A/N I'm just warning you now, bring your tissues.
"Happy anniversary." Jamie said giving Eddie a kiss while getting ready to leave for the day.
"I still don't see why you're going to work today. It's our five year anniversary, and a Sunday we have to go to family dinner in a few hours anyways."
"It's only for a few hours. Tell Grace and Atlanta I said goodbye. I love you."
"I love you too. Get home safe." Jamie kissed Eddie again and walked out the front door.
"Sargeant Reagan, we've located the warehouse where the Ramos gang is based out of. We're moving in in 15, figured you might want in." An officer who had been there for way more time than Jamie had told him.
"You'd be correct. Let's move." Jamie grabbed the keys to his RMP and walked out of the precinct.
Jamie parked his RMP around the corner and moved th the front of the warehouse with his gun drawn. "Move in." Jamie said into the radio before kicking the front door open.
"Hands in the air!" "Put the gun down!" "On your knees!" Every officer was shouting something and chaos was breaking out.
The druggies had pulled out machine guns when Jamie got a break he fired off a few shots, hitting one man in the head twice and the neck once. As he moved to shoot another gunman he felt a sharp pain in his side. He fell back and he felt two more sharp pangs this time in his chest. That's when everything went black.
"Okay. Thank you." Abigail said into the phone as she hung up.
She walked into Frank's office knowing this would be some hard news to break. "Commisioner, we've got an officer down."
"Well, who's family is having the worse day of their lives today?" It was always hard on Frank when they had an officer down.
"It's Sargeant Reagan, Sir."
Frank interlocked his hands and set his forehead against them saying a short prayer. "Thank you." This was a call he'd hoped he would never have to make.
Eddie had just given Grace, their four year old, and Atlanta, their daughter in her terrible twos, lunch and was making herself some food when she got a call. "Janko." She still used 'Janko' for work because the only thing adding another 'Reagan' to the group is confuse people.
"Eddie…" Frank hesitated knowing this would be hard for her. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."
"Where is he? What hospital?" She shouted into the phone tears threatening to spill.
"Saint Benjamin's"
"O-Ok." Eddie's voice was breaking and she was barely holding on.
Her shaky hands found Nicky's contact and dialed her number. "Hey, Nicky?" Even to herself she sounded like a mess.
"Yeah, Aunt Eddie?"
"Can you watch the girls for a while?"
"Yeah of course. But, why?" Then it hit her. "Oh my god, is Uncle Jamie ok?"
"I… I don't know. Dad just called me and told me what hospital. I have to go, will be with them when you get here." The neighbor next door was always home and she was always willing to watch the doors.
"Ok. Keep me updated, please."
"I will." Eddie hung up the phone before calling the neighbor. As soon as the sweet, old lady showed up Eddie was on her way to the hospital.
When Eddie walked into the trauma center waiting room she ran to Frank as he held her in a hug, "I know. Trust me, I know." he whispered.
"W-where is he." She stuttered over her own words having trouble even forming sentences.
"He's in surgery now. They don't know much yet. As soon as they do, they'll tell us."
As time went by, the whole family joined in the waiting room. Sean drove in from college and took turns with Jack and Nicky staying with the girls. Lena took over the girls and brought them to her apartment so the whole family could be there for Jamie.
"The family of Jameson Reagan?" Asked a doctor walking into the waiting room.
"Yes," All eight of them said standing up, "That's us." Frank finished.
"Jameson has successfully made it through the surgery. He is stable, but he's in critical condition, we've movec him to the ICU."
"Can I see him?" Eddie asked.
"Are you Mrs. Reagan?"
"Yes. Can I see my husband?" Eddie was growing frustrated.
"Right this way," He led the family through corridors to the ICU and to another waiting room. "come with me, Mrs. Reagan." He brought her to Jamie's room and slowly opened the door. Jamie was sound asleep. "I'll leave you two alone."
"Don't do that ever again. Do you hear me?" She was shouting at him, and part of her was pissed, not at him, but he was the easy target. "You had me worried half to death. Do you know how stupid that was?" That's when she broke down, "I couldn't live without you," she sobbed. "I love you, more than anything on this planet." She slowly, carefully climbed into the hospital bed next to him and nuzzled her face into his chest. She ended up falling asleep in his arm and woke up three hours later. He was still asleep, and she had no plans on moving.
She was laying next to him listening to the sound of his heart through the beeping machine when it started to change. An alarm went off on one of the machines and Jamie's breathing started to shallow. "Jamie? Baby?" She shook his arm lightly. "No, no" she mumbled to herself. She felt his pulse weakening and took action. She straddled his lap and started cpr. "No, don't do this."
Nurses came rushing in and tried to get her off of him. "Please, ma'am."
"No, no, I can't lose him." She was dropping all of her bodyweight on his chest, but his pulse was slowly dying off.
"He's flatlining, ma'am."
"No! No!" Eddie yelled, that was before arms slipped around her waist and pulled her off of him. She started thrashing her body and screaming.
It was Danny who grabbed her and he pulled her into a hug holding her tight to his chest. She tried to push him away, but he wouldn't let go. "Hey, they're doing the best they can."
That's when they heard the words they'd been dreading. "Time of death 21:43"
Eddie suddenly stopped all of her thrashing and fell to her knees, "No!" the gut-wrenching scream came from within her like a monster that had been bottled up for years. Her sobs were violent and she was screaming. Danny dropped to her level and held her close, "I know. Trust me, I know."
Her tears became less violent, but continued to stream down her face. The whole family was obviously quite shaken, but when it was around 23:00 they left the hospital after Eddie had filled out too much paperwork to count.
Erin and Nicky went back to the empty house with Eddie. They tried to get her to eat, but Eddie had no appetite, she didn't even have a will to live. She walked upstairs and immediately laid in the empty bed.
The bed felt way to empty without Jamie in it and she climbed out of bed and went to their closet, she grabbed the giant stuffed teddy bear he bought for her soon after they'd gotten engaged, he always said that when he wasn't in bed with her she could hug it. She laid with the bear close to her chest as tears started falling.
She had her one little break down then she tried to hold it together, for everyone else, now she was alone and it was the only thing she could think of. Her tears became more violent and less silent. It wasn't long before she was screaming, and somehow it helped. It helped because every part of her was pissed. Pissed she was in bed alone, pissed she'd never see Jamie again, pissed that this all could have been avoided if it weren't for the gunman who shot him, pissed that she wasn't there to help him, more than anything, pissed that she didn't get to say goodbye.
Nicky and Erin could hear Eddie's screaming, but knew it was what she needed to do. The best thing that could happen is she would exhaust herself to sleep. Eventually the screaming stopped, and they all fell asleep.
When Eddie woke, for a split second she forgot he was gone. She wrapped her hands around what usually was Jamie's body. That's when she realized, it wasn't Jamie, it was the bear in place of him.
Flashbacks rushed through her mind. "Time of death 21:43" the voice was the same as the nurses from last night, but it sounded far away and disorientated. It kept playing over and over again, so she closed her eyes, but that didn't help. All she saw was the screen that had an alarm going off while she was doing compressions, how it was flatlining, how she watched him slowly lose his life. The annoying buzz of the machine was still ringing in her ears.
This was her reality. She'd lost the love of her life, the father of her children, her best friend, and her everything, and she'd never be the same.
A/N so you know all those fanfics where they're like "Oh no, Jamie's shot haha jk he'll be fine." While I love those, and I appreciate those, they're not always reality. Sometimes tragedy strikes, and sometimes at the worst possible time. I just lost someone very close to me right before the holidays so this is largely based around that. The screaming and everything is all something I did. The waking up and forgetting they're gone, that one happened to, the eyes closed imagery, the far away voice, all of it. Losing someone is hard and I kinda just wanted to write about it.