A/N: There are some racist terms used in this story. Daryl uses them in refernce to Merle's opinions. I personally hate the use of these words, but at the same time see that it is part of Merle's charachter, I feel like it expresses who he is and I won't change him.

I hope I do Daryl and Carol justice. This is very dialoge heavy for Daryl but I feel like he can talk to Carol, and that these are things he needs to tell her. I appreciate all constructive reviews as well.

Disclaimer: Not mine, or I would just focus on Daryl's eyes and those intense looks Norman Reedus has that makes you melt, and he and Carol would be flirting while he held Ass-Kicker. All respects to Robert Kirkman and AMC and whatever specific people gots the rights to Daryl and Merle and TWD.

He's My Brother

Daryl sat up in his perch, feet dangling from the side as he rested his arms on the bar across his chest. He was supposed to be sleeping. He hadn't slept more than a couple hours in the past week. He did, after all, have an early start tomorrow. Sleep wouldn't come. How could it? He had too much going through his mind. He was leaving the prison tomorrow, leaving the group. They were all pissed at him, he knew, even if they wouldn't say it. Angry because he brought Merle back, cause he might be leaving. That's something he hadn't told them yet, but they knew he was thinking of it all the same. He thought it would make things easier. He knew anger, had it poured down on him all his life, he knows how to have people hate him. If they were angry at him it wouldn't hurt so much to leave, but that wasn't the case. For a guy who spent his whole life not giving a shit about what others thought of him, it was strange that it mattered at all. He didn't want to leave on bad terms, to have them be enemies after all they had been through together. He wasn't sure when, but their opinions of him started to matter. They liked him, hell, respected him even. He doesn't know why, he suspected it was because he brought food and provided protection. That thought left long ago, a few months back at least. They began to like him, just as he began to like them for more than what they could offer. They were friends, he guessed, Carol called them family. Despite Ed, her experience with family must be far better than his, cause that's not what family had ever been to him, except maybe Merle.

"Why'd you come back?" Daryl was startled from his thoughts by Carol. Damn if she wasn't graceful. She was the only person that could ever sneak up on him. Which was probably for the best, she's the only one he wouldn't instinctively strike out at. When he continued to stare she asked again. "Why'd you come back if you were just gonna leave again?"

"Needed my bike. 'Sides my extra arrows are here, poncho too," his reply was low and rough. He knew that wasn't all true. He and Merle couldn't both ride the bike and he could make more arrows.

She sat down next to him now and he was grateful. He wanted to explain, he just didn't know how. He didn't fully understand it all himself. He knows what his answers would be, but that didn't mean it was what he would want. It didn't matter that he hadn't told the group, she knew he was leaving with Merle, she knew him. He and Carol sat in the quiet for a long while.

"Ya hate me, too?" his voice came out weaker than he meant it; soft, more vulnerable. Damn her. She didn't say anything. His next sentence came much harsher, but still a whisper so as not to wake the others. "Merle's blood. He's my brother."

"I don't hate you, Daryl. Don't think I could if I tried. They don't either. I know Merle is your family, I just thought we were too now," her voice came out defeated, almost sad. She sighed and he looked away. More silence now, so long that she was about to get up and go back to bed.

"He's my brother. After 'lanta, after the quarry was hit, I know there wasn't much time ta stop and talk bout it, and I wouldn'ta done it neither, but none of y'all thought about it. Everybody made him out ta be a monster, some evil sum'bitch. Merle's an asshole, I ain't defendin' that. He's a racist, sexist, mean bastard, but he's my brother. He's not a monster. 'twas easier for e'eryone to make him into a monster, made 'em feel less guilty. Mad it easier ta not care that they left him on a roof. He was left for dead, all he knew. They liked ta remember how horrible he was, so they don't feel bad bout him havin' ta cut his own damn hand off with nothin' but an ol' rusted hacksaw, havin' ta face two geeks with no weapon, still bleedin' from 'is stump, and then he went and burnt it up with a dirty kitchen tool. Toughest sum'bitch I ever met, my brother.

"He was left for dead and he survived. Not sayin' he didn't need to be put in his place that day, don't doubt he was high as hell and outta control. Ain't nobody know what Merle can be like better'an me. But y'all forget, he's my brother. All I ever had in this world. Only person ever looked out for me. You weren't in Woodbury, an' Rick didn't meet the Gov'nor, but Maggie an' Glenn did. My brother ain't a monster. He ain't like the Gov'nor. He worked for him, but don't mean he liked all he did. I don't always agree wit Rick neither.

"Why you think I stayed with the group after what happened? Stayed with Rick and T-dog, hell, even Blondie and Glenn? Couldn't do it all on my own forever, need someone ta watch my back, gotta sleep sometime. 'Sides Rick cuffed 'im, but he went back for 'im too. Gov'nor found my brother, delirious from blood loss, near dead, an' patched him up. Got him functional and put him ta work scavagin' and protectin'. Group gave him safety an' power. Not so different. He's my brother."

They both sat quietly for some time then, just thinking on what he said. Carol felt guilty then because she knew he was right. She knew he missed his brother, but she never thought about all Merle had gone through or that there could possibly be some good in Merle. She didn't know a lot about Daryl's family, but she knew he hated his father, had no love lost for that man and wouldn't have saved him if he'd lived to see the walkers, but he hadn't cut out Merle.

"He woulda looked for her, Sophia, probably woulda found her. Taught me e'erything I know, before he took to drugs. He's a damned good tracker. He woulda found her even… even if he was too late," he faltered over the pain he felt for Carol, for Sophia. Even for himself, because it felt like he lost her too. "Even if she was already taken, he'd of spotted Otis's tracks. He wouldn'ta looked for long though, ain't an angel, he'da cut his losses, quit before even Shane had wanted to, but he'da been the first in the woods.

"Wasn't sposed ta get high that day, said he wanted a clear head cause he couldn't trust a bunch of niggers, spics, an Asian, or even pussy to watch his back. So he wasn't gonna get high. We was comin' back from settin' some traps and he saw Ed. He was tellin' your little girl to get in the tent, had the wrong kinda look in his eye. Merle, he'd hit women before, didn't think much of it, but he didn't do it for fun neither, not like our Pa. But kids, kids were off limits to Merle, ya don't hit 'em and ya don't look at 'em like Ed was, but Merle wasn't no hero neither. I woulda wanted to take the bastard out to the woods, teach him how a real beatin' felt. But Merle couldn't be bothered, so instead he invited Ed over to get high with him. Merle ain't a hero, and he usually wants people to know what he did cause it showed how it put him out to do it, but he didn't want people thinking he was nice either. Monsters don't protect kids they don't give two shits about.

"He wouldn'ta been okay with what happened to Maggie either. He didn't know the Gov'nor would do that, kill 'em maybe, but not that. He don't worry bout a woman gettin' hit if she talks back or steps outta line, and I don't agree with him on that, but he never forced a woman and thought it an awful thing ta do. But Glenn, he did that to him. Alls I can say to that is that, that's what Merle knows. We was only ever shown violence. Pa beat our mama, beat Merle, beat me. Merle, he did his best to take it for us both. Would defend Mama and get it ten times worse. Hid me in the closet or sent me to the woods when he could. Took the beating cause he was all Daddy could find. Saved my life a time or two, nearly died twice. Then, when I got older and Merle took ta drugs, he started passing on all the hits I was owed. He was a mean cuss even before that and a bully, but then he started the violence of his own. That's what real men did. That's how you solve problems, get answers."

Carol thought then of Randall. Daryl used what he knew, same as when he attacked Rick and pulled that knife. Her heart broke for young Daryl, hiding in the woods and even for Merle and all the beatings he took at the hands of someone who was meant to love him. She understood him a little. How many hits had she taken to protect her Sophia, and how much worse were the beatings for getting in the way? She felt guilt swell up for every negative thought she had of him at the quarry when she heard what he did for her daughter. She also knew she'd never be able to thank him. He wouldn't accept it if she was able to bring herself to do it.

So he wasn't good, but he wasn't a monster, but could he be trusted? Could he get passed his anger and hatred for Rick and Glenn, and withhold his racism and cruelty? Then if he could do that, would the others let him stay? Did she want him to? She didn't want to lose Daryl. She knew that much. He was her rock, the last good thing she had on this Earth. They grew closer over the last year. He learned to open up, and she learned when to push and when to stop. She knew she loved him and that he cared for her, but he hadn't been ready for more. She thought maybe he was after he found her, before Woodbury, before Merle. Her thoughts were broken again by his soft voice. He had pulled himself from his horrible childhood memories.

"All he knew was violence, and he just wanted to see me again, to find me. While y'all became my family too, I'm all he's got. He couldn't trust Glenn. He thought he was gonna get left again. He just did what he knew. He took him and he beat him until he got the information, but Glenn wouldn't break and Merle knew he never would, so then came vengeance. Left near defenseless against a walker, eye for an eye. Merle lost a hand, had to do it himself, he was left for dead. He was angry and Glenn was part o' that group. Merle can't even tie his own damn shoes now, he was mad and he wanted justice. What he did ain't right, but I get it.

"We talked some on the way here, more than I ever remember doin' at once. He understands why Rick did it, and he can get past that and T is gone and Glenn well he was the only target available, so there was nothing personal there. I think he actually has some form of respect for him, if Merle knew how that worked. Merle's still a mean, crude asshole, but it doesn't matter cause Glenn and Maggie and Hershel, they won't ever understand. The first violence Maggie an' Glenn ever saw was when the geeks popped up. I guess I hoped, maybe, if anybody understood, it could be you."

She was quiet for a long moment and then softly, "I do. I see now, but I don't know how that helps. I understand, but I still lose you."

They moved a little closer together then, shoulders brushing as they looked out over the dark and silent cell block. Both eyes came to rest on Merle's locked cell. They got back late and once it was quiet enough in the middle of the fighting Rick decided they all needed to sleep on it. Merle wasn't trusted and put up no argument when put in the cell. She supposed Daryl told him to expect it. Daryl and Merle both knew they'd be gone come morning, and Carol knew as soon as her relieved eyes locked on to Daryl's sad ones.

"I couldn't let you wonder again. Couldn't have ya not know. I had to see you again," he said, finally answering her original question. They both reach for the others hand in the dark, never breaking their gazes from Merle's cell.

"I'm glad you came back," she whispered. Her grip tightened on his hand for just a second as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"If I asked you," his voice so soft she almost missed it, even as his breath tickled her ear. He drew a shaky breath, "If I asked ya, would you come?"

Her heart skipped a beat and she froze for a second. She didn't know how to answer. She was torn. The prison offered the group and safety and a supply of food, but Daryl was the reason she began to live again.

"If I asked you to stay, would you?" she finally replied, though she knew his answer before it came.

"He's my brother."