Title: Maybe It's Time

Author: fbi_woman

Rating: M

Type: 9-1-1, Abby/Buck

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: Not affiliated with 9-1-1 or Fox, and make no such claim. All work is independently written and not for profit.

Summary: She thinks maybe it's time they seriously consider how practical a future together might be. Canon to the end of season 1, then AU. Abby/Buck

A/N: This idea has been on my list since before season 1 ended, and I had the document open and about to get to work on this one when we got the confirmation that Connie wasn't coming back. So I stashed this away for a while, until I felt ready to face it again. I've accepted that our ship is over, I've grudgingly made peace with that, but I'm still a little attached to the idea of what might have been. That means this is based on season 1 and season 1 alone – there is no reference to season 2 characters or anything we've learned so far in season two. For the purposes of this fic, she went to Ireland for like 2 months(ish) and came back as planned. This will be multi-chap but it won't be a long epic by any means. I'm estimating 6 chapters, depending on how long I make them. Updates will likely be slow, so please be patient. Title is borrowed from the song by Bradley Cooper for the movie A Star Is Born.

Buck glanced over at Abby for what seemed like the hundredth time since they left the restaurant. She was still looking out the window, as she had been for the entire ride, unconsciously toying with the pendant on the necklace he had given her, so she didn't see him looking. Something was bothering her but he didn't know what it was, and she kept smiling and assuring him that everything was fine. But she had been quiet all night – distant, almost – and he was starting to second-guess everything he had planned. When he asked, she said that she didn't want a party or anything for her birthday, so they had agreed they would just go out for dinner. But then Chim had insisted that when women say they don't want a big fuss, they really do want it, so he had added a small surprise party to the plan. And now he wasn't so sure he had done the right thing. She didn't really seem to be in a party mood. Or maybe she was disappointed, thinking he hadn't thrown her a party? Despite his considerable experience with women, he wasn't very good at reading them. He saw the sign for the exit he needed to take, so it was now or never.

"Oh shit, I left my gym bag in my locker. I was going to work out before my shift tomorrow. Do you mind if we stop by the station to grab it?"

"No, it's fine."

"Great, thanks."

He made the short detour to the station and pulled into the parking lot, mentally preparing for the next part of his plan. It had to seem casual, or she would catch on.

"Want to come in with me, say hi to everyone?"

She shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

His team wasn't actually working right now; he told her he had traded shifts with someone so he could be done earlier, but that wasn't true. They were, however, at the station. He had texted Hen when they left the restaurant to make sure everyone would be ready. In addition to his colleagues, he had also invited Carla, Abby's brother, and a couple of her friends from work. He was still worried that she might be upset he didn't listen to her about having a party, but it was too late to back out now. Taking her hand, he led her away from the car and through the door.

"SURPRISE!"

Much to his relief, her eyes were sparkling with amusement when she turned to him with a stunned smile. He had kept the guest list small, just a few of her work friends, his team, and Carla. Her brother wasn't able to make it, but luckily she already had plans to see him on the weekend. He hung back as she worked the room, watching as she chatted and laughed with everyone. She seemed happier and more engaged now, so maybe Chim had been right after all; maybe she had secretly wanted him to plan something special. He hoped it was that simple.

Later, as he walked towards the car carrying the leftover cake, he decided to test the waters a little.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked, looking over at her.

"Yeah, it was great."

"I know you said you didn't want a party or anything…"

"I didn't think I did, but it was fun. I'm glad you did it."

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and she chuckled softly.

"You were worried I'd be mad, huh?"

"Maybe just a little," he admitted sheepishly.

"You did good."

Though she had been rather jovial when they left the station, he noted that by the time they got home, she had grown quiet again. That officially ruled out the disappointment theory. It was her first birthday without her mom, so maybe that was it? She didn't seem sad though, she seemed pensive: worried, almost.

He caught her hand just outside the bedroom door and turned her to look at him. "Everything okay?"

She smiled. "Everything's great."

She kissed him then, long and slow, letting her lips linger for a moment before she pulled back. Grabbing his tie, she backed slowly into the room, tugging him along with her. Though she was usually a little demure in public, he knew first hand that in the bedroom, she was anything but. And he loved it. Not only was she sexy and fun, but he also liked knowing there was this whole other side to her that no one else got to see. This Abby was for his eyes only.

Her fingers went to work on his tie and button-down shirt while he let his trail over the bare skin her backless dress left exposed. As his shirt hit the floor, his lips shifted to her neck, placing open-mouthed kisses along the side and sucking gently on her pulse point. Her hands faltered on his belt buckle and she let out a soft moan when he nipped at her ear. Grasping the side zipper on her dress, he slowly dragged it down, chuckling quietly when she pressed her body against his, urging him to hurry up. He swept the soft fabric over her shoulders to pool at her feet, leaving her in nothing but pale pink silk panties. Leaning into her, he steered her further into the room, until she was pinned between him and the dresser. He lifted her easily, setting her on top of it, and stepped between her legs. She wrapped hers around his hips, pulling him in as close as possible, and began to grind herself against his bulging erection. Sneaking his hands between them, he massaged her breasts, flicking his thumbs over her taut nipples until she started to pant. He took a step back and eagerly shoved his pants and boxers down, craving the intense satisfaction of being tightly enveloped in her heat. She raised herself off the dresser enough for him to whip off her panties, and then he made a quick dash to the nightstand for a condom. He let her roll it on, groaning at her touch, and then she guided him inside her.

She wrapped her arms around his him and her lips found his as their bodies started to rock against one another. His hands travelled to her ass and he pulled her right to the edge of the dresser, thrusting as deeply as he could. Her head tipped back with a guttural moan, and he felt the bite of her nails digging into his back. He continued the small, undulating movements for as long as he could stand it, feeding off of her contented whimpers, before finally encouraging her to lean back on her arms. She exhaled sharply at the change of angle and he switched to longer, more forceful thrusts. He felt her legs start to tense around him, signalling she was as close as he was, so he ramped up the speed. He couldn't take his eyes off of her: her head thrown back, a fine sheen of sweat on her pale skin, her full breasts bouncing in time with his thrusts. She was breathtaking.

"Touch me," she pleaded, desperate for release.

He dropped one hand between them, gliding his thumb firmly over her throbbing clit, and she shattered only moments later. He plunged in and out of her a few more times before burying himself deep inside her and allowing the powerful sensation of her walls pulsating around him to bring him over the edge. He pulled her up into a sitting position, cradling her against his chest while they caught their breath.

After a few minutes, he reluctantly left to get cleaned up, and she was already tucked under the covers when he returned. He settled into bed behind her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her back against him. Closing his eyes, he tried to fall asleep, but he couldn't. Her body was still tense beside him, and he could practically feel her mind working overtime. Brushing her hair aside, he dropped a kiss on her shoulder.

"You sure you're not mad about the party?"

She rolled over and smiled at him, brushing her thumb over his cheek as she leaned in to kiss him softly. "Yes. It was great, thank you."

"Then what's bothering you?"

She sighed. "Can we talk about it tomorrow?"

"Are you going to lie there and think about it all night?"

"I don't want to ruin tonight."

"Okay, now you're scaring me."

"It's nothing bad."

"Then why would it ruin anything?"

She turned onto her back, effectively breaking eye contact. "Maybe it wouldn't, I don't know. I just don't want to start a fight."

His heart was starting to race. What the hell was she not telling him? "Abby, just talk to me. I promise I won't get mad."

She looked down, and he watched apprehensively as she nervously twisted the top sheet around her fingers.

Just when he was about to give up, she suddenly spoke: "Do you want kids?"

He blinked. "What?"

"Do you want to have kids some day?"

That was one of the last things he was expecting her to say. "Uhh… I don't know. I guess I haven't really thought about it. Why?"

"Because that's exactly what I was worried about."

"What is?"

"That you haven't thought about it yet."

He was lost. "I don't get it."

"I'm 43, Buck. What if, 10 years from now, you decide you want to have kids? I won't be able to give you that."

"Abby, all I know is I want to be with you. That's enough for me."

"I know you feel that way now, but you have another 40 years or so to have children if you really want to. I probably only have a couple years left where it's even possible, let alone likely."

"Do you want kids?"

She bit her lip. "That's hard for me to answer."

"Why?"

"It's just… I mean, when I was younger, I always assumed I would be a mom someday. But as time went on, I started to think maybe it wouldn't happen for me. When Tommy left, I figured I'd blown all my chances, and eventually I just sort of… made peace with it. Accepted it. But it was a hard pill to swallow for a while, and I guess I don't want to open that door again unless I know I'm going through it… if that makes any sense."

It did, he thought. It was something she had wanted, but she had given up that dream and grieved that loss. She was afraid of the pain she could suffer if she let herself have hope again. And that scared him, because the last thing he ever wanted to do was create more hurt for her.

His thoughtful silence seemed to unnerve her, and she started talking faster. "I'm not saying you have to decide right now, or that I'm giving you a deadline, or anything like that. I'm just saying it would be a good idea for you to start thinking about it. When we started this, I had no idea if it would actually go anywhere, but it has. And if not being able to have kids down the line is going to be a deal breaker for you, then I think it's better if we figure that out sooner rather than later. You know, before we get too much deeper into this."

He was still trying to absorb everything she had just said, but she looked so anxious that he somehow found himself saying: "You're right."

Relief washed over her face and she gave him a small smile. "Thank you for not freaking out. I know it was kind of a lot to throw at you right before bed."

"It's okay, I'm glad you finally told me what was on your mind. I promise I'll think about it." That much was true. In fact, there was pretty much zero chance he would think about anything else.

"Thanks. And thank you for tonight, and the necklace."

"You're welcome."

She turned towards him and snuggled up to him, and he felt her body relax and her breathing steady in minutes. He, on the other hand, was wide awake, and he doubted that would change any time soon.