A/N: Tom Riddle is my favorite character. That is a fact. I hope to sway my readers to the dark side as well. Anyway, the soundtrack to this is Hard Scary hip-hop beat {rap} Instrumental by redhooknoodles on YouTube. Listen to it while reading. It's important. I'm serious. It completely inspired this and makes a huge difference. I recommend not watching the video, though, as it's extremely creepy. And that's coming from me.
Disclaimer: Seriously, why do I keep forgetting to post this? Argh. I don't own.
O.o.O
When Dumbledore looks back at his past actions, he finds that he made quite a number of mistakes even for a man of his age. However, he sees that no error was too great until his damaging treatment of one Tom Riddle.
It was a small room, typical for a twentieth-century orphanage used to making ends meet. Albus noted the harsh brick floors and low-income window coverings as he climbed the stairwell, reflecting that if only the boy had been adopted, he might have known a better childhood than the drab, loveless one he had been granted. Barely eleven and already used to fending for himself? Fate could be a cruel mistress.
(In a different world, Albus Dumbledore might have met the young, impressionable Tom Riddle with sympathy instead of outright suspicion. He might have understood that no child is born evil, and that others had made the boy into what he now was. Albus might even have taken it upon himself to save Tom from his downward spiral.)
Sometimes he wonders why on earth he grew so immediately to dislike a defenseless child.
Albus's spirits sank further after entering the room Ms. Cole directed him to. A small boy sat stiffly on the folded covers of the bed, his clothes dark and tatty. A lamp flickered in the corner. The walls smelled of mildew. There was not a spot of colour in the entire room—it was as if he had entered a world of grayscale and shadows while in this place.
What a horrible way to be raised.
The child looked up as Albus opened his mouth, and then he spoke.
"You're the doctor, aren't you?"
Sometimes Albus thinks that from the first question Tom asked him he should have realized there was something wrong with the boy. Maybe then he would have worked to fix it instead of allowing it to fester.
(In a different world, Albus might have cared. He might have realized, as per his obsession with the greater good, that a boy with this much power and control could do great things. He might have worked to ensure those things would be for good, not evil.)
Stained nightstand—overlarge clothes—cracking window—iron bed—a single book—ragged blanket—overpowering smell of mildew and soap—this boy had not known an easy life.
(In a different world, Albus would have cared.)
"You're the doctor, aren't you?"
Albus should have been appalled to hear those words. What had this child been through, to be so unsure of even his own sanity? How had he been treated? Who had done him so much harm? But Albus was focused on other things (Grindelwald muggle war death greater good) and the welfare of one small, magically talented orphan just wasn't at the forefront of his mind.
Albus looks back and wishes that he could change things.
He accepted Tom's obvious mistreatment, ignoring the jutting cheekbones and scarred wrist and livid bruises on his neck. A thousand miles away, young Sybil Trelawney awoke with the beginning phrases of a prophecy seeping from her thoughts.
(In a different world Albus could have made the choice to care and the prophecy would never have been born. Tom Riddle could have been trained to do great things.)
Albus looks back and wishes he could change things but not even he is not master of time. There are no second chances.
(In a different world he might have known that evil is nothing but lack of awareness.)
Tom's eyes were dull, almost blank as he stared at his visitor. Albus wondered if they reflected a general apathy (which was quite worrying, really) but immediately dismissed the thought. No, he decided, the boy was clearly unwilling to show his emotions. He must view them as a weakness. He reeked of power and so Albus Dumbledore's first impression of him was not that of a young, scared boy but a terrible rival.
(He would have ensured that Tom was aware.)
Sometimes Dumbledore understands why he acted as he did, but then he rethinks. After all, what did the boy do that first time to alienate him so completely?
Albus was horrified by Tom's obvious satisfaction as he spoke of his magic and how it protected him. At this point he should have asked about the environment of the orphanage, should have wondered at its obvious lack of safely that necessitated violence as a means of protection, but he did not. Albus Dumbledore had always been loved and not truly exposed to the dregs of society. He shied away from this boy, this representation of the hardships of life. He refused to get involved.
(In a different world Albus would have noticed Tom Riddle's trembling hands the first time they met. He would have seen the boy's longing for acceptance even as the damaged part of him instinctively shied away from this loss of control. He would have seen the devastation when no acceptance was offered.)
Looking back Dumbledore knows he should have realized exactly how far Tom Riddle would go as he searched for approval. Recognition. Love. He could have found it then and there.
He didn't.
Albus ignored the boy's outraged cry. He had asked for proof, and here it was. Interesting how a simple flame-freezing charm and a burning wardrobe could have such an effect on those new to magic. Sometimes Albus wondered what it would have been like to be raised by muggles.
Tom seemed sufficiently impressed now; time for a change—what was this? Threads of guilt and pride trailing from the topmost shelf? That was a clear sign of thievery…
It seemed the young Tom Riddle had a habit of taking that which was not his. He certainly hadn't been using his magic for anything good. This was bad, very bad indeed.
(In a different world Albus would have understood that people steal only what they themselves lack. He might have wondered what sort of upbringing had left Tom with no toys or trinkets to call his own. He might have even asked the boy himself, showing trust instead of immediately scolding him.)
The stolen toys were the turning point and Albus, already unsettled by Tom's cold demeanor and impressive power, decided that the eleven-year-old was a lost cause. He let him continue fending for himself because it was simpler than trying to convince Tom otherwise. Not the right path, perhaps, but certainly the easy one.
Now, as he reaps the consequences of that which he has sown, Dumbledore regrets. He wishes he had cared. He wishes he had saved Tom Riddle from himself. He wishes he had not been instrumental in the decay of the boy and the creation of Lord Voldemort.
(In a different world Tom Riddle would not have been alone.)
Tom Riddle was alone.
(In a different world upon hearing of his obvious connection to Salazar Slytherin Dumbledore would have honed that skill instead of dismissing it as Dark and its owner evil.)
He let his prejudices overcome logic.
(In a different world Albus Dumbledore would have approached an unstable magical prodigy with warmth and acceptance instead of callously cataloguing him as evil and in need of watching, thus making him predisposed to the Dark.)
He did no such thing.
When Dumbledore looks back at his past actions, he finds that he made quite a number of mistakes even for a man of his age. However, he sees that no error was too great until his damaging treatment of one Tom Riddle. Sometimes he wonders what would have happened had he not failed.
O.o.O