read or die

i don't own it

Johnny looked through his clothes, all black. He shuffled through a few more shirts until he found a white button up shirt. Time to move on I guess. He took the shirt off the hanger and put it on. He left the top two buttons undone. He tucked the shirt into a pair of black slacks.

It had been four months since he died. He had cut off the spikes of hair that stuck oddly off his head, now his hair was cut short almost normal. Johnny had destroyed Reverend Meat and sold the pitiful excuse for a house.

He walked out the front door and pulled up the sign, stay off the loose soil, it didn't apply anymore. Small grass shoots came up from the hard earth.

"Johnny."

He turned around. It was Squee staring up at him confused.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"For a little while, yeah." Johnny said smiling.

"Where?" Squee said. For once in his life the neighbor man didn't scare him.

"I'm not sure…I just need to get away for a while." Johnny kneeled down, "Sq—Todd, I want you to take care of yourself." He reached into his boot and pulled out a knife. "I know it may not feel right but you need to keep yourself safe, no matter what, even if you have to hurt someone else."

Johnny stood up and walked to his car. He got in and turned on the engine. He pulled out of the drive way and sped off to some unknown destination.

Johnny was driving by a flower shop, He stopped the car and got out. He went in, flowers. He smiled.

He wandered through the aisles looking for something,

"Sir…"

Been a long time since anyone's called me that. He thought.

"Sir is there something you're looking for." The attendant said.

"I need flowers for a friend I hurt…an ex-girlfriend." Johnny said

The woman smiled, "That's sweet. What does she like?"

"I don't know…I never asked her."

"Well in that case," the woman walked toward him, "what is she like?"

"She's amazing." Johnny said, "She likes to paint…she's different from any girl I've ever met." He smiled to himself.

The woman scanned the rows of flower. "How about," she walked to the back of the store. "Oriental lilies, they're still planted so they won't dry up."

He smelled the flower. It had an overwhelming scent. "They're perfect, how much?"

"Fifteen with the planter." She said.

He reached into his pocket pulled out a ten and a five, and shoved them into the woman's hands. "Thank you." Johnny took the flowers and drove to the park. He went to a pay phone.

With practiced fingers he dialed the number.

"Hello…" came the tentative answer.

"Devi-"

"Johnny, fuck."

He heard her take the phone from her ear. "Wait Devi." He shouted so she could hear. "I want you to meet me in the park. Lot's of people I couldn't hurt you if I wanted to."

"What the hell do you mean if you wanted to." She had put the phone back to her ear. "You tried to fucking kill me!"

"I know, and you kicked my ass." Johnny said.

"What do you want Johnny." She asked.

"I want you to meet me in the park. You don't have to…but I've missed you."

The last thought seemed to stop the conversation dead.

"I—I'm leaving town tonight. I'll wait until seven." Johnny said and hung up; he sat down heavily on the park bench. His white shirt ruffled a little around his frame.

He waited for what seemed like hours. It began to get dark, "Excuse me what time is it?" he asked a person jogging by.

The person stopped and ran in place. "It's 6:30."

Johnny thanked the man who continued to run. "Damn it." He stood up ready to walk to his car. He grabbed the flowers.

"J—Johnny." Devi said.

"Devi, I was about to think you wouldn't show." He said.

"You look different." She commented.

"I feel different…better." He said."These are for you." He held out the lilies.

"Johnny I—"

"Don't say anything. I know what I tried to do…listen it wasn't my fault, and I know that is a pretty stupid thing to say but, I wasn't right when it happened, I was sick and I'm sorry I tried to hurt you, had I been in my right mind…I still love you." He ended.

"Where are you going to go?" Devi asked.

"I don't know." He walked a few step closer. "I just need to get away from this place because I know that this city is a part of it."

He looked at the stars. Devi followed his gaze. "Everything is so clouded." She said referring to more than the sky.

"Yeah…I guess I had better go now." Johnny turned from her. "I just had to say goodbye before I left."

She touched his shoulder. He didn't shy away, Johnny turned back to her. "Yes?"

"I can't just forgiveyou." She said.

Johnny nodded, "I know that...I just wanted to say I was sorry for what I had done."

"So you're running away form what you've done?"

He shook his head, "God no, things would be so easy if I could just runaway...if I could just forget," he stopped and shook his head again, "Forgetting is what led to this mess. I've gotten help...massive amounts of intensive therapy and so on like that, I can't erase the things that I've done, but before I left I had to make up with you at least...you were the only person I can remember really loving."

"Johnny..." her voice seemed to be filled with a mix of anger, pain, and sympathy.

"Did you walk?" he asked.

Devi nodded.

"Come on." He turned toward his car and walked. "I'll give you a ride home."Devi followed. She got into the passenger seat.

He drove to her house and walked up to her apartment with her. "Come in." she opened the door.

Johnny took a step back, "I have to go...I told you this place isn't right, if I stay..."

"Please, Johnny, just for a moment."

His eyes grew pained, after closing them for a moment he stepped in. It was a mess, paints wer dribbled over the carpet, also some broken glass and what looked a little like blood.

"It's kind of a mess." he said glancing around, his eyes fell on a painting of a doll with burned out eyes. "did you paint this?"

Devi took he coat off and turned to look at the canvas, "Yes, I don't like it much. I think I'm going to throw it out."

Mother would never do that.

Her head went up. "What?" She whispered.

You can't throw me out...don't you love me?

"No, I don't...you're trying to make me sick like Johnny was"

There was a laughing sound. "Fuck you." She muttered.

"Did you say something?" Johnny looked at her questioningly

"No, nothing at all..." Devi turned to him and smiled.

Johnny had his hands shoved in his pockets, a sign that made Devi wary. He pulled a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket, "...I have to get going, if you want to keep in contact." he handed her the paper and moved toward the door.

"Johnny wait!" Devi put a hand on his shoulder, "I don't want you to leave."

He pushed her hand off his shoulder, "I have to go...I told you this place is sick at least three times, I'm leaving."

"Then let me go with you?" Devi asked

Johnny's hand rested on the door knob, I still love her...what do I do...what if I'm not better...I might hurt her again...the medication...he turned the knob without answering her. "Goodbye Devi...I love you."

As he walked down the hall he heard the door close and lock, he wasn't going to look back, Dr. Fox said that the past had to be left to rest. Johnny once again felt her hand on his shoulder, a small comfort amidst the chaos of life, "You said you loved me..."

"No, Love you...not loved you...I still love you." He sighed

She sounded almost angy when she spoke again, "If you love me you won't just leave me."

It was Johnny's turn to get angry, "What do you want me to say...I've told you I was sorry...I plucked up the courage to call you and apologize, I am not going to be ridiculed because you don't trust me! What more can I do to prove you that I LOVE YOU!"

He got into the elevator and hit the button for the lobby floor. "Johnny wait!" Devi ran to the doors as they closed but she was too late. She turned and ran to the stair hoping to catch him before he left.

Johnny slumped in the elevator, he pulled a small bottle out of his pocket, opened it and put one of the pills in his mouth. Fuck.

Well what did you think? I might update…if I can think of more words to say. Anyway Read and Review.