So, this is something that I cooked up as a Christmas present for Bookdancer. Basically, Joe is caught in a blast from a computer and sent to Middle Earth, where he grows up as Kili. I hope you all enjoy! Merry Christmas!

Oh, and I use parts of the book and movie The Hobbit. Some of it is isn't cannon, such as how and when Vili died because no one knows for sure - it isn't even cannon that his name is Vili.

I do not own the Hardy Boys or The Hobbit.

A sharp clang rang out through the otherwise quiet room, and the brunette's head whipped up before frowning at the blonde teen, "Be careful! Do you want the doctor to find us?"

"Of course not!" The younger of the two responded. "It just fell!"

"Uh-huh," a brown eyebrow rose dubiously.

The blonde huffed, "Yes, and you know I hate it when you do that."

"Just because you can't," the other chuckled, then froze as he heard something from the other room. His muscles tended, ready to leap into action at the the slightest sign of trouble. All was quiet, and then a whirring sound reached the elder's ears.

"That sounds like a computer."

The brunette jumped, glancing over at his brother who had moved from beside the fallen pipe to his side. He nodded in agreement before inching forward cautiously. He was stopped by a hand on his arm. He looked over at the blonde and saw blue eyes flicking to the door and then to him before the younger shook his head. The elder frowned and moved to take lead, but he was passed and found himself as backup. He followed the blonde quietly, listening for any change in sounds. He heard it as his younger brother passed through the doorway to the other room. He paused, and that second saved him. There was a bright flash that blinded him for a moment, and when the brunette could see again, his brother was gone. "Joe!" he screamed, his wail echoing through the building.

When Joe came to it was to a strange sight. There was a short muscular man bending over him, and when Joe coughed in embarrassment - he could tell by the breeze wafting through that he was as naked as the day he was born - the man leaned back and announced, "He's alive! May I be the first to congratulate you, Dis daughter of Thrain, on a successful birth!"

"Thank you, Oin," a voice that while gruff was clearly a woman's and exhausted, replied.

Joe blinked in puzzlement. Oin? Dis? Thrain? What kind of names were these? And birth? What was going on?

"Gloin, you can send in Vili and Thorin now. I do believe they would like to see the lad and his mother."

"Of course," somebody - Joe assumed it was Gloin - replied.

There were footsteps, silence, and then a cheer. Suddenly, Joe found another face in his. He blinked, and it was still there, but now it had a companion. He opened his mouth to yell at them to get out of his personal space that had definitely expanded since he was naked, but all that came out was, "Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

The two men jerked back in surprise, and Joe sniffled in satisfaction and confusion. Where had that come from?

Then Joe cried out again as he felt a pair of strong arms surround him and lift him up so that he was cradled as one would a babe. He blinked in astonishment and wiggled, trying to get down. He was naked, and some stranger was holding him!

"Hush, Kili," the same woman from before soothed. "Stay still. You have nothing to fear here."

Who's Kili? Joe thought as the younger man asked, "Kili? Is that what you wish to name him?"

"Yes," Joe was shifted and he caught a glimpse of a small smile, "Our son Kili, son of Vili and brother of Fili and heir to the Mountain."

The elder man said softly, "You forgot nephew to Thorin Oakenshield."

"So I did, nadad," Dis smiled, "so I did."

Two years passed, and Joe relaxed the best he could given the circumstances. He had discovered that whatever blast he had been caught in had sent him to a place called Middle Earth. His mind was put into the body of a newborn baby dwarf so while he knew exactly what was going on around him he was powerless. The fact that dwarrows aged slower than humans made him very unhappy as it would be a while before he had any control. However, despite all this, Joe was happy in his life as Kili. His mother was kind though strict, his father was always beaming in pride, his uncle protected him, and his brother Fili played with him much like Frank had when they were younger.

When Joe was about 25 in dwarf years things changed. It had been just him, his mother, and Fili for awhile when Thorin came home. His face was grim and he shook his head sadly at his sister, gathering her in his arms as she started to cry. Joe didn't see anything else as he and Fili were pulled outside by Dwalin. They were taken to Gloin's house and cared for by his wife for a week. During that time, though it pained Joe to hurt his friends and family, he played the innocent dwarfling and asked questions. "When is Papa coming home?" He would ask every night, until on the seventh day he was hugged by his mother who sobbed.

"He's not coming home, my son," tears gathered in her eyes as she grasped Fili and pulled him into the hug, "he's not coming home."

Joe blinked, trying to hold back tears. He had known, of course, that his father was most likely dead, but to have it confirmed... It was like losing his old family all over again. He would never see any of them again. Well, except for his father. He would see him after he died. But until then, his father was out of reach. And that hurt more than anything else in this life.

Two years later Joe still hadn't recovered. He had been very close to his second father, and to have him torn from this life as suddenly as Joe had left his own was a shock. On top of this his uncle was busy with supporting them on his own while Fili was hard at work with becoming an apprentice in the forges. With all of this, Kili was often home alone. Dis was in the house with him, yes, but she was more distant than before. This all ended up leading to Fili jumping on his younger brother's bed to get him up for breakfast only for him to remain unresponsive.

"Kili?" the elder dwarfling asked, a slightly scared tone on his voice. Normally his brother shot right up to wrestle. "Kili, this isn't funny. Get up, it's breakfast time." There was no motion or sound. "Come on, Kili!" Now Fili was getting desperate. He reached down and shook his brother by his shoulders, only to gasp and pull his hands back. The younger dwarfling, when Fili wasn't touching him through the blanket, was burning hot. "MAMA! MAMA, COME QUICK! MAMA!" The elder son broke into a wail, reaching down and ignoring the painful heat to shake his brother. "KILI, WAKE UP! KILI!"

Fili gasped in shock as he was grabbed from behind and pulled into his uncle's arms. He wriggled desperately, crying and reaching out. Thorin hushed him and turned him around, tucking his face into his chest as the exiled king watched his sister feel her son's forehead, but Fili wouldn't be still. "Calm down," Thorin whispered in his sister-son's ear, "If you want to help, calm down and let your mother work." Instantly the elder dwarfling stilled, frozen stiff in Thorin's arms. The dwarrow sighed and murmured, "Relax. It will be ok, just relax and don't interrupt." He felt Fili nod, and he allowed a small smile to appear on his face - his sister-sons would do anything for each other.

That smile vanished the instant Dis said sharply, "Thorin. Fetch Oin. I can't do this on my own, Kili is too sick."

Fili let out another wail then, screaming at his unconscious brother to wake up, he loved him and wanted to play with him and it was going to be their play day because Fili didn't have to work and it was supposed to be a surprise but it couldn't be if Kili didn't wake up!

"Fili," Thorin said, shaking his nephew gently, "Fili, I need you to be calm and do everything your mother says while I run for Oin. Can you do that for me? For Kili?"

The elder dwarfling took in a deep breath, then nodded and whispered, "Yes Uncle."

"Good lad," Thorin murmured back. Then he placed Fili on his feet and quickly spun around and dashed out the door. The slamming of the front door echoed soon after.

Fili fetched cool water, a towel, and blankets like his mother asked while she took the little medicine they had out. By the time Dis was finishing estimating Kili's temperature, the door was slamming again and Thorin, Oin, and Gloin's wife were hurrying into the room.

"Quickly, Fili, come with me," Gloin's wife murmured, motioning for him.

The dwarfling shook his head stubbornly as he watched the medic get to work, "I wanna stay with my brother!"

"You can come back when he wakes," she told him.

"Promise?" Fili whispered.

"I promise," she agreed, gathering him in her arms as he approached her and hurrying out of the house.

It took five days for the fever to break and another before Kili awoke. When he did the first thing he heard was Oin call, "Thorin, you can fetch Fili now! Kili is awake!"

Joe blinked slowly, focusing on the medic by his side first and then his mother as she hurried through the door to his side with tears in her eyes.

"Mama, why are you crying?" he asked softly, reaching out softly to touch her cheek. It was easier to act like a dwarfling now, when he was tired and genuinely confused and curious.

Dis just smiled and sobbed, bringing one hand up to trap his against her cheek and the other out to his own face. "They are happy tears, my son," she whispered. "I am happy that you are awake."

Joe was about to ask more but was interrupted by his brother yelling, "KILI! YOU'RE AWAKE!" and readying himself to jump on the bed, only to stop.

"Yes," he responded, blinking in surprise. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because," Fili replied, hurrying all the way to his brother's side, "you've-"

"Enough," Oin interrupted, "That is enough excitement for now. Kili, you need your sleep, and I daresay you need it too Fili. Dis?"

"Of course," the dwarrowdam smiled and picked up her eldest son, depositing him on Kili's bed. The two dwarflings blinked up at her in astonishment, but then they both smiled widely and scooted closer together.

Later, when Thorin and Dis checked in on them, they both smiled softly. The two children were tangled together. Kili's head was on Fili's chest, whose arms were wrapped around his brother holding him tight, while at the same time their legs were crisscrossing. They both reckoned that Fili wouldn't be releasing Kili any time soon.

Thorin and Dis were right. After the Kili was sick - a rare thing for a dwarf - the two brothers were rarely apart. The elder didn't trust that without him by Kili's side his brohter wouldn't suddenly get sick, while Kili relished the new closeness. If he was being truthful with himself, it was the same type of brotherhood that he had shared with Frank. The reminder of his old life saddened him at times, but it usually had him laughing and pulling Fili on another silly antic. The majority of these ended with Fili helping Kili out of trouble, and this just made Joe think of Frank even more. Sometimes, he found it hard to seperate thoughts of Fili from Frank, the two were so similar. Their names even both started with an 'f'! Now, if Fili had brown hair like Frank and Kili had blonde hair like Joe, that would be a little weird, but the way it was... Joe was happy with how his life was.

As time passed, Joe accepted that this was his life now. It wasn't the original, but he had certainly spent more time in the second. He had had decades to adjust, and that was what he did. It was even his job in his past life! Undercover work meant changing to the situation, and while this was at first just another job, Joe found that it wasn't by the time his father died. He could still act like himself, especially as he grew older. The only thing he couldn't do was show seventeen years of extra wisdom, but as knowledge wasn't really his thing in the first place, he was fine with that. Joe got used to living in the mountains and how his dwarf body was tougher than his human body. He found that, like any dwarf, working in the forges and mines was the best thing ever and he wondered why he never did it before.

The one thing he couldn't get used to was why dwarves didn't like long range weapons. A sword was fine, and he loved that he got the chance to improve his fencing skills - although, of course, swordfighting was different, just close enough. However, Joe didn't like that using a sword left him open to people using something like a bow. And while throwing knives or a sling shot could be used, they either ran out quickly or took time. Because of this, he braved his uncle's anger and took on an elf weapon - the bow and arrow. It helped that - and Joe thought it was because he was a man first - he was taller than most dwarves and didn't have much of a beard to get in the way. It also gave him the security of knowing that if someone was hidden in a tree, he could get to them without climbing up. On top of this, Joe found that he was quite good. He supposed it was from the work in the shooting range and the few times he had used a gun in the field. Also, he would think with a grin, all those times of beating Frank at paint ball.

When the time for the quest for Erebor came around, Joe was as ready to go as any other dwarf. His mother had tried to keep him home, stating that he was too young, but his uncle and Dwalin stood up for him. Fili didn't say a word, and Joe figured that he was torn because letting his younger brother come and keep him in sight also put him in danger. Whatever it was, when Fili left on his way for the Shire Kili stood by his side.

In Bag End, Kili beamed excitedly at "Mr. Boggins" as he introduced himself in the way of the dwarrows. This was where the quest would really start! Where everyone would gather together! He was so excited that his detective skills, dull after over seven decades of next to no use, completely missed the signs that Bilbo didn't know they were coming and wasn't prepared for company.

Later, Joe and Fili snuck ahead to scout the path instead of staying by the horses like they were told to. When they got back, Joe's brain immediately woke the detective skills still ingrained in him, telling him that something very big broke those branches and stole some of the horses. When Bilbo came with their dinners, the Hardy boy did something that Frank was always telling him not to - jump right into trouble with an idiotic stunt. Instead of alerting Thorin, he used the hobbit to get to the horses and then leapt into the clearing when their burglar was grabbed by the trolls. When all the dwarrows and Bilbo were in sacks, Joe thought back almost wistfully to the times when he was caught with Frank and tied up. Then would come the death threats - oh, there it is, they were going to be eaten! - and someone, usually Frank, would try to stall for time by outsmarting their captors - great job, Bilbo, take the initiative! Then in would come some outside factor like the police - and here's Gandalf! - and the trouble would pass. Joe almost cried at the similarities, but he pulled it together in time to help with the orcs and wargs.

Joe almost had his first heart attack in Rivendell. He was walking through the halls, unable to sleep because thoughts of his old life filled his mind more tangible and potent than in a long time, when Elrond approached him. The elf questioned him about how he had two auras and two sets of memories. Joe stared at him in shock before spluttering, "Excuse me?"

Elrond raised an elegant eyebrow, and Joe nearly cried as one of his last memories of Frank - 'You know I hate it when you do that.' 'Just because you can't.' - rose to the forefront of his mind.

"That is exactly what I am talking about," the elf spoke. "You have memories of a place and time that I do not recognize, though it is synchronized with your inner and smaller aura." Kili shook his head - no one can know! - but Elrond went on, "The only explanation that I can think of is that you were granted a second life. So I must ask - am I correct?"

Joe stared at him, thoughts racing through his head before he realized, "You know the answer because you can read my mind."

Elrond shook his head no, "I can only get glimpses. I cannot percieve full ideas, only parts."

Joe nodded slowly before saying, "As someone that I have only just met, I cannot confirm your suspicion. However, I won't deny it either. Just know that even I don't know exactly what happened." Then he turned and walked away quickly, leaving a curious elf behind.

That night, Joe didn't sleep at all. He was kept awake by memories of times with Frank and his old friends and family. On top of that, his mind was racing. Should he tell Fili and Thorin that he had lived a life before, that this was his second? How would they react? Would he be left alone on the road side for keeping such a big secret, or would they freak out at all the dangerous situations he had been in, all the times he had almost died? Would they hate his old family would letting him get in those situations, or appreciate all the times they got him out of trouble? If he told them that his biggest secret wasn't that it was him that died Thorin's beard purple and blue twenty years ago, but that he wasn't who they thought he was, what would happen?

These thoughts consumed Joe as they left Rivendell and traveled through the mountains. They interrupted his mind in times when he needed to be one hundred percent. When he was seperated from Fili during the stone giant fight, he could only think what if Fili died without knowing the truth. When they were dropped into Goblin Town and pushed and prodded down the halls, all he could think of was the amount of times he and Frank were caught and taken to the boss. When he thought Thorin was lying dead in the eagle's grasp, Joe feared he wouldn't live with himself if Thorin never knew who he really was. When Thorin sat up, Joe was reminded of learning that his mother wasn't dead after all, just an actress playing dead. In Beorn's house with the intelligent animals, his thoughts were filled with Playback.

And then, perhaps worst of all, in Mirkwood his dreams were turned to nightmares of watching Iola die over and over and over again until he was finally shaken awake by Fili. His brother would look at him with eyes filled with concern and ask what was wrong, but Kili could just shake his head and collapse into the elder dwarrow's arms. He would stay there for the rest of the night, sleep never coming while tears came unbidden, until the next morning when he would refuse to answer Fili's questions. Joe knew he was worrying his brother, but what could he do? This forest, this darkness, was allconsuming. It tortured his mind, refusing to let him sleep. When the elves' spell sent him to sleep, Joe only knew relief. Then the spiders came, and this time the forced sleep was worse because he couldn't wake up, Fili wasn't there to shake him and the poison kept him asleep. When Bilbo released him Joe could have kissed the hobbit, but he was so exhausted that the only thing he could do was curl up. Then Fili was there, pulling him up and arming him with rocks to throw, and then they were fighting and running, and then there was sleep all around him but Kili couldn't sleep. All he could see was the car blowing up, and then there were elves everywhere and they were stumbling through the forest. He didn't notice that Bilbo was gone until one of the other dwarrows - Kili wasn't sure who - asked. Then they were questioned by Thranduil and sent off to the dungeons. Kili was alone in a cell, with no one around him, and he cried. He cried until he slept and saw Iola again, and then Bilbo was there, calling his name. That was his life for weeks, nightmares and Bilbo waking him up to talk and eat, until finally he was stumbling into his brother's arms and a barrel.

It was in Laketown that Kili's life shattered. It had cracked in Rivendell and had been slowly breaking over time in Mirkwood and Thranduil's home, and it finally shattered in Laketown. That was where, in Bard's house, he saw Frank.

"This is Frank," the human archer told the dwarrows and hobbit when they met him, "Like you, I smuggled him in."

"And where is he from?" Thorin growled, suspicous as always.

"Another world," Joe's old older brother replied, looking as if he had only aged a few years since Joe left, "one filled with war and crime but also family and friends."

"I don't like riddles," the exiled king huffed, obviously thinking of Gandalf, "Now tell me straight, where are you from?"

"I told you, another world," Frank told him, frowning. "Literally. I'm from somewhere called the USA that is more advanced than your Middle Earth. My brother was caught in a blast about a month ago-"

'Only a month?' Joe wondered. 'My disappearance must have hit him hard.'

"-And I recreated the circumstances that took him to the best of my ability. The machine took me to outside Laketown where I met Bard. I needed to learn where I was and get supplies before I went looking for him, so I payed Bard with my type of money - which is made of copper, zinc, brass, manganese, and nickel - to smuggle me in."

Joe blinked in surprise. Obviously, 'to the best of my ability' meant that Frank didn't get the machine to work the same way it had on him, which was good because he didn't want his brother being reborn as a dwarrow. Joe also wondered how many coins Frank had on him if it was enought to satisfy Bard. Then again, Frank was only one person instead of fourteen.

Kili glanced at Frank, who was standing on the edge of the crowd, as Thorin made his grand speech to the master of Laketown. What did he think of Thorin and the company? He wondered. What did he think of him? Did he think they were too theatrical, or crazy, or dangerous? Did he think they could be friends? Did he recognize some of Joe in Kili?

As Kili sat in the boat, he turned around once to stare back at Laketown. Did he do the right thing in not telling Frank who he was? Yes, he decided, because at least this way Frank won't be saddened too much if I die. And that's a good thing, he doesn't need to mourn me twice. And if I die, I don't need two older brothers crying over my body.

What Joe didn't expect was for him to be staring out at Laketown, hoping desperately that Frank had left the place, as Smaug headed there. He watched as the houses and shops burst into flame and as Smaug fell from the sky after most of Laketown was ablaze. Even from Erebor, he could see boats on the lake because of the fire and hoped that Frank was in one.

When Joe next saw Frank it was on the battlefield. He had learned from Bard that Frank had lived thanks to being next to a boat when Smaug first came, and he had helped people into it before getting behind an oar and pulling. Joe had had hope of seeing his old older brother again and telling him who he was, but then Erebor was under attack. Thorin was falling before Kili's eyes and he was running, standing over his uncle with Fili by his side. Then Joe made eye contact with Frank and his eyes widened; what was he doing there?! That was when he felt a pain in his stomach and saw the brunette's gaze turn to horror. Kili looked down and saw the orc blade sticking through his stomach. He gasped, the pain suddenly radiating a hundred times worse, and then he was falling and he didn't know who to call for, Fili or Frank. But then his blonde brother was falling too and his mouth formed the name, "FILI!" He reached out and took his new older brother's hand, squeezing it tight, before looking at Frank as he reached them and rasping, "Keep him alive. Please." And then Kili knew no more.

When Kili woke up it was to Oin leaning over him. He got major déjà vu, flashing back to when he first came into Middle Earth, especially when the medic called out, "He's alive!"

"Oh, thank goodness!" a familiar voice sighed, and Kili blinked and looked up at Frank. He smiled softly as he realized his brother had survived the battle, but then froze.

"Fili?" He asked, panic allowing his voice to be audible even after a long time of not speaking.

"He's alive too," the younger man - and Joe realized with a jolt that Frank was younger than him by over seventy years now - assured. "If you look to your right you can see him. He woke up about thirty minutes ago and then went to sleep."

"Thorin?" Kili demanded; he had to know if his uncle was alright!

"Thorin is fine," Dwalin's gruff voice washed over him, and the youngest dwarrow on the quest allowed himself to relax. "Thanks to Frank, he was reached before he could lose too much blood. Same with you and Fili."

"Thank you," Joe whispered, staring up at the brunette. "Thank you so much. I don't know if I could live knowing they had died." He paused, then questioned Dwalin, "What about the others? They're all fine too, right?"

"Yes," the tattooed dwarrow nodded, "We all made it. I don't know how, but we have reclaimed Erebor with all of us in more or less one piece. A few injuries, but we are all alive."

Joe smiled in relief, and then allowed himself to fall asleep.

When Kili next woke up it was to an empty room. Well, empty except for Fili and Frank, who were both sleeping. He stared at Frank, wondering if now would be a good time. Then his old older brother asked quietly, "What is it?"

"Huh?" Joe asked, starteld.

"You're staring at me, and I'm wondering why," the other brunette replied.

"Oh..." the dwarrow trailed off, thought a bit, and decided that now was as good a time as any. "I know where your brother is," he blurted out.

"What?" Frank asked eagerly, sitting up straight and leaning closer to Kili. "You do? How? Where is he?"

"He's..." Joe took a deep breath, "He's me. I'm right here."

"What?" Frank asked again, obviously confused. "What do you mean?"

"Joe is me," Joe explained. "The machine didn't do it to you, thank goodness, but it took my brain and put it into a newborn dwarfling's body. I don't know if the babe died in childbirth or if my mind replaced his or what, but I was reborn as Kili with all my memories. I've grown up all over again, only with a different body and family and place."

"What?!" Fili cried, and Joe cringed. He hadn't meant for his new older brother to overhear, but he had, and he had to live with the consequences.

It was a month since the Battle of Five Armies and by now, all the Company knew Kili's secret. They also knew, however, that it was exactly that - a secret. It was to go no further than the Company plus Frank and Dis. And Joe thanked Mahal every day for that, along with the fact that Erebor had thick walls. Otherwise, everyone from here to the Blue Mountains would know that Kili was originally Joe.

It hadn't gone over well at first. Frank was shocked that his baby brother was now a dwarrow and Fili was astonished his baby brother was originally someone else's baby brother. Thorin was angry at it being kept a secret and Dwalin wanted to pound heads but didn't know who was responsible. Balin was wondering how it all happened and Bifur was confused as to how it could have happened at all. Bombur was pleased when he learned that Joe's stomach was just as big as Kili's and Bofur was sad that he didn't get to make toys for Joe like he did Kili. Oin wanted to know if any medical issues could rise from it and Gloin was mumbling to himself about how Joe's money was supposed to become Kili's money. Dori hogged his every footstep in worry that he would disappear while Nori was disappointed to learn that Joe had stopped crime. Ori wanted to hear stories of Joe's life. Of course, stories being told of how Joe had almost died at least once every week freaked everyone out even more just in time for Dis to arrive from the Blue Mountains and learn that her son had a, almost died multiple times on the quest, b, almost died several times in a previous life, and c, was originally someone else's son.

Then the question of what would happen next arose. Would Kili return to his old life with Frank, who just had to push a button to make it happen, or would he stay with them? Joe had stayed up late into the night many times pondering this over. Should he take the chance to see his old family and friends again? Should he stay with his new family and friends? Would he revert back to his old body? Would he be able to go back to his old life after experiencing everything he had in Middle Earth? If he stayed in Erebor would he be able to live knowing he had given up his one chance to go back to his first life?

Kili frowned as he walked through the halls of Erebor. He knew what he was going to do.

"I have decided," Kili said slowly to the gathered Company, Frank, and Dis, "To stay in Middle Earth."

Immediately, the room erupted into cheers and the dwarrows - plus dwarrowdam - mobbed him in a gigantic hug. Kili let it go on for a few moments, and then he fought himself out of the embrace and yelled, "Quiet! I have things I need to say!" After everyone was silent, Joe continued, "I have my reasons. For one, I have spent almost eight decades on Middle Earth, which is more than the nearly two decades in my first life. Second, while I miss my first family, I have survived for a long time without them and I have seen Frank. He knows that I am well and stop the others from worrying. Third, I don't even know if I would be able to go back to my old life because I don't know if I would get my old body back or not and I've changed since then. Fourth, I would miss all of you. So for those reasons, I will be staying here. And now I would like to speak with Frank alone."

Silently, but obviously filled with joy, the elder dwarrows filed out of the room. Sighing, Joe approached his first older brother. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "But I can't go back. I'm not the same person I was." He paused, then added, "You know that technically, I'm the older brother now right?"

Frank shook his head, "You'll always be my little brother."

Joe smiled softly, "I know."

Please review! I want to know what you all think.