Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi, would I be writing fanfiction about things I want to happen IN Degrassi?
A/N: I guess you could say, shoe's on the other foot now. So... if you don't like angst, and a lot of it, Folly J, mopey Holly J, or Farlie, don't read any further than this. Waffle. If you fall in the aforementioned category and read 'Waffle' and are currently reading this, you're doing it wrong. Go back to the beginning of this note, and try again.
It started with good enough intentions, after all, Fiona deserved to have someone that would love her- could love her. With confidence, Holly J somehow knew that Charlie could be that person for her brunette friend. Charlie could be the person that finally allowed Fi to get over her. She didn't deserve to have that kind of heartache that came with loving someone that could never return it.
Days and weeks went by, with Holly J carefully organizing date after date for them, and on top of Charlie moving in with Fiona, things couldn't have been better for the two. But it just couldn't be that simple, could it? Things always had to end badly, at least for her. That was the pattern for Holly J; to be loved, then feared or hated, to have her desires yanked away so cruelly that it left her gasping and weeping.
This time, it wasn't Declan on New York or Yale that caused it, but it was in that same circle of things that made up her shiny, yet fragile, glass world. This time it was closer to her heart than any of them, and Holly J was lucky it was ripped away slowly, otherwise she was sure the loss would be fatal.
It was Fiona.
Holly J wasn't certain when it started; wasn't sure when things changed. But they had. She had helped them change, unknowing of the consequences. Now, whenever she was with Fiona, all she saw was Charlie. The woman was rarely there on the occasions they hung out, occasions that were becoming fewer and father between, but still whenever she saw Fiona, Charlie was there.
She saw it in the light in her eyes, the faint smile that threatened to appear in full force at any moment, the airy way she moved that spelled love. And she heard it in her laugh, like chimes, that occasionally came up at the oddest of times, as if reminded of something Charlie had said. Felt it, in the way Fiona neither leaned into or shrank away from her touch anymore.
Finally, she smelt it. It was an odd thing, how you could smell the change, but Holly J could. Fiona had once smelled crisp, clean, like the morning after a storm, with just the lightest touch of honey. Holly J knew it like she knew the sky was blue and her hair was red. Another thing she knew was after Fiona had drunken champagne, aside from her eyes, or her breath, or demeanour, the fourth thing that always gave it away without fail was the lingering odour of strawberry. Fiona's choice of bubbly was floral and fruity, and left the trace scent of it around her for the rest of the day. Now though, Fiona's fragrance was completely different. It was sharp at first, like cinnamon, a little woodsy too. Then, below that, she smelled just a little bit like Mister Tuxedo Pants. It wasn't a bad thing, he didn't smell awful, but it was unique. Holly J thought it was because Charlie gave him regular baths.
Holly J hated it. If she were just a few years younger, she would have clenched her fists and stomped her feet and hollered, that was how much she hated it. But she wasn't a young teenager anymore, she was an adult, and so she smiled and said nothing, though she secretly loathed the changes. Once, she had gotten close to breaking though. It had been about three weeks after Charlie had moved into Fiona's condo. She and Fi had made plans to have a girls' movie night and sleepover, as they had been doing every week since the year had started. Holly J had gotten there ten minutes early, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, in her brand new top that was a trifle fancy for watching Mean Girls with a friend.
She had rapped at the door, trying to make her smile a little less wide. Charlie had opened the door, which helped Holly J's smile become less freakishly enthusiastic, and she stepped into the large apartment. Fiona greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek; now it was Holly J who shrank away just slightly at the action, and they had gone into the living room with the flat screen HD TV. Movie night was a go, and everything was fine, though it would've been better without Charlie's presence.
Soon enough, the movie was over, and a choice was made to watch a second movie. Holly J immediately voted for Black Swan, which she knew Fiona had there, which earned her a playful look from Fiona. Two lesbian-ish movies in a row? You know I won't burst into flames if I see hetero things, you know,the look said, but Holly J insisted anyways, and was eventually won over Fi with the help of Charlie. Once again, the movie ended all too soon, though it had already entered the early AMs. Holly J got up and made to go into Fiona's room, as per usual, but one little sentence stopped her and turned her blood to ice.
"Why don't you sleep in the guest room, Holly J?" Slowly, she turned, a curious but pained look on her face that both of the other girls pretended not to see.
"I thought it was Charlie's room?"
"It… was." Was. The redhead's mouth turned into a small 'o' and she nodded and turned in her path towards Fiona-andCharlie's room, to the now-guest room. She slunk in, softly closing the door and slipping into the bed still fully clad in jeans and a dress top. Was. The simple little word echoed in her head, and Holly J pretended not to notice her own breathing had become ragged, and her face was moist.