A/N: This story begins with Sam leaving for college and my take on what happens next. Please let me know what you think and if I should continue with another chapter. Your opinions are important to me and I want to thank you in advance.

NC

Disclaimer: I don't own SPN or any characters. I'm not making money off this story and am writing it for fan-based fun.

Chapter 1

After the words leave Sam's mouth, Dean feels every bit of life drain from him. Sam announced he was going to college, he had been offered a full scholarship at Stanford in California. Their father went ballistic accusing Sam of deserting their family. Both got in a shouting match, but Dean can only stand there with a look of betrayal, hurt, sorrow and fear on his face. Words left Dean, none could be formed in his mind as he stood in shock trying to envision a life with Sam not in it.

"I don't want this life." Sam yells at his father. "I want to be normal."

"If you walk out that door, don't ever come back." John yells at his youngest son. His anger had taken complete control of him, he can't think, he can only lash out at his youngest son.

Sam slams the door behind him and starts walking toward the bus station. Tears threaten to split down his cheeks as he madly brushes them away. Sam knows how much he hurt his older brother, but he couldn't turn back now, not when he had a way out, he had a chance for a future that didn't involve hunting. He huffed madly at his Dad's parting words still bounced around in his head, don't come back. Had he just lost his only family? His shoulders slumped forward in regret as he continued down the street, this was it, he was really doing this, there was no turning back now.

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Dean fell back on the bed before his legs gave out on him. He had stood there and not said a word; he had watched his whole world walk out the door and did nothing to stop him. Ever since he was four, his purpose in life was to watch out for his baby brother, to keep him safe. This had been pounded in to his head by his father all his life. He had raised him as a solider, a warrior, a protector.

"Did you know?" growled his father from across the room.

Dean looked up into his father's face and saw the hatred and rage etched across it. Dean licked his lips, but couldn't force the words to come out. Finally he shook his head no looking down at the floor so he wouldn't have to see the look on his father's face. The noise of shattering glass echoed through the room as John threw the glass he was chugging whiskey out of hit the door. Dean stiffened his body, but didn't move.

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Sam's steps faltered as he saw the lights of the bus station up ahead. He thought Dean would have come after him, would have tried to stop him, asked him to stay. But his brother never came, his shoulders slumped in disappointment, what would he have done if he did. Would he go back with him? Could he explain to Dean that this is what he wanted, make him understand he wasn't leaving him, but only moving on with his life. He still wanted to see Dean, he was his brother, his family. He didn't want to hunt the rest of his life, he wanted more. With a heavy heart, Sam closed the distance to the bus station and went inside.

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As the night deepened, John became falling down drunk. He couldn't believe his youngest had disobeyed him and left of all things, to go to college. Sam had always been good in school, maybe that was why he was so good with the research that needed to be done for their hunts. As he got older they seemed to butt heads all the time. He didn't understand it, all he wanted was to hunt down the demon who had killed his wife, their mother and put an end to it. He stumbled to the empty bed and collapsed on it.

His oldest son had long ago laid down on his bed, not even bothering to take his clothes off. Dean lay there as he listened to his father fall on the other bed in a drunken stupor. Dean swallowed back the ache that had been building up in his chest. He waited a few minutes to be sure his father was passed out before getting up and snagging the key to the Impala and quietly sneaking out of the room. He couldn't look at his father without feeling the anger weld up inside of him. He had drove Sammy away, had told him not to come back. How could a father do that to his blood, his family, his son?

There was just enough light from the partial moon to make out the dark, sleek, body of the Impala sitting in the parking lot. He walked to the driver's door and unlocked it so he could slip behind the wheel. Dean sat behind the wheel staring out the front windshield. He didn't dare look at the passenger seat beside him for fear of losing what control he had left. This wasn't happening, maybe he was dreaming, he'd wake up any moment to find Sammy curled up beside him still asleep. The sound that filled the Impala started out as a soft keening noise and escalated into a screaming sob. Dean beat the steering wheel with this hands as he let the pent up emotions out in the open as he gasp for air.

"Dammit 'S'mmy!" Dean growled to the empty space as tears fell slowly down his cheeks. He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white as he tried to curtail his emotions enough to breathe. That hollow, empty feeling deep down in the pit of his stomach seemed to grow deeper and darker. The questions that kept bouncing around was, what do I do now? Where do I go from here? How am I suppose to go on with my life? Dean wiped a hand across his face as he scrubbed the tears from his eyes. He tried to pull air into his oxygen starved lungs as a panic attack threatened to consume him.

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The bus pulled into a bus station for a thirty minute layover. Sam clutched tightly to his pack as he waited for the other passengers to disembark the bus before he finally got up and went into the station. He kept to himself as he made his way to the bathroom and then out to the small cafe for a cup of coffee. Sam took his coffee and headed back to the bus and his seat. He let the heat of the cup warm his cold hands as he thought back over what happened six hours ago. He had lost his only family, he was alone now, alone in a world full of evil. Evil that he hoped would not follow him to college. Yes, he knew what hid in the shadows and what goes bump in the night, but he wanted a normal life. He wanted to be like normal people and do normal things; he wanted to have a life outside of hunting.

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"Dean, son, wake up." John told him shaking his shoulder.

Dean jerked awake and looked around. He was still behind the wheel of his car, in the parking lot of the motel they were staying in. He looked up into the red rimed eyes of his father and all those memories of the day before came flooding back into his subconscious.

"You ok son?" John asked as Dean became fully awake. John pulled back when he saw the hatred in his eyes as he looked up at him. "You got something to say?" he frowned as his anger began to rise.

Dean pinched his lips into a thin line as he pushed by John to head back to their room. He grabbed his duffel and began to pack his clothes and other things in the bag.

John walked back into the room and stood twitching nervously as he watched his eldest gather his things from the room. He grabbed his things out of the bathroom and stuffed it in his bag before zipping it up and heading for the door.

"Where the hell are you going?" John growled at his son. "Dean!"

Dean didn't even give him so much as a glance as he stomped out the door and to the Impala, tossing his bags in the back. He got behind the wheel and cranked the car. He pulled out of the parking lot and headed out of town as his father stood in the doorway of the motel room and watched his oldest son drive away.

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Sam walked up the entrance to the student center. He followed the signs marked new student orientation to a table full of paperwork and upper classman directing people in the right direction. Sam took the stack of paperwork handed to him and a map of the campus. He stared in wonder at all the hustle around him as wide eyed new kids wandered around the quad not sure what to do and where to go. This was it, he was actually doing it, he was starting college. Sam trembled in excitement and fright, hoping he had made the right decision for himself.