WHAT ARE YOU DOING WOMAN, WORK ON YOUR OTHER STORIES.

Ahah. Um. I just discovered this pairing. I love it. End of story.

This fic is based on an idea Lacrima had... so here's the realisation of that plot bunny.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except my headcanon. I love my headcanon.

James often wondered about Teddy Lupin.

And it wasn't just a passing curiosity. It wasn't just a recent thing. It wasn't even since he'd realised that he was madly in love with his god-brother (which was probably crossing several lines at once).

In fact, James could pin down the specific moment he'd begun wondering. He was twelve years old and he'd just hit puberty, and he was thinking about what a terrible thing puberty was when the question hit him.

And now he was on the Hogwarts Express for the third-last time, staring out the window and pondering his curiosities while his little sister Lily and his cousin Hugo did impressions of their teachers. Very bad impressions. He was never entirely sure why he ended up in the family compartment, other than out of sympathy. Albus was always whinging to Rose and her gal-pals about something or other, Lily and Hugo and their small friends were just pains, and James's comrades were temporarily not speaking to him. Probably because he'd got them all in detention for hexing a group of first years. That or the silencing charms that meant they couldn't talk.

He spent the journey in silence, occasionally forced to acknowledge a joke with a laugh or give his agreement with a nod. But really, he was so tired of being around his family the whole time.

So Christmas was going to be a sorry affair.

At least Teddy would be there. James had always felt closer to Teddy than the rest of his family. Teddy understood him. Teddy understood that he didn't want to be amazing. Teddy knew that he was just happy being James.

James wanted to understand Teddy. He wanted to know him backwards. He wanted to know why his hair changed colour when it did, he wanted to know why he'd snogged Victoire, he wanted to know why he'd broken up with Victoire.

But there was one question which he wanted to know the answer to more than any of the others. He'd been putting it off and putting it off since he was twelve, and now he was of the age where he could no longer pass it off as childish curiosity. It would be awkward, there was no doubting it. But he had to get it over and done with.

This Christmas, he was finally going to ask.

xxx

When he was at home, there was nowhere James would rather be than in his bedroom, away from all the noise. He lay on his bed reading while down below a Weasley Christmas party was in full swing.

There was a knock at the door.

"James? Are you in there?" Rose asked. "Why don't you come downstairs and join the party?"

James grunted into his book.

"Teddy's here," she said, her tone changing to a more suggestive one. He could practically hear her eyebrows wiggling.

"Fuck you," James mumbled.

He heard an Alohomora being whispered outside, and he silently cursed his cousin's resourcefulness. She slipped in and closed the door behind her.

"Get up," she said, slapping him across the head. He jumped slightly, but didn't take his eyes away from the book. Rose pouted. "You leave me no choice," she said, and grabbed his sleeve, pulling him up. James could have tried to struggle, but he really didn't have the energy. He let his book fall to one side as Rose dragged him out the door and very nearly pushed him down the stairs. He managed to grab the railing just in time.

Teddy was in a corner not talking to anyone, reading a magazine. That was the best thing to do at a family Christmas gathering – keep out of it.

Or maybe James was just biased because he was a moody teenager.

Whatever.

Rose shoved him in Teddy's general direction. He didn't want to ask her how she knew – the answer would probably as cryptic as an Ancient Runes textbook. Either that, or it would be that he was easier to read than tea leaves in Divination. (Whatever they looked like, they meant "you are going to die".)

"Hey," James said, trying to sound smooth as he approached Teddy.

Teddy looked up from his magazine and acknowledged James with a small smile. "Hey," he said, "where've you been?"

"I was reading," James said with a shrug.

Teddy grinned. "Good man. An honourable endeavour."

"Thanks," James said self-consciously, vaguely aware that his cheeks were turning red.

"I know where you are at the moment," Teddy said ambiguously.

James raised his eyebrows. "Right in front of you?"

"No, no," Teddy said, "I mean mentally. You're seventeen and you're stuck between childhood and adulthood. You don't want to hang around with the kids, because they're lovely but they can be tiresome on a night like tonight when they're full of energy. And you don't want to talk to your parents or aunts and uncles, because let's face it, they're boring. And you'd rather be in your room reading."

"How could you possibly know all that?" James said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Because I was there six years ago," Teddy said. "I was sitting in a corner reading when an annoying little ginger kid snatched my book away and made me play with him and his friends."

James blushed. "He meant well."

"I have no doubt that he did," Teddy said serenely, "but I should think that by now he's grown to see the error in his ways."

"Why do you know so much about him?" James asked. "I mean, why do you understand me so well?"

Teddy shrugged. "I guess you'll never know."

James frowned at him. This was not going well. If he was going to ask, he would have to steer the conversation back in his favour.

But then his mother emerged from the kitchen and summoned everyone to the table, and the moment was lost.

xxx

The sea of ginger hair slowly dispersed, and by eleven even Rose, Hugo and their parents left, leaving just the Potters and Teddy. Albus and Lily were playing Wizard Chess - Lily was winning spectacularly. James could hear them from his bedroom, where he had returned to his book and had no intention to leave for a good twelve hours.

But as earlier, his peace was interrupted by a knock on the door. Begrudgingly, he got up to open it. His grimace quickly righted itself to a smile when he saw Teddy standing there. His hair was a washed-out brown and his eyes were Potter green.

"I'm thinking I'll stay the night," he said. "I'm damn tired, and Granny Tonks was having her bridge club over for an all-night party."

"And you prefer noisy children to tame old women?"

"Tame?" Teddy laughed. "Not that lot. They're fierce. So can I stay in here for the night?"

James paled. "H-here? As in, in my room?"

Teddy gave James a stupid grin. "Why, am I interrupting anything?"

"Well, I was reading, but-"

"You can read with me in the room, can't you? Merlin, James, that's nothing, I was worried you'd been having a shuffle or something."

James laughed nervously. "Come in," he said, holding open the door.

Teddy entered and neatly performed an engorgement charm one of the pillows of James's bed and collapsed on top of it. James just sat awkwardly on his bed, eyeing Teddy up over the top of his book. Teddy bounced over on his makeshift mattress and, lying on his stomach, propped his head on his hands. "Anything the matter?"

"I... no, nothing."

"No, there's something. Remember, James, I understand you. I know you're thinking something..."

"I want to understand you," James blurted out suddenly, and buried his face in his book immediately after.

"Fair enough," Teddy said, pulling himself messily into a sitting position and crossing his legs. "You have until midnight to ask me any questions you'd like me to answer, anything you want to know about me."

James's eyes widened. "For real?"

"For real."

He had to take advantage of this. But he couldn't go straight to his burning question - he had to build up to it. "Okay, uh... why... how does the Metamorphagus thing work?"

Teddy's eyes instantly turned a sparkling blue. "I can control it sometimes, but sometimes it just does its own thing. Like now," - he pulled at a strand of his hair, - "it's my father's colour. It goes this way when I'm tired or sad. I can't control that."

As he spoke, his hair returned to its normal shade of turquoise.

"You're waking up," James observed.

"Indeed I am," Teddy said. "So come on, give me another question. This is fun."

"Um... tell me about you and Victoire."

Teddy smiled sadly. "Victoire is sweet. We're good friends."

"Yeah, but why did you go out with her? Why did you break up?"

"I can see I'm not going to get away without giving you the full story. Very well, then." His hair shifted back to the neutral brown. "I think I got a crush on her when she helped me up after this one time I fell down some stairs. She was sweet, and I thought she was perfect for me. But I couldn't bring myself to go very far. We had... you know, sex, and all that, but it was never amazing or anything. And it just wore itself out. She met someone else, she moved on, that's that."

James frowned. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise," Teddy said, his hair settling on a steely blue. "It wasn't right for either of us."

They sat for a few moments in an uneasy silence.

"Any other questions?" Teddy asked.

James opened and closed his mouth. He wanted to ask, he really did, but it would sound stupid.

"There's something, isn't there?"

"Ahh, it's a silly question..."

"Go on..."

"I... I've always wondered... what colour are your pubes? I-I mean, can you change it?"

Teddy giggled, and then quickly shoved a hand over his mouth. Whatever he'd been expecting from James, that probably wasn't it. James felt like a complete idiot.

"You really want to know the answer to that?"

James nodded. He was determined.

Teddy smiled mischievously. "How about I show you?"

James stared at him, eyes wide, incredulous. "R-really? Come on Teddy, stop kidding around."

"I'm not kidding!" Teddy said. And to prove just how little he was kidding, he unzipped his fly and pulled down the top of his underpants slightly, exposing a crop of curly black pubes.

James couldn't tear his gaze away. It was so... normal. But then before his very eyes they changed colour, and became the shocking orange of James's hair. Teddy grinned. "Nifty, hey?"

"Fantastic," James breathed.

"My favourite is turquoise," Teddy said, and they changed colour again. "Gave Victoire quite a fright when she first saw me in all nature's glory. Actually, it tends to frighten everyone a bit." He laughed a little childishly. "Once, I think it was two years ago, I changed the colour mid-blowjob. I think I scared him shitless."

"Him!" James exclaimed, beaming. There was hope! But his smile quickly soured. "You've had a blowjob and I haven't," he said with a frown.

"I know, isn't life unfair?" Teddy said with a deadpan smile. "I'd offer to help you out with that, but I'm afraid I'm rubbish at blowjobs. I've got a strong gag-reflex, see. And I tend to bite."

"Oh," James said. "Oh. Wait, wait, hold on! Did you just offer me a blowjob?"

"I did and I didn't," Teddy said. "Come on James, keep up."

James took a moment to think over that. "Right. So... you'd give me a blowjob, only you're crap at it. Right."

Teddy nodded. "But you can give me a blowjob if you like. I promise I won't change the colour of my pubes."

"Someone pinch me; I'm dreaming," James mumbled, shaking his head.

Teddy leant forward and pinched James's arm. "Done. Now we've still got half an hour left of questions. Either you can keep asking me boring details about my boring life, or you can make it more interesting and give me a blowjob."

James just stared at him.

"Come on," Teddy said, sounding a little impatient now. "I already told you, I know what you're thinking. I know how you think. Now you're old enough for me to let you know a couple of more mature things about me, such as the fact that I thoroughly enjoy blowjobs."

James kissed him.

It would do for now, even if it wasn't a blowjob.

Yet.

xxx

James was experiencing déjà-vu. And it was a weird sort of déjà-vu, because last time it was autumn, and he was the one interrupting the conversation. This time, it was winter. And Albus was the one rushing up to his parents to give them the shocking news soon before they left for the station.

"Our Teddy! Snogging our James!"

James's father laughed nervously and exchanged a glance with his wife. "Don't be silly, Al."

"I'm serious!" Albus said. "Come and see for yourselves! They're in the garden behind some trees and they're snogging!" His eyes were wide with shock and amusement.

"And and and, Teddy's hair is pink! It's never been pink before!" Albus nattered as he led his parents and Lily into the garden.

Lily giggled. "Boys! Snogging!" She nudged Albus in the ribs. "You're the boring brother. You don't snog any boys, do you?"

"I most certainly do not!" Albus said haughtily.

But unfortunately for his over-excited little sister, James and Teddy had ceased snogging by the time the party of Potters made it too the trees at the back of the garden, and were simply talking amicably.

"See," Ginny said, rolling her eyes at Albus, "they're not snogging!"

Teddy's hair immediately turned a violent red to match James's cheeks. "I was just giving James a letter to read on the train," he said. This was a lie - he had in fact set strict conditions that the letter was only to be read when no-one else was around. Although a bathroom on the train would work.

Lily looked distinctly disappointed and Albus furrowed his brows in confusion, but their parents exchanged knowing looks. Clearly, there was no fooling them.

xxx

Later that day, James sat in the corner of the family compartment on the Hogwarts Express reading the letter from Teddy. He'd promised he would only read it when no-one was around, but he couldn't help himself. And anyway, everyone else was so distracted that they wouldn't notice the way he grinned before opening the envelope, and the way he blushed when he saw his contents.

Teddy had sent him on his way with the following words of encouragement: "Half a year left! Make the most of it, don't fail your N.E.W.T.s and owl me when there are Hogsmeade weekends so we can meet up in the Hog's Head for some totally rule-bending hanky-panky. Love, Teddy".

The rest of the sheet was taken up with a stick-figure drawing of James and Teddy doing some sort of Irish jig, and a crude smiley-face that was designed to more closely resemble a penis than an actual penis.

And then a PS: "I've been working on turning my pubic hair every colour of the rainbow at once. Oh, the things one does for love."

James smiled to himself, folded the letter away and slipped it back in his bag. It was amazing just how well Teddy understood him. He knew that they way to James's heart was with humour and rule-bending. And colourful pubic hair.

So James had finally asked that question that had been bugging him since he was twelve – and not only had he got an answer, he'd got a boyfriend.

Score.

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- Legs