Love Fades With Life

by Bleachedechelon

Byakuya has been unable to move on from his wife's death, and finds himself living in the past. When an unexpected and unwanted intruder shows up at the cemetery his wife is buried at he's not sure how to handle the unstable redhead. Is it better to let someone slip or risk being dragged down? (Byakuya X Renji or ByaRen)

It was raining the day they buried her in the ground. The sky was thick and shrouded with heavy grey clouds, no longer able to hold back anymore they poured all they had onto the unsuspecting and unwilling people below.

He was the only man in the cemetery. They lowered her into the ground, a single pink flower lay stagnant and wilting under the persistent rain. He felt as though he himself should crawl in beside her, letting the dirt close away the world as he would simply hold her close, never letting go of her angelic form. Now, I suppose she can truly be an angel, like I always imagined her.

No one cared to come and see her, except for himself. How could she always manage that breath taking smile even when she herself suffered so much pain? She always gave me love that was wasted upon me. I didn't love her enough. Even when she was weak, that smile was always strong, strong enough to make me believe that everything would be okay. I still was foolish enough to believe that we'd grow old together, black hair intwined with grey, grandkids laughing in the yard, holding hands in our rocking chairs, picture perfect life. Even in old age, with wrinkles tugging at the corners of her mouth from her gentle smiles and sprouting at the ends of her eyes, she'd still be just as gorgeous then as she was now.

Rain and hot tears mixed on his face, melting into one as they slipped down his sharp, pale features. His heart ached in his chest, his body felt frail and weak, he had never felt so purposeless, so useless, in his life. This is what it felt like to have absolutely nothing. His caring, beautiful, gentle wife had been ripped from his heart brutally leaving an aching crevice where her love had always been. He was empty without her emanate light she always shed upon him. Hisana. I will never love anyone else but you.

Five years had passed since that day. Green, fresh grass grew over her grave. Her tombstone was worn away at the edges from snow and rain eroding away at the rock slowly but surely. Dead flowers were ceremoniously replaced with a batch of new ones. Weeds that threatened to grow within fifty feet of her grave were eliminated on spot, not by the groundskeeper, but by her husband, who seemed to always spend more time by her side in the cemetery, than living an actual life. Depending on his feelings that week, he would find himself going one to five times a week.

Each day he would kneel before her, pale fingertips brushing the rock where the letters of her name were engraved upon the finest stone. His fingers would pause at the Kuchiki, a reminder that they had shared the same last name, that they had once been one, but now he was just half of who he was without her.

Today was no exception to his ritual. It was a Thursday evening, with an overcast sky. He was feeling exhausted, lost, and lonely as he made his way down the familiar path to her grave. The trees hung over the walkway, proving that winter was once again on its way as they shed their brown leaves in the wind. The leaves soon found themselves crushed under his black leather shoes, polished and completely clean and as always of the finest brand.

Money and luxuries meant nothing to him anymore. He used to think money was the only asset he had, but Hisana had shown him love not for his fortune but for his good heart, and bright spirit. He would still occasionally use his money to surprise her with diamonds, a dress, a flower at the side of her bed as she awoke. She scolded him lightly for it, but in the end she still accepted his gifts with a small smile, assuring him that she only needed his love and care, not his wealth.

Wind blew through the trees again, his chestnut colored scarf getting carried away in the wind. It was harder to visit her grave in the winter, the snow tried to seal her away and the wind slapped him violently, accosting him for not being able to move on without her. But yet he would trudge on, finding himself, as always, knelt down in front of her headstone. He bowed gently, his scarf grazing the dying grass and fallen leaves, his eyelids fell closed, covering stormy grey eyes.

His eyes remained shut as he prepared to begin his ceremonious act of speaking to Hisana, asking of her wellbeing, telling her of life, telling her how much she was missed. He inhaled cool autumn air and began to clear his mind of all his troubles, his hindrances, his doubts, everything that he kept locked inside. This was were he was truly at peace, this is where he was happiest. He was ready to begin now, his mind as clear as a pond with koi sparkling underneath its rippling surface. Then suddenly, the pond began to shake, then the ripples grew into waves, the waves came crashing against his serenity, breaking him out of his nirvana.

Cold eyes snapped open to immediately shoot down whatever it was that had disturbed him. He could see no one but could hear the distinct sound of sobbing. He could hear sniffles, half hidden hiccups for air and choked cries. A small breath escaped his sakura pink lips, it was another griever. They would come every now and again, often a woman weeping over a lost relative, no one close and they never came over repeated amounts of time, or ever really stayed that long. He decided he would be able to wait this one out.

The minutes passed and the crying did not cease, it just continued on, maybe even growing louder. It soon became apparent that the person crying had no intentions of stopping, and also this person had a distinctly deep tremble in their voice as it shook with the quiet cries. This voice did not belong to a woman, but to a man. It was unusual to find a man grieving, yet alone a man weeping till he had no tears left in him.

He had forgotten what tears felt like, their presence was long gone. He knew the process as they pooled at the rims of the eyes, falling forth, trailing down leaving warm wakes of liquid in their path. Yet he knew not of the aching in the heart that one feels when they shed these tears. His heart seemed in permanent ache, the feelings were nothing new to him. He began to feel a strange tingling in his chest, a strange sensation, almost as if he had the need to converse or somehow console this lost and lonely soul. It was an absurd thought for a man of his position and his usual standing but, perhaps if he helped this individual get on their way faster, he too would be able to nestle back into the quiet space in the cemetery he claimed as his own. It came down to it that he would help the man not for the man's sake, but for Hisana's, so she could rest in peace and with some hope, silence as well.

He rose silently from his kneeling stance before his wife's grave. He looked down upon her with shadowed grey eyes and almost as if he were about to speak to her out loud he said a quick goodbye, his hand brushing the edge of her tombstone. I will take care of anyone who dares to disturb your piece Hisana, always and forever.

The wind had picked up, and the sky had grown even cloudier than it had been moments before, it seemed as though rain was hovering on the horizon, that meant he had to hurry even more, so he would be able to pray by her grave before the rain set in. Not that anything had ever stopped him from being by her side, it would just be an inconvenience. His hair burdened his sight by flipping and tossing with the wind. Despite the gushing sounds in the air, he could still make out the sounds of the soft cries, whispers of pain mixed in along with them. He followed them through the maze of graves, peeking over tombstones with mercury eyes in hopes of finding his noisy intruder. He felt almost idiotic when he looked up, bluntly seeing long hair like deep red blood flowing in the wind.

It was shocking with the contrast of what now seemed to be a black and white background compared to the astounding color of the flame like hair. He wondered if such glorious hair could belong to a man, or any human in that case. Perhaps he had truly lost all sense of mind and he was finally having a hallucination. Black shoes trodded gently on half dead grass, only quietly announcing his presence. The figure before him hardly seemed to notice, they just carried on as they were.

When he finally came around the grave he could see the body of a man, knelt down before a freshly buried coffin, the grass and dirt still muddled together where they had been thrown on top after the burial. He was smudged from the dirt with a hood down over his head, his crimson hair still managing to fly out from underneath and mix with the wind like flames in the night. He stood, entranced by those flames ripping through the air. It was only when the sound of the man's voice cut through the air did he stop his stare.

"S-s-shit...," stumbled the man in a creaky voice, cracking from hours of sobbing. He lowered his head even more, raising a sleeve to wipe at his face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were there." He murmured. "Am I in your way or something?" His voice was quiet as it made its way though the air, he could barely catch onto his words, and his head still hung low to the ground.

He waited in silence, determined to get the man to show him his face even though he knew not why he wanted to see it so badly. Maybe it was that he didn't believe that fire had a face. But finally fire lifted its almost extinguished head to only barely glance up to see him. Auburn eyes were bloodshot and puffed, splotchy with tears. Black tribal tattoos worked their way up his forehead, dipping down into his neck. His face was as vibrant and bold as his tattoos yet they seemed so cold in the shadow of loss. He knew not why he replied back to the stranger, he should have just left, but he didn't.

"No, you are not in my way."

Dreary eyes blinked slowly, "What's the matter then?" The redhead paused for a moment, thinking it over, "Have I disturbed you or something?"

The man standing said nothing, simply letting his eyes wander towards the ground, for he could not deny that that was the issue at hand.

"Oh God, I've made a fool of myself...I'm sorry." Muttered out an obviously stressed man.

Although he was glad to receive his apology and soon be rid of the nuisance he couldn't help but feel bad for him as he just sat here alone, weeping like he had never wept before. He could relate to that feeling of death ripping out everything you ever loved. He knew this man's pain.

"It's alright, a cemetery is a place to...remember those we have lost. It is my fault for disturbing you, I'll leave you now." He bowed his head low, raven hair dangling down from his head. He turned to leave but halted when he heard the soft sound of the others voice barely making a noise at all.

"I miss her so much.."

The man in the scarf turned back slightly, glancing over his shoulder.

The tattooed man continued, "It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and all my hope crushed..." His eyes fell and his head, in a shame of now quiet tears.

This was his chance to make an escape, so why didn't he?

"Loss, is a monster that eats you from the inside out.." Muttered the slender raven haired man, "It's worse than any disease and any torture that anyone could ever imagine or create."

A sniffle from below was heard, "Yeah. You're right." Auburn eyes glanced up again, "If you don't mind me asking...who are you and what are you doing here?"

He was so godly in such a broken place he seemed almost like a mirage or a shooting star about to flee but the pale man thought carefully before opening his mouth to form his words. "I...I do not exactly know myself. I think I once did, but now...I'm not sure."

His fiery friend said nothing as his eyes settled back on the ground, after a long while he spoke. "Yeah..me too."

Weeks passed, fall faded into winter. Snow covered the graveyard and bitter winds were unforgiving as they found any exposed flesh and set in with fierce determination to cause cold and suffering. He was sure that the encounter with the strange tattooed man was just a one time thing, but for every single day that followed he was there. He no longer cried. He might have, but if he did, at least he kept it to himself now.

It was the beginning of another long and pointless week. All the weeks seemed to drown together into one big muddled mess, he could not distinguish one from another. But this day, was colder than the rest. Snow fluttered down from the sky in large amounts, carried along by the freezing winds. The pale man had his wool coat drawn up to his nose, his hood up, the snow smacking him in his face as pale as the substance itself. His hands were deep in his pockets yet he could still feel the numb cold attack them and disable them. The cold spread across his vulnerable cheekbones and along the bridge of his nose, sneaking back into his hood and around his ears hidden behind raven hair. He would have to make this trip a quick one, a few words, scrape her grave free of the powder and be on his way.

He approached the landmark that signified the proximity of her grave. A now dead and snow ridden tree would bear pink blossoms come spring, sprouting open and shedding delicate petals across her resting place, dousing her in pink, a color that always matched her eyes. The tree shook in the wind, snow shaking off its branches. He stood above her grave, pulling cold gloved hands out of his pockets he began scraping away at the snow, his gloves growing wet and freezing his slender fingers even more.

The landscape was so white and cleansing, like a fresh canvas for life. So it was only natural that red stuck out like blood against the pure white snow. There was the redheaded man, laying in front of his usual gravestone, snow piling on top of his jacket which was much too thin and weak for this kind of weather. He figured that he would manage on his own, eventually he would get up and leave. But he was foolish to stay out in weather like this, dressed like that. He glanced down at Hisana with slate eyes for an answer. She would say to help those who are struggling.

With a small sigh causing a puff of air to cloud in front of him he set out through the snow, the ends of his pants growing wet, his shoes dirtied with the sludge. He stopped before his collapsed body, wondering if it was possible that he was dead, and if so, what should he do? Perhaps he should just leave him there then, this was after all, a cemetery. He leaned down over his crumpled form, using a cold gloved hand to prod at him.

When he didn't move he shoved harder, "Are you conscious?" He questioned.

Finally the redhead stirred, his eyes almost as frozen as the snow, bloodshot and tired, his skin not near as golden as it had been mere days ago. Grey eyes looked at him, widening a fraction of an inch.

"Are you alright? It's much to cold to be out here like this."

The almost frozen man looked down at his hands, purple with cold and moved them ever so slightly, lifting them up to pale cheeks. "I-I'm fine.."

The other man released another sigh, "Why don't you go home?"

All he received was a half hearted shrug in response. When he looked down at this ember of a man dying inside the cold of winter's arms he couldn't help but see Hisana's face, her eyes glistening like jewels as she instructed him to help those in need, to give.

"Here." He began fumbling around for his wallet, withdrawing it he pulled out a few twenties. "This should be more than enough for a cab ride home."

The redhead quickly snapped out of his foggy daydream, backing away from the money with repulsion in his eyes. "I don't need your money."

"Please, just take it, think of it as just a one time thing, I can tell that things have been hard with this loss, just use it."

"No." He responded firmly, his voice shaking in the cold, his teeth threatening to chatter.

"Well..." He was seriously about to give up on this man, he was obviously stubborn and he wasn't the type to go around doing charities and handing out money to strangers anyways. He was going to turn the other way, then she reminded him again of his purpose here. "At least let me offer you a ride home."

Defensive auburn eyes tried to look fierce but failed, only looking exhausted and pained. They softened and melted, showing that he was indeed worn, "Alright." He responded quietly.

He clambered his way up to a standing position, his limbs stuff in place, he teetered on his own for a minute before planting his ground with his half unlaced black boots. He followed the inky haired man to the path that would lead to the exit of the cemetery. He noticed that even in this storm the power and grace he still held. It was strange to see someone so withheld as they were being pelted by snow and icy winds. It seemed like this man was so much stronger than he, not someone who would sit and weep at a grave, not someone who would lose all their money, drink and destroy themselves in a puddle of self pity. This man, was better than him, he could tell just by the way he walked.

He vaguely remembered entering his car, his nice car, maybe black, maybe silver, his mind didn't register anything, it was a blank slate filled with the memories of loss. He had been staring out the window, not a word escaping his lips, not giving the directions to his house, just there. He finally heard his voice make its way to him, like a blanket wrapping around him, his voice was so heavenly, so silken.

"Perhaps a warm drink would do you some good, if you'd like."

Warmth, something that used to seen to radiate through him, his smile, his red hair, his golden skin, but now he had to seek it out, bury himself in it just so he wouldn't be cold.

"Warm sake?" He questioned.

The black haired man paused, "I suppose we could both use a drink."

"Yeah.." Mumbled the redhead.

He shook his head, finally turning his gaze to the gorgeous raven haired man driving. He had never looked at him like this, out of the dreary cemetery setting. His skin glowed in the night like the moon, his grey eyes were like mercury spinning in pools. He turned towards him, those eyes seemingly seeing through everything he was, his entire existence.

"I'm sorry I haven't even asked your name." called out the tattooed man quietly.

"It's quite alright, I haven't even asked you yours, so I didn't expect you to." He paused, eyes fluttering back to the road. "Byakuya Kuchiki, is my name."

"That's a beautiful name. Makes mine sound like the name you might give a stray dog." replied the other man without hesitation.

"Do not demean yourself, I'm sure your family name means a great deal to you."

"I don't have a family name, I kinda, named myself. My family, well, it's gone now. My names Renji, Renji Abarai, but it doesn't mean much."

Pale hands flipped on the turn signal, pulling into a small parking lot. "Renji..the name suits you."

"Thanks, I guess." Auburn eyes fluttered to where they where headed. "Uh, we're exactly are we?"

"A place I frequent, I hope you don't mind, I believe they have better sake than any we'll find at a crowded broke down bar. Besides, I don't think you're in the condition to be in crowded places right now."

Renji looked down at himself, covered in dirt and leaves, then back up to Byakuya. "I suppose you have a point. As long as the sake's good, I don't really care."

"It's excellent." Byakuya responded as he got out of the car.

With a warm cup of sake in Renji's hand, the world felt right again. It filled him up as he sipped at it lightly, savoring each sip. The place was dim, strategically placed red lanterns providing the main source of light. There was perhaps only a handful of other people here, besides Byakuya and himself. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing here with this beautiful stranger, who was kind enough to take him here in his car while he was freezing away in the snow, but yet he still had this cold and reserved air about him that didn't seem to infer that he was a particularly nice man.

His firey eyes flicked up to him now, as he finally began to feel his fingers again, his cheeks, his lips. His midnight hair was casting shadows across his face, like the contours of a skyline, his face was pure white yet shadowed all at the same time. The only thing that stuck out from the perfect canvas of his face were those eyes, steel grey, as sharp as a samurai sword. They looked up at Renji, causing him to almost jump, goosebumps rise on his tattooed arms.

He couldn't tell what this feeling was. Was it fear? Was he nervous? No, it was something greater than that. Cherry blossom pink lips touched the edge of the white sake cup, indulging in a sip. The silence was stretching on the edge of terribly awkward. They each craved to question one another, badger one another, yet they couldn't bring themselves to do it.

Byakuya asked a simple question, just because he could. "Renji...do you work?"

The cup came in contact with the table as Renji set it down, empty. "Uh, I did...about two weeks ago was the last time I went. That's when well..." Renji trailed off, averting his eyes, "To be frank, that's when everything went to shit."

"I see." murmured a docile Byakuya, "And what did you do exactly?"

"Oh, er, I guess you could say I was an aspiring author of sorts..but in reality I was just at some dead end publishing job. No one really needs 'em anymore, everyone has the Internet to help them become their own published author. No need for the whole run down anymore I guess.."

"It really is a shame though," began Byakuya, "I really do enjoy hand written literature. The kind that someone put time, tears, and their soul into."

"Yeah, I do too..." Renji released a sigh, pouring the steaming sake into his cup once more. "What do you do?"

"I rejoined the family business, it's not what I enjoy, but, I went back to work for the family five years ago, and I've been there since." Byakuya stared out the window into the still snowing night, big wet snowflakes slithering down the glass, dying as they fell to the ground.

"If it's now what you like to do..then why do you do it?" Renji was the type to speak his mind, and the sake was thawing away quickly at his cold exterior, showing a much brighter flame hidden within. But he was none the less still subdued, still muted.

"Well, my passion was art. Painting, to be exact. But...then I lost someone close to me and I couldn't do it anymore. I guess you could say my muse died, and I no longer had that special touch anymore."

Renji wanted to deny him but he barely knew this man, who had been so kind as to take him out to drinks, so he said not a word, only gave a nod in respect. He couldn't argue that, he too hadn't been to work since he lost her, he probably didn't even have a job anymore. He couldn't write either, it was always his outlet, his release, the only thing he could do right in this world. But instead of weaving words together like shimmering fabric it fell apart, nothing he could say could express his pain so he gave up, keeping it all inside.

"I guess you could say I relate.." Renji finally replied, finishing off his sake in his cup.

They both slipped off into their grief stricken minds, neither really coherent anymore.

"Listen, I thank you and all for doing this for me..but really, I'm gonna just go home now."

Byakuya lowered his cup as well, glancing up at Renji with shadow grey eyes. "That's quite alright, Renji."

Renji lost the breath in his lungs when his name left his lips.

Byakuya convinced himself that Renji would go home, change clothes, maybe shower off that golden skin, and curl into bed. Or, at least he tried to convince himself. Renji just had this aura about him, this mood, this passion that said that he was about to self destruct. The look in that man's eyes, was one of absolute dread. Byakuya hoped it wasn't just him that was the cause of the dull shine in his auburn eyes, but when he mentioned the loss of a loved one, his eyes had shadowed over, averting off to the ground in despair.

He watched him now, out through his car window. The tall redheaded figure made his way down the street, feet dragging along in piles of snow, fresh flakes falling in crimson hair. Maybe he was a stalker, maybe he had lost his mind, but he just watched him, steel eyes piercing through the dark night. He had managed to force twenty dollars on Renji, insisting he use it for a cab home, or something of use. Renji looked exhausted at the sight of money and declined with a turn of his head. Byakuya left the money folded on his side of the table, and it had disappeared somewhere between the time when they rose from the table, and when they left.

Obviously the tattooed man didn't plan on using that money for a cab. Stubborn as he was he was walking home in the freezing cold, his breath clouding in front of him in puffs. Byakuya slowly opened his car door, his eyes still fixed on Renji as he engulfed his body in the cold night air. He just wanted to make sure he got home safely, that was all. Renji looked like trouble, he smelt like trouble, a mixture of cinnamon and potent spices. Making sure he got home in one piece wasn't bad, it didn't mean a thing, he was just curious of the man with the glorious hair. He still stole away his gaze, and forced him to hold it. Damn that man for demanding his attention without even having to speak a word with those full lips.

He began to walk, his shoes scrunching down the snow, his face tingling with the chill. The street lamps shone their sepia toned light down on the powdered streets. No one was around, a few cars chortled past, but besides that, the only sound was his breath battling the cold, and Renji's footsteps in the distance.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been outside like this. Every night was spent alone in that huge house, that huge bed. His house was so silent, his own footsteps echoed off the walls. The silence could've driven any man off the edge. The loneliness could've driven anyone to take their own life. But Byakuya didn't mind, it seemed so natural, the silence peaceful, the loneliness he was sure was something that he deserved. But tonight, for some reason, the thought of returning back to an empty home didn't seem as nice as usual. He kind of enjoyed the sounds of the wind, passing car's tires struggling against the slush, the lights of businesses glaring off windows.

He snapped out of his trance when he noticed that Renji's footsteps had stopped. He looked up only to see that he was gone. Byakuya picked up his pace, glancing around. He still didn't find that fire in the night. Then, a neon shine caught his eye, he turned to his left, only to see a shining liquor store sign abusing his corneas. His eyes narrowed then immediately widened at the sight of Renji inside, perusing the bottles, tapping his foot impatiently as he picked up two bottles and decided over which to get.

Byakuya almost scoffed out loud. Of course. He made his way back over to the side of the building, waiting over to the side until Renji swung open the door. Completely unaware of the hawk like eyes watching him from behind he tucked what remained of the twenty dollars in his pocket. He tore open a pack of cigarettes, producing a lighter from the same pocket with money. He sparked it, lighting up his face in the night. He looked so drained as he lit the cigarette, his eyes were lined red, pale from the winter weather. He drew in a deep breath of tobacco and exhaled slowly, like a deep sigh. The greyish cloud of smoke dispersed into the night.

Almost forgetting his other purchase, Renji reached inside his brown paper bag, producing a medium sized bottle of whiskey. He slid off the cap with the same hand holding his cigarette. He threw back his head and the bottle, taking a lengthy sip before releasing for breath. He wiped his lips against the back of his grimy hand, took another drag off his cigarette, then set out on his stagger into the dark streets once more.

Byakuya had one pale hand clutched around the wet brick of the store as he had surveyed him with half lidded eyes. Now as he watched him leave his lips twisted down into his usual scowl. Suddenly the streets didn't seem so pleasant anymore. It was freezing, the air reeked of methane and tobacco, and his clothes were soaked with snow. All he could think of now was his desolate house, the comfort of being all alone once more. Without a second glance at the slowly fading ember of a man he had been watching Byakuya turned back the way he came.

The next day, he bought flowers. It was unseasonal, and not practical, they would surely wither and die overnight. But he didn't mind, just a little color in his black and white world would help. The blossoms were so pink, like spring, like her lips, her dresses. He fingered one of the petals on the familiar path to her grave. It felt like silk under his fingertips, he could feel his lips curving upwards ever so slightly without his knowing. He immediately pulled them down, cursing himself for almost smiling in a place like this.

When he looked up, he froze, his hands fell limp, scattering the bouquet across the brown grass. His eyes immediately narrowed with disdain, "Why are you here?"

With a flip of bright red hair, Renji was facing him. His cinnamon eyes did not show any signs of regret or fear, just sadness, even heavier than it had once been.

"I said why are you here?" Byakuya's voice had an inflection at the end that would've stung any other person like a whip.

Renji stared down at his boots, his feet shifting back and forth. He released a big sigh, his shoulders hunching forward.

"Renji." Byakuya almost snapped at him.

Renji met his fierce stare, "Is this your wife?" He asked in the softest of tones.

"That's none of your business." Byakuya's fists clenched, white knuckle bones pressing against almost as white skin.

"You must miss her, a lot. You must love her...so much." Renji continued on in that monotone voice, ignoring Byakuya who was fuming in the corner of his eye. "What husband is there everyday for his wife for five years after her death? Dedication is what you posses Byakuya. Love, can it last forever?"

Renji looked at him almost expectantly for an answer but only found Byakuya staring off into the distance. His hands had unclenched, his brow relaxed, his eyes melted in defeat.

"I must know, please, tell me." Renji urged his question again.

Byakuya mumbled quietly, too quiet for Renji to hear.

"What was that?"

"I don't know." Byakuya snapped, "Why are you even asking? What is it to you what I do? Just go back to where you came from. This is Hisana's space, get off it."

Renji cocked a tattooed brow, "Excuse me, but you were the one who came up to me and offered to help me like I was some sad as fuck charity case so you can shut your damn mouth. You don't own the place, so you have no right to push me away. You came to me first."

"You still look like a sorry charity case." Byakuya threw a side glance at him, his arms folding across his chest.

Renji groaned, "It's been a hard couple of weeks. I don't really give a shit what you think of me."

Byakuya scoffed, "Yes, I'm sure that's the reason. You seem like the type that's always wandering around like a stray dog wanders around for scraps."

"What the fuck did you just say?" Renji's eyes lit up like flames.

"I said that you-" Byakuya's eyes got caught on Hisana's grave. How shameful to fight on her territory. He could almost hear her voice resounding through his head.

"Byakuya-sama. Can't you see that this boy is in pain? Maybe even more than you. I thought you were better than this. The man I love, he always sees the other side, he always cared for me with the pure heart I know he possesses." His lips threatened to tremble at the sound of her voice filling his mind like a faded phonograph plays an old bar tune.

"Hisana.." He whispered. He met Renji's gaze for a moment before he spoke again. "It feels like I'll love her forever, yet how can I when she took my heart to her grave with her?"

Renji silently absorbed his words, his own mind spinning with increasing turbulence. "I know what you mean. It feels like mine, was ruthlessly ripped out of my chest. It aches." Renji reached in his jacket for his pack of cigarettes. "Tell me, does it get better, with time?" He lit up his stick of tobacco and took a deep inhale.

"For me, it's never gotten better. But, it was worse in the beginning, then I was still so young and vulnerable. I cried too much, trying to self destruct like some fool. But, back then I felt. Now I just, don't."

"Heh. Now ya don't huh?" Renji exhaled smoke into the sky. "I wanna be numb too. It sounds nice."

"Are you insulting me?" Byakuya turned and was smacked in the face with a gust of tobacco.

"No. Byakuya, we're friends now, right?"

"Hardly." He replied coldly. "Would you stop exhaling that thing-" Byakuya paused, then he reached up, ripping the cigarette from Renji's large tan hand. "Where did you get the money to purchase these?"

"None of your business, I got it..around." Renji reached for his cigarette but Byakuya pulled it from his reach.

"This is a disgusting waste of money."

"I just smoke when I'm stressed. Same with drinking. I swear, it's just a nice escape for a minute."

"An escape? So, you can't be brave enough for reality Renji?"

Renji scowled, "B-but, that's not what I said at all."

"In so many words." Byakuya faded off and brought the cigarette to his lips, taking a slow inhale.

Renji watched with wide rust irises. The way his index and middle finger cradled that cigarette, the way his rose colored lips enveloped it. He briefly and secretly wished that he was that cigarette, if only for a moment. He lost track of time, and soon enough, Byakuya was extinguishing his cigarette in between milky white fingers. His fingers looked so graceful and delicate but they must have possessed immense power and skill.

"This is not what that money was meant for, Renji. Perhaps a meal would've done you good.."

Renji scoffed quietly, ready to retort when he made a shocking realization, "Hey, how did you know that I bought those with the money you gave me?" cinnamon eyes narrowed with suspicion.

Byakuya turned away with a flip of midnight black hair. "I just assumed."

"Really? How come I can't believe you about that? If you were following me...I mean, it's creepy, but I don't blame you for it."

"I was not." Byakuya retorted louder than he meant to, his silver eyes were wide for a moment, then retracted back to their half lidded stare. "I would never, waste my time, like that."

Renji's eyes sparked with good humor for the first time in months. He almost smiled, but he caught himself before he could. There was no way he could smile so soon after, the incident. He would be disrespecting her memory.

The glimmer in his golden features faded, "Well, I'll leave you alone then." He gave a quick nod and headed off in his direction.

Byakuya watched him go, heading off into the foggy distance so much like his cigarette smoke.

"Oh, one more thing," Renji turned to look back over a shoulder, "Thank you." Then he was gone.

Byakuya was left wide eyed and numb, he could barely even feel his own face. How could he focus when he had almost seen Renji break out in a smile? That face, he thought it was bright before, but, there was this look deep in his auburn eyes he got when he was about to grin that was fascinating, it was unlike anything he had ever seen. He scorned himself for lingering on these thoughts. Just who did he think he was? He was not someone who had these kinds of thoughts..anymore. He turned back to Hisana, and his confusion faded, turning to stone hard certainty. I would never dream of thinking of anyone, but you.

Byakuya and Renji did not speak for awhile after that. Each day Byakuya arrived, Renji was already there on the other side of the cemetery knelt down, speaking quietly to the gravestone. Byakuya realized that the few conversations they had had were nothing and meant nothing, it had indeed been a waste of his time. He was content that their somewhat friendship was slowly but surely fading away, he didn't need any distractions in his life, and he definitely didn't enjoy playing with fire, and that's exactly what Renji was. The burns that he would be left with would never go away, just adding to the many scars he already harbored. But, he was used to seeing his face everyday, or rather, his blood red hair waving proudly like a flag in the sky. So it was strange that one winter day, he didn't see him. Maybe Renji had finally moved on, maybe he was sick, or maybe he just had better things to do. Byakuya didn't really let it affect him, he would actually enjoy this day alone with Hisana.

He brought the red roses he bought for her up to his nose, taking a gentle inhale of their sweet spring scent. She loved spring, she loved life, and watching it sprout. It was a shame that she never got the children she wanted, she would've been a great mother, but I never did feel that way about her. She didn't push it upon me, she knew I had my limits, and every failed attempt she just brushed it off, hiding the wounds deep inside.

He held back the roses from his face, falling back into the present. They were so red, so captivating, drawing him in like a trap. Red, like Renji. His mercury eyes churned, there was no way, he couldn't be thinking about him, he wouldn't. Despite what he told himself, his eyes fluttered back over to where Renji usually was, but instead saw a group of people. There was never anyone there but Renji, this was absurd.

There was a girl with long orange hair swishing in the wind, she bent down to lower a fresh bouquet of gerberdaises upon the tombstone. She sobbed loudly, raising a delicate hand to muffle her sobs, a man with jet black hair and glasses rimmed eyes drew her in close, his face stock still. Almost like a background there stood another man, towering over them both, his chocolate hair drawn down over his eyes, his carmel skin glistening in the dim light that snuck through the clouds. Who were these people? He strained himself to pick up the words that were shared among them.

"I just don't understand why he won't come. He loved her, more than anything.." the woman dragged at her pretty face with her hands, banishing the tears.

"That's exactly why he won't come, he loves her too much." responded the black haired man, in a plain monotone.

"What about Renji?" bellowed out the tall man in his deep voice.

"Heh. Who knows? What a coward he's turned out to be." the man in glasses pushed his frames up with a prideful flare.

"Uryu-san. How could you say that about Renji?" the woman's shrill voice gently scolded him.

"It's true Orihime. We all know it." Silence shadowed the group, their heads dropping.

Byakuya's brows had furrowed unintentionally during his harsh listening. He turned to leave, for he had enough of this disturbance, especially by Hisana. He felt a warmth on his hand, he felt it wrap around him, and tug him back unexpectedly. His eyes flickered up to see Renji's face, laced with distress and worry. He looked back down, only to see Renji's hand upon his own. Renji looked a lot rougher than he really was, he was so soft, and so warm. Renji realized his hand was lingering. He quickly ripped his hand free.

"What's the meaning of this?" Byakuya questioned, brushing off his hands against his sides.

"They're here. I can't be here." Renji whispered, sweat dripped from his brow, his eyes shifted side to side, as if they were going to come get him at any moment.

"Who? Those people at the gravestone over there?"

Renji held up a hand to Byakuya, "Shhh..they'll hear you, please, just get me out of here Byakuya."

Byakuya wanted to pull away, he wanted to hit Renji for being so bold to his face. But, the look of stress tugging at his face was too much to bear. It looked as if Renji wanted to dig his own grave and crawl in, throwing the lid closed and nailing it shut. He knew what it felt like to want to disappear, to see people you once knew and feel ashamed, for you are not like the person you used to be at all. To have to put on that mask, smile and nod, when someone asks you how you're doing you simply respond with a quick okay, and they believe you. Lying to keep yourself out of trouble, out of the insane asylum, away from the pills, the psychiatrists, the sudden relatives ready to take away all your inheritance, stripping you of the home you once shared with your beloved. It was too much.

"Come with me Renji." His voice came out much more gentle than he thought it would, it slipped into the air like silk being spun on a wheel.

It was worth it when he barely glanced up, seeing a spark ignite in those rust eyes once more, hope. It was now him who tugged on his arm, with his own hands that he knew were cold and unforgiving. But nonetheless he guided him out the back-route of the cemetery, careful to keep his eyes peeled for the three people that had said such cruel things about Renji. He couldn't help but wonder who they were.

When he reached his sleek back car, like a safe haven in the snow, he unlocked it and instructed Renji to get in. The redhead ripped the door open and hid inside, slamming the door shut behind him in hopes of closing away the world with it. When Byakuya quietly entered the drivers seat, Renji was gasping for air. He hid his face in his lap, his cries choked. Byakuya wasn't sure what to do, this was the way he had first seen Renji, on that overcast day in autumn. He was about to speak, but stopped when Renji raised his head.

"Imagine what they'd say...or what they already said." He laughed through his sobs, Byakuya could see the tears run down the side of his face."Renji. That fuck up. That stray dog, that mangled mess. They'll wonder just want the hell I've become without her." Renji sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve, "But I didn't win her, I never win. I don't deserve her, or anything. Now it's too late to win her back, like I'd always planned." He clenched his teeth, his hands balling. "I have nothing. I thought I did, but it was just a lie."

There was a cloud of quiet in the cab of the car then, except for Renji's hiccups in breath. "Renji..." Byakuya knew he should say something, he had thought all these same thoughts before, but he couldn't find it in him.

Renji looked at him then, almost expectantly, with red rimmed eyes, tear streaked cheeks, and blood red hair strewn across his face. The sight was too much for his eyes to handle, he could feel himself crumbling, his heart beginning to ache like it did many years ago at the sight of a helpless Hisana. He turned away.

Renji's face quickly darkened, and he too turned away in shame. "What the hell am I doing? Who the fuck am I?" He spoke quietly, as if only to himself. His eyes scrunched shut as his hands gripped fiercely at handfuls of crimson hair. "I'm so sorry...I really am."

The car door flew open and Renji got out.

"Wait..Renji." Byakuya's lily white hand flew out to grab for him, almost instinctively.

Renji didn't even look his way, closing the car door he fled into the grove of dead trees on the older side of the cemetery. He could go after him, but, these feelings that were arising in him, made him frightful of getting any closer to the redhead. He was hysterical, depressed, and probably on the brink of self destruction. Would it be best to just watch him fall? Surely Renji would just drag him down as well if he tried to save him. He did not save people, except for Hisana.

He met her in the ghetto, where as a rebellious child of a wealthy family, he sometimes liked to dabble just for the hell of it. He never expected to find a shining jem hidden in a pile of rotting trash. But sometimes the most beautiful things are born out of filth, decay, and yes, even death. Death forces the ashes of the deceased to rise and create something new, the energy of who that person was can make something new, something fresh, something worth living for. He should be helping Renji.

He snapped open the car door as a blast of arctic wind hit him across the face, immediately making him feel numb. Renji was far out of sight, hidden away where no one could see or hear his tears. Byakuya couldn't help but feel a small pang of pain. He headed back the way they had came, he recalled the warmth of Renji's hand upon him, now his fine boned hands were frozen through.

When a clearing in the crisp bare trees appeared, he looked beyond at the cemetery below. No one was there, the three mysterious people had left, and there was not another single soul in sight, not even the fire haired man himself. He trodded down to the grave that Renji claimed as his own space. It was strange that all the times he had been over there he had never even looked at the headstone itself.

There was the fresh bright arrangement of gerberdaises in a vase. Renji always used that vase, for he had brought it and placed it there. He always filled the glass jar to the brink with fully bloomed purple flowers. Where were they now? He had only replaced them two days ago, there's no way they could've died in such a short amount of time, even in the dreadful cold. He surveyed the surroundings, and then he saw the color stick out, just like the man who bought them. The purple flowers lay scattered and crunched into the ground, smeared like chalk on a sidewalk. The people who came today must've tossed them out onto the ground.

Byakuya scowled slightly and knelt down, touching one of the overly colorful petals of the gerberdaises with his pale fingers. Then, almost without thinking he plucked the petal away. He twirled it around in his fingers, the contrast of his pale skin and bright petal stood out in the grey landscape. He tossed the petal free in the wind, watching it sail away like a boat in a storm out at sea. His grey eyes sparked like electricity for a brief moment as he reached down and grabbed all the cheap flowers in his hand. He crushed them easily, then arched his arm back and threw them as hard as he could in the opposite direction. He looked down at his pastel stained hand, then brushed it off against his side.

"I'm sure you like Renji's flowers much better. They're not as cheap. They're not novelty colored, like Easter eggs on Sunday morning. It's sickening to see such a thing, in a place like this. Renji knows you much better than they did, I can tell." Slate eyes slid down to the gravestone he was speaking to, his eyes tracing over each letter, he finally spoke it out loud, just to feel the name leave his lips.

"Rukia Kurosaki." The name fell flat in the air, hovering until he spoke again. "You should know, that Renji Abarai loves you, very much. Everyday, he speaks to you, he sits by you, as if you may come back to him someday. You are cared for deeply, never forget that." Byakuya lowered his head, his black hair shadowing any expression that may have been on his face. Byakuya made a quick trip to Hisana's grave, borrowing some of her flowers that he knew she would not mind that he took. He spread out the pink blossoms in the vase with easy care.

"I believe that purple is more of your color, but I hope you don't mind pink for the time being. My wife, loved pink. Every spring, her and I would see the Sakura blossoms open together. I had never seen her more beautiful, with pink blossoms tucked into her shining black hair." His head was still hidden from the gravestone, as if she could see him. "Renji is having a hard time. I lost him earlier, like a fool I was, I let him go. Who knows what he'll do now. I hope you don't mind, if I go look for him, and watch over him for awhile...He misses you so much he doesn't know what to do with himself. I...I just don't want him to end up like me..." An almost silent sigh escaped Byakuya's mouth, "Goodbye now, Rukia Kurosaki. I thank you."

At first, he didn't know where to look. He knew nothing about Renji except for his name, no address, no phone number. Just Renji Abarai, the strikingly beautiful man who came to the cemetery to mourn Rukia Kurosaki. Then he rembered the night he followed him to the little alcohol store and watched him purchase cigarettes and whiskey with the little money he had. So, he'd just have to start on there.

It was strange, feeling nostalgia while walking down a street he had only traveled down once before. This night it wasn't snowing, just bitter cold and darkness. When he came to the little run down alcohol shop he looked inside the yellowed glass but could see no fire red hair. Wherever there is alcohol, there will be Renji. At least, that's what past experience proved.

He spotted a bar down the street that played loud bombastic beats that shook the whole floor. He went in, and after searching in the fog and flashing lights, he found no Renji. The next bar was full of thugs, they eye balled him as he surveyed for Renji then calmly exited. The second he entered the next bar and heard country music blaring he quickly left, if Renji was in that establishment, he was better off not knowing.

There was only one bar left, across the street, its windows were shaded in, and there was an actual bouncer at the door. From across the street you could heard some mellow beats escaping. He crossed the street and got in line behind two boys, early twenties, with tall boots, spikey hair, and eyeliner smeared under their eyes. They had piercings along their lips and tattoos. Seemed Renji enough.

The two boys laughed at each other, then one caught a glimpse of Byakuya, he looked down at him with his one brown eye and one white one. "Damn, man, I wish I had that natural androgynous look like you. Look at this," he nudged his friend with a spiked gloved hand, "he doesn't even have to try."

His friend nodded. "You're beautiful man, I'm jealous."

Byakuya's brow barely arched in a mixture of true confusion and disgust. "Thank you I suppose."

"Even his voice is fucking awesome." The one with multicolored eyes responded with a subtle smirk spreading across his black lips.

Byakuya wanted to get out of here, but this could be his way in, he knew Renji just had to be in there, and if not, well, he wouldn't know where to go next.

"We should take him in with us." Responded the shorter blonde man to his friend.

"Hell yeah." The other man nodded at the great idea. "You going in with someone?" He asked Byakuya.

"Well...no...I'm not actually."

"Kick ass, we'll get you in."

"Thank you." Byakuya paused, then interjected louder than he meant to. "Do you know a man with red hair and tribal tattoos all over his body? His name is Renji."

"Huh. Renji. Doesn't sound familiar to me...what about you?" He turned to his blonde friend.

"Uh, nah, don't know him."

Byakuya frowned, casting his grey eyes away, "Oh." He interjected weakly.

"He looks pretty down wouldn't you say? Like he's in love. Maybe with this "Renji" guy, he sounds pretty rad."

"Oh yeah," began the shorter guy, "He's got it bad."

Byakuya's eyes snapped up to them, "What do I have?"

"Love. Ya know, L-o-v-e."

"I do not. I am merely here looking for a friend of mine."

"Look, denial, that's a sure sign of love."

Byakuya sighed while the two talked amongst themselves.

"Eh, androgynous guy." The dark haired man with strange eyes called out to Byakuya. "We're going in, hurry on now."

Byakuya had to restrain himself from sneering, and merely followed in their dark shadows. Inside, the club was pitch black, except for red mood lighting. The music was deep underground eighties and nineties music with slow persistent beats and singers that harbored indifference, depression, and the occasional burst of energy. The music wasn't too terrifying, at least there was no rapping or insane pop beats that made his very heart pump in time with the fast beat. The people inside were much like Renji, unnatural hair colors, tattoos for days, leather, spikes, and piercings. He couldn't tell the difference between the men and women except for the occasional woman in nothing but a corset, with her perked breasts practically touching her chin.

He thought that looking for the red hair in the crowd would be easy, but there were a lot of redheads in this club. Although there was a lot of them, none of them had the same of hair that Renji had. Deep blood red, but when the light hit it, there was highlights of gold and orange, like true fire, none of that cheap cherry red color. He searched again and again, his eyes narrowed in his focus.

"Can we help you out there, androgynous guy?" questioned the blonde, his distinguishing feature not his platinum hair, but his tattoo above his brow, of a snake.

"I can't seem to find my...friend. He has red hair, like I said earlier."

"Well, I see plenty of redheads androgynous guy." He gestured with his hand, his nails painted black.

"It's not any shade of cheap drugstore red. It shimmers, it ripples, like blood. Think of real blood."

The blonde man stared with wide blue eyes at Byakuya, "Wow. Not a joke, you really are in love." He elbowed his friend, "Did you hear that? He's definitely in love, and we gotta help him find this guy with blood colored hair."

"Blood, eh? That sounds pretty kick ass." The taller man began to look with his strange contact covered eyes. "Over there? At the bar? Is that him?"

Byakuya's slate eyes widened as they took in the sight of Renji, leaning over the side of the bar casually. At least he wasn't dancing, or making out, or passed out on the floor.

"Yes it is, thank you very much. I'm going to go to him now." Byakuya gave a quick appreciative nod to the two shiny and pointy men.

"No prob." said the dark haired man with a wink of a white iris.

Byakuya turned with a small shudder towards Renji, who would pay for the hell he was putting him through.

"Go get 'em!" He could hear the two yell in unison, "For love!"

Byakuya quickened his pace, trying to stop his eyes from rolling on instinct. It seemed to take forever to get to Renji, he had to maneuver through bodies, the lights changed colors, darkened, flashed. Renji seemed to grow farther and farther away with each step he took. Until finally he was there, he had to reach out for him, just to see if he was real. He grabbed a hold of his black jacket, holding a handful of it in his surprisingly sweaty hand.

Renji turned, his eyes not like they usually were, they were dark and half lidded, red veins wrapped around the white of his eyeballs. "Oh, it's you." He commented in a rude yet sloppy tone.

"Why did you leave earlier?" Byakuya still clung to his jacket in a rare moment of vulnerability. This club would be the death of him if he didn't leave soon.

"I don't fuckin' know. Leave me alone." Renji shook off his pale glistening hand and turned to throw back the rest of his drink.

Byakuya watched him in denial. No, there's no way that he just brushed me off like that. Not after all I went through. I will not let you push me aside so easily. "How many drinks have you had?" Byakuya questioned, eyes focused on the shining glass of Renji's empty cup.

"I don't fuckin' know. I told you to get away from me."

"You'll get alcohol poisoning if you don't stop acting like a dumbass." Byakuya's voice was restored with its usual smooth as silk dignity.

Renji turned sharply, "Oh, I'm a dumbass?" his voice faded off, it seemed as though he had forgotten his comeback.

"You're coming with me." Byakuya grabbed a hold of his arm.

"Like hell I am." Renji tried to shake out of his grasp once again but Byakuya's hold only grew tighter.

Renji's hazy eyes met Byakuya's. His steel grey eyes were sharper than a scalpel as they bore into him. He didn't dare fight him, that look scared the shit out of him. Byakuya ripped him back into the crowd, into the warm bodies that were adorned in black. He was focused on only one thing, the exit. He could feel Renji stumbling behind him, he wondered exactly how drunk he was.

His questioned was answered when they stepped outside and Renji immediately broke free, ran to the curb, and vomited. Byakuya watched him, his eyes no longer cruel, he couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He walked over, the poignant smell of vomit still lingering in the air, he placed his hand on Renji's back.

"Are you okay?"

Renji gasped for air, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Yeah...I th-" he violently threw up again.

Byakuya looked away, his lingering hand absentmindedly rubbing small circles against his back. He saw the passerby's laugh or sneer in disgust, but he paid them no mind. When Renji stopped retching Byakuya turned back his way.

"I'm fine." Renji stuttered, shivering a bit with the cold. "I'm going home now."

"You're not fit to go home, you'll spend the night at my house."

"N-no...really, I'm fi-"

"I said no."

Byakuya helped him back up to stand straight, seeing Renji's face again was almost startling. He looked unnaturally pale, sweat clung to his almost grey face, his lips chapped, his hair hung down in greasy clumps around his face.

"Okay..." Renji managed, leaning into Byakuya.

Byakuya dragged Renji back to his car, Renji's feet barely worked as they slid along in the freshly fallen snow. He shivered violently and Byakuya thought he might puke again. Maybe he really did have alcohol poisoning and he should take him to the hospital. He unlatched the passenger door and heaved Renji in, he even reached over and buckled him in before closing the door.

On the way home, he only had to pull over twice to so Renji could vomit across the snow covered ground, the other half of the ride he was barely awake anyways. He was still barely coherent when they pulled up to the Kuchiki manor. He parked the car, got out and unbuckled the redhead.

"Renji?" He asked the pallid man.

Renji groaned quietly in response. Byakuya sighed quietly as he heaved him out of the car once more and into his house.

Renji could feel something cool against his burning forehead. Who would've thought that in this dreadful cold, he would be longing for it to be even colder. Yet, the rest of his body was warm, and covered, and snug. He tried to open his eyes, to speak, but all that came out was mumbles. He could feel the cool sensation press down harder on his forehead, moving back and forth. Then he could feel something smooth and slick rub against his parched lips. He pushed back against it, once again enjoying the cold.

"Open your mouth." commanded a velvet voice.

Renji slowly peeled his lips apart, and then he felt the water rush into his mouth, the substance had never tasted sweeter on his palate. Without realizing it, he had emptied the cup in a matter of seconds. He groaned once more in annoyance when it was empty.

"You can have more in a minute. If you drink it that fast again you'll surely throw up once more, and I assure you, that will not be happening in my house."

"Byakuya?" Renji croaked out his name, his eyes opening as fast as they could. The lighting was dim, only some lamps were on, thankfully saving his eyes. He could faintly see the outline of his face, his obsidian hair.

"Yes?" He called back out to him, in that resonating almost haunting voice of his.

"I'm sorry, for being such an idiot." Renji's voice was weak, barely reaching Byakuya's ears.

"There's no need for that." Byakuya assured, pressing the wet cloth to his forehead once again.

"You really know how to make someone feel better." Renji complimented, his forehead cooled by the rag immediately.

"Yes.." Byakuya continued to dab lightly, "I took care of Hisana like this for many months before she died. I never left her side, not even after the end." Byakuya averted his eyes, his motions on Renji's forehead slowing.

Silence settled on them for quite some time.

"I intruded on your wife's grave, and you still tell me about her, yet I don't tell you anything."

"Your wounds are fresh, and I know they are hard to share. It is okay."

Renji's half lidded auburn eyes slid over to lazily focus on the wall. "I grew up with Rukia. In an orphanage. She arrived not long after I did. The first time I laid eyes on her, I knew she was the one. She didn't take shit from anyone, but yet she still had the most gentle violet eyes I've ever seen. I loved her like she was the only thing I had in this world. That was until the day she met Ichigo Kurosaki. They fit together like two long lost puzzle pieces, they argued the same, laughed the same, like two souls with one body. I stepped aside, just wanting to see her happy, even if it was with someone else. I even was Kurosaki's best man at the wedding, I hid all my pain, and I never went after her. I wouldn't ruin her life, I wouldn't intrude, I wouldn't be a nuisance." Renji paused, and swallowed down an aching throat. "That was until six months ago. She was waking home from her job late one night, a strong and dignified woman who could carry her own. But..but.." Renji scrunched his eyes closed, trying to banish the images out of his mind. "She couldn't take them all, they had her cornered. They killed her just to take the diamond ring on her finger." A tear escaped his closed lid despite all his efforts to stop it. "Kurosaki fled right after her funeral, he couldn't take it, he cracked under the pressure. Haven't seen him since, yet I have never left her side, I was always the one who loved her, but I was too cowardly to tell her." The tears effortlessly cascaded down his skin, they stung as they left his burning eyes.

Then he felt a different towel, a dry, soft one, sweep away his tears. "She knows you love her Renji. You tell her everyday, not with your words, but with your genuine actions. I'm sure that she knew in life that you loved her."

Cinnamon eyes fluttered over to Byakuya's swirling grey orbs. "You think?" His voice almost shook, his body surrendering to his ailments.

"Yes."

Renji bent his fingers, one by one, until he could lift his own hand. He stretched it over to Byakuya's, he only longed to feel his smooth skin, his soft pulse. He draped his hand over Byakuya's. He then collapsed onto the bed, much too tired to even hold his head up. He was soon carried off into sleep but he could've sworn that right before he fell asleep he could feel Byakuya returning the hold on his hand, even if only the slightest bit.

The sun began to sneak up over the horizon, pouring beautiful rays of golden light upon the snow covered land, turning it to slush. Renji could smell sweet omelette and nori, on a bed of perfectly cooked rice. He hadn't had breakfast in years, he hadn't awoken to the smell of breakfast probably in his whole life. So why today? What made today so special?

It could be the warmth of the bed he was in, the comfort of the blankets covering him. He could lay in it all day, recovering from the dreadful cold he was always in. He turned to lay on his back, his hand sweeping across the soft sheets. His hand, so soft, softer than these sheets, crafted meticulously down to each fiber. Byakuya.

Renji's eyes flew open, in a moment, it all came back to him, the club, the vomit, the ride home. He remembered hazily that Byakuya had given him some water then in a fevered croak he confessed to Byakuya. Then..I put my hand on his.

"Idiot." Renji hit himself upon the tattooed forehead.

He looked up at the high ceilings, the beautiful Japanese style room, the fine tatami's, the expensive woodworking. There was no Byakuya in sight, but he could still smell that tantalizing breakfast. He rose from the bed slowly, feeling his sore limbs protest with each movement. He took even slower steps towards the door. When he slid open the door he peaked out his head, glancing down the impossibly long corridor. Still no Byakuya in sight he decided to continue to follow the sweet scents. Like an animal following the delicious scent of meat Renji tracked down the source of the scent, wrapping through the corridors as if he'd grown up in the house.

He found himself in the kitchen, Byakuya was spooning out some rice onto a platter. He liked watching Byakuya when he didn't know he was being watched, his movements were somewhat more relaxed, his face smooth and calm, his ice cold exterior thawed the most minuscule amount.

"Renji, I know you're there." Byakuya called out, making Renji jump.

"Heh. Nothing gets past you does it?" He scratched at the back of his head, making his way closer. As he was walking, he caught his reflection in a shiny glass frame hanging on the wall. His face was pale grey, his lips even worse, red hair was tangled and knotted like a tumbleweed. "On second thought..." Renji began, wishing only to hide his face.

"It's fine, Renji. You should eat before you shower, you need to get nutrients in your body. Anyways, I already saw you like that last night." Byakuya added almost too casually.

"Oh, yeah, about that..." Renji almost blushed at the thought of bringing up his actions. "I'm sorry. I put you through a lot. I thank you for everything you did for me, really."

"No need for that Renji." Byakuya instructed him to sit at the bar attached to the kitchen island. "Just eat and all will be forgiven." He shoved a steaming plate of food in front of him.

Renji's eyes shined at the sight of such good food. "Thank you." He said automatically, glancing up.

"Eat." Byakuya almost stabbed him with the chopsticks as he handed them to Renji.

Renji nodded, adjusting the chopsticks in his hands as he lifted the food to his lips. Once it entered his mouth and traveled down his throat into his stomach he began to feel alive again. He could feel himself recovering in a matter of seconds, merrily consuming every last bite. Only once he had cleared his plate did he look up for Byakuya, he saw him arranging fruits in a bowl, as if he might eat one himself.

"Hey, uh, I'll be getting out of your hair now, thank you again." Renji scratched the back if his frizzy hair, feeling awkward with the sudden need to be courteous.

"You should shower before you go, you look homeless, the locals may be afraid if they see you in the streets." Byakuya pondered the orange in his hand.

"No really I-"

"Well I insist that you do, in fact, you can't leave until you get ready properly."

"Is that a threat?" A tattooed brow arched.

"Maybe." Byakuya's storm eyes finally glanced Renji's way.

They met eyes and held the gaze for longer than should be allowable as normal, but neither felt the need to look away. "Renji, have you ever been to the winter festival in town?"

"Uh, no, I can't say that I have." Renji scrunched his lips together, wishing for water once again.

"It's quite magnificent. I went every year with Hisana, but I haven't been in five years. I'm considering going again tonight." Byakuya trailed off, tossing the orange back into the fruit bowl. "Would you care to join me?"

Renji blinked, his embers of eyes widening against his will. He could imagine the snow, Byakuya's pale skin, scarfs, and the glow of lights. He answered without really thinking about it. "That sounds nice."

Byakuya nodded, "Well, you'd better get ready now, it's almost four in the afternoon."

"What?" Renji responded, baffled.

"That's not a sunrise, that's a sunset." Byakuya looked at the glowing orb. "You slept all day."

"Wow." Renji studied the golden skyline. "I guess, I'll..get to that shower."

"There's fresh towels in the basket by the door." Byakuya had already turned, heading off to another sub-room in the giant manor.

Renji was happy to shed his clothes, he left them in a pile at the door, he knew it was rude but the fresh warm air against his bare, grimy flesh felt freeing. He looked at himself for a long time in the mirror, scrubbing his face with water, combing out his long strands of crimson hair until it was soft again. Only when the hot water slid down his skin and the soap bubbled on his body did the thought of a date with Byakuya ever cross his mind. A date? No, this couldn't be. Not that he would it want it to be, Byakuya was gorgeous, refined, smart, much smarter than he.

He tried to shake the thought off, Byakuya loved Hisana, a gorgeous, delicate woman. Renji was big and clunky, his hair was too long, he was painted in tattoos. There was just no way. Even though Renji denied it, he still took a long time drying his hair, combing it out once more. It was shiny again, like an old muscle car with a red paint job shining in the summer sun. He spread his hair out over his shoulders before he hauled it back into a ponytail. He was happy to see his face back to its regular bronzed state, he looked almost like himself again.

He headed out to retrieve his old clothes, but when he peeked out the door he saw no clothes. He began to panic, but then he saw all his clothes on the dresser, clean, pressed, and folded. The clothes were crisp on his form, and they had Byakuya's clean sweet scent still lingering on them.

Having already taken much too long to get ready Renji headed out of the guest bedroom. When he went into the kitchen all the lights were off and he wondered just exactly where the raven haired man was this time. A light on outside caught his attention so he made his way to the sliding door, opening it up into the somewhat mild winter evening. He could see the back of Byakuya staring at the dead trees in the twilight.

"Whatcha looking at?" Renji managed, catching Byakuya's attention as he turned to look at him. He might have been hallucinating still but he was almost certain that he saw Byakuya's eyes widen when he caught sight of him, but that might have just been the confidence of finally being clean over coming him.

"I didn't know you would clean up so well, Renji."

Renji let out a small scoff, "Thank you I guess."

Byakuya turned back to the sight that only he could see, "I always wanted to paint the sakura trees in full bloom, but I never could capture the beauty the way it was meant to be seen. Some things are hard to catch with mere expressions."

Renji could visualize the pink petals, and a concentrated Byakuya with a furrowed brow, paintbrush in hand. "Well," Renji began, "Some things are better just left to be experienced with the senses. Some things you have to touch, see, smell, taste, hear. When it all comes together, it's a work of art within itself."

Byakuya turned to him, his eyes only seeing his face, the cheekbones of his face highlighted by the violet light, those flame colored eyes burning like molten lava. "Shall we leave now?"

His facial expression didn't change, so why did Renji feel like he was smiling at him?

"Sounds good." Renji himself gave a small smile, just a tiny curvature of the lips, he couldn't resist it.

Renji was glad that he had a scarf and coat, for not long after the sunset, the temperatures dropped dramatically. He could see his breath before him, and he could feel the raw numbness that threatened his exposed skin. Byakuya on the other hand had just as much ease in his stride as usual, each step fell in a perfect rhythm.

"I can't believe that you have never been to one of these festivals before. How long have you lived here?" The only thing that betrayed Byakuya's invincibility was the puff of cold breath that escaped his mouth.

"Uh, awhile.." Renji stumbled stupidly, too focused on reasons why Byakuya was too flawless to be human.

"Awhile? So specific of you, Renji." His bitter sarcasm fit right in with the low temperatures.

"I dunno, why would I have a reason to come to one of these? Me and my friends kinda always went to the same places every weekend, like a sacred ritual. And, well, now, I have.." He dropped his voice as if he was almost embarrassed, "No one."

"Well..." Byakuya seemed for a moment like he didn't know what to say, "Now you will accompany me."

Renji let out a small chuckle, "I guess I have no choice."

"So it would seem.."

The festival itself was crowded, there were couples, families, girls dressed in beautiful silk kimonos, Santa imitators. All across the street were festive red lanterns attached to vendors booths or hanging from high light posts. They walked close to one another, Byakuya's blue scarf occasionally brushing his cheek, leaving a trail of his sweet sakura scent behind. They stopped at a few different vendors, Byakuya seriously considered a new tea set, but Renji advised him that it wasn't beautiful enough. Renji considered a new patterned headband but Byakuya shook his head in disapproval, assuring him it that paired with his red hair, it was too much. They stopped at a little old woman's booth, trying on hats.

"I've got an idea." Renji proclaimed.

Byakuya only let a small frown tug his lips in response. Renji rounded the corner to face Byakuya, his face brighter than he had ever seen it even though it was dreadfully cold and dark outside. "I get a hat for you, and you get one for me. But we have to wear them for the rest of the night." Renji was proud of his idea as he resisted the urge to grin.

"No." Byakuya interjected as coldly as an icicle might.

"Ah, come on Kuchiki, live a little."

Byakuya paused, looking up at Renji with wide mercury eyes. Live. Life. He was alive, his blood was pumping, his lungs inhaling, his brain firing away. Yet, he wasted it all, wishing for death to reunite him and his beloved.

"Uhh..." Renji paused, his brow lowering in concern. "Did I say something wrong?"

Byakuya blinked, his eyes retracting once more as they met the redhead's. "Consider your challenge accepted, but, you'll learn to regret the day that you ever challenged a Kuchiki."

Renji's smug expression fell into place once again. "Bring it on."

Byakuya immediately began digging through hats, out of the corner of his eye he saw Renji digging even more frantically, which only motivated him more. Santa hat? No, too predictable. Cowboy hat? Too horrendous. Fedora? No, he would probably look good in that. When Byakuya found his hat he could've practically evil laughed on the spot, he was a genius.

"Are you done yet, Renji?"

"Oh, I've been done for quite awhile." Renji appeared around the corner with his Santa hat in the air.

"Predictable." Byakuya was thoroughly unimpressed.

"Come here." Renji beckoned him sinisterly, his hat like his secret weapon. Byakuya begrudgingly made his way over. Renji placed the hat on top of his raven hair, pulling it down snug.

"That's surely tight enough." Byakuya pulled away, looking at himself in the mirror.

He looked ridiculous but he couldn't let Renji know his thoughts. He shrugged at his reflection nonchalantly.

"Now," Byakuya reached up to the top of Renji's fountain of red hair. "Your turn." He adjusted a few clumps of red hair, clipping the hat into place.

Renji wondered what kind of hat had to be clipped into place. He soon found out when he looked into the mirror. He scowled at the tiny tophat that hung lopsided on his head. Byakuya had to try especially hard to not smirk with delight.

"You win." Renji raised his hands in defeat and to remove the hat.

"What was that Renji?"

"I said you win." He practically growled, being just the sore loser he was, he snatched Byakuya's hat off his head. "Let's go."

"If you insist." Byakuya found it much too easy to push Renji's buttons, without really trying at all. When he looked over at the man in questioning he saw him rubbing his hands together. "Are you cold?"

Renji looked up, "Kinda."

"Perhaps we should stop for a warm beverage, that doesn't contain alcohol."

Renji nodded, briefly remembering himself last night. They stopped at a little mobile cart, Renji getting coffee and Byakuya green tea. They headed to a bench off to the side of the street, steam rising from their cups. Renji sat first, Byakuya seated next to him, making sure to leave enough distance between them. Renji blew on his beverage, cupping it close to his face.

Byakuya had never thought a man to be beautiful, but, Renji was the essence of untamed fire that had been missing from his life all these years, not even Hisana had given him such a feeling. She had settled his heart, Renji made his skip out of beat.

"Byakuya, look at that." Renji pointed out to the frozen pond.

Byakuya followed his finger, he saw lanterns lit out across the shining icy surface, shining like stars in the sky. He could practically feel the warmth shining against his face. He could've smiled, if that was the kind of person he was. But Renji was, he was smiling so large, it showed off all his shining pointed canines. He turned towards Byakuya, with that smile, and laughed. Byakuya's heart felt like it had stopped, his breath left his lungs, he couldn't get enough of the sight.

"I'm happy Byakuya, I'm glad we did this." Renji's grin slowly faded into a pleased upturn of the lips, he sipped from his cup again, looking out at the lanterns.

Byakuya silently slipped closer to Renji, until he was sitting right next to him, their cold legs touching. Renji slowly moved his auburn orbs to Byakuya's face. Byakuya avoided his eyes, letting his slender hand move up to his face, gently urging him forward. Renji let his lids fall closed, Byakuya's breath was sweet and warm against his face, he could feel him growing closer to his own lips.

Then he felt a wet drop on his nose, then another, and soon the snow began to coat his face. His eyes opened, and they caught each others gaze. Byakuya drew back, his head titling up to look at the sky. The snowflakes contrasted against his hair, catching in his dark lashes.

"We should go." Byakuya said quietly.

"Well, I've got to catch the subway, so..." Renji trailed off, slightly confused from Byakuya's strangely peaceful attitude. "Thank you for the day out, I-"

"We walked here, we can just walk back, then I'll take you home." Byakuya's head rolled over, his face just as cold as usual.

"Uhh, if you want, but really, I can j-"

"Yes, that's what I want." Byakuya got up, motioning for Renji to stand. "Hurry now, before the weather gets too unbearable."

Renji nodded, getting up. His mind was spinning the whole walk home, had they really almost kissed? He wasn't sure about Byakuya's feelings, he was so hard to read, but he had pulled up next to him, touched him with those heavenly fingers. Renji had never really asked himself how he really felt about Byakuya. He had cared for him so much though, and guided him through some of the darkest days he'd ever had. Byakuya had continued looking for him, even when his oldest friends would've walked away, claiming Renji was on another spiral into self destruction.

They were closing up on Byakuya's house, the snow falling heavy now. Where would I be right now without him? He looked over at the raven haired man who was rubbing his hands together, his skin was purple, yet he hadn't said a word. That's who he was though, he would suffer in silence, carry all his burdens by himself. How lonely must he be? How heartbroken? Yet it never shows, the strength he must have..

Renji reached out, grabbing those freezing hands in his own. Byakuya's wide grey irises flicked up to him, but Renji paid him no mind. He leaned down, blowing his warm cinnamon scented breath on his fingers, rubbing his own hands against Byakuya's to create warming friction. Byakuya attempted to speak but Renji cut him off.

"Just let me take care of you for a minute." His voice itself was warm enough to make Byakuya forget about his own cold hands.

Byakuya's hands moved in Renji's, interlacing his cold fingers between his warm ones. Renji looked up, to see Byakuya's eyes swirling with something he had never seen in them before. He looked so content without showing barely anything at all. He didn't have time to think about it much longer, for the feel of Byakuya's lips meeting his own was all that filled his mind.

Warmth blossomed between them, they leaned in closer, their lips mingling gently in the cold night air. They slowly parted, Renji's mouth was tingling, his blood was pumping, he couldn't move away.

"Come inside." Byakuya murmured, his breath caressing Renji's face.

He nodded and let Byakuya take him by their still intwined fingers into the house. They broke hands to take off their coats and shoes. But as soon as they had finished, they found their way to each others lips again, everything felt so new, so fresh and untainted. Eventually they broke the kiss, staring at each other as if they were waiting for the other to say something.

"Byakuya..can I ask you something?" Renji's voice was almost nonexistent.

Byakuya nodded.

"Why did you do all those things for me? Why did you look after me? Why did you search for me all night and then still after finding me too drunk to function did you still take me home with you?"

Byakuya wasn't expecting this question. He down know how to answer, he didn't know what would suffice. "I was drawn to you..I suppose, maybe I just saw a bit of myself in you. I thought, that maybe I could stop you from ending up like me."

Renji's brow furrowed, "What do you mean?"

"Renji.." Byakuya murmured, "I've been unable to move on. It's as if I should be dead just like her, for I have not lived a single day without her. But, you changed everything. Something about you, drives me to do things I usually wouldn't. I tried to forget about you, but I can't. How could I?"

Renji's eyes dropped to the ground, "Why are you always that way with me? No one has ever said such kind things about me in my life. Yet you, who I have known for a few months has treated me with more care than anyone I've ever known." Renji tried to hide the tears, but Byakuya still knew they were trailing down his face.

"Whoever doesn't hold you close is a fool. You keep me warm, and alive. I wouldn't let you go for anything."

Renji looked up through tear rimmed eyes, "W-what?"

"Please, don't make me say it again.." Byakuya's voice wavered with his emotions he was trying to choke back. He wiped away the stray tears from perfect golden skin.

"Byakuya, thank you, for everything."

"Renji, it-"

Renji pressed a finger to his flawless pink lips. "I love you."

His finger wavered away, waiting for Byakuya to say something. It took a few moments, as Byakuya finally met his cinnamon eyes. He pulled Renji's head closer and leaned into his ear, whispering so quietly that no one would ever hear, except Renji. Those words he didn't share often, if ever, were to only be for Renji.

Renji's eyes sparkled like rubies at the words that caressed his ear, it was all he ever wanted to hear. Those same lips made their way to Renji's without him really noticing. His arms snaked around Byakuya's neck, pulling him in even closer. It was like the cold and the outside had never even existed, it was all banished from his mind in the moment. He could feel Byakuya's hands crawl up his back, gently tugging at his shirt. They released from the kiss, but they were still entangled like string.

Byakuya's eyes dazzled like diamonds, his hand playing with a long loose strand of red hair. "I wonder how your hair looks when let free."

Renji's mouth cocked upwards, "I only wear my hair down in the shower and in bed."

"Can I convince you to do either with me?"

"No convincing needed Byakuya."

"So I thought."

Renji laughed, nuzzling into Byakuya's hand. He moved the fingers across his face, working them down to his lips, dragging them across the surface before taking them in his mouth. Even Byakuya's fingers tasted abnormally good, did all of his body taste like this? He gave them a hard suck, his tongue swirling around the pads of his fingers, teeth nipping sharply every now and again.

Renji looked up, just to see if Byakuya was affected, he wanted to see some type of ravenous desire in his eyes but all he saw was a faint smile playing on his lips. Renji gave them one more suck before releasing them.

Byakuya looked at his fingers, inspecting them for a moment before he stuck out his own tongue, giving his finger a lick. The taste on his fingers still lingered of cinnamon and spice. He caught Renji's gaze, which did not at all even begin to attempt to hide the desire burning deep within them.

Byakuya leaned in his head, his lips meeting Renji's once again, he pressed his tongue against his full lips, requesting access which Renji allowed instantaneously. He explored his mouth, tasting him all over his own mouth, like fire filling him, he couldn't resist grabbing the tie in his hair, ripping it out. He grabbed a fistful of Renji's hair, crushing his mouth against his. Renji couldn't hold back his groan of pleasure, Byakuya's fingers were massaging his scalp, his skilled tongue playing with his own.

They parted, and Renji let out a small gasp for air, Byakuya seemed unaffected except for a small tint of pink dusted onto his cheekbones. Renji noticed his red hair falling down to obscure his view, he ran his fingers through it. "I see you want to see my hair down."

"That's right." Byakuya replied, staring at the shimmering crimson strands.

"Well, I'd like to see you naked but you don't see me just ripping off your clothes, do you?"

Byakuya arched a black brow, "I'm not stopping you."

Renji blushed deeply despite himself, "Oh." he responded weakly.

"You know what I really want to see?" Byakuya's voice was so smooth. "This crimson hair of yours, spread out against my sheets." Renji was glad his hair was half hiding his face at that moment. "Come with me to my room?"

Renji pushed his hair back with a hand, his grin back in his face. "You're too polite Byakuya, I would've went to your room even if you dragged me by my hair."

"A simple yes would suffice."

"Yes."

Byakuya's room was beautiful, just like him. His furniture seemed to be carved of the finest wood, his rugs expensive, and his bed huge. The lighting was dim already, only one lamp lit in the corner of the room.

"Your room is magnificent." Renji complemented.

Byakuya quickly surveyed his room, but his eyes were not interested in that at all.

Renji was marveling at a few paintings on the wall. "Did you make those?"

Byakuya followed his gaze, "Yes."

"They're painted so delicately, they're beautiful."

"Funny you should say that, lately all I can paint is harsh, dark, tribal lines." His fingertips traced Renji's forehead tattoos.

Renji tore his eyes away from the paintings, "They're not just on my forehead ya know."

"Hmm?" Byakuya's eyes sparked with interest.

Renji smiled a bit, lifting his sleeve to expose tattoos tracing halfway down his arm. Byakuya touched them, tracing their geometric pattern. "And, here." Renji lifted up his shirt barely enough to show the patterns tracing down his lower abdomen. He tried to lower his shirt back down but was stopped by two pale hands.

"May I?" He questioned, his grey orbs of eyes churning.

"Sure." Renji lowered his hands.

Byakuya raised his shirt like a curtain opening for a show, his eyes eating up every line. He pulled it up and over Renji's head, finally able to devour the whole image. Glistening golden skin, stark black lines and a base of muscles underneath. Renji turned, shaking his hair over a shoulder he showed the ones on his back. He shivered with delight when he finally felt Byakuya's fingers touch his back, following each familiar line.

"You're the real work of art Renji. Have you every truly looked at yourself?" He felt a tongue trace across his shoulderblade. "Turn back around." Renji turned, just to be assaulted with more delicate touches, to light and quick to satisfy him.

"Let's take this to the bed." Byakuya looked over at the plush bed.

Renji followed his gaze, only able to nod, for fear words might betray him. Byakuya took his hand, leading him up to the bed he slowly pushed him down on the sheets, lowering himself on top. Renji could feel him rest on his thighs comfortably. Byakuya's hands found themself wandering again, but this time he followed up with his tongue, trailing up dangerously close to his nipple. Renji found his pulse racing, he could hear his heart beat in his ear.

When Byakuya took his nipple in his mouth he gasped, his hands finding solace in the sheets. His wet tongue swirled around his perked nipple gently before he gave it a suck, eliciting another gasp from Renji. He grazed it with his teeth, the skin so soft and sensitive under his sharp teeth.

"Byakuya..I.." Renji called out quietly.

Byakuya released him, looking up his glowing face. "Take off my clothes, Renji, like you told me you wanted to do." Byakuya's hair was tossed around his perfect frame of a face, his lips wet in the dim light.

Renji chucked quietly, another smile slipping across his full lips. He reached up, grabbing both hands full of Byakuya's fine shirt. He popped open the first button, seeing an exposed collar bone sent searing tingles of need through his body. It was only a collar bone, but to him it was like a treasure. He lifted his lips to it, taking a bite of the skin there, feeling Byakuya's pulse increase under his teeth.

"Do you want me, more than I want you?" Renji whispered, his hands gripping his shirt tighter.

"Show me how much you want me Renji, and we will see." Byakuya slid his eyes closed, his lips parted.

Renji couldn't wait, he wasn't one for patience, ever. Each button of Byakuya's shirt snapped open, Renji ripped it off his form like a child opens a gift. His skin was laying before him, so white, so luminous, so perfect. He kissed all that he could see, trailing down to his pants. He popped open the button, pulling down the zipper. Byakuya finished taking them off, throwing them aside.

"While we're at it.." Byakuya's hands fiddled with the button on Renji's pants, pulling them down his hand brushed against his hard erection.

Their eyes met for a second like fire and ice, then Renji pulled Byakuya's underwear away, and helped Byakuya with his own. Renji's tattooed arms wrapped around Byakuya, pulling him taut against his chest, their members rubbing together. Byakuya let out a breath, Renji liked the sound of that in his ears, he wanted more. His hand found its way down Byakuya's slender yet built torso, lingering at his hips, then wrapping down to play with his aching manhood. Byakuya gasped, his hands digging into Renji's hair. His hand slid up and down sinfully slow, teasing him by pressing against his slit.

Byakuya moaned quietly, burying his face against Renji's chest, his breath slapped against his overheated skin. "Renji..stop...I-"

"Just, make that sound more time."

Byakuya lifted his head to look at Renji, "I will, later." Byakuya's lips met Renji's as Renji let him go, their lips melting against one another's.

Byakuya's hand began to linger on the inside of Renji's thigh, stroking the soft skin there so Renji knew his intensions. He bit at Renji's plush lower lip the same moment he slipped a finger inside him. Renji hissed quietly, but continued to kiss Byakuya back, burying his sounds against his lips. He barely noticed another finger enter him, but he could feel them scissoring inside him, then they brushed a spot deep inside him that made him writhe in pleasure.

"Byakuya, enough.." Renji's words barely left his lips. He felt his fingers withdraw, kisses were placed on his cheekbones. Renji's eyes slid open, locking with Byakuya's, his arms wrapped around him. "Byakuya..I want you, more than I've ever wanted anyone before."

"And I you, Renji."

"Now Byakuya, I need you now." Renji kissed his sakura pink lips gently. The gesture was so gentle that Byakuya could think of nothing to do to reciprocate the gesture except for giving Renji what he wanted. He moved himself closer to Renji, and with a look down at his face, his eyes burning, his hair like fire on his bed, he entered him.

They both released a gasp, adjusting to the feelings sparking through them. After a moment Renji broke the wait, "Move." he commanded, his arms tightening around him.

Byakuya moved in and out ever so slightly, once he had made sure that Renji was completely okay he sunk in deeper. Renji moaned louder than any other sound he had heard before that night. He positioned himself to strike that spot in Renji with each repetitive thrust.

Renji was being pushed in deeper to the bed with each jolt of pleasure. He began to arch his hips up into Byakuya's moments, forming a perfect rhythm. They were like this for many minutes, their bodies meeting in the middle, gasps and moans, hands reaching for skin, hair, sweat slipping down skin. Byakuya's hand found Renji's weeping member that had been neglected this entire time. Renji's breath hitched as the duel pleasure shook him to the core. He couldn't take much more of this, Byakuya was working him in every way possible but with such perfection that it drove him to the edge much too soon.

But to his surprise it was Byakuya who spoke first, "Renji...I.."

"It's okay Byakuya, me too." Renji kissed him deeply, his hands buried in inky hair. He could hear his moan, he could feel it against his lips. It made his breath short and heart pound.

"Renji..." Byakuya whispered his name against his lips, releasing inside his redheaded partner.

When Renji heard his name, and felt Byakuya's warm seed full him, he lost it. "B-byakuya.." he spilt himself all over Byakuya's hand with a sharp gasp.

They stayed like that for awhile, waiting for their pulses to slow and the panting to cease. They kissed softly, meeting one another's fulfilled gaze. When the time came, Byakuya slowly eased his way out with great care, the care he always showed Renji.

He laid down beside Renji, seeing his crimson hair spread out on the bed like fire. Renji turned towards him, joining hands, rubbing his thumb in lazy circles on the back of his hand.

"That was..." Renji lost the words in his mouth.

Byakuya provided some, "Devine?"

Renji smiled, his teeth shining in the moonlight, "To say the least." Renji reached out to twist the ends of perfectly silky black hair around his fingertips. "What..what happens now?"

Byakuya's wise grey eyes shone like stars in the night sky. "We sleep in this bed together, ward away the winter chills by staying close. You don't need to worry about the future now, you need not worry anymore about anything."

Renji lowered his hand onto Byakuya's shoulder, "Only if you promise not to worry either. You're truly the one who needs to stop worrying."

Byakuya closed his eyes. "You think?"

"I know." Renji's voice dropped to a soft whisper, "Goodnight Byakuya. Sweet dreams."

Byakuya didn't respond, his chest rose and fell deeply, his brow smooth, he was already having the best nights sleep he had had in five years.

The next morning, Renji actually awoke in time to see the sun barely past the mountain peaks. Byakuya on the other hand, was still fast asleep. Renji wondered if they would visit the cemetery today, and if so, would it be like it always was? A pain in his heart? The loneliness eating away at him? Him and Byakuya were something now? Right? He wouldn't let him go alone, they wouldn't allow each other to behave like they always had. Renji was sure of it.

He turned over, and saw him sleeping. There wasn't a more magnificent sight in the world, and he was convinced of it, his face was more angelic than any statuette molded by any sculptor. His brow was lacking its usual scowl, the sun kissing his skin delicately like the white petals of a young lily. He looked like a completely different person. Renji reached out a hesitant hand to touch his face, just to feel the side of his cheek brush against his fingers, just that much would suffice. When he touched Byakuya's skin just the slightest bit, his mercury eyes snapped open.

"You're a light sleeper aren't you?" Renji blinked with shock at Byakuya's sudden alertness.

"Were you watching me?"

"Why would I do that?" Renji laughed quietly.

"You were, I saw you, don't try lying to me." Byakuya sounded dead serious, but when he reached up to give him a soft kiss on his lips he knew that it was all in his good and sometimes not understandable humor.

Their lips lingered for a long moment but it didn't bother either party.

"Byakuya?" Renji questioned quietly when they parted. "Are we going to the cemetery today?"

Byakuya's eyes flickered away from his, as if he was expecting but not looking forward to answering this particular question. "I suppose...if you want to. But, we can't, we can't be like we used to be Renji." Byakuya released a breath, "We have to change, together. We have to..move on."

"I understand." Renji pulled Byakuya into a tight embrace, as if to strangle all the doubt out of him. "I've already been doing so much better with you by my side. Byakuya. I want you to be happy too Byakuya." Renji lifted his head ever so slightly, "Are you happy?"

Byakuya could feel a few stray tears fall upon his bare shoulder. "I am Renji," he ran a hand through his hair, "And I want to be here for you, always. Even after I too am buried in the ground, I won't stop loving you."

The grief Renji had felt was gone for this moment, this single and perfect moment.

He smiled again.