Ten Years Later
Spring 1880
It wasn't like Victoria had never been completely alone at the ranch before. Her children were always off somewhere – Jarrod to San Francisco, Nick and Heath on a cattle drive, Audra off touring the east or even Europe, and Eugene – well, Eugene never came back from the east much. He had made his home elsewhere, permanently.
They were all gone now, this night, this night when she really didn't need to be alone. Had they actually forgotten what night it was? Had they actually forgotten that it was ten years now, exactly ten years?
All right, Heath maybe had an excuse – he wasn't here ten years ago, and he had never known Tom Barkley. But the others – Tom Barkley was their father. Tom Barkley had died exactly ten years ago. Did they really not understand what she was going through? Could they really not be giving a thought to what she was going through, alone, tonight?
All right, Nick and Heath had the cattle drive – it was very important. And Audra was far away – she couldn't come home very quickly, even if she wanted to. And Eugene – well, he never came back. But Jarrod –
Of all of them, Jarrod had to understand the most. Widowed himself, his wife the victim of a gun, just like Tom Barkley. Jarrod had to understand how it felt when the warm, loving presence beside you was suddenly gone forever. Why wasn't Jarrod here? What in San Francisco could be so important?
His own life, since he lived there now. And Maggie, of course. The woman Jarrod was seeing now. Still early in their courtship, his mind was on her, not on his mother. He probably hadn't even remembered what today was.
Silas brought a cup of tea into the living room, where Victoria sat, remembering, grieving. He smiled a knowing smile. "I thought you might like to have this tonight," he said as he set it on the coffee table.
Seated on the settee, Victoria smiled. "Thank you, Silas. I think this would hit the spot." She tasted it. He'd prepared it exactly as she liked it.
"Can I get you anything else, Mrs. Barkley?"
She sighed. "Silas, would you get yourself a cup of tea and sit down with me?"
The houseman sighed and sat down in one of the armchairs, facing her. "I don't drink tea this late, Mrs. Barkley. Keeps me awake. But I'm happy to sit with you as long as you like."
Victoria felt a picture go flashing through her mind. "Do you remember the night ten years ago, Silas?"
His smiled faded. "Yes, ma'am, I do remember. I don't know if I want to or not, but it's not like I can keep from remembering it."
"Sometimes I can't believe the years go by the way they do. How could it be ten years already? Wasn't he here just yesterday?"
Silas nodded. "It seems like he was."
Victoria closed her eyes. Now all she could see was her husband, in his coffin in the library, still and pale and not there. Tom Barkley's body was there, but he was gone. Gone where?
Silas understood what she was going through. "I'm sorry none of your children are here, Mrs. Barkley. I know what it's like when you have to have one of these sad anniversaries all by yourself."
Victoria looked at him. Such a kind man, such a good man. She thought the world of him, but she didn't even know when those sad anniversaries hit for him. She really wasn't even sure what they were. "Silas, do you have a loss you remember at times like this?"
Silas said, "Oh, Mrs. Barkley. You remember what it was like for us before the war. We lost our loved ones all the time – masser'd sell your wife or your child off and you'd never find them again, never know what happened to them."
Victoria suddenly felt like she had no right to be feeling sorry for herself tonight. "It was so terrible. What happened to you and your people was unspeakable, Silas."
She remembered Tom Barkley had tried to locate Silas's family shortly after he'd come to work here. They never found a trace of anyone who was blood related to the man.
Silas said, "It don't make your achin' any less, Mrs. Barkley, to think about my achin'. And it shouldn't. We all love and lose. It's the way of the world, even now."
"Are you happy here, Silas?" Victoria asked abruptly.
Silas laughed. "Oh, Mrs. Barkley. You know I am."
"But my asking made you think for a moment that I might sell you – even though I never would even if you were my slave instead of my employee and my friend."
Silas thought. "It's somethin' you think out of habit, I guess, Mrs. Barkley. That kind of habit don't die easy."
"I'd be lost without you, Silas," Victoria said. "I hope you never decide you want to go somewhere else."
Silas smiled a little. "I got nowhere I'd rather be, Mrs. Barkley."
"Did you like working for my husband, Silas?"
Silas chuckled. "Mr. Tom was like Mr. Jarrod, Mr. Nick, Mr. Heath, Mr. Eugene and even Miss Audra, all rolled into one. I remember how he could break a stallion in the mornin' and read their lessons to Mr. Jarrod and Mr. Nick in the afternoon, and then dance with you here in the living room in the evening. And he'd be happy doin' whatever it was he was doin'. Yes, ma'am, I liked workin' for Mr. Tom. He was always good to me, and he treated me like a I was free man, like he knew I could move on any time I wanted, or I could stay if I wanted."
Silas watched Victoria's eyes go searching into the past.
"Mrs. Barkley," he said, bringing her back. "I loved Mr. Tom. I miss him, too."
Victoria finally let the tears come out. "Sometimes I don't know how I can live another day without him."
"I know how that feels, Mrs. Barkley, but you know you just keep livin' no matter what, and you pray to the Good Lord that when your time comes, you'll find the ones you love again, and nobody will keep you apart."
Victoria smiled.
Silas said, "You'll be with Mr. Tom again, and in the meantime you'll live a happy life. Won't be long those children of yours will be back here all together."
As if on cue, they heard a horse ride up, and in a moment the front door opened. Jarrod came in, tossing his hat onto a table in the foyer.
"I'm sorry I'm so late," he said, coming in. "I was planning on being here a lot earlier, but the train from San Francisco had mechanical trouble and we sat out in the middle of nowhere for hours."
Jarrod came over to his mother and kissed her on the cheek. "Oh, Jarrod, it's good to see you," Victoria said.
Silas got up, ready to fetch whatever Jarrod needed, but Jarrod said, "Sit down, Silas, relax. Mother, do you need a whiskey to wash down that tea? Silas, can I get you anything?"
Victoria looked at the surprised look on the houseman's face. It wasn't Jarrod's place to ask that question of him, but seeing each other, Victoria and Silas smiled at each other. "No, I'm fine," Victoria said.
"Mr. Jarrod, it's my job to get for you, remember?" Silas said.
"Ah, no, not right now," Jarrod said. "I'm up, you're down, stay there, my old friend. Do you want anything?"
Silas smiled, saying, "No, thank you, Mr. Jarrod."
Jarrod poured himself a scotch, and it was only a moment later they all heard horses outside. A minute or two later, Nick and Heath came in.
"I didn't expect you two until tomorrow!" Victoria said as Silas popped up, not to be seated anymore.
They left their hats in the foyer and came into the living room. They each kissed Victoria and Nick poured whiskey for himself and Heath – and then he also handed a glass to Silas, who stood there looking baffled.
But Nick said, "We came back early. We knew we needed to be here."
"Raise your glasses, everybody – you raise your tea, too, Mother," Heath said.
They all did that.
"And I want to propose the toast," Heath said. "I know I never knew the man, but I've come to know him through all of you. And I know what happened ten years ago today. So I want to propose a toast to a man who bore and raised a fine family, who left his legacy behind, a legacy so strong that it still resonates ten years later in this room, among all of us. Mother, I'm sorry we're so late about it, but here's to Tom Barkley!"
Victoria pulled her tears back in as she raised her cup of tea and drank with her sons and her houseman. She missed her husband so much the ache went all the way from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet, but when she looked at the men around her, she felt a sweet consolation.
And she felt Tom Barkley in the presence of all these men she loved.
"Here's to you, my love," she whispered to herself and sipped her tea again.
The End