Disclaimer: I do NOT own Law and Order: SVU. I'm not that lucky...or creative. The characters and much of the surrounding mishigas are the property of Dick Wolf. Savvy?
Just Be Still...
Chapter 1
He'd insisted on walking her home even though the pub Shenanigans was only 5 blocks from her apartment. He'd said that it was his sworn duty to protect the citizens of his beloved state of New York, even if she was a cop herself.
When she'd asked who would protect him, he'd replied simply and with every ounce of sincerity he could muster, "You Liv. You always do. And for the life of me, I can't fathom why."
Shit. That statement, which should have been just one more fact shared between friends and partners. Just one more sentence composing the communication of their day was almost Olivia's undoing.
Her eyes widened in surprise and she allowed her mouth to hang open for a split second before she forced herself back into the facade of cool indifference that she'd perfected during her days at the academy.
As Elliot's eyes searched hers for an explanation for her reaction, she made the survival decision to get away from him. Literally away, as she'd just noticed how much closer he was standing to her than before. Because in that moment Olivia knew, despite her moderately inebriated state, that if she didn't, she'd do something they both would regret.
She'd known for years that this would happen. Hell, years was exactly how long it had BEEN happening. At first she'd chalked it up to physical attraction.
Elliot was a handsome man. That much was fact. That much she could handle. What she couldn't handle were the moments when he became just..."too". Too close; too far. Too hard to understand; too easy to love...too easy to be in love with.
And therein lay the problem.
In her defense, she'd never given it much thought... Until GItano. Until she was one of only two things left in his life that he didn't want to wreck. Until she'd left him. Until she'd realized that he and the job were the only things she'd EVER had. And just like him, she didn't want to wreck that.
So she'd decided, upon her return form Oregon, that if they ever got back to that place in their friendship where they could say 'we're okay' and mean it, she'd accept it as a blessing. Be the best friends that they claimed to primarily be to one another.
Nothing more, nothing less.
With everything that had happened, Olivia's philosophy seemed to be working perfectly; for the most part. It was just those...those moments. The few and far between ones... The ones like tonight that threw her for a loop.
There were rules. Unspoken rules that they'd strictly adhered to for the majority of their partnership. They didn't touch. They didn't talk about their feelings. And they definately didn't look at each other the way Elliot was looking at her when he'd made what should have been a completely innocent remark.
Because when he looked at her like that, she contemplated shucking her earlier pledge and going 'all in'- telling him exactly what she couldn't.
That she was in love with him and had been for way longer than she even cared to admit.
No. Deep breath Olivia. Get it together. Game face. Decision made, she smirked and with a raised shoulder retorted, "Yeah, if it weren't for me, you'd have been dead years ago."
Elliot released a whisper of a laugh as they continued their trek to Olivia's apartment.
Crisis averted Olivia had thought. Diffuse a possibly volatile situation with humor. It was Elliot and Olivia 101 and, what she'd decided, what was best for everyone involved.
Which is exactly why it made no sense to her why, three hours later, she was standing in front of her bathroom mirror locking eyes with her married partner while he was buried three fingers deep inside of her.