Shinji and Kaworu acted pretty gay towards each other. So, because Shinji and Kaworu love each other so much, Shinji doesn't kill Kaworu. No, he spares him, and they start dating. They do typical couple things; they hold hands, kiss, go out to eat, go to the movies, fuck each other's buttholes raw. You know, the whole shebang.

Now that I think about it, does Kaworu even have genitalia? I mean Rei at least has human DNA, but isn't Kaworu 100% angel? I think so, but maybe I'm misremembering. For all intents and purposes, let's say Kaworu has a penis in this story. Shinji likes to suck Kaworu's pecker like a lollipop, and likewise, Kaworu delights in doing the same to Shinji's.

Man, this is boring. I'm sorry, but Kaworu and Shinji's dynamic just isn't interesting. What clown thought their relationship could carry 3.33? That movie sucked donkey dick. Oh look! Kaworu and Shinji are playing the piano together and acting like total fruits! This is compelling storytelling and not at all pandering to the fujoshi demographic, no sir.

It doesn't help that Kaworu has no fucking personality whatsoever. I mean, he comes out of nowhere, he's attractive, has no apparent flaws, he can play the piano and the main character is instantaneously attached to him. No, don't give me that bullshit about Shinji being in a lonely state and desperate for companionship. It was bad writing, plain and simple.

Somehow though, this one-dimensional character that was only alive for one episode… became one of the faces of the franchise. How did that happen, you ask? Well, people care more about superficiality and shipping nonsense than they do about compelling storytelling. Not that Eva's storytelling was ever stellar, but it was mostly competent.

Now you might dismiss this story as the ramblings of an irate Rei fan. And you know what? You'd be dead accurate. I am irate, and while I may have embellished my feelings toward Rei in previous stories, I still like her as a character. Keyword: Character. As all characters should, she served her purpose in the original story. Save for a few fanservice-y moments, her characterization rarely came across as pandering.

If you're a fujoshi, I apologize for offending you. You may be vile, repulsive creatures whom I loathe with all my being, but you still have feelings darn it! And I don't really know what male yaoi fans are called, but I'm sorry for offending you too. I know you're more of a minority than the fujoshi, so I don't detest you people to the same degree.

Please note that my anti-yaoi sentiments are not caused by homophobia. I think homosexual relationships can be written and/or shown in interesting and even beautiful ways. Yaoi however, is indulgent trash targeted towards fat, lonely, teenage girls. There's no depth or realism, only idealized pretty boys engaging in, from what I've personally observed, unhealthy relationships. Have you heard of the seme and uke dynamic in these stories? Where one guy is a dominant asshole and the other is a submissive bitch-boy? That's not how functional relationships work.

One last message to KawoShin shippers: Your ship sucks, find a new one. Also unrelated to this story, but I felt like bringing it up: Holy hell is Re-take (terrible Shinji x Asuka doujin) absolute dogshit. Knowing it exists makes me want to shoot the author then shoot myself to escape the world that spawned such a terrible piece of fanfiction.

Honestly, shipping Shinji with Asuka is even worse than shipping him with Kaworu. Yeah, I know; Asuka's hot, they kissed, and he masturbated over her comatose body. Truly they were lovers that were destined to be, and definitely weren't two teenagers with conflicting personalities that brought out the worst in each other.

THE END

Author's Note: Fuck you too, Evageeks. Now I'm gonna go masturbate and watch KaBlam! Where cartoons and comics collide!