Disclaimer: I do not own characters or settings from Degrassi. Nor do I own any words or ideas from Instant Star.
Shooting Star
Dear Paige,
All day I've been lying on the ground staring at the sky. But I don't see nothin. No clouds, no seagulls, no white moon outline, no sun. It's infinite pain. Bright, burning. Trying to be blind. If I take out my eyes, maybe I will never again have to look at the picture of you in my mind. Just fire. Just flame.
And the future…not the future you wanted for me. But the future that's inevitable for me. NO future. I see it so clearly. And it won't change a single thing I say. Not a single thing I do.
I do. "I do." HA. Nice try. I'm burning…like a shooting star. No one could ever hold me long enough. Not that when I leave I go anywhere. I certainly didn't go anywhere when I went away from you. But then again, you never thought I'd even get this far, did you? You didn't really think I'd graduate from high school, did you? Big whoop, eh? Now I'm just turning to dust, floating aimlessly through the atmosphere.
You blinked.
I disappeared.
Like a shooting star.
Was I your shooting star, Paige? A momentary blip, fascinating and bright and completely untouchable?
There are things about me you still don't know…things you will never know, things you will never understand. This heavy cross around my neck has been dragging me down and breaking my back since long before I met you. Then when I was with you, I felt I could shed the cross, stand so tall, even fly to the moon, if I wanted to. Of course, I didn't want to, because I wanted to be by your side for as long as you would have me.
But I had a sinking feeling it was going to end soon. No matter what I said to you, no matter what I did, it was never enough. It was never good enough for you, Paige. You wanted me to say "I do, I do, I do," commit every grain of my being to your goals and dreams. What did the picture you held of me in your mind look like?
It must have looked like a shooting star.
You made a wish on me.
And held me in a solid glass jar.
No air in there.
I struggled.
I burned.
I called out from behind the glass.
I tapered out.
Turned to dust.
Disappeared.
…Alex