"Aaron?" Aaron Hotchner looked up from his desk at home. The sight of Spencer in jeans, just tight enough, and an old CALTEK t-shirt made him smile, always. "I, just…" Spencer's old insecurities could show up full force without any warning. Aaron's smile widened. Spencer looked down and tried to shove his hands into his jeans pockets. "Aaron? I need to tell you," Spencer's gaze travelled everywhere but the face of his husband of more than 22 years, "to tell you something."
Aaron's smile usually set Spencer at ease. Just for a moment he was annoyed that Spencer still hesitated in trusting him. He wasn't perfect, there had been the Beth debacle, but that was years ago now, he had taken his time proposing, and concerned about the fraternization rules, he had just been worried about Jack, and how much harder it would be for Jack to have two dads. Now Aaron was insecure. It was catching. Aaron nodded. He suddenly didn't trust himself to speak. He swallowed the stupid lump in his throat. How could he not have known that Spencer would be perfect for Jack, not just for him?
Spencer sat down awkwardly in a chair he had sat in every evening for nearly 25 years, that he still sat in every evening when he talked to Aaron. His limbs appeared to have taken on a life of their own, held together only by the anxious touches to he bends of his elbows. His feet were bare.
Aaron loved what Spencer's bare feet stood for, for more than two decades of being at home, for a decade of making love, of waking up loved, of knowing someone would take care of everything, for the closeness of home, for being something that only he and Spencer could.
Spencer folded his feet into his lap, every inch of him still flexible, even with a grey hair or two sneaking into his shock of disordered chestnut. "I," he reached down to touch a big toe, and stayed looking at his foot. "I love you Aaron Hotchner, and you should never doubt it. I'm," Spencer looked shyly at him, "I've got better with words," they both smiled. Spencer had, as a first declaration of love, informed Aaron, that he 'felt their ability to communicate and emotional closeness could translate into a stable long term relationship.' He had been quite correct, but what he had intended to say was "Aaron Hotchner, I love you."
Spencer brought his second hand down to play with his toes. Those jeans and T-shirt had been Aaron's favourite, Spencer had worn them the first Saturday he woke up at Aaron's house—their house. How long ago was that?
Spencer's hair fell over his face. "I love you, and will love you every day that I live." He seemed to shrink. He could look impossibly small? For someone who was really so powerful, so loving, so loved, so present, so giving, so alive, he took up nearly no space. "Aaron, Dave asked me today if I was going to do something more with my life." He looked up at Aaron's chair, straight past Aaron. "He didn't mean teaching."
Spencer had always talked about teaching, but somehow he and Aaron never got past being Hotch and Reid at the BAU. Spencer was happy with that. They were both happy of every moment they had spent together. Spencer fiddled with his wedding band. He walked over to Aaron's desk without looking at him. Spencer looked down at is bare feet; he took his ring wedding ring off and played with it in the palm of his left hand.
Aaron remembered Spencer looking down at his bare feet at their beach wedding. The beach wedding because Jack wanted it. And the no shoes, because Spencer wanted that. And the matched platinum bands because he, Aaron wanted that.
Spencer sat on the edge of Aaron's desk. And Aaron closed his eyes. He had known this day would come. For over three years he had known this day would come. Aaron remembered the first time Spencer had lent against his desk in tight jeans, how he crossed his feet at his ankles just like he did now, he had looked down and confused just like he did now. They had done something then that they didn't do now. Now, instead he opened a drawer and placed his ring in next to Aaron 's. "I'm leaving this here for you to keep Aaron. I want it back when we meet again."
Spencer reached out for Aaron.
"Aaron, I know you're here. I love you. Please."
Aaron wished he could give Spencer a benediction on a new life. As it was he would wait here for Spencer to join him.