"You are so stupid! Can you not realize she's just playing you? Joe, she is only going out with you for your money. I saw her shoes. Hello, those were not real prada, and I know prada!"
Wow. I would never have imagined what could have come out of this conversation with Joe. I never would have thought we could even stay friends, considering how I had dissed Ashley (the girl he was going out with at the time) in every single way possible. Of course, she deserved it, just for being herself.
"Why would you say that? Ashley is one of the most down-to-earth girls I've ever dated... much less shoe crazy than you, Stella."
That's what he had responded with. I had almost slapped him. Almost. But I didn't. I couldn't.
"You take that back," I pointed my finger at him, glaring behind blond bangs.
"Why would I take it back when we both know that it's true?" he asked. Was I supposed to take that as a compliment? That's it. I thought.
"That's it, Joe. I cannot take this anymore." I put my hands up.
"Stella," he sighed, sounding like he wished he hadn't said anything. Too little too late, Joe.
"I hate fighting with you." I went on. "It seems like everytime you get a new girlfriend or start going on and on about one, we get stuck fighting like crazy people. This is just not how I want to spend the rest of my life. Do you not realize what's happening here? What's coming between us?"
I knew where this conversation was headed. I knew it was going down the wrong road, but I couldn't stop it. I just couldn't keep it in any longer.
"Stella, of course I do. Do you think I enjoy fighting with you all the time? I don't. I hate it. You're my best friend."
But it was coming. I knew it. I couldn't stop myself from saying it. I couldn't stop the words from spilling out and attacking the room like a tornado.
"Then maybe we shouldn't be. Maybe we shouldn't be best friends anymore. Because I know that this—" I motioned between us. "—this fighting, is never going to stop. And I know the reasons why, Joe. I know them, but you don't. And maybe you won't ever know, but that's alright with me. As long as I don't get hurt in the end; everything is fine."
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I begged myself. I begged myself so much, but it just wouldn't stop. I was almost to the door, almost gone and out of his life.
"What the heck are you talking about? We've been friends since we were babies. Stella, I don't understand. What is going on?"
He was so confused. Of course, he was confused, he had no clue. No clue at all.
"I need to tell you something,"
I needed to tell him. I needed to let him know before I lost my nerve. I just needed to let him know the truth.
"What?" he asked, still looking so confused. I kind of laughed.
"I love you, Joe." I watched as his expression instantly turned into shocked. But I had to keep going. "I have ever since the sixth grade. I know we're friends and we have been ever since we were babies, but that doesn't change how I feel about you... how I've always felt about you. And maybe you feel the same, and maybe you don't, but I just needed to tell you the truth.
"If anything we can still be friends, because, Joe, I really don't want to lose you over this. I really don't." my voice cracked on the last part and I bit my lip.
I gripped the door handle, getting ready to turn it so I could run out before I started crying. Joe didn't need to see that, didn't need to know that I was broken without him.
Joe was silent, just standing there, staring at me. Great. He's so stunned he can't even reply. I thought. I turned the door handle. "Goodbye, Joe." I said and turned away, opening the door.
"Stella, wait." Joe grabbed my arm, making my skin tingle and turning me around. The tears were already in my eyes as I looked up at him. He looked at me, searching my face. What are you looking for? I thought.
Then, before I could react to his movement, Joe was leaning in, taking my face in his hands and kissing me.
Lips on lips, breath on breath, his hands in my hair. I was so surprised. I suppose he expected that. But I kissed him back, with my hands pulling at his shirt sleeves, urging him closer than it was possible.
My heart sped up with every single breath, every single movement. I didn't want it it end. And I don't think Joe wanted it to end either, not that he was saying anything, but he wasn't stopping it either.
I pulled my lips from his a moment later, my heart beating throughout my whole body.
"Joe, what... is going on?" I panted, my voice a whisper, as I looked up at him.
"I think you know," he said, a smirk on his face.
"I love you too, Stella." my heart skipped a beat at those words coming from his mouth. You love me? "I guess I just never had the guts to tell you until now. But you beat me to it." I giggled, the tears now gone.
"So, does this mean what I think it means?" I asked, a hopefulness in my voice. Am I the only one wanting another kiss right now?
"Well, if you're thinking what I'm thinking... then I guess it does." I smiled and reached up, kissing him again.
I guess I figured Joe and I would never be close again, that our friendship would just kind of fall and break into a million little pieces. Of course, that was worse case senario, but it could have happend.
Fortunately, it didn't. I would tell you how things turned out, how everything fell into place and we're getting married (ah!). Nope, just joking about that last part (aw). But, I will tell you that things have definitely changed between us. And we're closer than ever.
I'll also tell you that I have never regreted that moment. Even though it was full of anger and hurt and tears, it also brought smiles and kisses and the words that mean so much to us. I don't want to turn back the clock and try again, I don't want to pretend like those things never happend. Because if they hadn't... Joe and I wouldn't be together, we wouldn't be smiling and laughing, hugging and kissing, talking and spending time with each other. It wouldn't be like it is now.
I mean, I love being Joe's friend... but I love being his girlfriend even more.