A/N. Hello guys. This fanfiction takes place after Salem was "defeated". However, this is not about how they managed to do so. It's what might happen afterward. So, in this fanfiction, they already have finally defeated Salem, and now they all gathered at Ruby's place. By the way, "they" are referring to the students from Beacon aside from Ruby. So team RWBY, and JNPR(without a P...)
The young huntsmen and huntresses gathered at Xiao Long family's place on Pyrrha and Penny's death anniversary day. The useful cheery atmosphere was gone. The students tried to look cheerful and happy as usual, but it clearly needed to try harder.
Although none of them talked about Penny or Pyrrha, they were all thinking about them. Thinking about the day they both were killed.
"Now this is depressing."
"Uncle Qrow? When did you-"
"I just got here."
Qrow walked in and softly patted Ruby's head.
"Kids, I know that it can be difficult. I know what it feels like."
Qrow drank out of his flask and continued.
"But you guys need to move on."
Jaune stood up as he punched the table. The chair that he was sitting in fell onto the ground.
"Move on?! How-how can we move on as if nothing happened?! They're... They're dead. We can't just move on!"
"Well, you have to."
Qrow said as he put away his flask.
"Your friends wouldn't be happy if they saw you like... This."
Qrow said as he gestured at the huntsmen and huntresses.
Silence.
Qrow sighed and shook his head as no one replied.
"If you wanna put up with that, be my guest. But your acts aren't gonna make your dead friends proud. Just keep that in mind."
Qrow said as he walked out the door. As soon as Qrow was gone, Ruby stood up and walked towards the window. It was already dark out, and Ruby was able to see her reflection on the window.
"He's right. We have to move on."
Ruby said quietly as she turned around to face her friends.
"Ruby-"
Jaune tried to say something but was interrupted by Ruby continuing on with her words.
"But, I never got to do so."
Ruby said as she let out a weak chuckle.
"I always tell myself that I have to move on, but... I just can't manage to do that. After all, it was my fault."
"Ruby, it wasn't your fault-"
"No. No..."
Blake wasn't able to finish her sentence. Ruby stepped back and hugged herself as if she was scared. Of what? Nobody knew.
"Yes, I mean-no."
Ruby started to mumble something to herself that no one could understand. Her face was down, facing the ground.
"Ruby, calm down. What are you trying to say? We're here for you."
"I-I..."
Ruby sighed.
"Penny and Pyrrha's death... It... Of course, I wasn't the cause of it. But..."
Ruby turned around and stared out the window.
"I could've stopped it from happening. I... I could've saved them."
"Ruby..."
Yang stretched out her hand as an approach, but Ruby simply walked away.
"I was the only one who could. I knew about Pyrrha's semblance. I knew that Penny was-well, not human. And I also knew that Mercury was never injured. Of course, I didn't know all these from the very beginning but my point is-"
Ruby lifted her head up to face everyone once again. Her face was full of pain and regret.
"I.. I knew everything. And I was the ONLY one who knew all these."
Ruby looked down at her feet.
"If... Only if I was a little faster. Only if I was a little stronger. Only if-"
Ruby clenched her fist as she tried to hold back her tears.
"-Only if... I wasn't being so useless.. Then maybe I could've-no. I would have been able to save them. Both of them."
"Ruby..."
Nobody could say anything to the poor girl. They never knew that Ruby was in such a pain. They never knew how much she hated herself.
After what felt like an eternity, Ruby looked up to face everyone and gave them a weak smile. A smile full of sorrow and pain.
"I-I'm sorry."
Ruby said.
"I'm... Not the only one who's going through a hard time. Just... Just forget about all this."
"Ruby no. Yes, we're all... Suffering. We're all in pain but... You're clearly the one who's dealing with the most pressure."
"That's not true."
Ruby said as she started to walk back to her room. She was by the staircase when she was stopped by Yang.
"Ruby!"
Ruby didn't reply.
"Ruby... It... It wasn't your fault."
Ruby turned around and gave them a smile. But once again, it was a smile full of pain.
"Yes Ruby, none of these were your fault."
Weiss said as she walked closer to Ruby.
"Ruby... I still get a nightmare. A nightmare of the night when Pyrrha was killed. I blamed myself and Cinder for her death but... I never blamed you. I never did, because it wasn't your fault."
Jaune said as he tried to comfort Ruby.
"Jaune, no, stop it."
Ruby said. The smile faded and her face was now just full of self-hatred.
"Ruby we're serious. None of these was your fault."
"Stop."
"Rubes, he's right. You're not the one to be blamed."
"I said, stop."
"Ruby, please... Listen to us. Pyrrha and Penny would've never blamed you ei-"
"I said, shut up!"
Ruby screamed, now looking down at the ground with her fist clenched tightly. A tear started to drop on the floor and everyone was shocked at the sight. Not only that they've never seen Ruby get mad before, but most of them have never seen Ruby cry.
"Just... Shut up."
Ruby said as she looked up. Tears were dropping from her face, and she looked mad, but that madness wasn't towards her friends.
"I know that Pyrrha and Penny wouldn't blame me for their death."
Ruby said as she wiped away her tears, but she couldn't stop them from overflowing.
"Then why-"
"That is why it hurts so much."
Ruby said in such a quiet voice, that they almost didn't hear her.
"I know that they wouldn't blame me. I know that none of you do. But... But that's why it hurts so much for me."
No one knew how to react.
"I... I just hate myself so much. I have let them die right in front of me. I have let them get killed. I have witnessed both of their deaths. But... But I was never blamed for it."
The atmosphere was heavy that it felt like they could suffocate from it. All they could do was either stare down at the ground or look up at the ceiling.
"I deserve the blame, Yang. I know I do. But I never was. So, that's why I decided that I should be blaming myself. So... I did."
Ruby sniffed. She wasn't crying anymore but she wasn't smiling either.
"I always blamed myself for letting them die. Not being strong or fast enough to save them. But what I didn't know is that it really wears you out when you hate yourself so much. It's more stressful than to have someone else hate or blame you."
Ruby was now smiling but it was a broken smile. A smile indicating how broken she was.
"I know that this sounds really selfish. Very self-centered. But I actually wished that people would've just blamed me for what I did, or in this case, what I wasn't able to do."
Her eyes were filled with tears, and it was very clear that she was trying her best to hold them in.
"You know, I.. I always have this voice inside my head telling me that their deaths were all my fault. All day long, all night long. It won't go away."
Ruby said as she fidgeted with her headphone that was hanging around her neck.
"I tried to block out the voice, but it never worked. I really, really wanted to kill myself. But that would be just running away from all the responsibilities that I must take."
Everyone was shocked. They tried to come up with something to say, something that would comfort her, but their brains weren't processing the situation fast enough.
"I thought that maybe, maybe if I killed Cinder, if I defeated Salem, then maybe, I would be forgiven. But the voice is still here, in my head, telling me how I can never be forgiven. Even now, I'm hearing it talks about how I'm just telling you guys all of these so I can be comforted, and be told that none of these was my fault."
Ruby let out a chuckle. But it wasn't out of joy or happiness.
"And I don't disagree to whatever this voice is telling me right now. I never did."
They tried to get closer to her, and maybe give her a hug or so, but their legs weren't letting them do so. It was as if they were stuck to the ground.
"I'll be honest. The night that Penny and Pyrrha died, the night that Blake left, the night that Yang lost her arm, the night that Weiss was taken away by her father, I... I was debating whether I should kill myself or not. But what stopped me from doing so was-"
Ruby stopped, closed her eyes as if she was trying to come up with the right words.
She opened her eyes as she continued.
"-was the fact that I wasn't qualified to die yet. I... I had to defeat Cinder and Salem before I could do so."
Before Yang could go up to her, Ruby started to walk up the stairs and stopped in the midway.
"Yang. I'm-I'm sorry. I know that you probably want to talk to me right now."
"Ruby..."
All Yang could do was call out her little sister's name quietly.
"But can we... Can we talk about this at some other time maybe? I'm kind of exhausted right now."
"... Right."
Ruby nodded and continued her way up to her room.
"Any time Ruby. Any time you feel comfortable talking to us. We're always here for you. We always will be."
Ruby didn't stop to look back this time but just continued her way as if she didn't hear her.
The next morning, Ruby didn't join her friends and teammates for breakfast. Everyone assumed that Ruby just needed more time to herself and didn't bother bringing up the topic at the table.
"Hey, this is really good."
Yang complimented and Ren simply replied by nodding and saying "thank you". No one said a word afterward and they continued to eat in silence.
Ruby didn't show up for lunch either. Yang got worried and thought that Ruby should at least drink something to keep herself hydrated. So she brought a bowl of soup, salad and a cup of water to Ruby's room.
*knock knock*
No reply.
"Ruby?
Still no reply.
Yang grew a little worried and knocked a little harshly on the door this time.
"Ruby?"
"What's wrong?"
Weiss, who happened to be passing by asked.
"I came to give Ruby her lunch but... She's not replying."
"Huh..."
Weiss stood in front of the door as Yang stepped aside.
"Ruby? Are you in there?"
Weiss knocked on the door.
"Ruby?"
"Weiss."
"Yes, Yang?"
"Open the door. Now."
Weiss tried to open the door but it was locked.
"Ruby? Why did you lock the do-"
"MOVE."
Yang said as she dropped the tray to the ground and pushed Weiss away from the door. She tried opening the door using the doorknob for a few seconds, but got frustrated and punched open the door. The door broke, and it literally flew to the other side of the room making a loud noise that caught everyone's attention.
"Ruby?!"
"What's going on?"
As Yang ran into Ruby's room, the huntsmen and huntresses started to gather in front of her room.
"Ruby!"
Yang shouted her name, but Ruby was nowhere to be seen. Her bed was neat and tidy as if Ruby never used it overnight. The window that hung over the desk was wide open, and the curtain that hanged by it was flapping as the wind blew. Her desk was clear with nothing on top except for her red headphone.
"What in the world is-"
Yang walked up to Ruby's desk and picked up the headphone. Yang softly placed the headphone back on to the desk.
"No."
Yang murmured as she started to walk out of the room. Weiss glanced over at the room and did the same.
"Damn it, I shouldn't have let her stay in her room all by herself. Ruby!"
Yang ran out the door, pushing other huntsmen and huntresses out of her way in the process. Weiss did the same, and when everyone else got a look inside the room, they knew what was going on.
All the young huntsmen and huntresses ran out of the house, trying to find Ruby.
They searched the whole town for several hours but didn't even find a trace of her. They were worried because Ruby was nowhere to be found, but also relieved that they didn't find her cold, and lifeless somewhere.
"Any trace of her?"
Everyone shook their head at Yang's question.
"Damn it. I-I shouldn't have let her stay alone in her room. I should've stayed with her. I-I didn't know what she was going through. I just assumed that she was fine because..."
Yang stopped in the midway of her sentence trying to hold her tears back.
"-because she was always smiling. I should've known. I should've known that she was faking it all this time."
Blake softly touched Yang's arm.
"Let's look around the town one more time. Your dad reported this case to General Ironwood. We can go search for her in some other town tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?! She can be anywhere! She can be in the forest surrounded by Grimm, or surrounded by some bad guys who-"
"Yang. Calm down. Ruby's strong. She won't let someone or something kill her so easily."
"But-But what if she wants to be ki-"
"Yang. We can only hope for the best."
Yang sighed. Her eyes were back to its usual color.
"Alright."
"Good. I'll look over there by the river. Let's split up and look for her once more."
The huntsmen and huntresses nodded as they went off to find Ruby.
Days have passed, weeks have passed, and months had passed. They still continued to find Ruby, hoping that she would be somewhere alive and safe. They always feared of situation where they might find Ruby lifeless, but that didn't happen. They always hoped for a situation where they might magically run into her, but that also didn't happen.
None of them admitted it, but they were slowly losing their hope of finding her. Ruby was nowhere to be found.
Still, they never stopped their search for Ruby. They never did and never will.
A/N. Oookaaay... So that was dark. I wrote this because... Well, I always wondered how Ruby was handling everything. First, her mother died when she was young, and she was the first one to figure out that Mercury was faking his injury. She knew about Penny's identity and Pyrrha's semblance. She might have been able to stop Penny's death. If she was a little faster than maybe she could've saved Pyrrha.
I'm not saying that all these were Ruby's fault. Of course not. It's not her fault. But I just thought... That if I was in Ruby's position, I probably would've blamed myself. And on the same night, she saw how her sister lost an arm, and Blake was stabbed. She went unconscious and woke up only to hear that her beloved sister wasn't doing fine, that her friend "ran away", and that her partner was forcefully brought home by her father.
So yea, I always kind of ask myself "how does she not have depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts?" because I know that I would've got one. Well, maybe she does, I don't know.
Anyways, Ruby's nowhere to be found. Maybe she's dead, maybe she's not. We don't know. I don't know. Only Ruby knows(wink). Ugh, so yea this was like, really really depressing but yea... I hoped you guys liked it!
English is my second language so I am aware of the fact that I make lots of grammatical errors, and that my choice of vocabularies isn't fancy and is very limited. So, please feel free to point out any spelling or grammatical errors! It'd actually help me out a lot if you guys do so. :)