Westeros level of sexism and all the other nasty stuff
Jaime/Cersei and Tywin/Joanna romance and parallels and all the sad sad things that happens to House Lannister
Two little girls age 8 and 10 picked their way through the underbrush. The older more determined the younger already lamenting the state of her pretty dress.
"Greetings Maggy of house Spicer, we... "
"Ah've been expectin' yoh, " the woman said, she had wavy black hair, brown skin and hazel eyes "Lady Lannister and..." maggy smiled at Genna, "Lady Frey."
"Oh no no no I am a Lannister too, "Joanna insisted "I am not a Frey. I am from Lannisport and not the Rock, but I assure you I am a lion too."
Maggy indicated that they sit.
Genna wondered how awfully mad Tywin would be if he found out where she and Joanna were. Not very, she decided, her respected older brother was incapable of any violence or punishment if Joanna was at all involved.
"I have come for my fortune read."
"Av you brought a payment?"
Joanna pulled out a hairpin and she slid it forth, it was a fair trade. She had intended to wear it on her wedding day.
Maggy slid it back, "it is fools gold!"
"No," she protested, "that that cannot be uncle Tytos gave it to me, he said it was his Lady Wife's that I should wear it on my wedding..."
Maggy spilled a liquid on the hairpin and it dissolved with a fizzle.
Just like that Joanna saw her future disappear. Uncle Tytos must have sold the real thing and given her the pin so Tywin wouldn't discover his father's treachery.
Genna slid a money pouch across the table
Maggy extracted some coins and slid the pouch back
"You would do this for me?"Joanna asked softly, her pride hurting.
"Aye i love you best from our family apart from Tywin."
"I will pay this debt back," Joanna said with conviction wondering if Genna would still love her penniless cousin if she knew Joanna wanted to marry her Lord Brother.
"I shall hold you to it," Genna vowed in true Lannister fashion even at age 7.
"What is it yoh wish to know?" Maggy asked the candle light illuminating her freckles in the dark tent.
"Will I Marry Tywin Lannister, my cousin? "Joanna didn't look at Genna she knew she was reaching, Tywin would gain nothing marrying her and lose an alliance from a great house. Perhaps he would wed a Baratheon daughter, the young Storm lord Steffon Baratheon loved Tywin well, he would no doubt wish to turn the friendship onto kinship.
"Please say yes,"Joanna prayed squeezing her eyes shut and to her surprise she felt Genna's hand squeeze hers
"I do hope she says yes Cousin, I do detest those Southerners." Genna confessed
"Yes," maggy said, "You shall wed Tywin, the shield of Lannisport, the Warden of the West, the Lion of the Rock"
The girls sprang up out of their seats and started jumping up and down holding each other
" You have three more questions girl make them worthy."
Genna and Joanna whispered to each other
"Will we have many children?"
"Three babes will be your limit."
"Oh," Joanna exclaimed she had 7 siblings, Tywin had 4 this was not what she expected.
"Will it be a happy marriage?" Genna asked when Joanna was silent and sulking.
"Yes, one of the only few happy marriages in the great houses. "
" Will he... be faithful," Joanna asked quickly she knew men were not expected to show their wives fidelity. Joanna was already imagining slapping and scratching out the eyes of any woman that Tywin would ever lay with.
"He will love no one but you you. Your love shall define his life." Maggy sighed.
Joanna held a hand to her breast she was so overcome she wanted to be betrothed as soon as possible she wanted this future, she wanted Tywin to know that he belonged to her. She wanted the next 6 years to pass by in the blink of an eye she wanted to have her wedding and have their love spoken about for centuries.
"When will I... he... "Joanna asked anxiously
Genna grabbed Joanna's hand "it's the last question Joy, be mindful ask the witch something important."
"Will he my husband, love my children and cherish them?"
Maggy smiled a wicked smile, "for as long as you live."
"Thank you," Joanna said sincerely, the Prester women outlived their husbands, it was a bitter-sweet feeling to know that she would have to live without Tywin, but he would love his children till his end, and he would live on in their children. Joanna took her leave, she was already resenting the gods for taking Tywin away from her and their children.
Genna looked at Maggy with suspicion
"Yoh my little heiress shall have.. "
"I care not! You lie. I should rather die than marry a fisher lord! Just you watch when I don't marry a Frey I shall come back here and burn your tent with you in it, you Charlatan" Genna sped after Joanna.
When fourteen year old Emmon frey arrived the next week, to ask for Genna's hand in marriage, she had thought it a cruel joke that she would wed before Joanna and Tywin and to second son who would inherit nothing.
Present Day
Robert had thrown a feast, no one knew the occasion they did as the king commanded.
He made passes at any and every woman but Cersei.
Cersei having had her fill of his company, was about to take her leave when he spoke in his booming voice.
"Oh such a fertile house... One suspects that Lord Tywin sold me a barren broodmare. I should demand an exchange. The gods know I'd get more pleasure fucking a Lannister Charger."
Nobody dared laugh, they all knew what happened to those who irked the Proud Lord Tywin Lannister. Cersei had looked at Robert with pity, when he realised that he was alone in his laughter, it was after all not very honourable to insult one's wife at a feast.
Cersei had been furious, but she hid it well, she must show no weakness, she brushed off any and every attempt by her court ladies to comfort her. She swept by the guards.
She was a perfect picture of arrogance, head high, shoulders erect she was Tywin's daughter was she not?
She was not in fact barren, when she was 10, a witch at Lannisport had told her that she would have three children, gold their crowns and gold their shrouds, so when Robert bed her she would drink moontea. It wasn't malicious. She didn't hate Robert, despite everything he had done to her spirit and her body. She wanted desperately to be a mother, but she was very aware that the pain of burying ones child would make her fling herself off a rooftop.
When she sat on her bed, she was not so strong. She had worshipped Robert, they had all told her that he would love her, even those who didn't even like her even they were certain that Robert would love her. They all said the same thing, that only a blind fool would not love her.
She didn't feel like a lion, she felt like a mouse. She didn't want to cry, she felt lost and empty
She slid to the floor and prayed as she once had for her mother to be returned to her. She prayed to be loved. To be cherished. To be held.
She had been praying so reverently that she had not noticed the door opening, nor soft footsteps.
When she felt a hand on her shoulder and felt herself being lifted from the floor she thought it was Robert who had come to his senses.
As she turned around she was hypnotised by the man holding her, she felt a warmth in her breast. Safety and home, yes this was what it felt like when her brother held her. She felt that nothing could harm her, he would protect her.
"Why are you... she began "you should be with him. Your duty... "
"My only duty since I was born was to protect and love you Cersei. I cannot bear to see you in pain."
"I am not partial to pain either she said laying her cheek against his chest.
When Jaime cupped her cheek, Cersei had smiled immediately, a languid slow mark of joy. Something fell into place inside cersei. She leaned into his touch. The way his hand slid around her waist was not brotherly, the way her hand caressed his neck was also not sisterly.
When he breathed her name into her hair, it was hard to say who made the first move.
She felt the emptiness inside her fill and disappear. She had only ever felt this whole, this satisfied with Jaime, when they were younger and they were curious. She laughed into his skin.
He had looked offended, "I know, it has been an age since we have done this, but must you be so cruel? I am trying my best." He had grumbled.
How glaringly obvious, she thought, as rapture overcame her, it was as if they belonged together.
When morning came so did the guilt. She had pushed him away cursed him and spent the day in the sept.
She asked for clarity, why had the gods sent Jaime to comfort her when she asked to be loved.
If it was so sinful and wrong then why in the god's names did it feel so good? Why was it the only thing that felt right?
After agonising in the sept all day she found Jaime sulking outside her chambers she pulled him in, she locked the door behind them as they stumbled toward the bed, lips and hands everywhere.
When she felt Jaime kiss his way up her thighs, she knew without a doubt that this was why her marriage with Robert would not work. They had advised her to worship Robert. Lannister wives were not meant to worship their husbands, rather the men were made to worship their wives as Jaime was worshiping her on his knees. She trailed her fingers in his hair, yes she thought finding purchase in his hair and clutching at her sheets, yes as he worshiped her, she would rule over him, that was the natural order of a Lannister marriage, one Genna Frey had managed to replicate with her Frey husband.
Cersei sat quietly as the high septon delivered a passionate sermon about how men fathering bastards was contaminating the purity of Westeros society. She was seated in the seat of honour Robert was passed out drunk somewhere. Jaime stood behind her seat, angling his body so he could touch her if he desired to do so, his hands obscured by his cloak.
He reeks of contamination himself, smells like a dead mongoose Cersei remarked unkindly, lips twisting in disgust.
Jaime chuckled softly.
Oh is fathering bastards an amusing concept she asked mentally listing down their crimes, adultery, incest and treason. Never underestimate a Lannister when they sinned they went all out.
"Do you know how close we were to being born bastards?" Jaime asked dropping his head down momentarily to whisper to her
Cersei felt a knife of betrayal in her breast. She couldn't even look at Jaime. She shrank from his warmth. How could he, after countless nights of soothing her hurts, physical and emotional after Robert was done with her, make such a callous remark? Cersei wanted to scream every time someone implied that the dragon king Aerys had bedded her mother. It was inconceivable yet here was her gallant and foolish brother repeating that disgusting rumour, accepting that their mother had faced the same degrading fate as Cersei under another King.
He slid her a piece of paper, "Our cousin Damion found it in grandmother Marla's jewelry box."
It was dated a few months before Jaime and Cersei were born.
My Dear Lady Mother, The Lord Hand – Tywin Lannister is beastly. I want this wedding annulled. He comes to my bed smelling like livestock and is not there when I wake.
Your dissatisfied daughter Joanna.
Cersei repressed a smile. She knew of the story, it had to do with the custom of the husband preparing a nursery for his children. How could the gods expect her to love another when it was Jaime and only Jaime who could understand her, who else would have known that by sharing with her an old note scrawled by their mother would cause her joy?
"You inherited her keen sense of smell too," Jaime murmured
Cersei squeezed Jaime's hand, he tickled her hand and then squeezed back. Hang the Septon their child was conceived in love, their child was not a symbol of sin, their child was a Lannister cub. Joffrey was a part of Joanna, Tywin, Jaime and herself. Joffrey was a link between the past and the future. She would like every woman to birth a Lannister babe before her, fiercely protect and love her child. As a great queen and a powerful Ser as the babe's father what harm could come to her precious baby boy?
Robert had just returned from hunting boars and fucking whores, or the other way around. Seeing the sad state of his beautiful young bride, he heard a suggestion to return Cersei to Casterly Rock, apparently Lannister women needed to have their first birth at their ancestral home. Robert allowed for himself and his wife to travel to Casterly Rock, with Ser Jaime to escort them to the West. The singers sang songs about how the king was so loving and understanding that he was the gold standard of husbandry. The truth was that Cersei, ever since falling pregnant would have night terrors and cry in her sleep this upset Robert, not the fact that she was distressed but because it meant that she would not be compliant to his needs.
Cersei stared out the window of the wheelhouse. Jaime rode ahead, as he was a Kingsguard and not her husband who could no longer ride horses due to his excessive weight. Robert had a wheelhouse all to himself, they said he needed to stretch his legs, the men joked that he often took village girls into his wheelhouse, that is why he was at the rear which was against tradition, the king must always be first.
An old servant kept Cersei company, she was sewing soft blankets for the baby. She worked simultaneously, on a pink blanket and a blue blanket, she was from Lannisport. She smelled like fish. Cersei was dreadfully ill multiple times before they even got to the Westerlands borders.
Cersei, ruminated about her life, she had done what her father wanted, she was Queen. She wondered if it was a desire to please her Lord father or was it her own wish to become a Queen. She closed her eyes, her hand over her swollen belly. They had told her it would be a boy. Robert had already told her, the first born would be called, Joffrey, Cersei had agreed, and for a moment she could imagine herself the mother of a beautiful green eyed child, he would have curly blonde hair, thick lashes and lips like hers.
"Oh Lord Father," she prayed not to the gods but her father, "please grant me the strength to see this through."
Cersei had been charming and demure through the feast thrown in Joffrey's honour, she could have sworn that her father had even smiled at her fondly. When an old cousin of her father's was sufficiently drunk he called her Joanna and called Jaime Tywin.
Cersei had laughed nervously. The last thing she needed, after earning Tywin's respect was to get caught for incest and adultery, get disgraced and paraded in the streets naked as shit and slurs were thrown at her.
"I am not my Lady mother I am Cersei, Uncle Lucasse," she said softly
"Oh, forgive me child," the old cousin cried sadly, "your mother Joanna she was…"
"Beautiful I know," Cersei repressed the urge to roll her eyes, if she had a gold coin every time someone described Joanna as beautiful she could fill an entire room.
"Such a good mother and such a good wife!" Lucasse said
Cersei stopped listening, she loved her mother but what good would it do her to be compared to a woman who was remembered as perfect, so beautiful so clever, so strong? She analysed her nightmares, they were all of being discovered and her children being stoned in the streets, Jaime would be exiled at Castle Black and she would be forced to give up her claim and name and leave for the free cities with her child. A life without Jaime? She would rather die. That would not be a life worth living, she was not whole without him. As her pregnancy progressed another dream took over, it was of a stag tearing though her belly and she'd die bleeding out. The stag she gave birth to then pointed out Jaime and spoke of their infidelity and treason against the King. Not even Jaime was spared in the dream.
Once she fell pregnant, she found it increasingly difficult to deny Jaime when he came to her bed. Robert, excited with the prospect of bedding servant girls who looked like his wife, had already put Cersei out of his mind. Which was why Jaime had confidently come to Cersei's chambers, he had looked at her with so much love and longing. He proclaimed his love and how brave she was having his child.
It took every ounce of energy to tell Jaime no, even as he left she was clenching her fists to keep her lips still so that she did not say what she was thinking, "Please stay", she had futilely resisted but something in her voice got through to him and he left eyes soft and hurt.
"Forgive the intrusion," a woman said her face obscured by a pile of laundry, Cersei gasped in fright how much had this woman seen? She thought in fear.
Cersei's heart thudded, she hoped the woman had not seen Jaime.
"Your husband the King must love you well, first he brings you home and then he begs you to let him bed you, my husband whether I sleep or I am awake he just crawls on top of me and does his business."
Cersei shuddered, she did not want to hear anymore, it was bad enough what Robert did to her. Cersei was wholly consumed by keeping herself, Jaime and her unborn babe safe not to mention to keep the name Lannister free of tarnish. She did not need an additional task, to feel sympathy for the woman, who was clearly a Lannister bastard.
The woman shook her head with a smile
"What?" Cersei snapped
"You remind me of…"
"My mother," Cersei rolled her eyes
"No child no, you remind me of your father forgive my vulgarity but…"
"Speak freely." Cersei instructed the woman
"When your mother was pregnant, she was quite randy, in heat one would say, she would demand your Lord Father's affections in the morning, noon and at dinner."
Cersei's eyes widened, her perfect Lady Mother was so forward? "My Lord father he tolerated such wonton behaviour?" Cersei asked eyes narrowing, this was clearly a tale.
"Oh he resisted, he had no mother to advise him, so terrified he was to cause your mother any harm nor to you and Ser Jaime in her belly, oh how valiantly he attempted to dissuade your mother."
"My father denied my mother his affections?" Cersei was amused, thinking of how she often futilely, resisted Jaime but gave in.
"Not for long, your father could very well deny the gods but not your Lady mother, she had a special gift for extracting from your father anything she wanted."
"Thank you for that story," Cersei smiled, it was always flattering to hear how she resembled her father. Jaime was truly Lady Joanna's son as Cersei was Tywin's daughter.
Later that night, it was Cersei who sought out Jaime, and as they lay together as husband and wife blanketed only by the pale moonlight. She told him that she was scared
"Of what sweet sister?" he asked
"Living without you," she answered honestly, she knew he wanted the child, so she did not tell him of the dreams. He would be offended he would pout, she would try to make him feel better and then they would make love again and then she would be tired to return to her chambers and they would be discovered for sure.
"Oh my love, my sweet girl," he said and claimed her mouth
She pushed his face away, she had decided to leave his chambers in the next minute as if their lives depended on it and it actually did.
"That day shall never come to pass," he vowed, "I shall never leave you nor shall I leave this world not while you breathe." He told her as she dressed, once again she fought against her very nature, every fibre of her being was crying out to be loved by him but she had to be strong, she kissed his forehead and then his mouth.
"I love you, Jaime," she breathed softly against his lips.
Jaime smiled against her lips.
Cersei lay in bed and turned her face towards Jaime's chambers, she could imagine the walls the people everything fading away until they were the only two people in the world.