"Fuck!"
Loke turned from his seat at the bar at the voice, unsurprised if not slightly frustrated to see his Fairy Tail partner, Gray Fullbuster, stumbling through the door.
It wasn't in his habit to get drunk. He rarely had in his long lifetime as a spirit. It wasn't particularly easy either; the amount of liquid he had to ingest to actually start looking or sounding like he was drunk would have killed any human. Yet here he was, with a litre-bottle of Fiore's strongest whisky to date cradled against his chest, his phalanges white from holding it against him for so long - and this was the seventh bottle so far, though not the last. Loke groaned and turned his back on the door and on the swearing and half naked ice mage. Gray Fullbuster's business wasn't his business - Loke had made that clear enough weeks ago. Yet as he felt the blue haired ice mage approach him from behind, still cursing loudly, he got the distinct feeling that Gray still hadn't gotten the message. And sure enough, just as he was thinking that, a cold, light hand fell on his shoulder.
"Hey, Loke," came the breathy, raspy voice, and the spirit king was unpleasantly surprised at how out of it it sounded. Gray was either drunk or drugged, and knowing the ice mage as he did, Loke knew that none of these things were good when it came to him.
"Gray," the lion greeted, his tone flat, not turning around as he said the name. Gray was high, okay; but that didn't mean that Loke was going to help him. He had enough of his own problems already without adding those of the ice mage. And it didn't matter, either way, he told himself. He didn't care what it was that had Gray drinking himself down - not in the least.
"Loke," the voice repeated, and as the lion stayed still Gray came out from behind him and plopped down heavily into a stool on his right, slapping his hand down on the wooden counter and forcefully asking for 'a shot of whatever it is that four-eyed git beside me is drinking.'
The lion couldn't help but smirk at Gray's words, thinking that some people, no matter what the circumstances, didn't change. And as he looked down at the bottle clutched in his left hand, he was also bitterly reminded that some people did, in fact, change. His mood sank back straight down.
"What'cha drinking 'bout, lion boy?" the blue haired mage slurred heavily, slumped forward on his stool with his chin resting in the crook of his elbow, his head turned in the spirit king's direction. His eyes watched Loke's every movement carefully, and Loke immediately revised his opinion of him; Gray was only acting drunk. But in fact, the lion's careful eye picked out the lie in a flash. Gray was a good actor, but Loke was an even better playwright.
An amused smile tugging at his lips as he pondered just why Gray would be pretending to be drunk, Leo could only reply an ironic, "What about you, Gray?"
The pale lips pulled up ever so slightly, and flashing eyes told him that Gray knew that he knew, and was amused by it. Those eyes pulled away from Loke, and the ice mage rested his chin on his intertwined hands, watching the bottles of alcohol lined up on the shelves behind the bar. "If only I knew," he whispered quietly, eyelids drooping slightly. His smirk had morphed into a half smile, a nostalgic, desperate one that had Loke's heart leaping in his chest. "If only I knew."
Loke could only stare for a while, trying to pull together his own scattered thoughts as his teammate's distress pierced right through his whisky-induced mind. What?
"What is that supposed to mean?" he murmured, his words running slightly into each other. Now he was swearing silently against the alcohol, relishing the clear head that would have allowed him to better understand what Gray was telling him.
"I'm not even sure. Weird, right?"
Loke was silent, and soon enough Gray was clutching a bottle in his hand that was identical to his own. The blue haired man took a swig, and coughed slightly when the strong alcohol burned a path down his throat. He buried his mouth into the crook of his elbow, turning the back of his head to where the lion was siting silently. Loke wasn't sure what to answer anymore. He didn't know this side of Gray. Where was the joyful, sarcastic exhibitionist? Sure, he was still being sarcastic - but there was a darkness to him that made him uncomfortable. The Gray that he was seeing right now looked like he did during a fight; tensed, poised, and deadly. Except there was no fight in sight, and Loke was beginning to seriously wonder what had happened to make the usually impassive ice mage act like that.
"Gray?" the lion asked hesitantly.
"Loke." Gray turned his head to look at him. It wasn't a question. It was a statement, a flat tone, a clear understatement that there was nothing that the spirit king could do. A simple word that meant that Gray would take care of it himself, and that he wasn't asking for anybody's help.
But hell, if he thought Loke would just leave him to sulk, he was damn wrong. Damn wrong! It wasn't his type. Gray, despite being a 'droopy eyed bastard' as Natsu would put it, was still his master's team mate and friend; he was not going to leave him like that. Who knew what the stupid mage would do if he was left alone in that kind of mood. And so Loke dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder, his eyes hard as Gray's attention was riveted to him. As soon as his fingers touched that bare shoulder, Loke jolted. He was freezing. Absolutely freezing. And though that alone might have been normal for an ice mage of any kind, what was not normal was the turmoil of emotions bubbling explosively just below the surface. How Gray could hide such an abundance of anger and sorrow and guilt and longing, so many contradictory notions, within him and show so little of it in his voice and posture, Loke didn't know. And yet as he looked deep into the wizard's eyes, he knew instantly what it was that was wrong.
"Juvia." The word left the lion's lips instinctively, caught unawares by the rush of emotions now running through him so strongly that they were not far off of matching Gray's internal turmoil.
Gray's eyes darkened, and he turned his gaze away from the one who used to be known as the guild's playboy. "It's not what you think." His face was hard, his lips tight, brows furrowed in a bizarre expression of self-loathing and confusion.
"And what am I thinking?"
Loke was slow to retort, but when he did his voice was snappish, unable to contain the anger he felt over their last encounter, and he went back to facing the shelves lined with alcohol, shooting daggers at the ice mage. Of course Gray was enamoured with Juvia Lockster! But Gray was also a liar and a manipulator. What else could he expect from a man like that?
"You're thinking that I'm angry and pissed that she dumped me." There was a short silence, and then, "But I'm not."
Loke had no answer to that. He looked straight ahead of him, his bottle of whisky still cradled against his chest protectively. He didn't want to hear what Gray had to say. Even though he was the one who'd asked.
"Do you want to know why I'm angry?"
No, Loke's mind was screaming. No! I don't want to know! Shut up - just shut up!
"I think you know why."
I don't, he thought. And what if I did, anyhow? Shut up. Just shut up. I don't want to hear your voice. I don't want to hear you complain about how Juvia let you down, about how much you love her, about how much you miss her - not when I want so hard for you to-
"Look at me!"
Slowly, deliberately, Loke turned the side. He faced the ice mage head on, his eyes boring into those darker ones as if trying to burn a hole through the man's head. Passionate anger blazed his mind at Gray's challenge, and he fought the impulsive instinct that told him to just grab him and lead him into the nearest hotel to fuck him senseless. His top lip curled ever so slightly over sculpted canines at the thought, and Gray mistook the movement that betrayed his lust to one of anger.
"I'm not angry over Juvia dumping me. And I think you know that as well as I do."
Loke searched his eyes defiantly for a moment more, and finally said, turning back to his initial position once more, "I don't know anything."
Then suddenly a hand shot out and grabbed his shoulder, twisting and pulling him round to face the other man forcefully. "Don't - ignore - me!" Gray spat out through gritted teeth, anger flaring on his aristocratic face.
Loke regarded him hautily, all but ignoring his explosive temper and his statement. He went back to his bottle. "I'm drunk, droopy eyes," he said. "But you can't expect me to do as I'm told."
"You're anything but drunk, Loke," Gray retorted confidently, finally speaking his name. But as Loke's shoulders drooped slightly, his confidence faltered. He turned to the bar, where the bar tender was eyeing them wearily, preparing for the eventuality of a fight. "Hey, you! How many of those bottles has this bastard drank?"
The man hovered closer to them, his hands busy with the glass he was expertly drying with an immaculate piece of cloth. "This is the seventh he's had tonight."
Those blue eyes turned back to him, opened wide in shocked surprise. "Okay, this is it," Gray concluded, standing up and grabbing him by the elbow. "We're going."
Loke snickered darkly and took a swig of his bottle. This one was nearly finished already; there was only about an inch left in the smoke-coloured bottle. "What home?" he said sarcastically, slamming the bottle down on the counter without letting it go and drawing the attention of several other customers. "I don't have a home here. Not in this world. Have you forgotten about that, Gray Fullbuster?" Loke turned his gaze on the ice mage again, and Gray's stomach churned at the pain he saw there. It had been a long time since he'd seen his teammate that way - ever since before Lucy found out that he was the spirit king exiled to earth. That pain was unbearable to him, all-consuming simply by seeing it; he couldn't begin to think what could have caused him so much pain.
"When was the last time you went home, Loke?" Gray said softly, his grip on the man's arm loosening slightly.
There was silence for a few seconds, and just as Gray was about to ask the question again, Loke's answer was ripped from his mouth; "Two months."
It took everything the ice mage had in him for him not to react. He didn't think it was a coincidence that it was precisely two months ago he'd stopped Loke in that alley. "You have to go back," he said, and his voice sounding surer that what he felt inside. "You have to go back to the Spirit World and rest."
Loke huffed and twisted slightly on his stool, putting himself just out of reach of Gray's hand. "Don't you think I know that," he spat, as if to himself. "But they won't let me. I can't go back."
"Why not?"
"Because there's something I have to do here, in this world. Something I'm not about to do."
Gray was hesitant to ask what it was that Loke was to do before he was allowed to return to the Spirit World. He felt as though the knowledge were important, and yet feared getting an answer that he knew - just knew - would concern him. It couldn't be just a coincidence that Loke had been stuck in Fiore ever since Gray had tried to speak to him.
"You're coming to my place," was the only thing he could think about saying.
"Certainly not," came Loke's bitter answer, and again he ripped his arm from the ice mage's grip. "I'm not going anywhere with you."
Who was he to even think about entering Gray's apartment, where he knew - just knew - that they'd be alone? Gray was unknowingly taking risks that Loke himself was not ready to face. And yet the ice mage's hand was there again, forcefully twisting him away from the bar. And this time, as Loke attempted to extract himself from it one last time, that hand suddenly shone blue, and the ice that bound Gray's hand to the lion's arm was all but welcomed.
Loke stood abruptly, enraged at the nerve the other man was showing, and the near-empty bottle shattered to the floor between them. Instantly, all eyes turned to the two men standing opposite each other, eyes glaring the other down in a contest that radiated of fury and violence. The bartender sauntered back over to them, his glass abandoned on the counter and the look in his eyes one of warning. "No fighting in my pub," he said. They got the message. Gray and Loke turned for the door, each giving the bartender a look that clearly said they wouldn't be paying today. And either way, the fact that Gray's right hand was temporarily stuck on Loke's right fore arm really wasn't going to let them take out their wallets.
They crossed the square impassively, oblivious to the looks they were getting from passers by as they stuck close to each other with what appeared to be a lump of ice between them. Finally they reached a side alley, one that the setting sun still shining over buildings was not overly lighting up. They were silent for only seconds before Loke turned enraged eyes to his foe.
"I don't know who you think you are, but you have no right to order me around, droopy eyes! What I do outside of the guild and outside of the spirit world is none of your business!"
With his arm stuck diagonally between them, Gray struggled to push the lion back as he spoke. "It is when I realize that you're so in pain that you've decided to get yourself drunk to drown it! The Loke I know doesn't do those things, and you know that as well as I do!"
Loke snarled in answer, his face centimetres from the other man's. "You don't know me, Gray! Don't pretend you do!"
"And what if I didn't?" the ice mage challenged. "Does it make you drinking yourself to death right? Does it allow me to ignore a friend in need? Does it really mean I shouldn't care about you in any way?"
"Maybe!"
Gray had to recoil from Loke's explosive fury. The lion's fists were tightly closed, his nails digging into his hands and his shoulders tensed and squared. His chin was dipped into his neck, lips curling back over his canines in an expression of defiance worthy of a true lion. Gray DID recognise the Loke he knew in that analogy; the lion was still boiling under the surface. The boundless anger was one thing he was unaccustomed to, but Loke had never looked more like a lion than in this moment.
It was mind-bogging.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Gray finally exploded, pushing at Loke's shoulder with everything he had and causing the other man to stumble back as far as his own arm would follow. "Two months ago I gave you everything I had, and you threw it all back in my face! And now you tell me you've been stuck here ever since then! If you're trying to trick me into some stupid joke of yours, I'm telling you right away: it's not going to work! Not like this!"
"I never said I'd been locked out ever since you spoke to me," Loke whispered finally, his voice accusatory. "I only said two months."
"Well it's easy to guess," was Gray's tired answer. "I'm not stupid, you know. But I just don't like being lied to."
"I'm not lying to you."
"You're lying to yourself, Loke, and that's just about the same thing."
Silence stretched out between them at Gray's matter-of-fact statement. The ice mage had handed all the cards to the lion, and now it was Loke's turn to play. There was nothing he could say to convince him of his intentions, nothing he could possibly do to make admit to himself what he had been denying for two months now. But still the spirit king kept silent, untold truths exploding in and out of existence in the short space between them, the tension in the lion's shoulders tangible under Gray's cold fingers.
And then, finally, the spark of anger he had been expecting to see flashed in Loke's eyes.
"You want me to say the truth, Gray? The whole truth?" His voice was bitter as he said the words, his tone one of such profound disgust and distress that Gray knew instantly that something was wrong. "I'll tell you the truth. But not just mine - yours as well. That's what you wanted, isn't it? For me to stop lying to myself. I'll tell you the truth," he repeated, spitting out every word and snarling as he stepped closer to Gray, bringing the short space between them into inexistence. Gray's diagonal arm was stretched between them, touching the lion's chest and keeping him slightly away from the ice mage's body. Loke prodded an accusatory finger into the other man's chest, and finally, finally he spoke, and the bitterness and denial of the last two months poured out into his words. "The truth, is that you're a liar, a manipulator and a skirt-lifter. The truth, is that you wanted me to believe that you actually had feelings for me - just so you could get laid. The truth, is that not two days after telling me this, you were in a relationship with Juvia Lockster. The truth, is that you tricked me, Gray, and if you don't like people lying to you, well neither do I. And I've been alive for thousands of years - I've had copious amounts of people lie to me. Don't you dare assume that you can come running back to me because you've finally laid the girl and think that I'll be that easy. I'm Leo, the King of Celestial Spirits, Gray Fullbuster. The strongest one, the most intelligent one. I will not be utilised by you the same way you might have used Juvia and Lucy."
"You really think I lied to you?"
Loke was taken aback by Gray's question. He blinked and drew back ever so slightly, watching the ice mage's eyes intently, looking for any sort of indication as to what he was thinking. But there was only hurt where he looked, and that was what made up his mind.
"You really think I'm like that?" Gray shook his head, as if to himself. Then he sighed, and looked back up to meet Loke's eyes. "The only reason Juvia dumped me is because she was intelligent enough to see that there was someone else on my mind. Not because I'd laid her - which I didn't. You don't know me at all, Leo, Celestial Spirit King."
And then his mouth was on the other man's, tongues tangling, teeth clashing violently and fingers grasping at the other's clothes. Loke responded instantly, sliding his only mobile hand up into dark blue hair, his other roaming onto Gray's lower stomach, caressing the bare abs there and relishing in the human contact. Then quite suddenly the ice that had previously encased Gray's hand onto the other's shoulder was gone, as though vanished into thin air. Loke drew back and scowled at him. "Couldn't you do that earlier?"
But Gray only shook his head. "I knew that as soon as I released you, I'd lose you."
And that single sentence melted right through the Spirit King's age-hold heart. Gray had spoken volumes in just a few words, and Loke had never had any defence against words. The understatement here was clear, and so different the previous one; the ice mage did not want to lose him. Whether that meant more than what was currently between them, Loke hoped so, however irrational it seemed; but it was on hearing those words that Loke's head finally collapsed under his heart's assaults.
He drew back slightly to view the ice mage's face, his haunted eyes contemplating what he now knew had been his for months. How could he have been so oblivious to Gray's feelings? How could he have dismissed so completely what he knew was their intimate truth? Lucy's warnings came back to him, her urging that he would do something about his 'situation', Cana's and Natsu's many innuendos about the way he looked at the ice mage when he thought nobody was watching. Was this what they had been trying to tell him? To just let go of his convictions and trust the blue haired man? If that were so, Loke would have to think about thanking them later.
"You are a fool, Gray Fullbuster," Loke whispered softly, cupping the other man's face with his hands and finally noticing the blue bags under his eyes.
That ice mage's eyes flared briefly. "Why?"
"You should have known better than to seduce a lion."
And then Gray was being shoved back into the wall, his mouth invaded roughly as the other man imprisoned his wrists and pinned them on either side of his head. Their fingers intertwined as they kissed, the tension and privation of endless months pouring into that one kiss, all their mutual affection finally revealed and free to roam. And roam they did, as the lion grew eager for the man's body and released his hands to work his own fingers down Gray's half naked form. The lion appreciated and cherished ever curve of the pale body, fingers teasing the erect nipples as his mouth trailed open mouthed kisses after the path that his hands had cleared. There was nothing keeping them apart this time, no misunderstandings, no pre-conceived ideas, no fear that in the morning all this would disappear and they would go back to what they had been before - an never ending chase of cats and dogs.
They were free to consume the other. Free to live.
Free to love.
A/N: Hey guyz! Yeah, I know what you're all thinking. What's this bitch doing starting a new fic with already three ongoing? xD Well, my Fairy Tail feels have been running high recently, and this just popped in my head while I was reading a manga. It won't be very long - in fact it was only supposed to be a one-shot, but it turned out longer than I expected. So there'll be another one to two chapters, I'm not quite sure yet!
But please please please R&R guyz! I can't tell you how much I love it when I get an e-mail saying someone reviewed me! :D Please leave some feedback!
~Tenshi