when he felt Lorelai's hand on his arm.
"Luke, I need to know now," she said. "Because once you walk out the door, I'm not going to be able to go back. Are we doing this? Really doing this? Because it's not going to be easy."
"I know," he said. "But I want to do it, Lorelai, I do."
"And the therapy thing?" she asked. "It's hard, Luke, it's really hard. And emotional. And you can't hold anything back. It's going to get emotional and messy, and you have to be okay with that."
Luke nodded, reaching forward to take her hand. "I know I said it before and I didn't follow through," he said. "But we've both grown a lot since then. I'm in this, and this time I'm willing to work for this. It's too important to not try."
"Okay," Lorelai said. "So we're here, together, taking the steps to being us again."
"We're on the same page with that," he said. "Can I kiss you now?"
She smiled as she wrapped her arm around his neck. "So entirely predictable…"
XXXXX
"And how's the hotel?" Lorelai asked as she settled into bed later that night.
"Very sparse," Rory said, rubbing a towel through her wet hair.
"Well, I suppose Iowa isn't known for its charming countryside inns," Lorelai commented.
"I suppose not," Rory said. She flopped onto the mattress and asked, "So how's Luke?"
"He's…Luke," Lorelai said. "We went through some stuff when we were going through the boxes."
"So things are good?" Rory asked.
"No," Lorelai said honestly. "We have a lot to work through, Rory, it's not all going to be fixed in a conversation or two."
"I know," Rory said. "But he's Luke. As much as I hate what he did to you, he's Luke again. Our Luke."
"I know he is," Lorelai said. "He's trying. We're both trying. And it was nice at times, going through some of the good memories this afternoon. Even though it got ugly at times, it was cleansing, I guess, to go through them together."
"Ugly?" Rory asked.
"I kind of freaked out a couple times," Lorelai said. "Especially over the wedding dress."
"Oh, Mom," Rory sighed. "I'm sorry, I should have organized them better or labeled them or…"
"Rory, it has nothing to do with you," Lorelai said. "I'm so grateful you had the foresight to keep that stuff."
"Just returning the favor," Rory said. "You made a Dean box for me, I kept your Luke boxes."
"And for that, you will forever be my favorite girl in the world," Lorelai confirmed.
"So what happened with the wedding dress?" Rory asked.
"I told him how I kept trying it on even after he canceled the wedding," Lorelai said. "And how it was the one thing I couldn't bear to see because it represented how perfect everything was until it wasn't."
"That's understandable," Rory related.
"Rory, the expression on his face was horrible," Lorelai said. "He looked so hurt, so full of regret."
"Good," Rory said, her protective streak for her mother emerging. "He should have regrets."
Lorelai smiled sadly. "Rory, I love that you're protective and I completely understand it, believe me, but let me and Luke work this out, okay? He's sorry."
Rory sighed. "I know he is," she relented.
"I know you're trying to help and I know you're invested in this because you have your own relationship with Luke, but I can do this. I'm a big girl."
"I just don't want either one of you to get hurt again," Rory murmured.
"Honey, you're an adult now," Lorelai said. "You know that sometimes we have to hurt a little before we can get what we want."
"I guess," Rory said. "Being an adult sucks."
"You're telling me," Lorelai said.
"Remember when we would sit outside the Independence Inn and watch the weddings?" Rory asked.
"Making up stories about the bride and groom," Lorelai added.
"You always said you knew that they loved each other," Rory said.
Lorelai smiled at the memory. "I was really young, Rory," she said. "When you went through that phase at Yale, when you were so confused, do you remember how overwhelmed you were?"
"Yeah, it was horrible," Rory said.
"Well, when I went through that phrase, I had a four year old, a job that I constantly had to prove myself for, and no money," Lorelai said. "I wouldn't change any of it, you know that, but those weddings were kind of my escape. You ran to the pool house, for God knows what reason, and I ran into a fantasy world where it was simple enough that two people could just meet and fall in love and get married."
"I could see how that would be comforting," Rory acknowledged.
"But I grew up," Lorelai said. "I know I'm your mom and it's hard for you to understand, but I really was still a kid. I met my responsibilities and provided for you, but emotionally, I think I got a little stunted."
"You're kidding," Rory said sarcastically. "I thought all grown ups wore Hello Kitty pajamas to bed."
"Not like that," Lorelai laughed.
"Or is it the practical jokes?" Rory asked. "Because personally, I know several people well into their thirties who spread ketchup on the ground and convince poor, innocent individuals that they are the key witness in a murder."
Lorelai giggled. "That was one of my finer moments," she said. "And it did get Kirk out of the diner for a week, so Luke was in a particularly good mood."
"I did receive extra curly fries multiple times that week," Rory recalled.
"You always got more curly fries," Lorelai stated. "Luke totally likes you better."
"That's because I've never thrown away his entire supply of decaf coffee," Rory replied.
"I was only trying to keep hypocrites out of the diner," Lorelai said. "Decaf coffee is like sugarless chocolate."
"Graphic novels," Rory offered.
"Virgin margaritas."
"Meaningful modern art."
Lorelai laughed as she looked at the clock. "Alright, writer girl, I'll let you get some sleep before your big day tomorrow," she said.
"Okay," Rory sighed. She was quiet and then she said, "I really miss you, Mom."
"I miss you too, Rory," she said. "You have no idea."
"I'll call you in the morning," Rory offered. "Love you."
"Love you too."
Lorelai hung up the phone and tossed it onto the bed, the events of the past two days flooding over her. It was hard to believe that in the past twenty four hours she had said goodbye to Rory, gotten on the same page with Luke about the direction of their relationship, and hashed through boxes of memories, pleasant as well as painful. She should be tired, but she was strangely exhilarated.
Talking to Rory on the phone, late at night and snuggled in bed had brought her back to that summer years ago when she'd spent hours talking to Luke. She'd been completely alone that summer, with Rory angry at her and Luke in Maine, but their late night chats had been where their relationship had begun to evolve from friendship to romance. She'd gotten to know things about him in a new way, from a new perspective, and she could remember loving the low, husky voice he'd used over the phone.
With a glance at the clock, she decided to take a gamble that he'd still be awake and dialed the apartment. She sighed when she got the machine, but decided to leave a message anyway.
"Hey, Luke, it's me…Lorelai. I just wanted to…I was thinking about you and figured I'd just say goodnight. I know you're probably asleep, but…"
"Lorelai?" his hurried breath came to the phone.
"Oh, hey," she said, her mood lifting a bit. "I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No, just getting out of the shower," he replied.
Lorelai bit her lip as she fought off the image of Luke, wrapped in a towel with water dripping down his chest. "Uh, you shower at night now?" she asked. It was sometimes hard to believe it had been a year, that his routines could have changed that much and she'd have no idea.
"Sometimes," he said. "Especially when Taylor comes into my diner and a plate of chili fries accidentally slips out of my hand."
"Oh my god, you threw chili fries at Taylor?" Lorelai exclaimed. "Please tell me there is video of this."
"He wants me to do a flag day special," Luke said. "Something about toothpicks with flags of the food of origin and I just wasn't in the mood."
"Aww, and you got some of the rebound?" Lorelai asked.
"So are you okay?" Luke asked, changing the subject. She could hear rustling on the other end of the line and assumed he was putting his pajamas on. The image of freshly showered, wet, naked Luke was enough to take her breath away for a moment.
"Uh, yeah," she said, shaking her head. "What are you doing?"
"Getting ready for bed," Luke replied. "You?"
"Already in bed," Lorelai replied. "I was just thinking about that summer when you were in Maine with Liz and TJ."
"Don't remind me," he rolled his eyes.
"I liked our phone calls," Lorelai said. "I just figured we could kind of revisit that feeling even though you're only a mile away."
Luke smiled as he sat down on his bed. "That sounds nice," he said.
"Good," Lorelai said, snuggling further into the pillows. "So are you moving the pewter?"
"Lorelai," he groaned.
"Did Annie from the grog booth hit on you again?"
"I can hang up."
"No, don't!" she cried. "I'm sorry.
"That summer was torture," he informed her.
"It was hard."
"You're telling me," he grumbled.
"Lucas!" she cried, but her lips were smiling.
"I'd just kissed you and had everything I'd ever wanted, and had to spend the entire damn summer listening to TJ whine," Luke reminded her. "Torture."
"Well, I can think of one weekend you thoroughly enjoyed," Lorelai said.
"Hmm," Luke said. "Gotta love Lake Winnepesake."
"Not like we saw any of it," Lorelai said, remembering their weekend spent halfway between their summer residences. Although he'd insisted on not taking her on a date until he got home, they'd had no problems consummating their relationship in a small inn that overlooked the New Hampshire lake.
"There were more important things to explore," Luke replied.
"That was a really great weekend," she reminisced.
"We should think about doing it again sometime," Luke suggested shyly.
Lorelai sighed noncommittally. "Maybe," she said. "Hey Luke?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for being here today."
"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he replied.
Lorelai smiled as she reached over to turn out the light and fluffed her pillows. "I know," she said, truly believing it. "Tell me a story."
"What?" he asked, bewilderment and amusement laced in his voice.
"A story," Lorelai repeated. "I like your phone voice."
"Hmm," Luke thought for a moment. "How about the tale of the innkeeper and the tavern owner?"
"I don't know," Lorelai murmured. "Does it have a happy ending?"
"This version does."
"Good," Lorelai said. "Proceed."
Luke's low voice began to speak and she took comfort in the sound. In that moment, safe in her bed and listening to Luke, she could truly believe that their ending would be a happy one.
Well, there you go! They've talked, decided to fight, and are determined to get things right.
I know Luke may have seemed to be a little out of character in this story, and the therapy thing might not seem like something Lorelai would do. But after watching Driving Miss Gilmore again I realized that it might be something that she would have considered. I also think that Luke did grow a lot in the aftermath of his breakup with Lorelai, and truly believe that after the show ended he would have at least tried to do anything to get their relationship back.
Final note: The title comes from the Matchbox 20 song, their best one in my opinion. Check it out if you're not familiar with it-I think it's completely perfect for Luke and Lorelai at this point in their relationship.
Thanks for reading!