Just Watching

Just a little oneshot I made up because my muse finally came back. No fould language it's a bid sad though, I know some of it doesn't make perfect sense but it came out of my twisted little mind late last night so I felt thatI had to put it into words. I hope that the watcher isn't expected. It's my usual Cena/Lita pairing with a twist. I hope you all like it.
I'm standing here and I'm trying desperately to be happy for you even though you don't know that yet, you can't know that yet, I don't know if you ever can.

My back is pressed against the damp cold wall of the outside of the club. I'm looking at you again but I still don't think that you see me.

The dark alleyway where I'm standing conceals me, so much so, that you can barely make out the forlorn shadow of a human if you try to look for it, not that anybody ever does. You don't see me either way. I'm here – I really, truly am – but you don't see me, like I said before you cant see me, and it's not that I don't want youto, it's for your owngood, trust me, I'm always there watching out for you my princess. Though you can't see me – just as you haven't seen me as of late – you hardly ever do, and I don't blame you for that, but that's the way that I like it… to watch you from afar.

I watch you as you stand there. It almost seems like you're waiting for something, for someone, but not you, never you. Because you wait for nobody, you've told me this and I've also had to learn it the hard way… but it doesn't matter because I like talking to you and being close to you… you're almost like a safety net, but every time I fall it's through one of your obscenely large gaps. But it's okay because you wait for nobody to fall, you're always there to bring them back up when they need you. You don't wait – you never, ever wait, but somehow my angel, you are always there where and when you're needed… maybe that's one of those things that drew me to you. The way that you always try to help everyone and the way that you aren't afraid to take your chances, but I'm sure I'll get to that in a short moment.

I watch you again, turning my head slightly to see your beautiful face as your brows furrow together in thought as you crouch down, crossing your arms over your chest and impatiently tapping your fingers against the grimywall behind you.

I can tell now that you are cold, is it from the way that you're rubbing your arms, or is it that I can feel how cold you are?

You stay there, despite your feelings to move away from the cold of the wall, the cold of the wind whipping your hair, the coldest of colds of harsh reality. I can tell this by just looking at you, because over this time that I've known you I've learnt how to read you, as if you are some kind of book.

I watch you again, the fact that he is creeping up on you bringing me out of my reminiscent reverie. You've always hated people creeping up on you, I know you that well. He doesn't know that, will he ever? I know so much about you – or at least I thought I did – but do I even know you at all? Truth be told? Now we are two completely different people, so much so that I think we might have even lost who we were and who we are.

I cant lie to you, just as I cant lie to myself, so I tell myself this, the same thing that you told me whenMatt Hardydumped you, back in the Summer of 2001. We've all got chances Jay, we don't know if our chances are worth taking or not, that's why they're chances, nothing for certain can come out of them. I have had my chance but I missed it because of my own foolishness and stupidity. I had my chance with you, back when you knew me and I knew you, back when I wasn't invisible to you as I am now. Because of my pride I can't have you now. I was too proud and my ego was too big, I was so afraid of rejection because you're so beautiful and you could have had any guy that you wanted – and you did – so I listened to your speech but I didn't hear you. All because of my over-inflated ego.

So now I cross my arms, neatly folding them over my chest as my heart skips a beat at your incomparable beauty. He kisses you and you kiss him back as his hand moves to cup the small of your back. It's breaking my heart to see this display of affection but I have to, it's for the best, or so I tell myself, it's better to have you happy with him than unhappy with me. I have to do this, because I know that right now you really don't harbor the same feelings that I have always hidden so well. Maybe there was another instance where we could have been together, under different circumstances, in another place, in a different time, if we were two completely different people than we are, but we're stuck in the here and the now, and we are not two different people, I'm me – Jason Reso AKA Christian, Captain Charisma and kindly dubbed the CLB of the WWE – and you are you – Amy Christine Dumas AKA Lita, Red, and John Cena's baby girl – and you have him – him being Cena – so it wouldn't work out between us right now.

So I guess I was wrong yet again. You were here before and you were waiting. You were waiting for Cena, so I guess he must be some real special guy seeing as you waited for him and you wait for no one. You were waiting for someone but then again, aren't we all doing just that?

So I guess that now – until I find what, or who, I'm waiting for – I will be stuck here. Maybe for just tonight or maybe until the end of eternity, but who's to know? I'm condemned here now, condemned to the inability to reach out and touch your soft silky skin, condemned…

…to just watching...

Will this ever change?