Disclamer: I do NOT own Naruto
when you see this it means a flashback is happening
when font is like this it means action
Narrator: Ah, the village hidden in the leaves, such a nice place, too bad it is so hard to find. However, it is the home of three very strange ninjas: Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto. Sakura is a little . . . er . . . a big slut, too bad she is too ugly. Sasuke is an Emo that everyone believes could possibly be gay. Naruto is uh lets go with freak, I mean he does wear an orange jumpsuit . . . Any way, we see our ninjas playing around and being the dumb assess that they are.
Naruto: He he, hey guys lets do jutsus and then we can go to Rock Lee's tea party and eat cookies. But you can't Sakura because you are a girl, and its boys only, although it isn't that hard to mistake you for one . . .
Sasuke: I hope he doesn't serve Kool-Aid
Sakura: Like OMFG, don't have another of those like uh flashbacks . . .
Narrator: Despite Sakura, Sasuke will now have a flashback . . .
Back in Sasuke's childhood when his family was alive, and his whole clan . . .
Sasuke: Lalalala, hey dad, do you like my singing?
Fugaku: Oh my fucking god, that was horrible. I'm so glad you finally stopped, I ban you from ever singing again!
Sasuke: Sniff, I HATE YOU! Sniff
Fugaku: Waa Waa Waa, look at the little Emo kid, go cut yourself and listen to Lincoln Park! this was used from beesnipe
Sasuke: Grr, I'm leaving!!
Narrator: Sasuke runs to his room . . . 5 minutes later
Sasuke: Oh my god, I'm so thirsty, I don't know if I could make it . . .
Narrator: All of a sudden, a pitcher shaped object crashes through the wall . . .
inspired by Dane Cook
Pitcher-Shaped Object: OH YEAH!
Sasuke: Wha- What do you want? Who are you?!You broke my wall!
Pitcher-Shaped Object: I'm the Kool-Aid Man, and I'm here to supply you with a drink. Here is a straw.
Sasuke: Uh, but I don't have a drink . . .
Kool-Aid Man: OH YEAH, you dobends down to SasukeHere you can drink out of me! I'm yummy, well that's what the ladies say, he he, if you know what I mean . . .
Sasuke: Uh no I don't . . .
Kool-Aid Man: Oh well, okay . . . um come on now, drink.
Sasuke: Uh no thanks, my mom said I shouldn't drink outta people's heads, especially Michael Jackson.
Kool-Aid Man: What the fuck?! You better drink outta my head!
Sasuke: I won't
Kool Aid-Man: I will get very angry if you don't drink outta my head! I get mad when people refuse meཀ I came all the way here so you could drink, and now you don't want to drink from me?! THAT IS IT I AM TIRED OF THIS HAPPENING!!
Narrator: The Kool-Aid Man is very, very angry. He gets up and crashes down more walls, screaming, "OH YEAH!" He also scoops up people and eats them.
Sasuke: Kool-Aid Man stop! You are eating my family and other people who have the same last name as me, but I don't know them!
Narrator: He didn't listen to Sasuke, and he ate the whole clan, Sasuke was devastated, until he noticed that there was a zipper on the back, he lifted the zipper only to find . . .
Sasuke: ITACHI?! YOU ARE THE KOOL- AID MAN?!
Itachi: Yes, I warned you brother, but you didn't listen. Now go on be off, I'm too full, I ate babies this morning, and now I'm too stuffed eat you after I ate the village.
Sasuke: Waa DON"T EAT ME!! runs away
Itachi: I said I WASN'T gonna eat you . . .
Appearing outta nowhere Sasuke: Yeah I know, it was more dramatic.
Narrator: Back to the present . . .
Sasuke: That is why I hate the Kool-Aid Man and why I am Emo.
Sakura: Like omg, Sasuke I didn't know what a terrible life you had.
Naruto: laughing hysterically Why that is wipes tears of laughter away really sad, too bad that never happened.
Sasuke: YES IT DID
Naruto: Woah, really?
Sasuke: sniffing yes.
Naruto: THEN YOU ARE A BIGGER LOSER THAN I THOUGHT
Sakura: Can you guys like take chill pills? I thought we were gonna practice jutsus.
Naruto: Sakura, how many times have we warned you about thinking? I mean, you always think wrong, after all, you do think you are beautiful . . .
Sakura: LIKE SHUT THE LIKE HELL UP WHO ASKED YOU?! I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL . . . I am sexy Right Sasuke?
Sasuke: trying to change the subject, because he knows that if he answers what he really thinks, Sakura will attack him So about those Rice Krispe guys, it is always snap crackle and pop, never crackle pop snap.
Narrator: There is dead silence.
Naruto: You are gay
Sakura: Like omg you are so weird . . .
Inner Sakura: Like poor Sasuke, he is like probably just saying that so he won't embarrass himself in front of me by saying I am like totally sexy.
Naruto: Speaking of sexy, which is the opposite of Sakura, I think I am gonna practice doing my-
Sasuke: Your Sexy Jutsu?
Naruto: What? No, my homework! Bye, see you at the tea party!
Sasuke: Crap that reminds me, I have to-
Sakura: Check your myspace?
Sasuke: No . . . I have to do my homework too!
Sakura: Oh ok see you later . . . Sasuke runs to Naruto and they head home . . . hey waaait we don't get homework! STUPID JACK-ASSESSཀ YOU GUYS WILL REGRET THIS!! I can't believe Naruto doesn't think I am sexy . . . hmm I could do his sexy jutsu and turn sexy, then all the boys will want me! SEXY NO JUTSU!
Narrator: What Sakura, doesn't know is that the Sexy Jutsu turns you into the opposite gender . . . oh well tough noodles for her...at least she will finally be sexy
Sakura: YES I DID ITཀ I"M GONNA GO HOME AND FIX MYSELF UP!!!
Narrator: At her house, she looks into the mirror only to see . . .
Sakura: OMFG!I AM A MAN!!OMG OMG OMG!!! I LOOK EVEN MORE MANLIERTHAN I USUALLY DO!! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!...oh wait I could just change back if I wanted to . . . buuuut I could always change back AFTER Lee's tea party...
Narrator: Sakura looks exaclty the same expect her hair is shorter. At Lee's tea party . . .
Lee: Hello everyone and welcome to my tea party. I am pleased to be your host! Hello Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, and man that looks exactly like Sakura . . . please, let us begin!
Everyone: YAY!
Lee: First we can talk about who we like, starting with Nejiཀ
Neji: Hmm, I don't like anyone in particular...however I have Ten-Ten, she is my bitch, she does whatever I want her to!
Naruto: Whatever you want her to?
Neji: Yup
Sasuke: Even..
Neji; Yup even finding out why kids love cinnamon toast crunch. Since I can't see...
Everyone, but Sakura: WOAH..
Lee: Excuse me guys, I have to go get more tea and cookies.
Sasuke: Don't you dare bring any Kool-Aid!
Naruto: Damn Neji, why don't you ever by contact lenses that actually work? Actually, you don't EVEN need contacts, why do you wear them?
Neji: Shut up! Don't you remember WHY?
Sasuke: Oh yeah I do . . . let me have a flashback of that . . .
Neji: He he with my byakugan I can see through people's clothesཀ Hey I think I see Temari coming, let me try it Temari walks by and Neji whistles I see you like your polka dots. . .
Temari: You are sick Neji, I would beat you up, but I am too tired since I just beat up Kiba.
Temari walks away and Lee and Ten-Ten approach Neji, however Neji doesn't realize
Neji: Hmm, I can try even harder so that I can see through ALL her clothes!
Lee: Hey Neji what's up?
Ten-Ten: Hi Neji, you are the best. . .starts to ramble on about how great Neji is
Neji turns around, forgetting that he has his byakugan that allows him to see through ALL of their clothes
Neji: Hey wha-MOTHER FUCKER!! MY EYES! OH MY FUCKING GOD I CAN"T SEE! AAAAH!!runs away
Sasuke: Ha ha, yeah they are both ugly mother fuckers.
Naruto: HA HA HA HA, Lee AND Ten-Ten, I mean Ten-Ten is bad enough, but Lee..hahahaha
Sakura: LOL LOL LOL LMFAO
Neji: Dude, your laugh is fucking weird. . . you aren't supposed to say "LOL" or "LMFAO" Anyway, that is why I wear contacts, so that everything I see is blurry, or I don't see anything at all. I mean if you see something like that, you NEVER want to see anything again.
Naruto: Hmm that is how Sakura laughs, haha well at least you didn't see Sakura naked! I mean I had that feeling you have when I just saw her face. . .
Neji: Thank God! But Ten-Ten is SO fat, she has layers, within her layers, and I could have sworn I saw a village in her stomach. . .
Sasuke: Holy-
Naruto:-Shit
Inner Sakura: Hmph, Naruto just says those things to hide his love for me!
Neji: Guys, lets not talk about this when Lee is here okay? He gets sensitive about my reaction .
Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura: Uh ok. . .
Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura were all listening to Neji telling them how he found Waldo until Lee walked in the room
Lee: Guys I am back, with COOKIES!
there is dead silence
Sakura: So like we were up to Naruto. . .
Inner Sakura: I hope he believes me so then I can like find out how Naruto loves me!
Lee: Oh yes, next is Naruto . . .
Inner Sakura: Cha, I bet he will say me!
Naruto: I love Sakura
Inner Sakura: I KNEW IT1
Naruto: Haha, just kidding, the only way that I would like that slut was if white doves came out my ass. and they aren't coming1
Lee: Haha Naruto, that was a good one! We all know you like Hinata anyway, next is Sasuke.
Sasuke: Well, I like Ino, she is hot.
Lee: Haha Sasuke, yet another joke, we know you are gay so we can just skip you.
Sasuke: Bu-
Lee; I SAID WE WILL SKIP YOU! Next is that guy with pink hair..
Sakura: Well I really like Sasuke 3
Inner Sakura: Oh shoot, I forgot I was a man..
Lee: Aw man, ANOTHER gay one?!
Sasuke: I am NOT gay!
Lee: Well, I really like-
Naruto: Oh yeah? That is really great lets do something else..
Lee: But I-
Sasuke: Oh, let's play truth or dare!
Neji: Yeah yeah truth or dare!
Inner Sakura: Cha! I LOVE that game1
Naruto: Okay, I'll ask Sasuke! Truth or Dare?
Sasuke: Truth
Naruto: Are you gay?
Sasuke; No
Naruto; LIAR! Now you have to do a dare, I dare you to looks around the room and whispers in Sasuke's ear
Sasuke: Hahaha, no I can't do that . . .
Naruto: Ah, but you must! Tomorrow you HAVE to!
Inner Sakura: I bet Naruto dared Sasuke to confess his true feelings for me!
Narrator: A few turns later . . . (Note: Lee didn't ask anyone or was asked by anyone)
Lee: YES! It is finally my turn!
Naruto: Yeah that's great Lee, I really need to be on my way now
Sasuke: Me too
Sakura: Me three
Neji: Me six
Naruto: Haha, you are a dumbass . . .
Narrator: Everyone leaves and he is alone, he didn't have fun at his own party, haha
Lee: SHUT UP I HATE YOU STUPID NARRATOR! GO TO HELL!
Narrator: Hmm, well you know what? Does this ring a bell? Hey wha-MOTHER FUCKER!! MY EYES!OH MY FUCKING GOD I CAN"T SEE! AAAAH! Huh does it?
Lee: Sniff hey how do YOU know about that? He just looked at my face and said that...sniff. I am NOT ugly, so I don't know why he said that...
Narrator: You ARE ugly
Lee: Yeah I know, but you can't blame a guy for trying, at least I am prettier than Sakura. Hey narrator, I am sorry about before, when I told you to go to hell. You are the only one in this pointless and plot-less story that actually let me talk, and you are EVEN listening.
Narrator is listening to I-pod
Lee: Hello, are you there? Listen to me!
Narrator realizes that he has to announce something, takes off his headphones
Narrator: What's that? I wasn't listening. . .
Lee: You are a fuc-
Narrator: Oh yeah, sure whatever you say, goodbye, whoever the hell you are. . . Oh I remember! Good bye Broccoli! I'll shove you in a napkin later!
Lee: I am Rock Lee not Broccoli! AND YOU SHOULD EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!
ignoring Lee Narrator: At Sakura's house..Sakura changed back to her normal unsexy self.
Sakura: Phew, I'm glad that is over, it isn't anything like what we did at Temari's party..
Narrator: Sakura has a Flashback of the party. . .
Temari: Hey girls look at that gay kid points at Kiba Let's beat him up for being different! Does he think that he is too good to be straight like everyone else?!
Sakura; Lets rip him to pieces, how dare he not be like us, is our way of life not good enough?
Temari: LETS TEACH HIM A LESSON!
Sakura: Sigh me and Temari had good times . . . come to think of it, me and Ino had a lot of good times too!
Narrator: Sakura now has a flashback of the good old times. . .
Ino: You are an ugly ass bitch
Sakura: You belong on the corner you slut!
Sakura: Good times . . . good times..hmm I wonder what Naruto dared Sasuke to do. . . I guess I will find out today, we are supposed to meet up with Kakashi Sensi today.
Narrator: Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto all met up in their usual waiting place for Kakashi Sensi. Kakashi is a very perverted man, he is so perverted that it wouldn't surprise the village if he was a rapist. He was always late, so Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura finally figured out how to not wait that long. When he told them to be there by four, they knew that he was really gonna come at 6, so they all met up at 5:45. He was always busy buying or reading porn.
Naruto: Hey Sasuke, ready for your dare?
Sasuke: Uh. . .do I have to? I'm kind of nervous. . .
Naruto: Fine, we will ask Sakura. Hey Sakura, yesterday I dared Sasuke to do something, he SHOULD do it right?
Inner Sakura: Like hmm, Naruto probably DID dare Sasuke to confess his feelings. That's probably why he is nervous! Cha, I better like tell Naruto that Sasuke HAS to do the dare, but I can't let them not that I was like there.
Sakura: You mean the dare that you told him to do at Lee's part? Like, he SHOULD totally do that!
Inner Sakura: Like, omg, I totally did such a good job pretending that I wasn't there!
Sasuke: Wait that man, girl, it, or whatever, was you?
Naruto: Stop trying to change the subject, you heard her you HAVE to do the dare, Kakshi Sensi should be here in 3, 2, 1
Poof Kakashi: Hey guys, sorry I'm late. Haha, wait no just kidding. . . I don't really give a shit
if you guys had to wait an hour. . . hahaha.
Naruto: What were you doing getting porn?
Sasuke: Were you getting high?
Sakura: Were you like recovering from a hangover?
Kakashi: Yes, yes, and no. I am STILL recovering from a hangover!
Naruto pushes Sasuke, signaling that it is time for Sasuke to do the dare
Inner Sakura: Cha this is it!
Sasuke: Hey, uh. . . Kakashi, can I talk to you privately, it is kind of a man to man thing. . .
Kakashi: Alright Sasuke and him walk away and start talking
Inner Sakura: Oh, I bet he will tell Kakashi first1
Kakashi: Okay, what do you want?
Sasuke: Well, you know how Lee had a tea party yesterday?
Kakashi: Yea, that bastard didn't invite me!
Sasuke: Yeah, well anyway, Neji was telling me about this jutsu you could use to see through clothing. . . ALL clothing. . .on girls. . .unless your gay and you want to look at men. . .but I wouldn't know cause I am NOT gay, do you hear that Naruto? I am NOT GAY!!!
Sasuke says this so loudly that Naruto and Sakura hear him
Inner Sakura: Like omg he is telling Kakashi how he is not gay and he likes me! I want to hear him say thatཀ
Naruto: Haha only a homo would say that.
Sakura starts to head where Sasuke and Kakashi went
Naruto: Where is this bitch going she is gonna ruin the whole thing Naruto gets an idea On second thought. .
Narrator: YAY I finally have a line, ahem, back to Kakashi and Sasuke
Kakashi: So all I have to do is put my fingers like that and say byakugan?
Sasuke: Yup, but you have to close your eyes for five minutes before you open them.
Kakashi: Byakugan!
Narrator: Four minutes passed, Naruto caught up to Sakura and they both came to Kakashi and Sasuke. Naruto ran to Sasuke and they hid in a bush, Sakura was too stupid and ugly to know what was going on. . .she just stood in front of Kakashi. . .
Kakashi: Okay, five minutes passedopens eyes and sees Sakura HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!! I SEE LAYERS IN HER LAYERS!! IS THAT CARMEN SANDIEGO IN HER STOMACH?! HOW DO I STOP THIS HORRIBLE HORRIBLE JUTSU?!?!
Sakura: What's wrong Kakashi Sensi? Want me to come closer?Moves toward Kakashi
Kakashi: NO STAY BACK! OH MY GOD I SEE HER BLUBBERཀ
Sakura: Oh ok, I'll come closer. . . approaches Kakashi, they have about one foot distance
Narrator: Kakashi can not take the pain no more, he looks around for something to help him, and he sees and kunai, and jabs it in his left eye. Sasuke and Naruto are laughing hysterically in the bush. After a few moments, the byakugan ends, and Kakashi's left eye turns red. . .
Sakura: Kakashi this is what happens when you are high, Carmen Sandiego, is not out here, I know that for a fact. Here let me take this out of your eye.
Inner Sakura: Cha cause she is in my stomach!
Narrator: Sakura removes the stick from Kakashi's eye and Sasuke and Naruto come out of the bushes, laughing.
Kakashi: OH MY GOD! I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE! I AM GONNA WASH MY EYES OUT WITH SOAP AND WATER!!runs away
Sakura: Hmm I wonder what he saw. . .
Naruto: I don't even want to know, hey Sasuke do you think we over done it?
Sasuke: Maybe. . .
Narrator: Sasuke soon has a flashback!
Sasuke: It is Halloween I am so excited!
Kakashi: Sasuke, your 13, don't you think your TOO old for Halloween?
Sasuke: No, I have to get ready for the Halloween party, see ya there!
Narrator: Later that night. . .
Tsunade: Sasuke, the party is over, you should go home now.
Sasuke: I can't Kakashi is my ride home. . . where is he?
Tsunade: I saw him outside before, he is probably smoking snow.
Sasuke: What?
Tsunade: You know, uh flying high? Talking with Mary Jane? Cooking the pot? Sniffing the skunk?
Sasuke: Uh. . .
Tsunade: God damnit, he is probably smoking cocaine or marijuana.
Sasuke: Oh. . .he walks outside and looks for Kakashi
Narrator: No one is outside, Sasuke calls Kakashi's name several times but no one responds. . .
Sasuke: Hey Kakashi, you playing with grass?
Narrator: All of a sudden Sasuke sees a familiar scarey shadow
Shadow: Crack is whack!
Narrator: Sasuke turns around to see the Kool-Aid Man
Sasuke: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, GO AWAY! LEAVE ME!! Sasuke screams for about 4 hours
Narrator: After Sasuke finished screaming, the Kool-Aid Man unzipped himself revealing that it was Kakashi in the costume all along.
Sasuke shudders off that bad memory
Sasuke: No I think that we let him off TOO easily. . .
Sakura: What are like you guys like talking about?
Inner Sakura: Cha, when will he do the dare?!
Naruto: You really think so? Oh well, maybe you could dare me next time. . .since you already did your dare.
Sakura: WHAT?ཀ? He ALREADY did his dare?! When?! Where was I?!
Naruto: He he, don't worry about it, if it wasn't for you, he probably wouldn't have been able to do it. You were a big role in that dare..he he.
Inner Sakura: Really?! OMG! Of course, I did, after all he was confessing his love for ME. . .
Sasuke: Hey guys lets go get some Ramen, I'll pay for you and Naruto!
Naruto: All right!
Sakura: 3 YAY 3
Inner Sakura: Cha, he would probably just take me out for Ramen, like on a date 3!! But he like didn't want to make Naruto feel left out so he is treating him too!!
Narrator: While Sakura was talking to herself, Naruto and Sasuke were whispering. . .
Naruto: Dude, why are you paying for that bitch?
Sasuke: Well if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have gotten my revenge. . .
Naruto: Huh? Oh well, come on lets go The three of them head to the Ramen Hut
Narrator: Yet another happy ending that our heroes have, I wonder what adventures they will have next. . . will Sakura ever realizes that she is the MOST hated character? Will Naruto stop thinking that Sasuke is gay? Will Sasuke stop being afraid of the Kool-Aid Man? Will Neji EVER want to see again? Will Ten-Ten lose weight? Will Tsunade ever say that Kakashi is smoking crack or marijuana, instead of using codes that no one understands like, talking to Mary Jane? Will Kakashi overcome his hangover? Will Temari continue to beat up Kiba for being gay? Will Ino and Sakura have more good times? Will Orochimaru ever be in a story? Will Lee ever have someone to listen to him? Will my mom ever find out that I hate broccoli? Will she ever catch my shoving it in a napkin and pretending to eat it? Will my-
Lee: SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING1 I FUCKING HATE YOUཀ
Narrator: Sniff, why did you say that?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Lee: I'm sorry, stop crying man. It is okay. . .
Tsunade: I'll guess I'll take over. . .
Ahem The End, until next time!
Oh, and don't ever sniff the skunk or cook the pot or talk to Mary Jane, unless she is a person, but not if she is a stranger, but she might be nice. . .any way this is the end, until next time, if there is a next time, I hope you enjoyed the story!