Story: Skyrim: The Unglamourous Failings of Ulfric Stormcloak Remastered
Author: Master Jin Sonata & Time Master
Written: June 28th, 2016
Remastered: July 8th, 2017
Genre: Humor/Mystery
Rating: T (Language)
Disclaimer: I do not own Bethesda or its potentially doomed Nordic villain.

Once in a while, many people experience a series of unfortunate events. Lord Ulfric Stormcloak of Windhelm, is no exception.

Scene 1: Tamriel's Unfortunate

It was a day unlike any other in Skrim. Ulfric Stormcloak woke up bright and early within the Palace of the Kings feeling less restful than usual. He had been up late all last night listening to the loud banging of Galmar humping his wife next door. Nevertheless, he did manage to get close to his usual six hours of daily sleep. As the sun began to shine through the ice-crusted windows of his bedroom, he opens his eyes and found himself face to face with an unruly creature.

"What in oblivion?" Ulfric yells as he was in the presence of a Daedric Lord.

"Greetings, Ulfric. I am known as Sanguine, the Daedric Prince of Debauchery. I have come to make an offer with you," Sanguine says in a menacing yet playful demonic voice.

Ulfric wasn't going to have any of this foolishness. He kept his eye on Sanguine as he reaches for his blade that lay next to his bed.

"Don't bother raising your sword against me, I've taken the liberty in replacing all of the weapons within this castle with roses. Wasn't that simply nice of me?" Sanguine muses with a humbled grin.

"What do you want with me, demon?" Ulfric demands.

"Like I said before, I wish to make a deal with you. Rumor across Oblivion has it that you murdered the former leader of this city a few nights ago. This has angered many of the souls who used to rule this domain before you, as well as the various mortal leaders across Skyrim. I wish to offer you sanctuary from…a potential string of unfortunate events from befalling upon you," Sanguine explains.

"And what's in it for me if I choose to accept your offer? Will you drag me to Oblivion as your slave instead of realizing my glory to ascend to Sovngarde after I unite Skyrim?" Ulfric inquires.

"Actually I had something else in mind involving The Night Mother and the backside of Woolly Mammoth, but I like your idea more," Sanguine responds with a chuckle.

"Well I'll let you know right now that I refuse your offer, demon! Get out of my castle before I call the guards!" Ulfric threatens the Daedric Prince.

Sanguine laughs. "Suit yourself. But remember, if you ever change your mind, just grab hold of any rose and chant my name three times to summon me. Just be sure to do so before its…too late. You could end up carted away to have your head cut off."

Before Ulfric could say anything more, Sanguine disappears within a small Oblivion gate that had appeared behind him. Seconds later a few of his castle guards came barging into his room in response to him not being downstairs for breakfast as scheduled. All of the guards were holding a bouquet of red roses instead of their issued swords and daggers.

"Anything wrong, my lord?" asks one of the guards. Ulfric shot out of bed and approaches his men.

"What do you mean is there anything wrong?! I was just threatened by a Daedric Prince!" he says angrily.

"Should we investigate who the culprit is?" another guard asks.

"No, I will look into this matter later. For now, there is business to attend to, right after I eat some breakfast," Ulfric says to his men, standing to his feet and preparing to head downstairs.

Ulfric had no idea that he was about to have the worst day of his life.

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