Late Night Mischief
The Joker had it all planned out perfectly. All the traps and jokes were set but it didn't go as planned… as usual. Of course, that led to Batman beating our favourite Clown Prince of Crime to a pulp. Had it not been for Harley, the Joker would have been dragged half-conscious to the Batmobile.
"Get off of my Puddin', you big ugly Bat!" she yelled as she climbed onto Batman's back and hit his head.
"See Bats, this is why I have Harley – so I can make a quick escape while she distracts you! See ya!" the Joker then made a run for it as he let Harley deal with the Bat all by herself.
He wasn't looking forward to being locked up in Arkham anytime soon. The doctors had decided to try a new form of therapy that involved painting. He would have enjoyed the activity if they had allowed him to draw portraits of Batman being killed, stabbed and eaten by Bud and Lou. Unfortunately for him, all depictions of violence were banned so it was only natural for the Joker to stab one of the guards in the eye with a paintbrush which led to paintbrushes being banned so all patients had to finger paint instead.
Hence, here he was turning from one corner to the next, in hopes of Harley distracting Batman long enough for him to make a quick getaway. Luck wasn't on his side that night as a dark shape landed in front of him.
"Let me guess, you've apprehended Harley and locked her up in the Batmobile," the Joker said and sighed dramatically. "Ok, Bats! You got me! Make it quick! Game over! I give up!" He wiped a fake tear with one hand and made his best sad face.
As the Dark Knight pulled out his Bat handcuffs, the Joker sprayed a cloud of Joker gas from the flower on his suit. "This gag never gets old does it, Bats? You just keep falling for it. Sucker!" He gave Batman a good kick before dashing off in laughter, happy that he was able to pull such a trick.
All he had to do now was find a place to hide and after several minutes of running, the Clown Prince of Crime saw a door that was slightly ajar in an alleyway. He dashed in without hesitating and closed the door for good. He turned around and figured out that he was probably in a restaurant judging by the bulky man who was wearing a white coat and hat. He looked up and saw the Joker.
"You're a bit early but I think that's fine. They're out in front," the chef uttered and pointed out a large wooden door.
"I'm a bit early for what? My comedy gig?" the Joker retorted, slightly surprised the chef didn't recognise who he was or maybe he just didn't care. This is Gotham after all.
The chef snorted, continuing to peel off the potato in his hand "Whatever floats your goat with you people."
Without another word, the Joker headed for the door, expecting the place to be a comedy club. Why else would the chef assume he was part of a performance or maybe it's a birthday party? However, as soon as he stepped out, he was lost for words. He was too stunned to say anything at all and at that moment, he had hoped that this whole thing was nothing more than a nightmare and that he was still in Arkham or anywhere but here.
"Hey there, handsome. You got here just in time!" a drag queen exclaimed, puffing out his cigarette as he left his seat and approached the Joker with a seductive smile.
The Clown Prince of Crime was still at loss for words. For the first time in his life, he was genuinely stunned.
"Moe! The clown stripper is here! You're in luck! He looks a lot like the Joker! I guess we can use Frank's service again after this!"
The crowd in the bar began cheering wildly. If there was one thing the Joker was certain before this whole charade, he wasn't afraid of anything. At the moment, he was beginning to fear for his life. He had made a terrible mistake walking in here.
"Excuse me for a second," he said and turned around, heading for the kitchen but he stopped when a man twice Batman's size blocked the entrance.
"You available after tonight, darling?"
"No. I think there's been a mistake. I don't swing that way if you catch my drift- not that there's anything wrong if you swing the other way but it's just not my kinda gag despite what the internet suggests. Me and Bats are not attracted to one another at all. We're best buddies. We don't drift that way," he explained as the drag queen led him to a seat.
"Why don't you have a drink first, honey. The show doesn't start in 20 minutes and Moe is still in the bathroom. Yes, this is his farewell party. He's moving to Metropolis in a few days."
"Look, I think there's been a mistake here, buddy."
The drag queen giggled. "You can call me Sally, sweetheart or whatever you like," Sally winked and placed his hand on the Joker's chest which he immediately swatted away. "Besides, you're at the right place. I specifically told Frank to have one of his boys dressed up like the Joker. It's easy to get confused around here since there's two other bars close by."
He had thought about simply murdering everyone in the bar for a brief moment but it dawned to him that the police will know that he committed the crime and wonder why he was hanging out at a gay bar which would then make the rumors even worse and he was sure Harley would be beyond furious.
"Like I said, I'm at the wrong place and Harley, well, I don't know how she'll react to all of this!" the Joker stood up from his seat, hoping the guy that was hitting on him earlier wasn't blocking the door.
The restroom door burst open and Moe came out. "Sorry guys, I shouldn't have had that taco for lunch. Anyway, I heard my stripper's here!"
"He is, but he keeps insisting he's in the wrong place or whatever," Sally said, lighting up another cigarette.
When Moe saw the Joker, his face fell and a look of horror washed over his face. All hell broke loose when he said, "Boss?!"
The Joker blinked a couple of times, not believing what he was seeing – one of his henchmen – actually, former henchman who quit a week ago, dressed in a bright red dress. He let out a high pitched scream. "What the hell? Why are you dressed like a broad?!"
Then it hit him. His former henchman, who had worked for him for well over a year, had requested a stripper to dress up just like him. "Oh God!"
"Boss, it's not what you think it is! This whole thing was just a joke!"
Sally then cut in, "Since you two already know each other, I think we should get the party started."
The Joker was saved from any further embarrassment (or so he thought) when the door to the kitchen burst open and Batman strode in. The room was filled with awkward silence.
"Hell yeah! Now we have two strippers!" everyone except Joker, Batman and Moe began cheering happily.
"Bats! Thank goodness! Just get me outta here! I don't care if I have to go back to Arkham! Hell, I'll stay there for two solid months if you don't leave me here!" the Clown Prince of Crime exclaimed.
Both quickly left through the kitchen while the crowd was too busy dancing around and drinking happily. Neither said a single word once they were outside.
"Never ever mention this or I will make you eat using a straw for the rest of your life," Batman threatened as he handcuffed the Joker.
"You got it, Bats! No problemo! You just saved your old pal! It's the least I can do. That's what best buddies are for. Also, please don't tell Harley you found me in a gay bar. I don't think she'll react well to that."
Batman said nothing as he secured the Joker into the Batmobile. Harley was in the backseat, unconscious. "Am I glad to see you, Harley Baby!"
And so, Batmobile headed off to Arkham Asylum. Throughout the journey, the Joker wouldn't stop humming the Looney Tunes theme which annoyed the Dark Knight greatly.
"If you don't stop doing that, I'll send you back to the bar!" Batman snapped.
He merely rolled his eyes. "Geez, alright. No need to get all wind up. It's no wonder Pussy Cat dumped you and chose to date the Wayne brat instead."
Batman's grip on the steering wheel tightened. The Joker kept babbling on about the Dark Knight's 'boring and disastrous' love life as he had called it. Bruce had thought it was the last straw when he was labelled a 'spoiled rich womanizing orphan'.
Batman stepped on the breaks, startling the unconscious Harley. "My Mr.J's the best!" she slurred. "What's going on? Where am I?"
"Hi pumpkin pie! We're in the Batmobile, about to be dropped off at Arkham."
Harley placed a hand on her aching head. "You seem awfully cheerful. I thought you didn't want to go back yet."
"He agreed to stay there for two months because I found him in a gay bar," with that, Batman continued driving.
"Oh geez! Thanks a lot Bats!" the Joker snapped before giving Harley his best smile. "It's not what you think, Harley. I got there by accident."
"You ended up in a gay bar?! What is wrong with you?! I still hear rumors about you and Bats and now this?! I'm gonna kill you!"
The clown couple continued arguing until they were dropped off at Arkham and let's just say the morning paper the next day did not improve Harley's mood at all after she saw the headline on the front page.
"EXCLUSIVE: The Joker and Batman Spotted In Gay Bar"
I have absolutely no idea where this idea came from but soon as it hit me, I thought it might be funny to see what it's like to have the Joker end in a gay bar by accident and having men hitting on him.