Double Vision

"Necessity is the mother of taking chances."

Mark Twain

01

"Damn it." Matt wiped sweat off of his face for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last hour as he peered out through the rain lashed windshield of the car. The late afternoon thunderstorm that was rolling through had buffeted the old Mercury with wind and hail, the latter of which had graced it with what an optimist might call added ventilation, but he had called it several other names none of which he would say in the presence of his children or even CJ or Madre Rosa; the two women would likely team up to wash out his mouth.

"Can you see anything?" From the passenger seat Detective Chuck Wylie was doing his best to staunch the flow of water entering the car through one of the newly acquired ventilation holes, the t-shirt that he had just removed from the floorboard quickly turning a darker and more disgusting color.

"Not really. Best we can hope is that he doesn't like the weather any more than we do." As he spoke the rain began to lessen and in a couple of minutes had almost stopped. He and Chuck both rolled down the windows, enjoying a breath of fresh air that they had been denied for over two hours. Had the windows been down during the monsoon the pair had just ridden out the interior of the Mercury would have been even soggier.

"Crap. The sun's coming out," Wylie groaned. "Don't know which is worse: drowning inside a leaky car or getting smothered by the damn humidity outside."

"I'll take the humidity - this car smells like a herd of wet goats. What in the hell did De la Cruz do in this thing?"

"Don't think it was all him - it was assigned to Narco before he got it. And what do you know about wet goats? You've only got cattle and horses." Removing the t-shirt from the over one inch hole in the windshield, Chuck held it outside and began wringing water out of it, the smell rising up into the car along with the steam from the pavement causing him to involuntarily gag.

"I was in Afghanistan, remember? Hang on, we've got movement…" Matt slumped down in the seat as much as possible, which wasn't much due to the fact that the adjustment bracket on the seat was broken. The last forty eight hours that he had spent in the car had been tortuous: his six foot three inch frame had been crammed into the minimal space where just trying to move his legs had been tricky. Although Chuck was a few inches shorter, he was heavier and couldn't even fit behind the wheel, much less steer it.

The pair watched as their target, one Emirik Selkirk emerged from the small house. "He sure lives up to his nickname. Looks just like a weasel." Selkirk stood at just under five feet tall and weighed about 120 soaking wet. His watery brown eyes and unshaven appearance along with a ski slope nose just enhanced his reputation as a slick character. He was wanted on a laundry list of charges including bank fraud, mail fraud, and theft of property over $10,000 and had eluded both law enforcement and the bounty hunter that had been enlisted to locate him.

Wylie nodded. "I'd sure hate to be the bondsman who signed for him." The reply was a grunt. "Annnnnd he's getting in the car."

Matt waited until Selkirk started the engine and backed out of the driveway, heading east on Tarley Street. He turned the key. Nothing. A few colorful words were heard as he tried again before hitting the ignition switch with the palm of his hand: it roared to life, the engine revved up to the max. He slapped it into gear and the slick tires spun on the wet pavement causing the car to yaw momentarily. A black cloud of exhaust spewed from the back end and both men cursed some more. "Where the hell did he go?"

"There!" Wylie pointed a few blocks up where the old Caddy was turning north on Elysian. The black cloud of smoke dissipated and the engine of the Mercury smoothed out slightly as they neared the intersection. Matt pulled within a couple of car lengths and both men breathed a sigh of relief.

Selkirk looked in the rearview mirror, his nose twitching, and hammered the accelerator. The Caddy rocketed east onto Euel and then swung around the curve headed south. "The son of a bitch smelled us!" Chuck stared in disbelief. "His damn nose was twitching!"

The car lurched as it began missing, then backfired and caught again as Houston maneuvered it around the curve, fishtailing for a few seconds. "Pard, we're going to block him. Get ready." He floored it and got around Selkirk just as the engine gave a loud backfire. Another massive cloud of black smoke came from the exhaust and their quarry blindly rear-ended the Mercury just as there was a small explosion under the hood causing it to fly off and crash onto the street. Matt rammed his elbow into the door trying to get it open but it wouldn't budge. Crawling through the open window, he quickly drew his pistol and went toward the driver's side of the Caddy. "Selkirk, out of the car! Now!"

The weaselly little man was clawing to get out of the passenger side and quickly found the barrel of Chuck's service weapon right in front of his face. He immediately stopped and went cross-eyed.

"Hands! Now!" Wiley reached back for his cuffs and began hooking up the man, then took Matt's and put them on the skinny man's ankles as his partner called for transport for the prisoner and a couple of tow trucks. Both detectives continued to hold the man at gunpoint until help arrived and he was shackled and stuffed into the back of a van with a chain running between the cuffs, the shackles, and the d-ring in the floor of the van.

Over an hour later the two returned to headquarters on Baker Street to a round of first applause and then jeers as the smell that came off of them drifted through the air.

As they showered in the locker room and tried to get rid of the odor of nearly two days spent in the stench of the Mercury the pair congratulated each other on a job well done.

"I think we deserve a medal." Wiley turned off the water and reached for a towel.

"For what? Catching Selkirk or killing the Mercury?" Matt had rinsed off for the second time, took a sniff of his arm and then reached for the soap yet again.

"Daddy's home!" The shout went up from where the three youngest members of the Houston family had been playing their latest fascination of pirates on the area of the playground that was designed like a ship. Foam swords were dropped and the band of merry rogues hustled over to where he was exiting the SUV. CJ stood on the top step soaking in the sight as the kids swarmed Matt. Vinnie and Mike fought to carry the plastic bag he had in tow while Catey took his hand. The rowdy group scrambled up the steps where Matt pulled his wife into a big hug and the pair shared a kiss over the objections of the pirate crew. She pulled away from him slightly, her nose wrinkled. "Did you find a skunk somewhere?"

"No, but the car we had to use smelled something fierce. Thought I had washed it all off."

"Uh, no. Better try again."

The entire group gave a disgusted sound as the twins argument over the bag resulted in it being ripped, allowing the smelly clothes to be exposed.

"Oh, hon. No." CJ covered her nose and the kids abandoned the porch in favor of the safety of the high seas once again. "Just throw them away."

He picked the offensive garments up holding them at arm's length and took them to the trash can. She was fanning the air as he returned and tried to kiss her again.

"Sweetie, just please...ugh. Please go shower."

"Not gonna have any skin left…" He grumbled as he started through the kitchen, causing housekeeper Madre Rosa to utter a few oaths in Spanish as her senses were assaulted.

Nearly two hours later Matt was sliding into a pair of sweatpants while on the phone with Chuck. "Tomato juice. It was CJ's idea. She thought I had run across a skunk somewhere and that's what you use on a dog when they get sprayed." He listened to his friend. "Well, it works. She finally let me out of the damn tub."

CJ came through the bedroom with a garbage bag carrying the set of clothes he had worn home. "Mattlock William Houston! I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap!"

On the other end of the call Chuck was laughing. "Good thing she didn't hear what you said earlier."

"Tell me about it." Matt watched as she exited the room headed for the garbage can out back. "Talk to you later, bud. I'm going to see if I'm allowed to eat now." He heard more laughter and disconnected the call.

After pulling on a t-shirt he padded down to the kitchen to find that Madre Rosa had indeed saved him some supper and as he sat down to eat the kids ventured in to see if it was safe to be around him once more. They told him all about their adventures that day and then the group headed into the den for a little playtime. The evening ended with Matt falling asleep in the floor using a teddy bear for a pillow and surrounded by his kids and several hundred building blocks.

After Sheila herded the children off to bed, CJ finally roused her husband out of his sleep and convinced him that their bed would be far more comfortable than the floor.