Disclaimer: No characters or places are mine. But the idea is.
Kuut Hekrd, So Yhkam
(Good Night, My Angel)
Three years. Exactly three years tomorrow. Exactly three years tomorrow you left me, weeping on my knees. Exactly three years tomorrow you left me with nothing but... wait... you didn't leave me with anything. You didn't leave me with anything because you took everything I was with you. You get that? I am nothing anymore. I am nothing without you. Well sure I have skin, hair, bones and blood; a body. But there is nothing inside that body that wants to be there. In my body, I mean. Because why stay in my body when I could be flying high in the skys of the Farplane with you? Holding my gaze on you. Holding your hand in mine. Holding you close to me.
The worst moment in my life, and for the rest of my life if you really want to get technical, was when you left me. We were all standing on the Celsius; Me, you, Yuna, Tidus, Lulu, Wakka and Kimarhi. But the only person I noticed was you, they way you were fading away from me. The way you held me while I held you as we tried to erase the world around us and share one last kiss without the sobbing, Hymn of the Faith and the painful screams of pyreflies creating the misery around us. I cried into your red coat as you stroked my hair and told me that you love me and that you were sorry. Sorry for what? Wanting to leave? You didn't have to, you know. You really didn't have to leave me all alone in this world that I hate. You knew I hated it here, even before you were sent. You never should have left. But you wanted to leave because you were tired. Tired? I'm sorry Auron, but that just doesn't do it for me.
Wasn't I enough to keep you here? To keep you on this terrible world that we both had to suffer through? No, I wasn't! Instead you left me here to slowly kill myself. That's right. Kill myself. The one thing you wanted me not to do because you said life was too precious to through away. Well Auron, I've been living life for eighteen years now and have yet to see what is so precious about it. Other than you, but you have already been thrown away by my cousin. Stupid bitch. She really is. Yuna knew how much you meant to me. She knew how much I loved you more then anything in this pathetic world they call Spira. She knew that you had saved me from myself, from my own hands. And she just sent you like you were nothing. Like you were a single grain of sand in this endless desert, where I will end this miserable life I lead. I just can't miss you anymore.
Do you remember the day you first held me? It was the day I thought I lost everything; when Home was destroyed. We had escaped Home and had fled to the airship without our summoner. Everyone was tense, afraid for Yuna's well being. That day was the first time I had absolutely lost it.
'Fireworks, huh? Well he can go and screw himself , the Yevonite pig.' Rikku seethed to herself as she stormed out of the cockpit of the Celsius. 'Wakka even had the nerve to say that after what had just happened to Home? All of my childhood memories, friends and family? That dirty vilg should be pushed off of the airship!'
Still dry eyed, Rikku took the first right at the end of the hallway, only to find some Al Bhed. She stopped walking to examine them. There must have been forty of them that lined the walls. There were very few small children and older people. Rikku guessed that they didn't move quickly enough to make it out of Home alive. Some were in large groups and some were alone, but they all had one thing in common; they were all or had been crying. But it was worst to see the ones that looked utterly lost, like a lovebird without it's mate.
Then it hit her as if she had just been punched in the face. Her breathing grew to deep, gaping breaths as tears tried to force themselves from her green eyes, but a part of her was still in shock. Rikku turned around and started running away, although she really had no clue where she was going.
The heavy tears started flowing out of Rikku's eyes as she finally reached the stairs and ran down them. Although Rikku did hear someone calling her name, she chose to ignore it. The pain was just too much to handle right now. She just kept running. Faster. Faster. Faster. By now, Rikku's breathing had grown so heavy she was starting to get dizzy and see black spots in her vision.
She reached the bottom of the staircase with a loud 'thud', but still kept running. Faster. Faster. Faster. That's when she saw it. It was a sign that read 'Supply Closet' in Al Bhed with an arrow pointing down another hallway. Rikku finally knew where she was going.
Rikku wasn't really paying attention to her surroundings when she turned the corner and collided with someone. Although she tried to push past them with a simple 'sorry', the man wouldn't let go of her shoulders. Rikku though she heard them calling her name, but her ears didn't want to work. Thinking she had gotten someone really mad, Rikku tried to stopping the waterworks and use her higher-pitched cute voice to try and apologize to them sincerely. They still had a firm grip on Rikku's shoulders despite all the apologizing. Just before she was about to tell this guys off, she looked up at his face to see who he was and shut right up.
"Auron! Oh man, I feel stupid. Uh..." Rikku turned a deep shade of red underneath her tear stained face. Partly because she did have a teenie itty bitty little crush on him, and partly because he was still holding on to her shoulders. Rikku looked down at the ground trying to hide her face from Auron's confused brown eye, small tears still escaping her eyes.
She was trying really hard to hold back her more noticeable tears, but her emotions got the better of her and they escaped into Rikku's green eyes yet again. Not just the tears, but a very painful and very loud series of sobs. The damn had broken, despite her desperate attempts to keep it all in.
By now Rikku was trying even harder to push away from Auron, but he just wouldn't let her go. Even through all of her tearful protest to be alone or to cry in peace, but Auron kept his firm grip on the girl. He would not just leave a crying girl; he would not just leave Rikku.
Rikku's pulling away had finally slowed after she realized Auron wasn't going to let go. She was crying to hard to fight back now and was almost completely breathless. Instead of pushing away this time, Rikku threw her arms around Auron's waist and held on tight with her face pressed firmly to his chest, sobbing.
Auron gasped at Rikku's sudden action and looked down at her with both eyebrows raised. But his look of confusion didn't last long before it turned into an expression of sympathy and concern. The Al Bhed had never shown so much affection-or any affection really-towards Auron and he was rather suprised, but considering the circumstances he couldn't blame the girl for her outburst of affection... if you could still call it that.
Not really sure as to what to do with the Al Bhed, Auron cautiously wrapped his left arm around her shoulders. This simple action not only loosened Rikku's grip, but it seemed to have temporarily soothe her. He wasn't really sure on how to comfort people, especially young, crying, Al Bhed women, but he did know from observation that being held helped everybody, if not only a little.
"Shh...Rikku. Try and calm down a little. You are crying very hard," Auron whispered gently. But Rikku just kept sobbing, despite his attempt to calm her.
"Oh Auron...why did this have to happen to us now? I mean, the Al Bhed were doing so well and now...It's all...gone. Not just our Home either. We lost many friends, and valuable items..." The rest of the one sided conversation was barely audible to Auron, but he continued to hold her tightly as she vented her heart. Rikku would not stop shaking, despite how hard Auron held her. "And I lost my BEST FRIEND! He died in my arms, smiling. Keyakku smiled at me even though blood was pulsating from his stomach and neck! Look," Rikku gently plied herself from Auron's arms and backed up a few steps to show him her blood stained outfit. It was also covering her left arm and a large proportion of her right arm.
She looked down at all of the blood to see for herself, but quickly glanced up again. Her gentle tears turned into large, flowing streams escaping her swirling eyes again. Without really thinking Rikku ran forward and latched on to Auron's waist in the same position as before. He wrapped his arms around her for a second time.
"Rikku, the events that occurred today were not your fault. You yourself could not have stopped any of this from happening." Rikku looked up at Auron with teared up, hurtful eyes. "But," Auron continued,"If you want to cry, I am here for you."
"Thanks, Auron" Rikku whispered. "You know, for everything. You didn't have to do this, you know."
"I know," He tried to think of something to say to Rikku to keep her tainted mind away from the tender subject of her Home. This idea seemed to be working. But did Auron really have anything to say to the Al Bhed? Of course he did, but should he be saying it?
Shortly after the peaceful silence began, Rikku started to shake again. Auron sighed, "Rikku come now, you must be tired."
Sleep. Sleep? Rikku hadn't even thought of that. She was too wrapped up in her destroyed little world to worry about something as normal as sleep. But Auron had got her thinking about it and soon she felt exhausted; nearly falling asleep in Auron's arms.
"Where is your room?" Auron asked quietly, as if not to disturb the peace.
Rikku's finger pointed in the direction that she came running from and then to the left. Auron smirked at her. It also seemed like she too did not want to disturb the peace her and Auron had created.
And without saying anything, Auron lightly shoved Rikku as an indication to start walking. And without saying anything, she did.
Some people started at the odd sight of the Ledgendary Guardian and the tear and blood stained Al Bhed. There were even some of Rikku's Al bhed friends that tried to stop and question her in the hallway, but Auron just kept pushing Rikku forward towards her room. All the while Rikku didn't let go of Auron's red-sleeved arm.
Rikku's room was more like a closet then a room with the only piece of furniture being a small twin bed, but neither of the pair was phased as Auron ushered Rikku towards the bed. Once the bed was reached, Rikku wouldn't release Auron's coat from her tight grip.
"Auron, please stay with me? I... don't wanna be alone..." Rikku muttered.
"Come on Rikku I really should be getting-"
"Pleeeeeease Auron? Just till I fall asleep."
Auron glared long and hard the the Al Bhed, but she just smiled sheepishly at him "Please?"
"Just until you fall asleep."
Rikku sighed as though she was relieved that Auron was staying with her. She crawled into her bed without too much tears in her eyes and settled contentedly under the blankets. Auron just sat on the end of the bed, facing Rikku.
"Thank you," Rikku whispered before resting her head down on her pillow.
Auron just nodded his head absentmindedly.
He watched Rikku as her breathes grew deeper and deeper. Smiling to himself he lookup up at the roof by tilting his head back. It had to be time he left Rikku to find the rest of the group. Ever so silently, Auron inched his way off of Rikku's bed. If he were to awaken her again, she would probably start to cry and want him to stay with her until she fell asleep a second time.
Finally reaching in the floor, Auron stood up and carefully walked towards the mechanical sliding door. But something stopped Auron and he turned around to look at Rikku's sleeping form. She was still sleeping contentedly under her covers. Despite the blood and tears, Rikku looked beautiful in shuch a state full of sorrow. Auron slowly walked over to her again and stopped at her sleeping form. The guardian sighed deeply, contemplating his next action. He slowly leaned down and brushed his lips gently over Rikku's forehead whispering, "Kuut hekrd, so yhkam." Auron stood back up and walked out of the room as Rikku smiled to herself.Auron, I was still awake I fell apart. I forgot my reason to breath or why I need to see color. But yet again the ignorant people we called friends didn't notice because Yuna was sad about Tidus. And then he came back, so they didn't notice even more. No, she wasn't depressed to the point of suicide sad, she was just sad. No real deeper emotion. She said she loved him, but it evidently didn't even come close to the love we shared. God, Auron I loved you. Now I'm sitting here, in the middle of the desert, screaming at whatever higher power could be listening. I'm telling them that I hate them for taking you away from me and that they could have saved his both if they wouldn't have. Taking you away, I mean. And how I hate them all and always will. Then I bury my face in my knees and sob into them, apologizing to my father and brother for leaving them like this. They should be finding the sphere about now. I must look pretty stupid, sitting in the desert with nothing but sand around me, screaming at you and whoever took you away from me, but with all honesty I could really care less because no bodys opinion matters but yours now. But I better hurry and stop yelling because I told Yuna to meet me here. She doesn't know why, though. I told her it was a suprise but to bring her summoning staff. Connecting the dots yet, darling? With my last moments of life among the living, I am blind with love and hatred. Love for you and hatred towards everything else. I'm driving myself crazy, staring at the scrap piece of metal resting on the dull colored sand that will do the job. That will end my life. I had to smirk because for the first time in my memory, the skys were cloudy over this desert I called home. With shaking hands, I quickly reach over to the rusty piece of metal, and without even thinking twice I slash it over my pale writes. I smile as a lone tear falls from my eye and lands on my knee. I'm not crying tears of sadness. Oh no, I am far from sad now. Although the first cut did hurt, as well as the second, I'm not crying from the pain or for the life that flows from my wrists. This doesn't hurt nearly as much as losing you did. I'm not crying because everything in my life has been shitty thus farand that it has to end this way. And I'm absolutely sure I'm not crying because Yuna as finally come over sand dune far away from me and can see my almost-lifeless body, with a deep, crimson circle in thecool sand. Man, she can scream loud. I'm crying because I know now that after three years of trying to find myself, I have finally found me...in you.
Auron after you left, no one really noticed you weren't there anymore. Sure they knew you had left, but they noticed Tidus' absence more. Wakka and Lulu would constantly wish Tidus was there to see this or share that. And then when Tidus came back after the second time 'round without you, that only made things worse. They were all celebrating because Tidus was back; because Yuna wasn't sad anymore. Gross. It made me sick how they waved you off like you were nothing. But you were NOT nothing. You were everything. My everything.
Reviews are apreciated. So is constructive critisme. But don't go overboard with the constructive critisme part. I know it's not perfect. I put short choppy sentences for reasons...so no commenting on that..
-Larken