"From plants that wake when others sleep, from timid jasmine buds that keep their odour to themselves all day, but when the sunlight dies away let the delicious secret ou to every breeze that soams about."
The man motioned for the barman, ordering another glass of scotch. It was his fourth since he walked in the pub an hour before and the second he turned over without a blink. He was discreet, his sulk expression covered by powerful hands, back turned to the rest of the bar's population. He couldn't afford being recognized, wouldn't hear the end of it from his grandfather and mother. What if word spread in the medical community that the heir of Harper Avery was seen well-dressed drinking himself numb. Wasn't embarrassment enough for a lifetime to steal a bride, elope, and barely two years into the marriage be abandoned by the same woman? The words of an old friend still echoed in his mind. Now he was not only daring to get married again, but would become a drunk in the process too?
What was wrong with Catherine to suppose that inviting some of his old acquaintances to dinner could cheer him up? He had agreed that once they were partners in crime but his lifestyle had much improved since college. It didn't matter how much his mother believed he needed an environment change, she just couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that the last twenty years in Seattle turned the city into his new home. The meeting only brought to light how much things had changed since he started residence in the Emerald City. Returning to Boston only made it explicit to him. He just couldn't relate to his old colleagues anymore; life had been too hard on him in the meanwhile. Only those beside him at the time were able to understand what he had been through.
Jackson still tried to remember his easier days, accepting to go out with them, but all he could do after an hour was to sneak away from the loud club and hide somewhere before going home, probably to listen to his family complaining about him never smiling anymore. The best possibility was his grandfather merely scolding at him. The worst, his mother would call Ashley to come over. He rolled his eyes, thinking about the blond woman wining about his worsening recent habits, complaining about the time he spent at the hospital, not caring about her or their relationship. It wasn't his fault that his position at the Harper Avery Foundation demanded so much of his time that he just couldn't go back at their house every night. Or that the bar in front of Mass Gen was becoming his second home, hence alcohol was his favorite stress releaser.
Jackson was surprised, though, when he found himself in front of a bar that he hadn't attended in the last ten years or so. Was his mind so fucked up that it was forcing him to bring the memories of another woman back, no matter how hard he tried to shut them and her out? These occurrences were becoming more common as the dreadful wedding date kept approaching. Apparently he just couldn't run away from his past. Not anymore.
He decided then, for that night only, to relive it and enter the pub he visited with April every time they went to town. It hadn't changed a single thing, keeping the same old-fashioned cozy style. After a few drinks he couldn't help but to see her smile and weaving red hair in every corner, specially after noticing the table they had sat so many times, in love, on the opposite side of the room near the wall. His brain had joined his heart into playing tricks.
Not much time had passed before his mind started to wonder where she could be in that moment. It's been years since he last talked to her, heard her voice. A couple months after signing the divorce she joined another tour in the army, this time with Arizona. After winning a judicial battle for Sofia's guard, the blond ended up letting the girl move with Callie to New York, but couldn't stay in Seattle without the loves of her life and her best friend. She decided, then, to follow somehow her family path. Save someone else's brother. He felt his blood boiling over the memories once again. He had thought that after the divorce April couldn't hurt him anymore, but how wrong he was. The fact that his ex-wife left again for the middle east, this time without a warning or goodbye, like their story meant nothing, like they haven't gone throughout the worse lost a person could together, tore his heart apart once again, falling in a dark path. Not that she would care anyway.
Even after realizing she was indeed his person, and that her presence on his life was more important than his anger towards her, he couldn't just go after her. The small reports that both blond and redhead were alive from Callie were enough to keep him away from trying to contact her. He went on dates, burying himself in so many women he lost count, not once feeling half of the emotion he once did while being with April. That's when he decided to instead of trying to find a love as good as the one he had lost, to forget it while living one as opposite as possible.
Was that how he ended up there, all alone, everything that was important to him lost? Being the man he swore he'd never become? Running from his choices, hiding from his unhappy life on his job, getting married to a woman he didn't like just because she adored him, to be on a safe relationship? The worse part of it all was that once he had been the happiest man alive. He felt tears behind his heavy eyelids, ordered another drink and decided to call it a night. If in a better mood he would flirt, take a silly girl home, pound his unhappiness into her, not caring about his fiancé probably worrying about their wedding right on that second. He laughed to himself. When did he become a cheater? Since when he did not care about anything else? The man was aware that he was hurting badly his family, losing the remaining meaningful relationships on his life, so how could he still be so absent?
His phone rang and a quick look at the screen showed his mother's name. Jackson imagined she already knew he deserted his former friends and was worried sick. The bartender announced the car was already waiting for him, so all he had to do was to stumble to the main reception. He was expecting to see his mother waiting in the porch of the Avery mansion, ready to reward him with a pep talk, maybe Richard following her, tired of seeing his wife treating him like a child and he behaving like one. Instead, he was met by a dark house. Relieve washed over him. He just couldn't, didn't want to deal with his feelings anymore for that night. Being asked questions about his state would only bring the cause of it back to his mind. His early travel throughout memory lane had been enough.
After walking in, trying to be as quiet as possible, he went for the stairs. As he put his hand on the wall to stable himself, a light switched on on his right. Startled up, Jackson clumsy turned over his heels to stare at the dimly light coming through a semi open door directing to his grandfather private office. Slowly, the man forced his feet to reach the room he spent his early childhood in, watching adoringly Harper Avery Sir and Jr working, aiming to be like them. He chuckled, thinking how he indeed became his father, a much different man he once envisioned.
The old man stood near a bookcase, eyes down reading the hardcover of an ancient book, glasses almost falling from the tip of his nose. Even in his drunk state Jackson could see how different he was. Tired. The usual frown had left permanent marks on Harper's face. His clothes were not as fit as they once have been either. The heir could not but to feel partially guilty for his recent appearance, giving him so much misery. He knew that the man who had raised him amazingly, flaws and all, was deeply hurt and disappointed by his recent behavior and disdain with the life he hardly built for the Avery family.
- Your colleagues sent a message to your mother. She was worried about your destination and behavior but I calmed her down, explaining that Averys need space to deal with their bad choices. Since you have been making not but them for the last ten years, I simply figured you'd need a much larger room to accept the fact that life always come back at you.
Jackson gave him a smirk, approaching a cabinet filled with expensive beverages, picking a crystal glass, filling it with some dark liquor. He sipped it and slowly sat in a wood and leather chair in front of the matching desk, covered with papers from the foundation, notes, medical books, and surgical instruments. Age have not yet affected his abilities, and the man's aim for perfection only stimulated his practice and research.
- Not the first time I hear it.
- Not the last you will ignore it.
Jackson' smirk faded as he drank half of the glass, his grandfather sitting on the main chair behind the table. He closed his green eyes after being swollen with thousand memories of both of them in a similar position. When he decided against residence at Mass Gen in favor of Mercy West; when he did not come back after the shooting or almost being blow up in a bus; after eloping. Harper had grown fond of April Kepner after meeting the girl while both were still just friends. After learning she was the one he had "gotten married in Tahoe, for God's sake", Jackson was surprised by him soothing and saying it was only time. When he told the man he was getting a divorce, there was no sitting. His grandfather told that yes, April had been selfish, but was doing it for her own sake. She was fighting for both of them and trying to make things right now. The only answer given was that the time for that had long passed and he had the right to be selfish too. To take care of his priorities, put his life on track and try to be happy. She obviously didn't mind his hurt, so why should he do it for her anymore?
- I know how it is to be left behind, Jackie. Don't forget that I lost a son too. The difference is that mine had the choice. In the end, Elizabeth left after him. Don't make the same mistakes of your old men. Don't quit too early. Fight for your love and happiness, boy, before is too late and you end up only with your regrets.
The conversation went down after that. The meeting ended up with both raising their voices, yelling regretful words at each other, Harper calling him "a coward just like his father" and Catherine running out of the house after him till Seattle. Jackson now opened his mouth to answer, but Harper raised his right hand, asking him not to for he was not finished yet. He put the book in front of him at the table and adjusted the glasses on his face, analyzing the boy.
- I know you are expecting me to tell you how to behave and be a man but you are responsible for your own life now. It's not my place anymore to dictate you how to live. But I knew, since your mother told me excited about your new engagement, that you would not adapt well to that lifestyle, and that this change would be for worse.
- Ashley is a nice woman. You said it yourself.
- She is, indeed. But what I meant was that she is not a woman for you. Don't get me wrong, Jackie. I hoped you could find a new love after April, or that life wouldn't drive you to misery and loneliness as I watched it. I knew my prayers wouldn't be answered though. I raised you and I know the man you have become to be. You can deny as much as you want, and if it gives you peace of mind to be in denial who am I to judge, but you, boy, are very similar to me.
Jackson wanted to laugh it off and deny his statement, maybe answer him badly to have an excuse to walk out of the room. But it had been too long since the two shared a proper conversation and he missed it. He loved the man and if he was something in live it was because of him. Not only that, but Jackson could no more deny the truth on his words. For so many years, almost his entire life, the green-eyed boy tried to wash away his legacy and the fact that deep in his soul he was an Avery. Not only raised by one, but with all the principles and teachings of the man entrusted in his mind. There was no way out, not when he was himself the path.
- I know Ashley gives you the idea of what a house and your life should be. That you will somehow find yourself again. You are wrong. I've tried to recover after Elizabeth passing. You were too young to remember, thank God, but many women walked in and out of this house at the time. But never, not one, could make me feel right. It was never enough. I could content myself with "nice", though. The Foundation made the rest. I remember walking into the building and realizing that even though your grandmother was no longer breathing, she was much alive in the patrimony we have built. Our story was written all over the place. And even though our son was not around anymore, it was written all over you too, Jackie. The foundation kept me with purpose, but seeing her in you made me feel alive again. That is what I want you to feel. And I know the woman you are getting married to isn't the answer. It will only get you trapped in a disastrous marriage and an unhappy life. None of you deserve it.
- What do you expect me to do? Call it off two months earlier? Don't you think I already have enough history of crashing weddings?
- Would you crash Ashley's wedding to another man, Jackie?/span/p
Jackson locked eyes with his grandfather. The epitome of his love life, twelve years ago. Only April was able to tear his life apart and still make him the happiest man alive after.
- But no, I don't expect you to call it off immediately. I don't think a bachelor life suits you anymore either. I should give you options, though. I regret not telling you this sooner, but it was not my secret to keep. It still isn't, but I cannot watch you drown yourself and do nothing anymore, Jackie. You deserve to be happy... All of you. I am sorry for keeping it from you this for so long...
- What are you talking about, grandpa?
Jackson finally realized the man was awake at that hour with a purpose and it was not to make sure his heir was safe and sound. Harper took again the old book on his hands and opened it, giving his grandson a view of its empty inside. Well, not completely empty. The fake book was filled with old letters and pictures, some apparently fading and dirty for being much read, bended and caressed. The old man hand was trembling while picking all of its contents and handling them to the younger.
Jackson was no longer paying attention to his grandfather after recognizing April's handwriting on the envelopes and letters, but instead of reading it immediately, his eyes got caught on the vision of her. His heart skipped a beat while putting the papers over the table and focusing on the first of many pictures. The first was a sonogram. One he recognized and the date confirmed as being Samuel's. He caressed one of the only images he had printed of his son, tears diming his vision, the loss and pain still too fresh, no matter how many years apart from it. The second was a slightly different sonogram, that he skipped, not paying much attention to the not matching data and the scribbles behind it. The next almost made his heart explode. A heavily pregnant April, smiling to the camera with a sunflower plantation going on for miles in the background. Her eyes were somehow sad and tired, but the glow was present. What made the observant man focus and frown was the realization that April had never been that much pregnant with Samuel. They had never been to a sunflower farm. Also, she was not wearing a wedding ring, so for his mind's sake the redhead had not gotten remarried. But they were not married at the time either. The scene made him extremely uneasy, the sense that something wrong was happening making his body steady and stomach turn.
- I don't remember this picture. When is this from?
- You were not in the scene anymore by that time.
He stopped breathing for a second, staring at the next picture in awe and despair. It was a small bundle of pink blanket and chocolate skin. The baby was beautiful and delicate, in a deep warm sleep that brought peace to his hear. It looked so much like April, with a small dimple next to the rosy lips. The nose, the soft freckles on it, and the shape of it eyes were pure Jackson's though.
The man's fingers reached the baby's face and even though being aware of what he was being told, his mind couldn't wrap around the supposed reality. Certainly he was misunderstanding it all. He picked the next picture and unconsciously smiled. How many times hadn't he woken in the middle of the night, tears streaming down his face, the sense of happiness still lingering after dreaming what the future could have been, only in his dreams it was a boy, and not a girl. He estimated she should be three or four years old most, with long, shining, messy brown curls falling over her green eyes, a huge white smile over her face, a dimple on her left cheek, the same in April's face, the two side by side laughing at someone behind the camera. They were in a park, a small red bike left behind on the grass. Both dirty, and there was a tear on the girl's red dress. He could guess it was the first time the girl was riding a bike. The girl who was obviously his daughter. It snapped something inside him. He was suddenly more than sober.
- What the fuck does this mean?
Anger came boiling up to the surface after he repeated the thought on his mind. There was no mistake. His grandfather's words, April letters and pictures, oh so many other pictures of a growling girl resembling both of them so much it hurt, just being healthy and happy. What was happening? How could he have missed it all.
- What the fuck does this mean?
He repeated it, standing up and tossing the images on the table, tangling all the documents together, part of it falling in the floor or in Harper's lap. The old man had tears behind his glasses, and was obviously shaken, but not surprised by his grandson's reaction.
- How dare you? How dare you to come and fill my mind with these... these lies.
- Jackie...
- NO! Don't fuck come and tell me that I fucking have a long lost daughter or something. Worse, not lost, because apparently you were emfucking aware/em of it all this time. How could you be able to hide this from me after losing Samuel, after April leaving, fucking knowing I still loved them?
- For all we knew you didn't. You seemed pretty well for someone being recently divorced.
Jackson kicked the chair he was previously seating against another cabinet, shattering its glass and covering the carpet with wood and paper.
- Don't you dare! Don't you dare to tell me you believed one second on it when you always told me since I was a kid you couldn't be fooled by my acts.
- But I wanted to. I wanted to believe you were getting your life on track. You didn't deserve to have it turned over again. I wanted you to find your happiness on your own, not to be dependable to anyone, not to be Me.
- That was for ME to decide, don't you think? Fuck, all your love and happiness talk, about how you couldn't be happy without my grandmother, and still you dare to private me of my own family? My own daughter? Because that's what this girl is, isn't it? Answer me, is she?
- Yes, Jackson. - Harper took his glasses off, resting them quietly over the now messy table, avoiding eye contact - This is Jasmine Mercy Kepner Avery. This is your daughter.
A/N: Hello everyone! I'm happy to be back. I plan to eventually continue The Machine, but right now I'm on a tight schedule with college and life. Why I'm starting a new fic is a mystery.
This fanfic follows canon to s12e11. After it is totally Japril AU. Some characters will be common guest stars. Slow burn all the way. ;D But I plan for it to have 5 chapters most.
I hope you enjoy this story, and YAY Grey's is almost back! Please, RR, your opinion is veeery important to me.