*This story is originally on Wattpad from my account there ( JTheFireLord)*
*just so you guys know, this is a parody, not meant to be taken seriously. lol.*
Naruto was in a pickle. Apparently this guy named Momoshiki and his father (or what Naruto thought to be his lover), Kinshiki, were trying to kidnap him, obtain his powers, and destroy his village.
All in all, nothing too new.
'I've just about had enough of all ThIs BuLLSHIT!' Naruto thought to himself.
"Just give up, Uzumaki, and give us the nine tails! You'll spare us both a lot of trouble this way." Momoshiki yelled down to Naruto.
"What the hell is wrong with you people! Can't I just get a damn break?!" The blonde hokage yelled. "Like hell I'm going to give you Kurama! Not on my life."
Momoshiki smirked. "I guess that's all the answer we need."
Momoshiti- *ahem* I mean Momotiki *fuck not that either* Momoshiki gathered a ton of chakra into what looked like a giant bijuudama. He laughed insanely as the mass grew to a ginormous size, rivaling a bijuu itself in size. He then somehow threw a damn fire-bird onto Naruto and the rest, destroying the surroundings.
However, Naruto activated his partial Tailed Beast Mode just in time, and the head of the ninetails was seen protecting Sasuke, Sarada and Boruto. Momoshiki frowned, then took a good look at Naruto. He realized, that Naruto looked pissed.
'What the..? His entire aura seems to scream 'run away.'' But of course, Momoshiki didn't take his gut's advice.
Momoshiki started bringing down mass amounts of lightning, water, and more onto the head of the avatar. The head started to deteriorate from all of the attacks. Naruto started to hatch an idea in his head.
Boruto looked absolutely shitfaced, so did Sarada. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" They both thought. Whether they were thinking about Naruto and his new look or the elements trying to f-ing kill them, I have no clue. Maybe both.
Minato's son's son knew that he had to help. 'I can't sit back and watch while my old man tries to protect us!'
So, he did what he thought was best. "KAGE BUNSHIN!" *poof* *poof* Two clones popped into existence.
'Does he really think two clones is gonna help us?' Sarada thought.
'Dobe, it seems like your son is just as dumb as you were.' Sasuke thought.
'This fuckin' kid.' Naruto deadpanned.
Naruto was fed up now. "Sasuke, just fucking teleport them 'outta here to safety. I'll take on Momoshiki by going full force."
"What? But I thought you didn't want to destroy the village?!"
"TO HELL WITH THE VILLAGE ALREADY MAN! THIS DUDE BOUTTA DROP A GIANT ASS BIJUUDAMA-KNOCKOFF ON US!"
Sasuke was shocked. (A/N: alt. words- he was SHOOKETH.")
"Besides, we could always rebuild! It's not like we haven't done it before. I mean Pain destroyed the village to crap, but it was rebuilt in no time, thanks to mostly Yamato! Now we have way more people, PLUS new technology!" Naruto explained.
"But Naruto, I still think-" "JUST GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE -TTEBAYO!"
With that, Sasuke opened up a portal to wherever (Personally, I'd like to think he went to someplace like Fairy Tail's dimension, or maybe BNHA) and he and the two were out of there. Now, let's get to the action!
Naruto stared at Momoshiki, not taking his eyes off of him. Momoshiki stared right back.
Everything was silent (except for he sounds of a bijuudama-thing expanding, however that sounds). Suddenly, Naruto's eyes turned into the eye of the Sage, with a sage mode pigment around them. Momoshiki then threw his ball at the Nanadaime, laughing as the thing slowly came towards Naruto.
But Naruto wasn't the best hokage for nothing. Taking a page out of his father's book, he suddenly made the whole ball disappear.
'Man am I glad that I learned seals during the timeskip. Plus, since I have mom's Uzumaki genes and dad's genius, I've become an unofficial master at fuinjutsu! MUAHAHAHA! thanks mom and dad, hehe -ttabayo.'
Momo stared dumbfounded. 'WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? DID HE JUST GET RID OF THAT ENTIRE BALL AT ONCE?!'
"Hahaha! Momoshiki, it seems like your trump card has been been dealt out and countered!" Naruto smirked.
The other man/alien growled, "I still have some tricks up my sleeve!"
He rushed towards Naruto with fists inches away from touching him, only to have Naruto catch both punches. The blonde pulled Momo closer in order to kneww him, but the alien used the leg and momentum to flip over Naruto. They both then entered a highly intense, fast-paced taijutsu battle.
Naruto was throwing punches, having them block by Momoshiki's arms. Momoshiki was kicking, only for Naruto to deflect them, turning Momoshiki's body each time with Momo continuously attacking even while being spun. The hokage and god went back and forth, both of them getting the upper hand, or upper leg, then immediately being pushed back by the other. (A/N: sorry this is bad, i have no experience describing fights. Well, good fights that is.)
This went on for a couple minutes, until Momoshiki got tired of this and used a chakra enhanced headbutt to push Naruto away about six meters. Naruto decided that taijutsu was boring, so he stopped his assault as well.
'I mean, I could probably end the taijutsu battle quickly, but I wanna go kenjutsu on this mofo!"
With that, Naruto pulled out a scroll and unsealed a sword. Kinshiki flew out nowhere, flapping his arms like a hawk while screeching and flying. He dropped down a sword to Momoshiki, and took off back into the skies.
"Now then, Uzumaki, let's see how good your swordsmanship skills are!"
They charged at each other, swords touching. They sliced and slashed their way across their foe's body. However, it seems like they were equal at this type of fighting. However, Konoha's #1 knuckleheaded ninja was starting to gain the upperhand. Momoshiki thought to use Naruto's famous hotheadedness against him.
"Uzumaki! After this I will come for all your villagers! I will find each and every one of them, burn them alive, then enslave the rest of your puny race as my property! What do you say to that, container for the nine tails?"
But Naruto was undeterred.
"Hey shithead! Don't you care that I will kill all your friends and family? I will even murder your wife Hinata and kill your mother-figure Tsunade!"
"U-Um... JUST A REMINDER THAT I DESTROYED ICHIRAKU RAMEN! IT WASN'T EVEN THAT GOOD ANYWAYS! I WILL FIND HIMAWARI AND KIDNAP HER AND DO WEIRD STUFF TO HER! I WILL REVIVE JIRAIYA AND KILL HIM IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES! I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW, BUT I SWEAR I'LL DO-"
"Don't you DARE talk about Ichiraku Ramen that way! You bastard!"
Naruto then summoned an army of clones. And I'm not talking 100 or even a measly 1,000... I'm talking 10,000!
"UZUMAKI STYLE: 10k BARRAGE!"
The barrage of clones did their work, and each one of them hit Momoshiki with a Kyuubi enhanced arm. Yes, like in uns4.
Momoshiki was weezing on the ground, struggling to get back up. Naruto then walked to him to finish him off, when suddenly Kinshiki dropped from the heavens and pushed Naruto way back with a single mighty swipe of the arm.
'Damn. Momo's gay lover came to help. It's gonna be a bit harder to defeat the both of them, but I'm sure I can manage, 'ttebayo.'
(A/N: btw i dont have anything against gay ppl, it's just a joke.)
Momoshiki turned his father, wondering where he came from. But they looked at eachother in the eyes and a silent understanding was...understood? Anways, he turned Kinshiki into a chakra fruit and was about to devour him whole when suddenly-
*insert Sandy Cheeks saying* "NO YOU 'AINT" Because Naruto sped to him and took the chakra fruit out of his hands, them quadruple backflipped away.
"What's this? Another power up? Heh, not gonna let you eat this -dattebayo!" He then proceeded to crush the fruit with his bare hand with Momoshiki to cry out in anger.
"NO! That was my only fruit!" Internally he was thinking, 'Crap, now I'm gonna starve- I mean now I have to resort to that.'
His thoughts were interrupted when he felt heard Naruto shout something.
"Sage Art: Wood Release: Veritable 1000-Armed Kan'on!" A true titanic being emerged underneath Naruto, dwarfing any tailed beast in size as Naruto stood atop of the head of the Buddha proudly.
"You should just give up now, I seem to have the upper hand here."
"What the hell?! How do you have Mokuton?!" Momo questioned.
"Well, it seems that literally everybody who I know of that had Hashirama cells put into them somehow were able to unlock Mokuton, so I thought, 'Why the hell not?' and unlocked it through the usual intense training."
Momoshiki's jaw was hanging. "But how are you able to do that?!" Naruto shrugged in response.
"I don't know, but don't question it. Now, are you going to surrender, or will I have to beat your ass into the ground by method of intense fisting?"
"This thing won't stop me! I'm immortal! A god! Later on 'imma give your son a curse mark for defeating me even though it was your rasengan that did it, and he's gonna recieve the power of a Go-"
The giant wooden avatar kicked Momoshiki into the ground, pinning him as Naruto said,
"I'VE HAD E-FUCKING-NOUGH WITH CURSE MARKS AND THEIR BULLSHIT! NOW HOLD STILL AND PREPARE TO FEEL PEIN!"
The giant foot removed itself and Momoshiki got up, only to find himself held onto by a clone. Despite his pathetic attempts at struggling, even though it was more like flailing, he couldn't escape and he knew it. And he was afraid.
Three other clones of Naruto surrounded Momo, each in Tailed Beast Mode with a tailed beast bomb rasenshuriken and some rasenshurikens combined with each of the tailed beast's chakra, just to be sure.
Naruto clapped his hands together, "HAAAAH!" and released each of his techniques. What happened next was too destructively-epic to describe. Well, let's just say that Konohagakure was no more. And neither was the surrounding forest. Neither was Momoshiki, fortunately.
Naruto saw Momoshiki getting his atoms ripped apart due to his clone's memory, but he used Sage Mode to double check that Momoshiki hadn't escape anywhere on the planet. He told himself that he should also have Sasuke do a double check using his abilities as well.
With all of this taken care of, Naruto deactivated all of his avatars. Although, he couldn't quite figure out what to do about that huge wooden Buddha.
'Ah well, it can be a cool addition to my new forest me and Yamato will make when the villagers get back.'
But with that thought, he remembered a horrible fact,
'Crap! Those two scientists were still here the whole time! They hadn't evacuated and Sasuke sure as hell wouldn't have taken them!"
... AH well. =OuO=
A/N: HEY WASSUP YOU GUYS! I'M BACK! I was suddenly inspired to write another story, which oddly enough I wanted it to be a comedy type fic. IDK why, but I only wanted to do this. Maybe it's easier on my mind, I don't know.
But I really hope you guys enjoy this story, I know it's not accurate whatsoever, but I think it's okay. So if you're gonna say, "Hey, Momoshiki has _ power/ability, so he could have ended/counteracted Naruto!" or "Naruto can't do _ so this story is inaccurate!" or "Do you even watch Boruto?!" I'll just have you know... no I don't watch Boruto. I've watched the movie and seen clips of it. That's about it. But this fic isn't mean to be accurate, it's partially what I wish would've happened and partially a crack fanfic.
This fic is meant to be fun, so I hope y'all had fun reading it, and I'm signing off from Hawaii (idk why i said "from hawaii", but I just really like ppl knowing im from HI). ~JA NE! :D
|||\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|2nd part of story to tie up lose ends is next chap!|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|||